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  • FIRST POST
    • mason's mum
    • By mason's mum 13th Jan 20, 5:57 PM
    • 24Posts
    • 34Thanks
    mason's mum
    I think I know what you're all going to say here but here goes!
    • #1
    • 13th Jan 20, 5:57 PM
    I think I know what you're all going to say here but here goes! 13th Jan 20 at 5:57 PM
    I've been messaging a guy since the beginning of December, we've been on a couple of dates and all seemed well, I felt like I clicked with him in a way that I haven't done with anyone else in 3 years of online dating.

    Then he went away with work for 10 days on the second of Jan and contact has been sporadic since, I assumed due to lack of reception/internet/being at work.

    Last message was on Friday night before he left to come home asking me what my plans for the weekend were. I messaged back Saturday morning as I didn't pick up his message until then. He arrived back on Saturday morning and I thought things would just pick up where they left off, but he hasn't even read my message (I can see it's been delivered, and I can also see he's been online). I sent another message last night just in case he'd missed it, but that's not been read either. Have I been ghosted?

    I don't want to be pushy, if he's changed his mind, or met someone else then that's fine but I feel like I need some sort of closure in order to move on, but I don't know how to get it. I don't want to be that crazy woman that messages and messages and just doesn't take the hint. I thought about calling him, but then he probably wont answer, and something might have happened that's given him a real reason for the lack of contact, so if I start harassing him now then it's definitely over!
    This has happened to me before and it's never really bothered me, but this guy's really knocked my faith in my judgement. I absolutely didn't have him down as that type of person, I really thought he was a decent one.

    Sorry this is probably incoherent rambling but it helps just to get my thoughts down out of my head - it's been driving me mad all weekend!

    thanks for reading! I'll await all the responses telling me don't call or text and just to woman up and get over it!
Page 2
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 14th Jan 20, 1:19 PM
    • 10,415 Posts
    • 12,594 Thanks
    Comms69
    Are hazyjo and I the only ones who think he's married?
    Originally posted by bertiewhite
    It's a bit of a jump, i mean it's possible sure.

    It's only been 3 days
    • Skiddaw1
    • By Skiddaw1 14th Jan 20, 1:34 PM
    • 590 Posts
    • 914 Thanks
    Skiddaw1
    I think I'd be temped to send him a FB 'friends' request. See if he responds to that.
    • SuperPikachu
    • By SuperPikachu 14th Jan 20, 1:45 PM
    • 319 Posts
    • 541 Thanks
    SuperPikachu
    I think I'd be temped to send him a FB 'friends' request. See if he responds to that.
    Originally posted by Skiddaw1
    Not now, that will be weird if he is already not messaging
    "Wild Pikachu appeared!"
    • mason's mum
    • By mason's mum 14th Jan 20, 1:53 PM
    • 24 Posts
    • 34 Thanks
    mason's mum
    Not now, that will be weird if he is already not messaging
    Originally posted by SuperPikachu
    I think I agree with this - I can't do anything, my hands are tied!
    I'll give him until Friday when then it's been a week of no contact, then I will try to call him from my work mobile (different number) or with my call ID hidden and see if he picks up.
    After that I'm definitely out of options other than messaging his mother through Facebook and telling her how disrespectful her son has been and hope he gets a b*llocking that way, or ringing him at work! - neither of which I want to (or would even dare to) do.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 14th Jan 20, 5:33 PM
    • 20,641 Posts
    • 34,560 Thanks
    Spendless
    He does have a Facebook page - I actually found it a bit weird when Facebook suggested we should be friends about an hour after we exchanged phone numbers, I did view it then, but it's private - last viewable post was March 2019.
    Originally posted by mason's mum
    I din't know if this is correct but my teenage daughter told me this happens if one of you has been viewing the other ones facebook page.

    I'm more tempted to tell you to leave it, if you haven't heard from him within another week-ish, move on.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 14th Jan 20, 5:34 PM
    • 20,641 Posts
    • 34,560 Thanks
    Spendless
    Have you also considered his phone might be broken or playing up?
    • Skiddaw1
    • By Skiddaw1 14th Jan 20, 6:01 PM
    • 590 Posts
    • 914 Thanks
    Skiddaw1
    Not now, that will be weird if he is already not messaging
    Originally posted by SuperPikachu

    Just thought that if- as seems likely- he has visited OP's FB page (as he flashed up as a potential friend) it wouldn't be too forward to send a friends request. Though I see what you mean.
    • svain
    • By svain 14th Jan 20, 7:40 PM
    • 475 Posts
    • 873 Thanks
    svain
    I din't know if this is correct but my teenage daughter told me this happens if one of you has been viewing the other ones facebook page.

    I'm more tempted to tell you to leave it, if you haven't heard from him within another week-ish, move on.
    Originally posted by Spendless
    Its the telephone number that Facebook picks up on and suggests friends from that.
    • nicter
    • By nicter 14th Jan 20, 9:33 PM
    • 284 Posts
    • 305 Thanks
    nicter
    facebook
    Its the telephone number that Facebook picks up on and suggests friends from that.
    Originally posted by svain
    I don't have a tel number linked to my account but still get friend suggestions
    • LadyDee
    • By LadyDee 14th Jan 20, 10:55 PM
    • 3,981 Posts
    • 4,306 Thanks
    LadyDee
    Quite honestly, it sounds like you're stalking the guy on social media.

    If he phones, let the call go to messages. This will give you an idea of his state of mind. In the meantime look for new love interest, because this one doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
    • JulieElizabeth
    • By JulieElizabeth 14th Jan 20, 11:02 PM
    • 1,924 Posts
    • 27,855 Thanks
    JulieElizabeth
    If he wanted to contact you, he would
    NO MORE HANDWASH GLITCHES PLEASE
    • mason's mum
    • By mason's mum 15th Jan 20, 10:10 AM
    • 24 Posts
    • 34 Thanks
    mason's mum
    thanks to all of you for your comments and suggestions.
    I'm afraid I cracked and called him from my own phone (without blocking the number) - unsurprisingly he didn't answer and it went to voicemail - stupidly I left one saying that I hoped he was OK as I hadn't heard from him for a while, and if he could give me a call back to let me know what he was thinking that would be great.
    No call back.
    Now I just have to work out how I let this go without having a reason or explanation as to what changed. it's hard as the rest of my life, job, pets, etc isn't going how I hoped it would at the moment, and this seems to have tipped me over the edge. I'm not sleeping well or eating much and I'm feeling constantly anxious and physically sick and I don't seem to be able to think about anything else.
    I'm sure it'll pass but at the moment it seems a pretty big deal to my overloaded brain.
    • LandyAndy
    • By LandyAndy 15th Jan 20, 10:16 AM
    • 24,922 Posts
    • 52,424 Thanks
    LandyAndy
    Swingaloo, we both are busy people, he travels abroad for work for days at a time (I don't want to say too much as it might identify him) so I'm not too worried on that front, we messaged for 2 weeks as I was away with work, then went on a date, he was then away, then another date, then the 10 day trip, then now.
    But I won't chase him, I still don't know what's changed but maybe I never will, it all just feels a bit raw at the moment.
    Originally posted by mason's mum
    Is it Boris Johnson?
    • mason's mum
    • By mason's mum 15th Jan 20, 10:19 AM
    • 24 Posts
    • 34 Thanks
    mason's mum
    Is it Boris Johnson?
    Originally posted by LandyAndy
    thankfully no, but there are only a handful of people that do the same job, so he would be fairly easily identifiable by someone in the know
    • Dymphna60
    • By Dymphna60 15th Jan 20, 10:27 AM
    • 120 Posts
    • 178 Thanks
    Dymphna60
    Sorry to hear that OP . When I saw you updating I hoped it was to say he had been in touch .
    I am not you so you must decide what to do to make your life better but I wouldn’t go looking for a new romance at the moment but concentrate on getting the other parts of your life into a better place .
    Once you are happy again I think you will find that you will be able to find love again.
    All the best for the future.
    • SuperPikachu
    • By SuperPikachu 15th Jan 20, 10:57 AM
    • 319 Posts
    • 541 Thanks
    SuperPikachu
    thanks to all of you for your comments and suggestions.
    I'm afraid I cracked and called him from my own phone (without blocking the number) - unsurprisingly he didn't answer and it went to voicemail - stupidly I left one saying that I hoped he was OK as I hadn't heard from him for a while, and if he could give me a call back to let me know what he was thinking that would be great.
    No call back.
    Now I just have to work out how I let this go without having a reason or explanation as to what changed. it's hard as the rest of my life, job, pets, etc isn't going how I hoped it would at the moment, and this seems to have tipped me over the edge. I'm not sleeping well or eating much and I'm feeling constantly anxious and physically sick and I don't seem to be able to think about anything else.
    I'm sure it'll pass but at the moment it seems a pretty big deal to my overloaded brain.
    Originally posted by mason's mum
    Well my brutal advice now would be to stop being obsessive over this, shake yourself and get over it, it does not matter that you don't know why they aren't interested - sometimes that is just how it is.

    If you dwell on a problem it will consume you and be all you can think of which is stupid cause you have the power to just not do that. And would you rather be depressed feeling sorry for yourself or onto the next adventure and chatting to new people?

    Obviously take it slow if you do find somebody to talk to!
    "Wild Pikachu appeared!"
    • mason's mum
    • By mason's mum 15th Jan 20, 11:15 AM
    • 24 Posts
    • 34 Thanks
    mason's mum
    Well my brutal advice now would be to stop being obsessive over this, shake yourself and get over it, it does not matter that you don't know why they aren't interested - sometimes that is just how it is.

    If you dwell on a problem it will consume you and be all you can think of which is stupid cause you have the power to just not do that. And would you rather be depressed feeling sorry for yourself or onto the next adventure and chatting to new people?

    Obviously take it slow if you do find somebody to talk to!
    Originally posted by SuperPikachu
    thanks - I know that's what I need to do, but actually doing it is hard - when you're lying wide awake at 4am it all seems impossible!
    • charlie3090
    • By charlie3090 15th Jan 20, 11:49 AM
    • 369 Posts
    • 962 Thanks
    charlie3090
    I know its not the same but many years ago I dated someone who was really keen, we got on really well and I thought I had found the one,

    after a while we slept together and he just disappeared from my life,
    I was so upset, thought something was wrong with me etc,

    turns out he seemed to to this as a hobby and then got bored once the challenge was over, Im not saying this is what happened but some people just love the thrill of the chase and if you appear keen they lose interest.

    He does not deserve you, as hard as it is he can only affect your life if you let him,love yourself first and the rest will follow,

    wishing you well x
    • mason's mum
    • By mason's mum 15th Jan 20, 11:54 AM
    • 24 Posts
    • 34 Thanks
    mason's mum
    I know its not the same but many years ago I dated someone who was really keen, we got on really well and I thought I had found the one,

    after a while we slept together and he just disappeared from my life,
    I was so upset, thought something was wrong with me etc,

    turns out he seemed to to this as a hobby and then got bored once the challenge was over, Im not saying this is what happened but some people just love the thrill of the chase and if you appear keen they lose interest.

    He does not deserve you, as hard as it is he can only affect your life if you let him,love yourself first and the rest will follow,

    wishing you well x
    Originally posted by charlie3090
    thanks Charlie 3090 for sharing, I'm sorry you got treated this way.
    We never even got to the point of being physical - we shared some sexy texts but no more than that.
    • flanker6
    • By flanker6 15th Jan 20, 12:12 PM
    • 61 Posts
    • 66 Thanks
    flanker6
    Well my brutal advice now would be to stop being obsessive over this, shake yourself and get over it, it does not matter that you don't know why they aren't interested - sometimes that is just how it is.
    Originally posted by SuperPikachu



    ^^^ This!
    If you don't let this go now, you are in danger of driving him further away and presenting yourself as obsessive - which may jeopardise future relationships.


    If he does get back in touch - and he may - then consider it a bonus. You can decide at that point whether you want to bother with someone that ignores your messages for days at a time.
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