Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Greengiraffe
    • By Greengiraffe 14th Jun 19, 12:59 PM
    • 9Posts
    • 38Thanks
    Greengiraffe
    Snooping OHís banking - gambling, loans
    • #1
    • 14th Jun 19, 12:59 PM
    Snooping OHís banking - gambling, loans 14th Jun 19 at 12:59 PM
    Yeah I know, Iím terrible for doing it but Iíve had concerns my other half has been gambling online again so I logged onto his banking on his phone and yeah I can see heís been depositing large amounts to online games and gambling sites. But I was concerned to see that he had a large deposit to him that he didnít mention. It came from ďClear Channel UKĒ and was for £2000. I have of course googled them but they appear to be a advertising company. Anybody any idea why theyíd be sending him money? Are they the trading name of a loan company or one of his gaming sites and itís actually a big win? Iím going to address it with him but Iíd rather be armed with the right information before I go in to it with him. Like if heís taken out a loan Iím angry. If heís won money Iím very angry itís not gone to the holiday and wedding weíre currently saving for. I canít see why this advertising company would be paying him any money, Iím so confused.
    Also, anyone any advice on addressing online gambling issues with their other halfís? Heís promised in the past he was going to stop and said heíd cancelled all his accounts but I can see the past 2 weeks heís deposited £1000 with Gala online.
Page 2
    • Greengiraffe
    • By Greengiraffe 14th Jun 19, 5:20 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 38 Thanks
    Greengiraffe
    Are those needs being met before the gambling though?
    It's all about balance.
    Originally posted by DUTR
    I do without to ensure my children donít have to.
    So I guess it depends whether you think his need to gamble trumps my need for lunch or my need for clothing without holes 🤷🏻!♀️
    • DUTR
    • By DUTR 14th Jun 19, 5:37 PM
    • 12,183 Posts
    • 6,888 Thanks
    DUTR
    I do without to ensure my children donít have to.
    So I guess it depends whether you think his need to gamble trumps my need for lunch or my need for clothing without holes 🤷🏻!♀️
    Originally posted by Greengiraffe
    I don't think his gambling needs trump his responsibilities, I just don't think EVERYTHING stops for the kids and that neither parent deserves any kind of life.
    Gambling and drinking or other addictions can be dangerous, that is obvious, what if he had a hobby that diverted income? , the outcome would be similar.
    If he had a big win I'm sure it wouldn't be seen as a problem then?
    • Greengiraffe
    • By Greengiraffe 14th Jun 19, 5:48 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 38 Thanks
    Greengiraffe
    I don't think his gambling needs trump his responsibilities, I just don't think EVERYTHING stops for the kids and that neither parent deserves any kind of life.
    Gambling and drinking or other addictions can be dangerous, that is obvious, what if he had a hobby that diverted income? , the outcome would be similar.
    If he had a big win I'm sure it wouldn't be seen as a problem then?
    Originally posted by DUTR
    I donít think thatís true at all to be honest. We cancelled gym memberships late last year that we both enjoyed using because we couldnít justify the expense. It was a hobby, it left us short in other areas, so the membership went.

    No the issue would still stand that he has a gambling problem even if he won big. Like I said in a previous post...if the 2k came from a win I would still need to address the whole issue of gambling with him so we could move forward from his issues with it. It definitely would not be forgotten and ignored if he won big.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 14th Jun 19, 5:52 PM
    • 3,337 Posts
    • 8,367 Thanks
    ska lover
    This is it exactly. I donít feel good for looking but I noticed the tell tale signs...spending a lot of time on his phone, the little kerching noise when he transfers from one account to another. If I pretend nothings happening Iíll feel worse and it allows him to spiral into a bad place. I donít want that. He is my other half and we have a life together and need to address this issue.
    Originally posted by Greengiraffe
    I agree. I hope the conversation goes well (as well as can be expected at least)

    Don't let him turn it all round on you and pull the snooping card. Yes you did, but with GOOD REASON, dont forget that

    Good luck
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 14th Jun 19, 6:11 PM
    • 8,989 Posts
    • 32,373 Thanks
    Primrose
    I,d wait for a quiet moment , sit him down, look him in the eye and say
    "We,re supposed to be saving up for a wedding. I'm asking you to tell me truthfully If there,s anything about some of your activities which I'm supposed to know about, and don't"?

    I wouldn,t admit to snooping on his phone. Then either he will be forced to be truthful or hopefully you'll be able to tell whether he's lying.

    If he wants to know why you're asking you could reply "because you're spending an awful lot of time on your phone and I'm wondering whether you're on an online dating site, or getting involved in online gambling again. . And if you're cheating on me, or not being honest, I want to know now and I want us to talk about it and deal with it"

    If he squirms or lies outright you'll know there,s trouble ahead. But first work out in your own mind how you want to deal with it.
    Last edited by Primrose; 14-06-2019 at 6:17 PM.
    • DUTR
    • By DUTR 14th Jun 19, 6:16 PM
    • 12,183 Posts
    • 6,888 Thanks
    DUTR
    I donít think thatís true at all to be honest. We cancelled gym memberships late last year that we both enjoyed using because we couldnít justify the expense. It was a hobby, it left us short in other areas, so the membership went.

    No the issue would still stand that he has a gambling problem even if he won big. Like I said in a previous post...if the 2k came from a win I would still need to address the whole issue of gambling with him so we could move forward from his issues with it. It definitely would not be forgotten and ignored if he won big.
    Originally posted by Greengiraffe
    I can see what you are saying, I agree certain sacrifices have to be made , but ALL ?
    Can only lead to resentment.
    What I'm saying and you probably already realise is that solving the gambling issue may cover one thing, but other problems can jeapordise where you are both at or going.
    Ploughing all monies into family stuff is not going to lead to a happy life for all parties.
    • Sncjw
    • By Sncjw 14th Jun 19, 6:20 PM
    • 2,235 Posts
    • 1,360 Thanks
    Sncjw
    I have had a look on the media clear channel uk and it’s a subsidiary company that’s on the New York stock market.
    • DUTR
    • By DUTR 14th Jun 19, 6:44 PM
    • 12,183 Posts
    • 6,888 Thanks
    DUTR
    I have had a look on the media clear channel uk and itís a subsidiary company thatís on the New York stock market.
    Originally posted by Sncjw
    Yes but it's not showing gambling.
    • Ivrytwr3
    • By Ivrytwr3 15th Jun 19, 7:47 AM
    • 5,506 Posts
    • 9,644 Thanks
    Ivrytwr3
    You're making excuses for him and trying to reason his actions.
    • He is gambling and gambling a lot of money.
    • He is hiding this from you.
    • You have some major events coming up in your life and you do not trust him and he is keeping secrets.

    You can rationalise his behaviour and things might be good for a while, but 90% certain that somewhere down the line this will bite you on the a$$ - either always playing on your mind, or when you find he has emptied the accounts, maxed his credit and he is shameful and apologetic to you.

    10% he may grow up and life is all roses.

    Unless he changes, i would definitely be walking away.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 15th Jun 19, 8:14 AM
    • 8,989 Posts
    • 32,373 Thanks
    Primrose
    The problem with gambling or any addiction is that it can rapidly get out of control and it needs very strong willpower and a lot of support for people to give up.


    Your OH has obviously had issues with this before so the fact that the activity has started again and is being done secretly should be a very big red alert for you. Unless he's prepared to admit openly that he has an issue and is not dealing with it effectively, your relationship and financial security going forward is in severe danger.


    You are obviously aware of this. I would be inclined to make him receiving some expert addiction help a compulsory part of your discussion. Its all very well some people saying that an individual's own "spending money" should be theirs to spend as they choose but the fact that this activity is being done in secret again after it has already proved an issue in the relationship flags up an issue that needs to be addressed. Trust has been eroded and that is as big as the issue itself.
    • Rosieandjim
    • By Rosieandjim 15th Jun 19, 8:16 AM
    • 223 Posts
    • 279 Thanks
    Rosieandjim
    This sounds very like another poster who comes on periodically with stories they create. Bluelass ???
    • newatc
    • By newatc 15th Jun 19, 8:37 AM
    • 472 Posts
    • 589 Thanks
    newatc
    If my wife, of over 40 years, had looked at my cheque account before we were married, she probably wouldn't have married me. She would have seen large bookmaking transactions in and out. Our marriage has been great and financially comfortable.
    Now if he has really got an addiction that is a problem that he needs to get help on but only small % of those who gamble have an addiction just as only % of those who drink are alcoholic.
    Your obvious first step is to talk your concerns with him highlighting what brought the negative thoughts to your mind pre-snooping.
    Good luck.
    • Ozzuk
    • By Ozzuk 17th Jun 19, 3:23 PM
    • 1,693 Posts
    • 2,441 Thanks
    Ozzuk
    Snooping comes up a lot on here, more often related to suspected affairs. And normally I'd agree, snooping is bad, potentially illegal.

    However, I dont agree in this instance. If there has been a serious problem in the past, and the OP states he promised to stop gambling (which suggests there was), then as OP I'd be insisting on access to accounts, and getting him blocked from gambling sites. Sure that partner needs to help themselves and want to resolve the issue, but given the history and as children/future marriage are involved then more checks than just his word seem wholly appropriate. Trust is great, but that person needs to be trustworthy.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 17th Jun 19, 3:28 PM
    • 8,989 Posts
    • 32,373 Thanks
    Primrose
    If your husband really wants to gamble, get him to pay off his debts and then use his pocket money to buy premium bonds.
    He may not make a lot of money but he won,t lose it either and he can have his gambling excitement once a month when he checks the results.
    • surveyqueenuk
    • By surveyqueenuk 17th Jun 19, 9:45 PM
    • 601 Posts
    • 2,266 Thanks
    surveyqueenuk
    Well it seems very obvious to me that the company in question are a marketing and outdoor advertising operation.

    A multi-channel marketing company to be precise. A multi-channel marketing company who now have their name being entered into Google and other search engines. Leading to more hits on their website, pushing the site further and further up the search results.

    How interesting...
    • seashore22
    • By seashore22 18th Jun 19, 6:52 AM
    • 1,308 Posts
    • 3,063 Thanks
    seashore22
    Well it seems very obvious to me that the company in question are a marketing and outdoor advertising operation.

    A multi-channel marketing company to be precise. A multi-channel marketing company who now have their name being entered into Google and other search engines. Leading to more hits on their website, pushing the site further and further up the search results.

    How interesting...
    Originally posted by surveyqueenuk
    Now there's a thought. I certainly googled them (more than once). I hadn't thought of that at all. Grudgingly impressed by their ploy, if that's what it is.

    It seems a somewhat niche why of achieving a rise in ratings though. I haven't checked how many people have viewed this thread, but suspect it would take more than those numbers to make any real difference.

    Edit - 2,600 views. More than I would have thought.
    Last edited by seashore22; 18-06-2019 at 6:59 AM.
    • MEM62
    • By MEM62 18th Jun 19, 9:29 AM
    • 2,898 Posts
    • 2,573 Thanks
    MEM62
    Heís promised in the past he was going to stop and said heíd cancelled all his accounts but I can see the past 2 weeks heís deposited £1000 with Gala online.
    Originally posted by Greengiraffe

    That's wedding off in my book. No trust, no marriage. The alternative is a life of lies, deceit and financial struggle.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 19th Jun 19, 1:31 PM
    • 6,767 Posts
    • 10,963 Thanks
    Malthusian
    Well it seems very obvious to me that the company in question are a marketing and outdoor advertising operation.

    A multi-channel marketing company to be precise. A multi-channel marketing company who now have their name being entered into Google and other search engines. Leading to more hits on their website, pushing the site further and further up the search results.
    Originally posted by surveyqueenuk
    And making the CEOs reading this thread more likely to buy advertising from the already extremely famous, 6 billion dollar turnover multinational advertising company?

    That's about as plausible as someone with the user name JaneMcDonald posting about how her son drives her up the wall and you saying it's to boost the SEO ratings of a fast food chain.
    • Doozergirl
    • By Doozergirl 19th Jun 19, 1:47 PM
    • 27,700 Posts
    • 73,710 Thanks
    Doozergirl
    And making the CEOs reading this thread more likely to buy advertising from the already extremely famous, 6 billion dollar turnover multinational advertising company?

    That's about as plausible as someone with the user name JaneMcDonald posting about how her son drives her up the wall and you saying it's to boost the SEO ratings of a fast food chain.
    Originally posted by Malthusian
    I used to work for a UK subsidiary. The day someone in the USA accidentally sent an email to the entire organisation and people started replying was a busy day for emails!

    Why send a 'reply to all' email telling people to stop 'replying to all'

    No one is trying to get them up the Google ratings on this thread. That's absurd. 2,600 views is nothing - they'd get more than that from just one of their billboards in a morning in London.
    Last edited by Doozergirl; 19-06-2019 at 1:51 PM.
    Everything that is supposed to be in heaven is already here on earth.
    • flanker6
    • By flanker6 11th Jul 19, 12:56 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 9 Thanks
    flanker6
    That's wedding off in my book. No trust, no marriage. The alternative is a life of lies, deceit and financial struggle.
    Originally posted by MEM62

    I'm writing this from the perspective of someone that used to be addicted to online gambling.


    Giving up gambling is a very hard, angst-ridden process. You will have to make a decision about how committed you are to supporting him along that process . . . and indeed, if he is totally committed to giving up the gambling.


    Be prepared to be lied to (many times), to find out family funds have been used (many times) and to be resented for trying to get him to give up.


    If you are going to support him through the process, get it started asap. The more ingrained his habits become, the harder it will be to shake them.
    He has to be prepared to hand over all financial management to you! If he has cards or online banking access, it will be used (at some point) to fund gambling. He should be only given cash to conduct his living expenses.


    Sorry to sound negative . . . but this is bringing back cold memories of what a vile person an addiction can make a person become.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

2,264Posts Today

7,458Users online

Martin's Twitter