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  • FIRST POST
    • Greengiraffe
    • By Greengiraffe 14th Jun 19, 12:59 PM
    • 9Posts
    • 38Thanks
    Greengiraffe
    Snooping OHís banking - gambling, loans
    • #1
    • 14th Jun 19, 12:59 PM
    Snooping OHís banking - gambling, loans 14th Jun 19 at 12:59 PM
    Yeah I know, Iím terrible for doing it but Iíve had concerns my other half has been gambling online again so I logged onto his banking on his phone and yeah I can see heís been depositing large amounts to online games and gambling sites. But I was concerned to see that he had a large deposit to him that he didnít mention. It came from ďClear Channel UKĒ and was for £2000. I have of course googled them but they appear to be a advertising company. Anybody any idea why theyíd be sending him money? Are they the trading name of a loan company or one of his gaming sites and itís actually a big win? Iím going to address it with him but Iíd rather be armed with the right information before I go in to it with him. Like if heís taken out a loan Iím angry. If heís won money Iím very angry itís not gone to the holiday and wedding weíre currently saving for. I canít see why this advertising company would be paying him any money, Iím so confused.
    Also, anyone any advice on addressing online gambling issues with their other halfís? Heís promised in the past he was going to stop and said heíd cancelled all his accounts but I can see the past 2 weeks heís deposited £1000 with Gala online.
Page 1
    • chesky
    • By chesky 14th Jun 19, 1:26 PM
    • 1,226 Posts
    • 2,125 Thanks
    chesky
    • #2
    • 14th Jun 19, 1:26 PM
    • #2
    • 14th Jun 19, 1:26 PM
    I wouldn't be saving money for a wedding with this man unless I was 100% certain he was recovered from his addiction. That's what gambling is in his case. And addicts can never be relied on to tell the truth.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 14th Jun 19, 1:39 PM
    • 23,678 Posts
    • 63,866 Thanks
    Pollycat
    • #3
    • 14th Jun 19, 1:39 PM
    • #3
    • 14th Jun 19, 1:39 PM
    +1 to this ^^^^
    • Greengiraffe
    • By Greengiraffe 14th Jun 19, 3:33 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 38 Thanks
    Greengiraffe
    • #4
    • 14th Jun 19, 3:33 PM
    • #4
    • 14th Jun 19, 3:33 PM
    Yes. The wedding is one of a number of things weíre saving for. Itís a long term saving plan so nothing we are rushing into in the immediate future.
    I just wanted to back myself up with more information on the large deposit into his account before raising the subject with him. As if itís a loan heís taken out then things are more serious than I thought. If itís winnings then itís part of the gambling issue that Iím going to be raising with him anyway. But a loan is something thatís never happened before but I need the correct information before I confront him with it as he can just tell me itís something else and Iíll have no way of knowing if itís the truth or not. I canít find anything online to suggest what the money from Clear Channel UK could be for though.
    • Fire Fox
    • By Fire Fox 14th Jun 19, 3:52 PM
    • 25,157 Posts
    • 29,400 Thanks
    Fire Fox
    • #5
    • 14th Jun 19, 3:52 PM
    • #5
    • 14th Jun 19, 3:52 PM
    Iím going to address it with him but Iíd rather be armed with the right information before I go in to it with him. Like if heís taken out a loan Iím angry. If heís won money Iím very angry itís not gone to the holiday and wedding weíre currently saving for. I canít see why this advertising company would be paying him any money, Iím so confused.

    Also, anyone any advice on addressing online gambling issues with their other halfís? Heís promised in the past he was going to stop and said heíd cancelled all his accounts but I can see the past 2 weeks heís deposited £1000 with Gala online.
    Originally posted by Greengiraffe

    Welcome to MSE.

    The emboldened SCREAMS serious problem.

    He needs to seek professional help for his gambling addiction. He needs to want to. He needs to seek it. He needs to stick with it.

    Read gambling addiction websites. Protect your half of any savings and everyday money before you approach your partner.

    Expect him to lie to your face even about things you know - gaslighting - or deflect onto you 'snooping'.
    Declutterbug-in-progress.⭐️⭐️⭐️ ⭐️⭐️
    • tehone
    • By tehone 14th Jun 19, 3:58 PM
    • 298 Posts
    • 136 Thanks
    tehone
    • #6
    • 14th Jun 19, 3:58 PM
    • #6
    • 14th Jun 19, 3:58 PM
    Maybe he's sold them an advertising hoarding space on the side of your house

    The 2 real issues here though are
    1) Your snooping
    2) His addiction

    You both to to work on these issues before you hurt each other any more
    • Greengiraffe
    • By Greengiraffe 14th Jun 19, 4:02 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 38 Thanks
    Greengiraffe
    • #7
    • 14th Jun 19, 4:02 PM
    • #7
    • 14th Jun 19, 4:02 PM
    Welcome to MSE.

    The emboldened SCREAMS serious problem.

    He needs to seek professional help for his gambling addiction. He needs to want to. He needs to seek it. He needs to stick with it.

    Read gambling addiction websites. Protect your half of any savings and everyday money before you approach your partner.

    Expect him to lie to your face even about things you know - gaslighting - or deflect onto you 'snooping'.
    Originally posted by Fire Fox
    Yes I was fully aware he liked to play little gambling games online and have addressed this with him in the past. But the amount this pay couple of weeks scares me. He wouldnít of been able to spend that amount if he hadnít received the £2000 that I have no idea where it came from. He simply couldnít of afforded to without it. Its why I really need to know the source of the money as itís a far bigger issue if heís borrowing money to gamble.
    Thanks for the advice. My money is separate from his. He without fail transfers me half of the household expenses and he has no savings of his own and he has no access to mine and our childrenís savings are in childrenís ISAs that neither of us can access.
    Yes my fear is that me looking at his online banking will be made into more of an issue than the gambling so I just want to be fully informed on what is going on before bringing this up with him so he canít talk his way around it and lie about it.
    • MovingForwards
    • By MovingForwards 14th Jun 19, 4:03 PM
    • 2,402 Posts
    • 2,823 Thanks
    MovingForwards
    • #8
    • 14th Jun 19, 4:03 PM
    • #8
    • 14th Jun 19, 4:03 PM
    As with any addiction the person with it has to want to stop, the next step is seeking help to overcome the addiction and address and triggers.

    Clear Channel could be a loan company, it shows up as one, but no jumping to conclusions.

    Clear channel, The media company are also recruiting.

    If you have any joint accounts get your name off, or his name, quickly.

    Speak with him and if you are not happy with anything delve deeper or give yourself some space to think.
    • DUTR
    • By DUTR 14th Jun 19, 4:03 PM
    • 12,191 Posts
    • 6,895 Thanks
    DUTR
    • #9
    • 14th Jun 19, 4:03 PM
    • #9
    • 14th Jun 19, 4:03 PM
    Yeah I know, Iím terrible for doing it but Iíve had concerns my other half has been gambling online again so I logged onto his banking on his phone and yeah I can see heís been depositing large amounts to online games and gambling sites. But I was concerned to see that he had a large deposit to him that he didnít mention. It came from ďClear Channel UKĒ and was for £2000. I have of course googled them but they appear to be a advertising company. Anybody any idea why theyíd be sending him money? Are they the trading name of a loan company or one of his gaming sites and itís actually a big win? Iím going to address it with him but Iíd rather be armed with the right information before I go in to it with him. Like if heís taken out a loan Iím angry. If heís won money Iím very angry itís not gone to the holiday and wedding weíre currently saving for. I canít see why this advertising company would be paying him any money, Iím so confused.
    Also, anyone any advice on addressing online gambling issues with their other halfís? Heís promised in the past he was going to stop and said heíd cancelled all his accounts but I can see the past 2 weeks heís deposited £1000 with Gala online.
    Originally posted by Greengiraffe
    Snooping and not even married yet
    Whilst addictive vices are not good, everyone is entitled to some life and pleasures, it doesn't seem like you are both going to add to each others contentment in the long term.
    • Greengiraffe
    • By Greengiraffe 14th Jun 19, 4:16 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 38 Thanks
    Greengiraffe
    Snooping and not even married yet
    Whilst addictive vices are not good, everyone is entitled to some life and pleasures, it doesn't seem like you are both going to add to each others contentment in the long term.
    Originally posted by DUTR
    Pleasures are all good and well but we have children that need fed, clothed and housed. I canít ignore that amount of money being spent on things other than our family.
    • Greengiraffe
    • By Greengiraffe 14th Jun 19, 4:18 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 38 Thanks
    Greengiraffe
    As with any addiction the person with it has to want to stop, the next step is seeking help to overcome the addiction and address and triggers.

    Clear Channel could be a loan company, it shows up as one, but no jumping to conclusions.

    Clear channel, The media company are also recruiting.

    If you have any joint accounts get your name off, or his name, quickly.

    Speak with him and if you are not happy with anything delve deeper or give yourself some space to think.
    Originally posted by MovingForwards
    Oh really? I couldnít find anything linking it to a loan company but this was my first suspicion.
    No we have no joint accounts.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 14th Jun 19, 4:21 PM
    • 5,874 Posts
    • 13,592 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Pleasures are all good and well but we have children that need fed, clothed and housed.
    Originally posted by Greengiraffe
    And presumably also need their mother not to be imprisoned for two years for a criminal offence.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek. Home is where my books are.

    5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.
    • Greengiraffe
    • By Greengiraffe 14th Jun 19, 4:30 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 38 Thanks
    Greengiraffe
    And presumably also need their mother not to be imprisoned for two years for a criminal offence.
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    Thereís no criminal offence but thanks for the concern 👍
    Heís the one who violated his banking terms and conditions by giving me his login details and PIN.
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 14th Jun 19, 4:31 PM
    • 19,401 Posts
    • 12,073 Thanks
    motorguy
    Maybe he's sold them an advertising hoarding space on the side of your house

    The 2 real issues here though are
    1) Your snooping
    2) His addiction

    You both to to work on these issues before you hurt each other any more
    Originally posted by tehone
    "Trust but verify", as Ronald Reagan used to say.

    If i was about to marry an addict i'd be verifying too.
    Life has never given me lemons.

    It has given me anger issues, anxiety, a love for alcohol and a serious dislike for stupid people, but not lemons.
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 14th Jun 19, 4:32 PM
    • 19,401 Posts
    • 12,073 Thanks
    motorguy
    And presumably also need their mother not to be imprisoned for two years for a criminal offence.
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    I think you need to get over yourself.
    Life has never given me lemons.

    It has given me anger issues, anxiety, a love for alcohol and a serious dislike for stupid people, but not lemons.
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 14th Jun 19, 4:35 PM
    • 19,401 Posts
    • 12,073 Thanks
    motorguy
    Pleasures are all good and well but we have children that need fed, clothed and housed. I canít ignore that amount of money being spent on things other than our family.
    Originally posted by Greengiraffe
    I'm with you on this O/P.

    Your partner has a problem, you need him to be frank and open about his finances right now, before you commit to marriage.

    I dont think thats unreasonable based on your suspicions.

    Ignore the "snooping" comments - trust, but verify.

    Its your life he could ruin too.
    Life has never given me lemons.

    It has given me anger issues, anxiety, a love for alcohol and a serious dislike for stupid people, but not lemons.
    • Greengiraffe
    • By Greengiraffe 14th Jun 19, 4:38 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 38 Thanks
    Greengiraffe
    And presumably also need their mother not to be imprisoned for two years for a criminal offence.
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    "Trust but verify", as Ronald Reagan used to say.

    If i was about to marry an addict i'd be verifying too.
    Originally posted by motorguy
    This is it exactly. I donít feel good for looking but I noticed the tell tale signs...spending a lot of time on his phone, the little kerching noise when he transfers from one account to another. If I pretend nothings happening Iíll feel worse and it allows him to spiral into a bad place. I donít want that. He is my other half and we have a life together and need to address this issue.
    • Mr.Generous
    • By Mr.Generous 14th Jun 19, 4:40 PM
    • 2,487 Posts
    • 3,688 Thanks
    Mr.Generous
    If he'd got £2k in any legitimate way he'd have told you. I'm afraid your probably right, loan and gambling.
    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 14th Jun 19, 4:57 PM
    • 3,812 Posts
    • 13,657 Thanks
    paddy's mum
    I've had a husband take us deeply into debt, behind my back, and covering up all the way.

    Checking up for the safety of yourself and your child/ren and potentially the roof over your heads when you have genuine and ample reason for doubt is not snooping.

    It's called self preservation and, incidentally, nations and governments all round the world do it for the safety of their citizens. MI5 and Border Force anyone?
    • DUTR
    • By DUTR 14th Jun 19, 5:01 PM
    • 12,191 Posts
    • 6,895 Thanks
    DUTR
    Pleasures are all good and well but we have children that need fed, clothed and housed. I canít ignore that amount of money being spent on things other than our family.
    Originally posted by Greengiraffe
    Are those needs being met before the gambling though?
    It's all about balance.
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