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  • FIRST POST
    • iksbedd
    • By iksbedd 14th Jun 19, 12:49 PM
    • 27Posts
    • 11Thanks
    iksbedd
    Relocate or not
    • #1
    • 14th Jun 19, 12:49 PM
    Relocate or not 14th Jun 19 at 12:49 PM
    To set the scene:

    Lived in Cheshire for 25 years of my life.
    Moved to Surrey 13 years ago to be with now husband.
    Have had the same job all that time (2 lots of maternity leave) and am now quite senior and on a good wage. Husband works part time at the kids school (total income is around 83k)
    Kids are 7 and 4 and are in a good local school.
    Our link detached 3 bed house is worth around 500k, mortgage is around 235k.

    My mum still lives in Cheshire. My sister also does and is expecting her first child. We have no family at all in Surrey.

    I am homesick. I have a job offer in Cheshire which means a pay cut to 50k (husband has no job lined up)

    We are looking at houses (4 bed detached) for 400k tops. I have found kids places at schools as good as the one they are at now.

    I am delaying over accepting the job offer/resigning. I am petrified of making the whole decision and ruining my families lives - kids and hubby. What if they don't like it up there?

    Pros are nearer to family, easier for them to get onto property ladder when older, fewer people and cars, colder

    Cons are less money, less stability. Potentially unhappy kids.

    I'm not sure if it's just that I don't have the b**ls to actually do something brave, or if deep inside I know this is a stupid idea. But then I think when my mum dies, I'll feel awful having decided not to move closer to her. The guilt.

    Help me.
Page 2
    • elsien
    • By elsien 14th Jun 19, 7:53 PM
    • 19,866 Posts
    • 50,450 Thanks
    elsien
    Not straight away, no.

    He's reluctant to move, I'll be honest. Surrey is all he has even known in his 39 years.

    But, we have nothing keeping us here really - literally no family. At the end of the day, isn't it family that matters?
    Originally posted by iksbedd
    Not necessarily, no.
    You are also relocating from friends and social support networks. And personally there are some friends who are more important to me than one close(in blood) relative.

    You are moving to be closer to your family, but where does your husband's family and other important people in his life fit into this - is he moving away from them so you can be closer to yours?
    Last edited by elsien; 14-06-2019 at 7:55 PM.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Ms Chocaholic
    • By Ms Chocaholic 14th Jun 19, 7:58 PM
    • 10,543 Posts
    • 64,326 Thanks
    Ms Chocaholic
    I too was going to ask about friends, do you have a wide circle of friends where you are now.
    Thrifty Till 50 Then Spend Till The End

    You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time
    • 74jax
    • By 74jax 14th Jun 19, 8:06 PM
    • 5,168 Posts
    • 7,246 Thanks
    74jax
    My parents lived an hour and a half away, so not as far as yours. I moved and don't regret it at all. My dad became seriously ill and died. I don't regret not being closer. I have lived my life, my dad was in hospital for a while so we had him move closer to me so I could visit every night after work. This meant he was around 2.5hrs from my brother, but my brother didn't mind not seeing him as much. We worked out what worked for us. Now he has died my brother and I are still happy with what we did. Should the same happen to mam I think my brother would visit more (I don't get on with her like he does).
    I'm only saying this as there are options should the worst happen.
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
    • onwards&upwards
    • By onwards&upwards 14th Jun 19, 8:13 PM
    • 1,158 Posts
    • 2,328 Thanks
    onwards&upwards
    How old is your mum?

    You’re talking like she’s elderly and won’t Be around long but it sounds like you’re only young...
    • chesky
    • By chesky 14th Jun 19, 8:28 PM
    • 1,223 Posts
    • 2,124 Thanks
    chesky
    People do move - and move again. If you move up to Cheshire you aren't fixed there for ever more if it doesn't work out - moving back in the other direction would be perfectly possible in future.
    Originally posted by theoretica
    That's easier said than done if you're trying to move back to a more expensive area.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 16th Jun 19, 1:30 AM
    • 40,089 Posts
    • 37,453 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    People do move - and move again. If you move up to Cheshire you aren't fixed there for ever more if it doesn't work out - moving back in the other direction would be perfectly possible in future.
    Originally posted by theoretica
    That's easier said than done if you're trying to move back to a more expensive area.
    Originally posted by chesky
    Just what I was thinking.

    It's not something to do lightly, but with a job offer I'd want to consider it very carefully. And as your DH says if the boot were on the other foot he'd do it in a flash, I'd hope he'd become supportive after thinking about it. And with the children as young as they are, I wouldn't worry too much about 'uprooting' them.

    Having said that, we moved when ours were 7, 9 and 12. I was worried sick about the eldest, and he was fine. Middle one was fine too. Youngest - who I'd expected to sail through it! - was the hardest to settle, at least partly because he was having to share a room with his brothers to begin with and was EXHAUSTED!
    Still knitting!
    Completed: TWO adult cardigans, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees, 2 sets of handwarmers, 1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 3 balaclavas, multiple hats and poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: pink balaclava (for myself), seaman's hat, about to start another cardigan!
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 16th Jun 19, 10:36 AM
    • 8,986 Posts
    • 32,349 Thanks
    Primrose
    I don't have any answers for you - there will be pros and cons to both locations but just be sure to get it right because if you move from Surrey to Cheshire it will probably have to be a permanent move.

    The reality is that the house price differential will grow on a yearly basis and you're probably never be able to move back down again unless into a vastly downsized property.

    If yiu husband is a southerner at heart and initially has no job up there or even has to accept a lower paid job he doesn,t like just to being some money in he could end up being very unhappy and that will obviously affect your whole family atmosphere.
    • SouthWester
    • By SouthWester 16th Jun 19, 3:05 PM
    • 5 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    SouthWester
    I'd just say to remember that it will be a one-way move. We moved from the south east back to the south west a decade ago, and although I don't regret it, I do try not to look at the fact that our old house is now worth more than we could possibly afford to buy it for now!
    • *Robin*
    • By *Robin* 17th Jun 19, 2:46 PM
    • 3,284 Posts
    • 13,569 Thanks
    *Robin*
    How about renting out the Surrey house? At least for a couple of years until the whole family decides where they'd prefer to live permanently.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 17th Jun 19, 3:06 PM
    • 8,986 Posts
    • 32,349 Thanks
    Primrose
    How about renting out the Surrey house? At least for a couple of years until the whole family decides where they'd prefer to live permanently.
    Originally posted by *Robin*
    Sounds a good idea as long as you use a good agent who really strictly vets your tenant.
    At least this would ensure that the blind panic of having completely burnt your bots would be avoided. But if going for this option you may need check first whether you're likely to be able to get yiur children back into their original schools if this is also an important issue.
    • chelseablue
    • By chelseablue 2nd Jul 19, 1:32 PM
    • 2,895 Posts
    • 3,334 Thanks
    chelseablue
    Did you take the job?
    • Mummy2cheekymonkeys
    • By Mummy2cheekymonkeys 4th Jul 19, 5:17 AM
    • 250 Posts
    • 1,695 Thanks
    Mummy2cheekymonkeys
    These are wise words. My husband is struggling to see the pros of the move, but does say if roles were reversed, he'd move in a flash. I also do know that any bad days/experiences up there will be my fault - this is partly why I am doubting it.

    Me and my sister don't always get along grandly, but I want to be part of my nephew's life, and want the kids to grow up close to their cousin, rather than miles away and being strangers.

    I agree about showing the children the importance of family. I keep coming back to the day my mum dies and I'll know and regret for the rest of my life not spending those last few years closer to her, basically because of fear and money.
    Originally posted by iksbedd
    I don't get on brilliantly with my sister most of the time. She lives 5 minutes away and I haven't seen her since Christmas. My mum has 4 brothers who all live in about a 10 mile radius and she will be lucky if she sees them once a year. Being nearer doesn't mean you will necessarily see them any more. Life gets in the way when you are all raising families of your own.
    • iksbedd
    • By iksbedd 4th Jul 19, 8:15 AM
    • 27 Posts
    • 11 Thanks
    iksbedd
    No.

    It felt too rushed. And I'm not sure DH actually wants to go. I fear I'm stuck here forever.
    • Bluebell1000
    • By Bluebell1000 4th Jul 19, 10:14 AM
    • 711 Posts
    • 1,932 Thanks
    Bluebell1000
    We relocated from SW to Midlands 8 years ago because I'd been offered a job. My husband had to leave his job to do that, but he was fully behind the move because he wasn't enjoying his job. He's now working part time and is much happier with what he's doing, after a complete change of career. As houses are much cheaper, despite the drop in income, things are easier financially.

    However things would have been much harder if DH hadn't wanted to move, so I can understand your decision. However it's not fair that you should be miserable just to keep him happy. Can you find any kind of compromise, maybe moving a bit closer?
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