Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Mandy278
    • By Mandy278 15th Apr 19, 9:40 AM
    • 8Posts
    • 1Thanks
    Mandy278
    Selling Marital Home Ex Missing
    • #1
    • 15th Apr 19, 9:40 AM
    Selling Marital Home Ex Missing 15th Apr 19 at 9:40 AM
    Hi

    I am hoping someone may be able to other some advise or has gone through a similar thing that does not include spending thousands with a solicitor.

    My husband walked out of our jointly owned property never to return in 2015. I have had some contact over the years but that was mainly him stating he would never divorce me or sell the house, even though he was the one that left and run off with another women !! Anyway, I need to sell this house as I can no longer afford to live in it as he hasn't paid a penny towards it since he left nor any money for his son. (Child Maintenance find him, he leaves his job and so it goes on). Right charmer isn't he

    I have been told various things over the years about how to sell the house without his agreement or him signing paperwork (which he won't). I have even thought about signing his name, desperation really. The mortgage is now in arrears and even though I have been in contact with the mortgage company they say they may start proceedings to repossess which obviously having my son to look after may well leave us homeless. I do not have any savings and every penny I earn goes on just living. However, I earn to much apparently to get any help financially.

    So a tough one I know, but any ideas please. Thank you in advance.
Page 1
    • c0nn0r84
    • By c0nn0r84 15th Apr 19, 10:43 AM
    • 68 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    c0nn0r84
    • #2
    • 15th Apr 19, 10:43 AM
    • #2
    • 15th Apr 19, 10:43 AM
    Hi

    I am hoping someone may be able to other some advise or has gone through a similar thing that does not include spending thousands with a solicitor.

    My husband walked out of our jointly owned property never to return in 2015. I have had some contact over the years but that was mainly him stating he would never divorce me or sell the house, even though he was the one that left and run off with another women !! Anyway, I need to sell this house as I can no longer afford to live in it as he hasn't paid a penny towards it since he left nor any money for his son. (Child Maintenance find him, he leaves his job and so it goes on). Right charmer isn't he

    I have been told various things over the years about how to sell the house without his agreement or him signing paperwork (which he won't). I have even thought about signing his name, desperation really. The mortgage is now in arrears and even though I have been in contact with the mortgage company they say they may start proceedings to repossess which obviously having my son to look after may well leave us homeless. I do not have any savings and every penny I earn goes on just living. However, I earn to much apparently to get any help financially.

    So a tough one I know, but any ideas please. Thank you in advance.
    Originally posted by Mandy278
    Sorry to hear you are going through this. I'll not offer opinion on something I have no knowledge of. However, have you considered a lodger in the short term as a way of raising extra income to contribute to the bills?
    • G_M
    • By G_M 15th Apr 19, 10:51 AM
    • 47,751 Posts
    • 58,409 Thanks
    G_M
    • #3
    • 15th Apr 19, 10:51 AM
    • #3
    • 15th Apr 19, 10:51 AM
    so.... options....:

    1) get lodger/2nd job/etc increase earnings, pay off mortgage arrears and stay put
    2) wait till repossessed. Maybe speed up the process by witholding all mortgage payments. Your credit rating will plummet. So will your ex's.......
    3) find ex and pursuade him to sign sales contract. Bribe? Is there any equity in the property you can give him on sale?
    4) apply to court to sell without his agreement. Slow & costly.....
    5) move in with friends/family, apply to lender for CTL/BTL and rent the property out to pay mortgage.
    * New landlords: advice
    6) hmm,..... 6?


    edit: Ah! Yes, 6): why are you not getting divorced? The property would be sorted out as part of the divorce settlement.

    Last edited by G_M; 15-04-2019 at 10:54 AM.
    • Mandy278
    • By Mandy278 15th Apr 19, 11:36 AM
    • 8 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Mandy278
    • #4
    • 15th Apr 19, 11:36 AM
    • #4
    • 15th Apr 19, 11:36 AM
    Hi

    Thank you for replying. I'll answer your queries below:

    1) get lodger/2nd job/etc increase earnings, pay off mortgage arrears and stay put: Mortgage company have agreed an arrangement per month and as long as keep to these they will not repossess. However, I want to move because I cannot stop him breaking in and changing the locks or removing all the furniture etc, causing damage etc.
    2) wait till repossessed. Maybe speed up the process by witholding all mortgage payments. Your credit rating will plummet. So will your ex's....... - Possibility.
    3) find ex and pursuade him to sign sales contract. Bribe? Is there any equity in the property you can give him on sale? No equity in property as was a new build bought in 2008 just before property crashed and location is not very sellable.
    4) apply to court to sell without his agreement. Slow & costly..... This may be an option, but where to start.
    5) move in with friends/family, apply to lender for CTL/BTL and rent the property out to pay mortgage. Tried this and as have arrears on property the mortgage company will not allow BTL.
    * New landlords: advice
    6) hmm,..... 6? Would love to but again do not know where he is living (even a tracing agent couldn't find him). Has always said will never divorce me (its an act of his control really). However, I can divorce him without his consent now as just need to complete a different form to avoid the need for serving papers to him.

    Funny thing is I suggested to mortgage company about handing back but need both signatures on form, even though I told them I had no idea where he was and wouldn't sign anyway.

    Thanks again.
    • AlexMac
    • By AlexMac 15th Apr 19, 11:42 AM
    • 2,324 Posts
    • 2,027 Thanks
    AlexMac
    • #5
    • 15th Apr 19, 11:42 AM
    • #5
    • 15th Apr 19, 11:42 AM
    My husband walked out ...in 2015.... some contact... mainly him stating he would never divorce me or sell the house, even though he was the one that left and run off with another women...
    I have been told various things over the years about how to sell the house without his agreement ...
    Originally posted by Mandy278
    Hopefully others will share their experiences, but Divorce is the obvious way to teach him a lesson, and in your circumstances I bet the courts would be fair to you.

    As regards
    I have been told various things over the years about how to sell the house without his agreement ...
    Originally posted by Mandy278
    Take propoer advice. Look at
    https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/how-to-separate/getting-a-divorce/

    especially the "5 grounds for divorce" and the "5 year rule" and go to the CAB.

    Best wishes
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 15th Apr 19, 12:18 PM
    • 7,223 Posts
    • 9,460 Thanks
    TBagpuss
    • #6
    • 15th Apr 19, 12:18 PM
    • #6
    • 15th Apr 19, 12:18 PM
    Start divorce proceedings. If he won't cooperate it will slow things down and, unfortunately, make them more expensive, but youshould be able to get thre in the end.
    Ultimately, he doesn't have to agree or to particupate in the court proceedings, although the court will need to be satisfied that he knows about them. If you know where he is then this can be achieved by having paperwork served on him personally (i.e. someone, either a court bailiff or private process server, going and hand delivering the papers to him and signing a statemnt to say they've done so)
    There are other options if you don't knwo where he is, including getting permission to serve by text or e-mail, or to have service assumed to have been effecitive if you've have nasty texts back from him telling you he won't sign!

    Ultimately, a court can make orders about the hosue as part of a divorce settlement and this could include applying for orders to allow a JDge to sign paperwork on your ex's behalf, either to sell the hosue or to trnasfer it to you.
    It would take time to get to that point, but it can be done.
    • Mandy278
    • By Mandy278 15th Apr 19, 1:58 PM
    • 8 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Mandy278
    • #7
    • 15th Apr 19, 1:58 PM
    • #7
    • 15th Apr 19, 1:58 PM
    Thank you TBagpuss

    In your last paragraph you mention about court orders for a judge to sign on ex's behalf. Do you have any idea what form this is or is it a financial order. Currently getting all the divorce forms together. Thank you v much
    • Thrugelmir
    • By Thrugelmir 15th Apr 19, 2:07 PM
    • 62,849 Posts
    • 55,819 Thanks
    Thrugelmir
    • #8
    • 15th Apr 19, 2:07 PM
    • #8
    • 15th Apr 19, 2:07 PM
    Is there any equity in the property?
    "The most dangerous thing is to buy something at the peak of its popularity. At that point, all favourable facts and opinions are already factored into its price and no new buyers are left to emerge." - Howard Marks
    • babyblade41
    • By babyblade41 15th Apr 19, 3:17 PM
    • 582 Posts
    • 641 Thanks
    babyblade41
    • #9
    • 15th Apr 19, 3:17 PM
    • #9
    • 15th Apr 19, 3:17 PM
    I take it child maintenance is mounting ?.. no one is untraceable but you may have to employ someone to do this . If he is with someone else she may be more easier to find

    I would pursue child maintenance .. apply for divorce and get advice from your divorce solicitor . They will have experience dealing with this.

    He has had the locks changed then I'd change them back... not totally legal but he may spring out of the woodwork .

    Plenty of ammunition to throw so legal advice first and foremost
    • Mandy278
    • By Mandy278 15th Apr 19, 3:28 PM
    • 8 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Mandy278
    Hi,
    No, no equity. Had the property valued recently and will probably have to pay 2k approx to clear the mortgage and selling fees.
    • Mandy278
    • By Mandy278 15th Apr 19, 3:34 PM
    • 8 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Mandy278
    Have tried Child Maintenance and was a royal mess. They firstly contacted the wrong person which almost went to DNA testing before I realised their mistake, they then say he has stated he is not working and only entitled to 28 per month! They insist that he will be paying me that even though I have stated well that would be a banking first seeing as he hasn't got my bank details anymore. Will not do direct pay until he has defaulted for a month. Simply not worth it.

    I have traced him using a tracing agent, but all documents, letters etc returned torn up or ignored.

    Losing my mind over all this. Think it is a visit to CAB with divorce paperwork and ask them to check and ask about the judge making an order for sale or signing on his behalf. Will be able to prove have tried to locate him and how unreasonable he is being. Anyone would think I had had the affair and run away. There has to be some way for him to made responsible for some of his mortgage debt etc.
    • middleclassbutpoor
    • By middleclassbutpoor 15th Apr 19, 3:58 PM
    • 609 Posts
    • 550 Thanks
    middleclassbutpoor
    It may be worth visiting the debt free boards also.

    If your credit ratings is impacted through the arrangement, there may be a (less) painful way to dispose of the millstone around your neck.

    You could stop all mortgage payments now and save the money. Find somewhere to rent and move. Do a voluntary termination of the mortgage by handing the keys back. You may then be able to consider bankruptcy or a debt relief order of some kind to get the shortfall wiped off.

    Means you will struggle with finances for next 6 years but may give you a way out.

    Im not entirely sure of the options/order in which way you are best doing things so going over to that board may offer some advice which is more certain.

    You do need to sort the divorce out still but at least you are secure in a home he cannot enter etc. You can also live somewhere that is affordable and will give you some sort of a life.
    • TheGardener
    • By TheGardener 15th Apr 19, 6:00 PM
    • 2,739 Posts
    • 2,757 Thanks
    TheGardener
    ^^ middleclassbutpoor has a point - if there is no equity, do you have any other debts? What's your credit history like?
    • D_M_E
    • By D_M_E 15th Apr 19, 8:08 PM
    • 2,410 Posts
    • 71,374 Thanks
    D_M_E
    Don't know much about this, but you should go for divorce and, as you hyave used a tracing agent to successfully find him then you know where he is and therefore have somewhere for the papers to be served - evidenced by you saying that other stuff has been torn up.
    • SusieT
    • By SusieT 15th Apr 19, 8:35 PM
    • 305 Posts
    • 518 Thanks
    SusieT
    Since he is being less than easy to get hold of and contact, it would seem that its a case of waiting for a divorce court (I would guess from your posts that he will hold everything up as long as possible), and hope he does not return and change the locks etc.
    Since it sounds as if the mortgage company do not have his current address, and with the mortgage being in arrears so your credit record is not going to look good now, so I would stop paying it which will force them to start reposession proceedings. While you are waiting for this to happen save what you would be paying on the mortgage, declutter anything possible, start to store anything personal especially paperwork at friends or relatives houses (not friends of his obviously), and towards the time you leave the house maybe some furniture just in case he gets wind of your plan, then start looking for somewhere affordable to rent. By stopping paying the mortgage you should be able to have a deposit and one or more months rent in hand by the time you find somewhere. That will take the house out of the divorce as it will have been reposessed and you will have an end to the big struggle to get him to sign.
    If he does want the house he can make arrangements with the mortgage company once you have moved out and its empty.
    Not the sort of thing I would normally suggest doing, but if he really is trying to be controlling about it he can make the divorce drag out if he wants to be an idiot, and you need to look after yourself with him being so evasive.
    Also pop a post on the debt free wannabe board, they are very good at finding ways to save money and balance a budget
    Credit card debt - NIL
    Home improvement loans 41,000 now 30,130 26% paid original finish dates 2025 and 2027
    Mortgage 100,000 now 64,513 35% paid
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

1,395Posts Today

4,295Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • Have a great Easter, or a chag sameach to those like me attending Passover seder tomorrow. I?m taking all of next? https://t.co/qrAFTIpqWl

  • RT @rowlyc1980: A whopping 18 days off work for only 9 days leave! I?ll have a bit of that please......thanks @MartinSLewis for your crafty?

  • RT @dinokyp: That feeling when you realise that you have 18 days of work and only used 9 days of your annual leave! Thanks @MartinSLewis h?

  • Follow Martin