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  • FIRST POST
    • DealSharer
    • By DealSharer 28th Feb 19, 1:45 PM
    • 2Posts
    • 1Thanks
    DealSharer
    What do you do if you suspect your partner is cheating
    • #1
    • 28th Feb 19, 1:45 PM
    What do you do if you suspect your partner is cheating 28th Feb 19 at 1:45 PM
    I think my partner may be cheating but don't have the proof, any ideas how I can find out?
Page 4
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 5th Mar 19, 7:06 PM
    • 22,151 Posts
    • 59,786 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Obviously from my comment above, yes, I have had first hand experience of this sort of thing.
    This is the advice I gave the OP - which as a starter for 10 is - imho - better than checking his phone and emails and following him like a second-rate gumshoe
    .
    Originally posted by bugslett
    Mr Bugs denied it even when I'd seen him with her, so it really does depend on the person.

    Behaving like a second rate gumshoe was my best bet. Actually I employed a PI and I found out where she lived before they did - I think that makes me a first rate gumshoe

    Sorry pollycat for some reason the quote has gone awry, I've put your comments in italics[/QUOTE]

    My apologies, trouble multi-quoting on my phone.

    You clearly got a scumbag who thought you were stupid (which -imho- is worse than having an affair ).

    Why did you employ a gumshoe (1st, 2nd or even 3rd rate) if you'd already seen him with someone else? (Cue confused smiley)
    • bugslett
    • By bugslett 5th Mar 19, 7:20 PM
    • 188 Posts
    • 686 Thanks
    bugslett
    Mr Bugs denied it even when I'd seen him with her, so it really does depend on the person.

    Behaving like a second rate gumshoe was my best bet. Actually I employed a PI and I found out where she lived before they did - I think that makes me a first rate gumshoe

    Sorry pollycat for some reason the quote has gone awry, I've put your comments in italics
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    My apologies, trouble multi-quoting on my phone.

    You clearly got a scumbag who thought you were stupid (which -imho- is worse than having an affair ).

    Why did you employ a gumshoe (1st, 2nd or even 3rd rate) if you'd already seen him with someone else? (Cue confused smiley)[/QUOTE]

    We actually moved on after and had some happy times till he fell ill. It's hard to condense everything and lots of nuances, but he apologised genuinely and profusely and as one of his friends said, it was like some sort of mental aberration.

    're the PI, I employed one and whilst they were looking, I managed to find them myself, they found them the following day.
    Yes I'm bugslet, I lost my original log in details and old e-mail address.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 6th Mar 19, 6:21 AM
    • 22,151 Posts
    • 59,786 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Perhaps it would have been better placed to say 'mostly' then as I can't see the majority of people coming clean when asked, I mean in this thread alone the people (except you) with first hand experience of confronting their cheating spouse had them deny it and whilst I'm glad it worked for you, I can think of a plethora of reasons why starting by asking is a bad idea (of which I won't repeat).
    Originally posted by Exodi
    Yes, maybe it would have been better to say 'mostly'...

    It's also nice you haven't had to resort to techniques that make you a 'second-rate gumshoe' but I wonder what would have happened if the shoe was on the other foot and they'd said no but you were still suspicious (as is the case for the two posters below you)?
    Originally posted by Exodi
    Nobody has any idea what would have happened if the shoe was on the other foot.
    But I knew 100% that he was having an affair so the conversation would have continued if he'd denied it.
    The point is the OP doesn't appear to know for sure that her husband is having an affair - unlike me and bugslett who dealt with that knowledge in the way that felt best to us.
    Personally, I wouldn't have wasted money on a PI if I'd known 100%.

    But we're comparing apples and oranges, I guess everyone's different and what may work for one person may not work for another. As you had said, and NeilCr has reiterated, having a non-accusatory conversation in the first instance seems like the best placed advice.
    Originally posted by Exodi
    And that's why people's opinions and advice - although totally opposite - are valid.

    I doubt the OP is coming back to update this thread.
    • Mary Bing
    • By Mary Bing 26th Mar 19, 6:53 PM
    • 17 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Mary Bing
    Are you sure he's cheating? Usually it's just too much women's suspecion with no reason.
    • Organza_Lace
    • By Organza_Lace 26th Mar 19, 7:20 PM
    • 57 Posts
    • 6,079 Thanks
    Organza_Lace
    Has he bought new clothes lately and suddenly become concerned about his appearance?

    Just curious....Not that I know much about cheating men.
    We canít help everyone, but everyone can help someone Ė John Lennon
    • Organza_Lace
    • By Organza_Lace 26th Mar 19, 8:19 PM
    • 57 Posts
    • 6,079 Thanks
    Organza_Lace
    Check the car for a second phone. Watch him nip out to the car every 5 minutes.
    We canít help everyone, but everyone can help someone Ė John Lennon
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 26th Mar 19, 8:27 PM
    • 22,151 Posts
    • 59,786 Thanks
    Pollycat
    The OP started the thread at the end of Feb with a one liner with minimal information and made one more post.

    I doubt the OP is coming back to update this thread.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    • marisco
    • By marisco 15th Apr 19, 1:24 PM
    • 3,980 Posts
    • 17,973 Thanks
    marisco
    Gut instinct and intuition are rarely wrong. You ask them outright. You will know by their response whether they are being honest with you or not. Then you decide what happens next. Any other way to discover the truth undermines your position and takes away from your self respect.
    The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
    • andydownes123
    • By andydownes123 16th Apr 19, 8:13 AM
    • 550 Posts
    • 668 Thanks
    andydownes123
    If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck
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