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  • FIRST POST
    • dickdasdedly
    • By dickdasdedly 12th Jan 19, 10:00 PM
    • 65Posts
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    dickdasdedly
    Looking at getting married in Zante in 2020. Looking for practical help/advise
    • #1
    • 12th Jan 19, 10:00 PM
    Looking at getting married in Zante in 2020. Looking for practical help/advise 12th Jan 19 at 10:00 PM
    Hi
    My partner and i are looking at getting married in aug/sept 2020.
    We both have been married before and we dont want a register office wedding. We would love to get married somewhere like Mauritius on a tropical beach but as we want our families there Mauritius isn't practical. So we are thinking about Zante but were open to similar areas/places. We want it to be on a beach or cove or at least overlooking one. We want to do it so it can be incorporated into a holiday for our family's. So what im asking is if anyone has practical advise or has done similar themselves or can maybe point out pitfalls to look for or money saving ideas that would help.
    Thank you
    Richard W
    Richard W
Page 2
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 13th Jan 19, 7:26 PM
    • 4,001 Posts
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    Red-Squirrel
    A few years ago, relative of OH's got married on Zante. Family (both sides, about 20 altogether) all booked a week's holiday at same apartment block (OH and I had 2 weeks), each paid for themselves and sometimes did things together, sometimes our own thing. Wedding was mid holiday so enjoyed time with groom and bride to be before they went off on honeymoon (another island). A very enjoyable time had by all!
    Originally posted by lincroft1710
    That's ok if Zante is your idea of a good holiday within your budget and you would be happy sharing your holiday with a load of extended family and the couple's friends!

    I would literally never book a holiday to Zante, not everybody likes sun sea and sand, I get ill in too hot weather!
    • Retireby40
    • By Retireby40 13th Jan 19, 7:39 PM
    • 22 Posts
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    Retireby40
    So the couple should change their wishes and desires because either:

    Family / friends don't want to spend the money or don't have it or they don't want to spend a week in the sun celebrating a huge good event and experience of a friend or family member.

    If you always did what suits other people in life your never going to experience the things in life you want.

    The couple should do what they want or dream of. Price the details and let everyone know this is what it costs we would like you to come but if you can't no problem. If it's only the 2 of them so be it but I'd like to think close friends and family could make the effort if they mean that much to them.
    • trailingspouse
    • By trailingspouse 13th Jan 19, 7:41 PM
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    trailingspouse
    We went to a wedding on Zante about 5 years ago. The Family rented three houses at not inconsiderable cost - it was fun, but expensive.



    The couple have now split up.
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 13th Jan 19, 7:42 PM
    • 4,001 Posts
    • 10,771 Thanks
    Red-Squirrel
    So the couple should change their wishes and desires because either:

    Family / friends don't want to spend the money or don't have it or they don't want to spend a week in the sun celebrating a huge good event and experience of a friend or family member.

    If you always did what suits other people in life your never going to experience the things in life you want.

    The couple should do what they want or dream of. Price the details and let everyone know this is what it costs we would like you to come but if you can't no problem. If it's only the 2 of them so be it but I'd like to think close friends and family could make the effort if they mean that much to them.
    Originally posted by Retireby40
    The couple can do exactly what they want, and get married anywhere that suits them.

    What they can't do is expect other people to dance to their tune and use their valuable money and time going to a wedding abroad.

    If getting married in Zante is the priority, go and get married in Zante, just the two of you and enjoy.

    If having family there is the priority then don't have your wedding in a different country several hours flight away!
    • unforeseen
    • By unforeseen 13th Jan 19, 7:46 PM
    • 3,352 Posts
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    unforeseen
    No, the couple should have realistic expectations that not all the people they would like to be there won't be. And it could well be people who they really want there for one reason or another.

    , I would never consider going somewhere abroad for a wedding that I would never consider as a holiday destination for myself. Total waste of hundreds of pounds just for a few hours at a wedding.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th Jan 19, 7:48 PM
    • 21,468 Posts
    • 58,076 Thanks
    Pollycat
    So the couple should change their wishes and desires because either:

    Family / friends don't want to spend the money or don't have it or they don't want to spend a week in the sun celebrating a huge good event and experience of a friend or family member.

    If you always did what suits other people in life your never going to experience the things in life you want.

    The couple should do what they want or dream of. Price the details and let everyone know this is what it costs we would like you to come but if you can't no problem. If it's only the 2 of them so be it but I'd like to think close friends and family could make the effort if they mean that much to them.
    Originally posted by Retireby40
    No.
    The couple shouldn't change their wishes and desires because it doesn't suit other people.

    But neither should they expect other people to spend a not insignificant amount of money to attend someone else's wedding.

    Really, regardless of how close a family member or friend it was, I'd wish them well and decline the invitation.
    You clearly have a different opinion.
    Neither of us is wrong.
    Accept it.
    • Retireby40
    • By Retireby40 13th Jan 19, 8:04 PM
    • 22 Posts
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    Retireby40
    Who's saying I'm not accepting people can have different opinions. I'm just sharing my views like yourself.

    As I said the couple have to do what they want and accept who comes and who doesn't. One things for sure if my mother/father brother and two sisters who were given 18 months notice of the event if they said no we aren't coming I would be deeply upset. And I think most would feel the same.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th Jan 19, 8:15 PM
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    Pollycat
    Who's saying I'm not accepting people can have different opinions. I'm just sharing my views like yourself.

    As I said the couple have to do what they want and accept who comes and who doesn't. One things for sure if my mother/father brother and two sisters who were given 18 months notice of the event if they said no we aren't coming I would be deeply upset. And I think most would feel the same.
    Originally posted by Retireby40
    OK.
    So you're happy to put people in a position that they feel they have to attend your wedding or you'll throw a hissy fit...?
    Nice. (not)
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 13th Jan 19, 8:26 PM
    • 4,001 Posts
    • 10,771 Thanks
    Red-Squirrel
    Who's saying I'm not accepting people can have different opinions. I'm just sharing my views like yourself.

    As I said the couple have to do what they want and accept who comes and who doesn't. One things for sure if my mother/father brother and two sisters who were given 18 months notice of the event if they said no we aren't coming I would be deeply upset. And I think most would feel the same.
    Originally posted by Retireby40
    Sorry, but you'd really be in the wrong there.

    You really really can't spend other people's money for them like that, or put a big guilt trip on with such expectations. If you really want them there you have to make it more reasonable for them to get there, either by offering to pay for their travel or by making it easier.

    A wedding is just one day, guests shouldn't be expected to save and plan for 18 months just to attend!

    Going away to get married used to be called 'eloping' and the whole point of it was that it was just the couple who went.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th Jan 19, 8:41 PM
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    Pollycat
    There's nothing worse than a bridezilla and a groomzilla with expectations of their guests...
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 13th Jan 19, 9:16 PM
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    Gavin83
    I was under the impression that the guests would be paying for themselves.
    Originally posted by gettingtheresometime
    Surely no one would be that downright selfish to book a wedding abroad, especially with no link to the country and expect their guests to pay to attend?

    One things for sure if my mother/father brother and two sisters who were given 18 months notice of the event if they said no we aren't coming I would be deeply upset. And I think most would feel the same.
    Originally posted by Retireby40
    But surely you accept that this would be your fault and you don't really have a right to be angry with them? If you want people to attend your wedding have it in the UK. If you want it abroad fine, do so, but don't get upset with people for not attending. That's your choice.

    Unless of course you'd be paying for your family to attend but I gather from the tone of your posts you wouldn't.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th Jan 19, 9:58 PM
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    Pollycat
    Surely no one would be that downright selfish to book a wedding abroad, especially with no link to the country and expect their guests to pay to attend?
    Originally posted by Gavin83
    Oh, I think there's lots of people who would expect guests to fork out a shed-load of money and use their holidays to attend a wedding.
    • Retireby40
    • By Retireby40 13th Jan 19, 11:07 PM
    • 22 Posts
    • 9 Thanks
    Retireby40
    OP.

    I'll direct this to you as you are the one needs advice. A lot of people disagree with me. That's completely normal on these forums.

    If you and you partner want a beach wedding go for it. Often people tell you you can't do something because they couldn't.

    If you are close to your family then I'm sure they will support you. I'm not a parent nor come from a wealthy family but I know for a fact if I told my immediate family we planned to marry in Greece they would be all on for it. Why? Because it would mean I'm making a huge decision, they would be proud and they love the sun.

    Your close family will go trust me. They will make the trip.

    Anyone else, well whoever goes is a bonus. For those that don't go throw a party in your home town when you get back so those who can't make the trip can celebrate with you.

    People on hear are talking as if overseas weddings are something strange when in fact they are becoming more popular each year.

    Some people may think your selfish but as I said. It's your life, your day and your happiness.

    Hopefully you get all sorted and I wish you all the best. Having had work colleagues that married abroad they said it was amazing. A small party of about 30 people the typical blue seas, beaches. It certainly beats a run down town church in the rain with 50 people you wouldn't even call friends more acquaintances.
    • melanzana
    • By melanzana 13th Jan 19, 11:16 PM
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    melanzana
    It is a second wedding for the OP.

    So why the need for all the beaches and Zante?

    Just my opinion, but if I and family got a wedding invite to anywhere abroad (especially a second go on the merry go round), I would be inclined to decline very politely.
    • chesky
    • By chesky 13th Jan 19, 11:34 PM
    • 1,093 Posts
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    chesky
    I'm not mad about weddings anyway, so to have an excuse not to go would be great.
    • melanzana
    • By melanzana 13th Jan 19, 11:40 PM
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    • 7,570 Thanks
    melanzana
    I'm not mad about weddings anyway, so to have an excuse not to go would be great.
    Originally posted by chesky
    I'm the same

    If I say anymore about disliking weddings I may be banned or reported or whatever.

    The wedding is for everyone who WISHES to attend. The MARRIAGE is for B+G.

    I honestly don't know of anyone who says "Hey isn't this great, we've got an invite to A and Bs wedding, woo hoo" No, I don't think so,well maybe some but not very many I would think.
    • Spider In The Bath
    • By Spider In The Bath 14th Jan 19, 7:54 AM
    • 1,386 Posts
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    Spider In The Bath
    ...

    Your close family will go trust me. They will make the trip...
    Originally posted by Retireby40
    OP,

    Please don't expect the above to be the case.

    No matter how close people are to you there will be many that they cannot attend a wedding abroad. From financial, being able to book time off work during the school summer holiday and health.

    If you want to get married abroad do so, but do not expect people to be able to attend.

    How about a small wedding in the UK near to family and friends, then a blessing and honeymoon on Zante?
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 14th Jan 19, 8:35 AM
    • 31,687 Posts
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    seven-day-weekend
    Head over to the Zante board on Tripadvisor.


    Have you discussed this with your families?
    You might find that costs and dates rule out the guests you would want to be there.
    Speaking personally, I don't mind who gets married where but I'd decline to attend a wedding abroad regardless of how close I was to the bride or groom as I choose my holiday dates, location and accommodation based on what suits me, not others.

    I'm sure someone will be along soon to point out my selfishness.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    I wouldn't attend anyone's wedding abroad either, unless it was my son and even then I would be cross about the expense.

    So my advice is, have whatever sort of wedding you want, but expect people not to come.

    I hope you find the destination you want.
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 14th Jan 19, 10:55 AM
    • 5,660 Posts
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    Gavin83
    Your close family will go trust me. They will make the trip.
    Originally posted by Retireby40
    We've had a lot of threads started on this forum from close relatives (think siblings, parents, etc) of people getting married abroad, who ultimately have said they aren't going. For some it's caused family issues. So no, I don't think it's safe to automatically assume close family will go. And while I think it's selfish to have a wedding abroad, I think it would be even more selfish to get upset by this. It would entirely be the fault of the couple getting married, no one else. One caveat of getting married abroad is that you have no right to complain if people can't make it and that includes anyone.

    The reason it's selfish to get married abroad is for the reasons you list. Family/close friends will often feel a sense of obligation to attend, even if it'll cause them serious problems in order to not upset anyone. Often you aren't really giving them a choice and some people can't afford it.

    However I notice you still haven't answered the question. If you had a wedding abroad would you pay for all your guests expenses? If so it makes the above redundant. However I expect in 95% of cases couples marrying abroad would expect their guests to pay.
    • dickdasdedly
    • By dickdasdedly 14th Jan 19, 6:56 PM
    • 65 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    dickdasdedly
    Hi
    Thanks for all your replies itís been interesting to see your views.
    Iíve take on board the pros and cons of marring abroad. As someone said itís the 2nd go on the merry go-round for both of us and a registry office wedding doesnít sound appealing to either of us. The people that would be attending are immediate family and close personal friends who we have spoken to about this and are up for coming and to budget for that is partly why we are waiting to next yr. Our kids are grown up and though we couldnít afford to pay for them to come we would try to help with the cost if needed.
    Also I wouldnít be annoyed if anyone I asked didnít want to come for whatever reason. Its all down to personal choice and ours is to get married abroad. The friends that we`d ask are friends we go on holiday with every 2nd yr anyway so there isnít a problem there as Zante is a place weíve spoken about going to before. So we have already given some thought to the practicalities of people attending the wedding. As someone has said we would have a reception at home for the extended family and friends and people who didnít wouldnít or couldnít attend. An evening reception with buffet and beer. .

    All that being said what I was asking for is practical advice and things to look out for. Such as wedding insurance, didnít know there was such a thing or companies somebody may have used and anything else that could be useful.
    But thank you all for taking the time to reply.
    Richard W
    Richard W
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