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    • acp94
    • By acp94 8th Oct 18, 5:06 PM
    • 14Posts
    • 8Thanks
    acp94
    My sister is getting married in New Zealand..
    • #1
    • 8th Oct 18, 5:06 PM
    My sister is getting married in New Zealand.. 8th Oct 18 at 5:06 PM
    Thanks for all the responses. I've read them all and will be taking them all into consideration when making my decision. Won't be for a few weeks as my sister is currently visiting, and it's my mums 60th birthday so not the time for any potential family dramas. Will make a decision and then reach out to my sister to tell her first, and then inform the rest of the family.

    So my sister moved to Aus about 7 years ago from the UK. She's getting married next year in New Zealand.

    It's going to cost thousands for me and my partner to go, and I just don't know if I can afford it.

    My parents keep telling me to save money and I've accepted the fact that if I go, I'll be going without my partner. But I myself am in thousands of pounds of debt, which I am paying off every month, but by going to this wedding I'm going to have to fork out thousands more and not pay my debts of as quick - putting off my own future wedding (my partner and I have already discussed potential dates).

    In addition, my sister and I don't have the best relationship. She usually visits the UK once a year and in that time we only really see one another when the whole family gets together, despite my reaching out to her to see one another individually. She makes very little effort with me, and practically even ignored my partner on her last visit home (the first time she met him!)

    I feel like my whole family is going to look down on me if I say I can't go and tell me I can afford it (I have a job that does pay a reasonable wage, but I pay over 500 a month on debts alone, and over 950 on rent/bills & travel so I don't have a whole lot left at the end to actually save, whilst still having a bit of a life on the side.)

    Am I being selfish by not wanting to go? I don't want to have to stay at home every weekend and every evening for the next 9 months to afford to go, nor do I want to put back milestones (wedding, buying a house) with my own partner. Any advice?
    Last edited by acp94; 10-10-2018 at 5:21 PM. Reason: Update and thanking for replies.
Page 3
    • shiny76
    • By shiny76 10th Oct 18, 4:50 PM
    • 455 Posts
    • 484 Thanks
    shiny76
    Bit harsh to not express any regret or sadness at not being able to attend your sister's wedding!

    Nothing wrong at all with saying 'We'd love to go but its not possible'. That's true.
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    Still opens the OP to people trying to help them solve the issues and enable them to come. e.g. an 'unwanted' loan from parents

    My brother didn't express any regret/sadness at missing my wedding. He chose 2 weeks extra time on some ski slopes. I won't be losing any sleep if I were to miss his wedding in return!
    • acp94
    • By acp94 10th Oct 18, 5:23 PM
    • 14 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    acp94
    To be fair to your sister she lives in Australia and is getting married in New Zealand. Its not like she lives here and is wanting to get married on the other side of the world for the fun of it.

    Im sure you would have anyway, but bear in mind that if anybody declines to attend your wedding for similar reasons you will have to be very gracious about it!
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    Yep I do agree, it is her home so I get why she wants to marry there.

    I would be completely understanding if my sister, for example as it would be the same scenario distance wise, was unable to come to my wedding. It's a very special day, but I'd never want someone to be in debt just to make it.
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 11th Oct 18, 1:20 PM
    • 14,903 Posts
    • 20,274 Thanks
    Gloomendoom
    To be fair to your sister she lives in Australia and is getting married in New Zealand. Its not like she lives here and is wanting to get married on the other side of the world for the fun of it.!
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    Yep I do agree, it is her home so I get why she wants to marry there.
    Originally posted by acp94
    Australia is her home, not New Zealand. They are two separate countries, thousands of miles apart.

    If she wants to get married abroad (from Australia) and would like her family to attend, why not get married in the UK?
    Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. - Mark Twain
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 11th Oct 18, 2:03 PM
    • 29,969 Posts
    • 77,023 Thanks
    Mojisola
    Australia is her home, not New Zealand. They are two separate countries, thousands of miles apart.

    If she wants to get married abroad (from Australia) and would like her family to attend, why not get married in the UK?
    Originally posted by Gloomendoom
    Maybe her husband-to-be comes from New Zealand?
    • acp94
    • By acp94 12th Oct 18, 3:30 PM
    • 14 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    acp94
    Maybe her husband-to-be comes from New Zealand?
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    It is a long story, he is an Aussie but did spend alot of him time in NZ.

    I know my sister has her reasons for wanting to marry there, and it's not my decision to dispute those.

    I'm hoping we can get some time to talk whilst shes visiting the UK in the next few weeks and maybe see if she understands my financial situation. Hopefully she will and it will help making my decision alot easier!
    • Sncjw
    • By Sncjw 12th Oct 18, 7:07 PM
    • 1,939 Posts
    • 1,145 Thanks
    Sncjw
    If they insist on you both going. Tell them your finances then if they insist more tell them you pay for me to go then.

    That will shut them up.
    • Mischiefmanaged
    • By Mischiefmanaged 12th Oct 18, 7:21 PM
    • 15 Posts
    • 158 Thanks
    Mischiefmanaged
    I married abroad 8 years ago. 10 people including me, dh and 2 dd's attended. There was a lot of family that couldn't come and nearly all for financial reasons and I absolutely understood the reason why. I remember my best friends saying she was going to get a loan to come and I asked her not too.

    If people don't understand your situation it says a lot more about them than you and I certainly wouldn't be giving too much of a detailed explanation.

    Until you speak to your sister you won't know what get reaction will be. She may be understanding, you never know. If I was in your shoes though I would expect my parents to understand especially if they know of your own situation.
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 12th Oct 18, 9:44 PM
    • 14,903 Posts
    • 20,274 Thanks
    Gloomendoom
    We got married in the UK but family from Oz (including my wife's sister) did make the the effort to to come over. They could afford it but we would have understood and accepted it if they had said they couldn't come.

    We travel back and forth regularly but is is time consuming and expensive.
    Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. - Mark Twain
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