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  • FIRST POST
    • Martin R
    • By Martin R 9th Sep 18, 10:05 AM
    • 37Posts
    • 6Thanks
    Martin R
    Sadly too late for me
    • #1
    • 9th Sep 18, 10:05 AM
    Sadly too late for me 9th Sep 18 at 10:05 AM
    Please read this post not as a cry for help - it isn’t - but a warning for people getting into debt.

    I owe just over £12,000 in credit card debts.
    Please do not judge me.

    When my parents passed away I became depressed, and still am. When I get depressed I spend money, money I don’t have on credit cards and for a few hours I feel excited looking forward to the delivery which is more often than not, presents for others.

    I never miss a payment, and don’t have a bad credit score, but can only afford the minimum payment. When I am given a credit limit increase I just think of who I can make happy with a present, and also use the credit cards to pay off each other.
    Yes, I know all of this is stupid, but please tell the other side of me that which says “don’t worry, it will sort itself out”.
    I can’t get a loan as the negative on my credit score is that I use more than 50% of my available credit.

    On Friday I received an E-mail from Capital One (who I owe £1979 to), saying ...

    ‘Dear Martin,
    We've noticed that over the last 18 months, a bigger portion of what you paid back on your credit card went towards interest, fees and charges than to paying off what you borrowed.
    It means new rules apply to you. Our regulator (the FCA) has introduced them to protect anyone in this situation getting into difficulty with long-term borrowing on credit cards. It's called persistent debt and it can happen when monthly repayments stay low for a long time.
    The fix is to pay more each month
    Boosting how much you repay each month now could help you avoid some of the steps we have to take later. (More on that below.) The bigger your payments, the faster you pay back what you've borrowed, costing you less in interest. To help, we've done the maths.
    It'll save you money
    Let's use your current balance of £1979.59 as an example.
    If you fix your payment at £106* every month from now on, you could pay 84% less interest than if you make the minimum payment. You'd pay off your card 12 times faster too.

    Here's how to do it
    If you pay by Direct Debit
    Increase your monthly amount. You can view and edit your Direct Debit in your Capital One app It's free to download if you don't already have it. Otherwise give us a call.

    If you pay by debit card, or another way
    Make your monthly payments bigger when you pay via your app, phone or online account. You can make extra payments at any time too.
    Sign in to manage payments
    Better to sort it sooner rather than later
    If your payments aren't high enough to change your situation in the next 18 months, we'll be back in touch. We'll offer ways for you to repay quicker, over a reasonable period. It'd be important for you to take action from there because we might have to suspend your card if you don't. Making low repayments for long periods can hurt your credit file.

    Importantly, you'd be on the path out of persistent debt, because you'd be paying back a bigger chunk of what you'd borrowed.’

    I cannot pay off more, Capital One won’t lower the interest, my situation of paying minimum payments won’t change in the next 18 months, and I know that if they are sending this, others will follow.

    I won’t spend anything else on the cards, but they still want extra money.
    Yes, I could give it to them and pay no one else.
    (I don’t have anyone I could ask to help me by the way)

    My point of this, and please no sympathy or pity, the only way for me is to look for ways to end my life, which hopefully will be sooner rather than later once I find a home for my dog.
    That might seem tragic or shocking to some, but it would be a way of no longer having to dread waking up and putting false smiles on.

    This new rule from the FCA will put others in the same position as mine I am sure, so please if you can, reduce your debts by trying to get the help you need before it is too late. For me it is.
    Thankyou for reading this.
Page 2
    • Dolly Rocker
    • By Dolly Rocker 10th Sep 18, 10:56 AM
    • 4,077 Posts
    • 11,706 Thanks
    Dolly Rocker
    Hey Martin R,

    You can do this, it is never too late.

    I hope you have managed to speak with someone be that your GP or a charity of some sort who will be able to fully support you throughout this journey.

    Dxxx
    Debt Free in 2018 £12364.09/£12754.09
    Goal Weight in 2019 29lbs/91lbs
    SPC#13 £13.50

    13th November 2018 - I have 2 Nationwide Referrals available, PM me if you want £100 to switch accounts
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 10th Sep 18, 11:04 AM
    • 6,558 Posts
    • 24,632 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    Hi Martin,

    Nothing is unfixable.

    I know things seem very dark and daunting at the moment but the lovely folks on here offer the greatest support.

    Please see your GP and contact one of the debt free charities.

    Post your SOA on here too, the lovely people on here can offer ways to help you.

    Please post back and let us know how you're getting on.

    Pmo2
    xx
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: £5660.00 Lloyds: £9878.75 BC: GONE Cap One: GONE
    OD £0/£500 LC £371.25/£1500 Washer PAID
    POAMAYC 2018 #041 PD £7219.86/£7000
    Savings for Christmas £385.36/£400
    20p Savers 2018 £2 Savers 2018 50p Savers 2018 SPC 12 2019 #003
  • StepChange_Rachael
    Hi Martin

    I just came across your post and I know you don’t want sympathy but I am sorry to hear you’re feeling so desperately low.

    You’ve already had great advice and support from everyone on the forum and I hope that you feel able to take some of the advice and reach out for the help available.

    There is no humility in asking for help, everyone needs help at some point during their lives and there is always a way forward through the difficult times with support with your mental health and debts. Losing people closest to you certainly is going to impact your mental health especially if you’ve not been able to discuss these feelings. There are organisations like Cruse dedicated to helping people struggling with bereavement.

    I think speaking with someone about how you’re feeling is the most important first step. I know others have already suggested the further help that's available but Samaritans, Mind and contacting your GP really can be a brilliant help and support.


    For debt advice you can access support at StepChange, we offer free and impartial debt advice. As someone mentioned in the forum there is always a debt solution no matter what your debt situation.

    I hope that you contact us so we can support you.

    Take care,
    Rachael
    I work as a debt advisor for StepChange Debt Charity and have specific permission from Martin to post on these boards to try and help those in debt. Read more information on StepChange Debt Charity in the Debt Problems: What to do and where to get help article. If you find you're struggling with debt and you need further help try our online advice facility Debt Remedy.

    Don't be afraid of getting debt advice. We'll help you take one more step towards getting help with your debt.
    • Puddylove
    • By Puddylove 10th Sep 18, 12:42 PM
    • 497 Posts
    • 830 Thanks
    Puddylove
    Hi Martin
    You have been given some great advice and support above - please act on it.
    It says a lot that you posted to try to help other people - think how much more help you will be able to offer others troubled by debt and bereavement when you are feeling better.
    The world, your friends, your dog - all need you.
    • LOVEHB
    • By LOVEHB 10th Sep 18, 12:51 PM
    • 35 Posts
    • 25 Thanks
    LOVEHB
    You have received some excellent advice here, I read your post with a heavy heart. A family member of mine comitted suicide due to money worries and he left behind such a huge hole in everyones lives. I would hate for you to feel that you have no one to support you through this, the people on here are wonderful and would help you hugely please please try to resolve your financial issues without the need for doing something so terribly sad.

    I am on here every day and am in no way an expert but if you ever want to chat please feel free to contact me. I promise I wont judge and will listen and give you support.

    I was in over £16k debt and can absolutely relate to the desperate feelings.
    • FTBNow
    • By FTBNow 10th Sep 18, 1:21 PM
    • 120 Posts
    • 78 Thanks
    FTBNow
    Hi Martin,

    I know you've had a wealth of help and responses from the above forum members, but I thought I would add my two cents: I too was in the endless cycle of spending/depression, and soon had to teach myself that the five minute euphoria I get buying a new pair of trainers isn't worth the stress that will soon follow.

    The Samaritans are a fantastic charity. I suffered from depression due to my mum having breast cancer (thankfully, not fatal) and my parents splitting. I also lost about five family members in the space of six years: it was gut wrenching. Friends soon got tired of me (in hindsight, not brilliant friends compared to the ones I have now) and the Samaritans were a real human connection. It felt wonderful to empty my head onto them and after every phone call I walked away feeling considerably lighter. I also used their text service if I found myself on the verge of panic at work.

    I went to my GP, too, who put me on 50mg of Sertraline (which I have been off for about a year now) and they gave me a Healthy Minds card who I called straight away and got put on a course of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which helped a lot with my self-esteem, underlying issues and addressed a lot of things I had carried forward from my past. I also had bereavement counselling.

    I was in debt to the tune of £7,000 short-term (so less than you) made up of catalogues, overdraft, credit cards and payday loans I had resorted to.

    I'm now only in debt with car finance and my Masters loan - both long term and very manageable - and one store card. All of which I can pay off.

    I cut all of my credit cards up, and although I'm sometimes tempted when I see a payday loan ad on the telly, a quick 5-minute talking to makes me realise it's not worth it for the sake of that five minute euphoria in an existence I otherwise, once upon a time, found dreadful.

    I now have a mortgage, and my dog who helped me through those dark days lives with me and my partner: I'm glad I never gave it all up.

    My point is: you can get out of this and you will. And if you ever want to talk, I'm happy to. I'm no expert on money matters compared to some better equipped posters on here: but I can help with mental health, should you want me to.

    Take care x
    • MSE Andrea
    • By MSE Andrea 10th Sep 18, 1:59 PM
    • 9,258 Posts
    • 22,114 Thanks
    MSE Andrea
    You guys posting on here are the absolute embodiment of what the Debt Free Wannabe community is all about... help, support and kindness.

    Thank you for being here for Martin R and for everyone else asking for help.

    You rock!
    Could you do with a Money Makeover?


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    • DawnW
    • By DawnW 10th Sep 18, 2:56 PM
    • 5,300 Posts
    • 41,957 Thanks
    DawnW
    I just hope he is ok

    • Willing2Learn
    • By Willing2Learn 10th Sep 18, 2:57 PM
    • 1,746 Posts
    • 1,331 Thanks
    Willing2Learn
    I just hope he is ok
    Originally posted by DawnW
    It's just horrible waiting for the OP to come back with an update...
    I work within the voluntary sector, supporting vulnerable people to rebuild their lives.

    I love my job

    • MottledDebt
    • By MottledDebt 10th Sep 18, 3:25 PM
    • 12 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    MottledDebt
    Hi

    Not sure if you are reading responses to this but I just wanted to say that I have been in a similar situation to you, high levels of debt and it seemed the only way to free myself from it was to remove myself from the equation completely. I felt like a poor excuse for a man

    Luckily, I had a good support network around me, and my doctor even helped me fill out my aplication to Stepchange! Its a really weird feeling when your Debt Management Plan is set up, like a rock is being lifted off your chest and you can finally breathe. I also discovered that the debt had caused me to fall into depression.

    Message me if you want to talk. I note you posted a similar message in 2017, which makes me think you do want help, which is good. There is always a way forward MArtin
    Last edited by MottledDebt; 10-09-2018 at 3:28 PM. Reason: d
    • sourcrates
    • By sourcrates 10th Sep 18, 4:19 PM
    • 15,698 Posts
    • 14,770 Thanks
    sourcrates
    It's just horrible waiting for the OP to come back with an update...
    Originally posted by Willing2Learn

    Bit worrying reading what started out as a perfectly normal post, suddenly descend into talk of suicide because of money, must admit its been bothering me all weekend.
    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Credit File And Ratings, and
    Bankruptcy And Living With It, boards. "I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly".
    Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an abusive or illegal post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    For free debt advice, contact either : Stepchange, National Debtline, or, CAB.
    For Free Legal advice see : http://legalbeagles.info/
    • knightstyle
    • By knightstyle 10th Sep 18, 4:34 PM
    • 4,872 Posts
    • 1,839 Thanks
    knightstyle
    Great to see lots of people on here giving support and advice.
    There is a free book with examples of people who have "come back" after thinking it is too late for them. It is about CAP, a free service given by Christians to every body no matter what they believe.
    https://capuk.org/about-us/the-cap-story/journeys-of-hope
    So have a look and remember there are lots of good people out there who will help for free, do not pay anyone for the help you need.
    • purdyoaten2
    • By purdyoaten2 10th Sep 18, 5:13 PM
    • 941 Posts
    • 465 Thanks
    purdyoaten2
    Bit worrying reading what started out as a perfectly normal post, suddenly descend into talk of suicide because of money, must admit its been bothering me all weekend.
    Originally posted by sourcrates
    Ditto. However, it was the heading that stopped me in my tracks.
    Would 'OF', Could 'OF', Should 'OF'.... AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
    • TheBiggerPicture
    • By TheBiggerPicture 10th Sep 18, 8:43 PM
    • 17 Posts
    • 21 Thanks
    TheBiggerPicture
    Dear Martin
    Please dont feel so hopeless. 12k really isnt the end of the world and isnt alot of money in the grand scheme of things, even if it feels that way. Things are clearly getting on top of you and its time to take a step back and take a breather until you can think rationally. I think you need to stop thinking of others, buying things for people and think of yourself for a change. You can tackle this when you feel stronger. Im sad hearing you feel so overwhelmed. Have some early nights and be kind to yourself. I dont know if any of this little bits of advice will help you but I'll tell you whats helped me. I really started making inroads into my debts by setting my alarm for 5am every morning before anyone was up, sitting there with a nice cup of tea and updating my diary. I do bill payments to my bills every few days. Any time Ive got anything spare it goes on it. It gets quite addictive and satisfying seeing the figures decrease. Ive cleared two huge utility bills in 5 months doing this little routine and I hope it can help you. I go through my fridge and freezer and work out what I have and write a menu for the week. Anything I need to make it into meals, I write a list for and stick to it when I go to the supermarket. So I know exactly where I am for the week. I also take gas and electricity metre readings on tge 15th of every month and submit them online so Im always on track with that. Ive got other bills to pay now but Im trying to make it fun believe it or not, like I set myself little goals like not using the heating, i have a timer in my kitchen for the boiler and when i press it, it turns the heating on for ten minutes. Before its on for that ten minutes, I'll put anything that needs drying on the radiators dotted around the house. Just silly things really but it all saves money. I make sure the family dont go crazy on the lighting. Ive been stockpiling wood all summer and been burning thst. Its all satisfying and I know Im doing every little thkng to try to pay it. Try and get in the right mindset and see it as a challenge. I always make sure ive got in nice tea and coffee cos it keeps me going throughout the day, got to have some treat I guess. Other than that I have cut back majorly. I do feel like im living like a Victorian in the past sometimes and can get tearful and !!!!ed off with it all but if I get like that, then I realise Im just tired and go to bed early. I always feel better the next day! Anyway I hope youre ok and please keep posting. I hope i may have helped in some way, even if its to know youre certainly not alone.
    All the best and chin up!
    Life is short be happy
    • -taff
    • By -taff 10th Sep 18, 9:10 PM
    • 8,676 Posts
    • 7,903 Thanks
    -taff
    Hey Martin


    I see you were back on early this morning, I hope that means you read all the messages and you can now see there is a way out and it's not the one you were referring to.


    Please don't be embarassed or ashamed, or worried about posting again, no one will judge, debt is something most of us have been in at one time or another, and it can easily get on top of you if you don't have an understanding of how things are not ever insurmountable.


    Hopefully, you can see there is help for you, you don't have to do it alone, and that your mental state needs some help. Get yourself some help, there's no shame in it, I've done it myself. Everyone has low points, the trick is to realise you need some help and not be worried about asking for it. You don't have to be the rock....
    • barbiedoll
    • By barbiedoll 11th Sep 18, 9:13 AM
    • 4,914 Posts
    • 13,488 Thanks
    barbiedoll
    Hello Martin.

    I know that everyone on here is really hoping that you’re reading our replies. Almost all of us on this board have been in your position, we all understand that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you hear the postman delivering yet another credit card bill.

    My husband and I had debts of over £30,000. With the help of Stepchange, and the amazing folk on here (where I found out about Stepchange in the first place!) we turned it around and got our life back. We’re still paying off our debts but we have seen our balances get smaller each month, we’ve stayed away from debt ever since, and we’re so grateful to have found this place, it really is a lifesaver.

    Ironically...one of our easiest creditors to deal with was Capital One. They stopped the interest and charges as soon as we went into our DMP, and my outstanding balance was finally paid off, two months ago!

    I promise you, there IS a solution to your situation, you have come to exactly the right place. Please hang on in there, we can help, and it will get better.

    Take care.
    "I may be many things but not being indiscreet isn't one of them"
    • halp...
    • By halp... 11th Sep 18, 10:36 AM
    • 4 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    halp...
    Martin, are you there?

    It’s not too late, please don’t give up.

    StepChange, and these wonderful boards - and loads of other resources - are available for you.

    It might not sort itself out but it can be sorted out.

    You might not even have to pay it all back - lenders can agree to reduce debts significantly.

    I’m £35,000 in debt (credit cards) and although I’ve thought of suicide as a way out I KNOW there are ways to deal with it that will allow us to come out the other side much stronger, and even to help others once our own situations are sorted.

    You’re a generous person - an amazing present from you would be to help others get out of debt too once you can see the light at the end of this long tunnel. That’s worth so much more than material gifts.

    Please read these forums for ideas, the debt-free roll of honour for inspiration, and come back - we’re all in this together and we can all help you get through this.
    • another casualty
    • By another casualty 11th Sep 18, 1:57 PM
    • 3,682 Posts
    • 5,752 Thanks
    another casualty
    Hello Martin .
    You have done the bravest thing so far ( imho), by posting on here .
    The amount of goodwill, kindness and financial guidance in such a short time says it all .
    I admire you for not wanting any kind of pity as such and are trying to just get an answer rather than go into much detail.
    Obviously , talks of ending it all are ( rightfully ) sending alarm bells ringing to all and sundry reading this .

    However, I ( possibly we) would like to know more about you , so that you can get back on track and hopefully put these tragedies behind you in time .

    My questions : are you working ? Have you friends / hobbies ?
    I assume you're pretty young . That in itself can make you strong enough for the future ,and these mistakes are put down to experience

    As for the dog .. he/ she doesn't want a miserable owner . Take it everywhere . Make it a therapeutic dog . Give the dog a new found confidence . A new lease of life .

    I hope you make the right decisions , and things improve .

    Best wishes
    • leninspot
    • By leninspot 12th Sep 18, 2:57 PM
    • 63 Posts
    • 25 Thanks
    leninspot
    I've felt desperate too in the past so I do know what you are feeling. Somehow, I managed to phone someone about a debt management plan and it changed everything. I am still paying off a debt much bigger than yours BUT it's manageable AND I feel back in control of my life. You too can be in this position but you MUST get some help. I don't mean for a minute to trivialise how you feel but if you can't do it for yourself do it for your dog. He or she loves you and needs you to be yourself again. Please trust me on this things DO change and change for the better. Just take one day at a time & trust what everyone who replies to you here tells you.
    Take care x
    • Toomuchdebt
    • By Toomuchdebt 15th Sep 18, 6:23 PM
    • 1,864 Posts
    • 3,139 Thanks
    Toomuchdebt
    Hope you're ok.
    Debts Jan 2014 £20,108.34

    Debts Feb 2018 £6829.63

    EF #70 £0/£1000
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