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    • MSE Sarah
    • By MSE Sarah 4th Sep 18, 3:46 PM
    • 183Posts
    • 80Thanks
    MSE Sarah
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should we give our daughter the same allowance as our son?
    • #1
    • 4th Sep 18, 3:46 PM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should we give our daughter the same allowance as our son? 4th Sep 18 at 3:46 PM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    My husband and I gave our son an allowance each month, even when he had a part-time job, until he turned 18. Our daughter, who is 16, now has a part-time job that pays a lot more than our son's did. Should we give her a lower allowance?

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

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Page 2
    • SueC
    • By SueC 5th Sep 18, 3:57 PM
    • 1,561 Posts
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    You can cut it whatever way you want.

    Pay your daughter less - so each of their total 'income' is equal.
    Pay them both the same - so neither of them feels hard done by.
    Pay your daughter more - as an important lesson that the harder you work, the more you are rewarded.

    Up to you and where your values lie.
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 5th Sep 18, 5:38 PM
    • 17,561 Posts
    • 49,199 Thanks
    Or to put it another way, shall I penalise one child for achieving more than the other child?
    Originally posted by ska lover

    It sounds out exactly the wrong message - ie one that "Don't try harder - because you won't get any more for doing so and might even lose out".

    Surely a parent wants to convey the message of "Work hard and you get more"??
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 5th Sep 18, 9:07 PM
    • 3,003 Posts
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    ska lover
    Said very tongue in cheek

    Pay her the lower amount so she can get used to the fact that females are less financially valued than males!!
    Originally posted by badmemory
    LOL i thought the same
    The opposite of what you also true
    • gloriouslyhappy
    • By gloriouslyhappy 6th Sep 18, 7:29 AM
    • 409 Posts
    • 849 Thanks
    Most of these moral dilemmas could be solved by actually talking to the people concerned!

    Do families not communicate any more, my family talk any problems/dilemmas through with
    each other.
    Originally posted by lewisia
    Yes of course communication is key, but these forums are supposed to be a safe place to discuss things in a general way and hear the opinions of others. Unfortunately, they're often taken over by people moaning about 'made-up dilemmas'!
    • taffylady
    • By taffylady 6th Sep 18, 7:30 AM
    • 1 Posts
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    Does your daughter know how much your sonís allowance is?
    To carry this to itís logical conclusion... are you going to subsidise the pay of the poorer paid when they get a job, or their mortgage if one gets a cheaper deal than the other.
    I think I would give her less cash, but save the difference for her. Sheíll thank you in the long run.
    • gloriouslyhappy
    • By gloriouslyhappy 6th Sep 18, 7:32 AM
    • 409 Posts
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    How times have changed. As soon as I had a part time job pocket money stopped and I was asked to make a contribution to the household expenses.
    Originally posted by winston_1
    That's how it was when I was a teenager too! Ironic #showingmyage ?
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 6th Sep 18, 8:39 AM
    • 38,874 Posts
    • 162,327 Thanks
    I once had a similar quandary about subsiding university fees. My eldest went to uni when the fees were £3k a year and my youngest's fees were £9k a year. It was a MMD at the time, here.

    I've come to the conclusion that these sorts of dilemmas only apply if you have only 2 children, once the number of offspring increase, it is too difficult to start balancing all siblings for every expenditure.
    • fibonarchie
    • By fibonarchie 6th Sep 18, 1:28 PM
    • 900 Posts
    • 1,576 Thanks
    I'm sure MSE went nuts when research said there was a gender pay gap when it came to pocket money. I can't believe you'd honestly contemplate giving a child less for any reason. Do you often foster sibling resentment?
    Originally posted by GlasweJen
    Said very tongue in cheek

    Pay her the lower amount so she can get used to the fact that females are less financially valued than males!!
    Originally posted by badmemory
    I think yes or she's in effect being discouraged from doing her job. It reminds me of the benefit system where some people don't work, even when they want to, because they are better off on benefits!!
    Originally posted by ajm79

    ... just a small selection of some of the unpleasant or hysterical blatherings you get on this board.

    Fwiw I never had an allowance from 'mummy and daddy'. When I was old enough to get a part time job I used my earnings from the job to pay for my teenage wants and needs - music, cinema, clothes and shoes etc

    I've no idea what my siblings were given, and nor do I care!
    Signature Removed by Forum Team ..thanks to somebody reporting a witty and decades-old Kenny Everett quote as 'offensive'!!
    • maman
    • By maman 6th Sep 18, 4:52 PM
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    Lots of the responses seem to be answering as if the differing allowances were being paid at the same time. If that was the case then I'd agree with all the posters who said they should have equal amounts BUT....

    I read the OP as saying that the son is now past 18 and no longer has his allowance. The DD is that age (under 18) now and should she have the same as DS had some years ago.

    I can definitely see a case for giving the DD more because costs have escalated in the interim. As an example we paid for our elder DD to have driving lessons years ago. She passed her test after a couple of attempts. DD2 (just a year younger) took her test once, failed then went off to university, got a job, bought a home, got married, had a child etc. etc. Eventually she decided she really ought to drive so many years later we're now paying for her driving lessons again. She didn't ask, we chose to do this as we said we'd have paid when she was 18 if life hadn't got in the way. Needless to say the cost per hour has gone up considerably!!
    • JayD
    • By JayD 7th Sep 18, 11:09 AM
    • 529 Posts
    • 334 Thanks
    Absolutely you should treat them both the same - but I am unsure as to why you would give either of them a regular allowance!
    • crmism
    • By crmism 7th Sep 18, 7:10 PM
    • 148 Posts
    • 83 Thanks
    I think your children should count themselves very fortunate to have any allowance between the moment they leave school and begin full-time employment. It certainly wasn't done for me or any of my school-friends, but then I'm talking about a time when all youngsters entering the workplace - even as paper rounds or Saturday jobs - were expected to help pay for their keep, no matter what they earned.

    What, if anything, you decide to pay your daughter is your concern and should be measured against her contribution to the family rather than how much she earns or how much it compares with her brother's earnings. I would, though, caution you on creating a situation that inhibits her understanding of what independence and adulthood really mean. Reliance by teenagers on their parents' goodwill isn't healthy.
    • LesD
    • By LesD 7th Sep 18, 9:11 PM
    • 2,059 Posts
    • 666 Thanks
    Childrens' Allowances
    Perhaps it's time for a MSE poll on who gives their kids allowances?

    I'm at odds with Mrs D on this! I never had 'allowances' and had two concurrent 'pocket money jobs'. But she says times have changed and gives our grandson 'pocket money'. So do his parents and so he has no pocket money jobs. (Needs all the time for his studies!)

    I truly believe this is a major cause of poor financial management skills and why people get trapped in Wongaism. Wonga's interest rate was merely a reflection of the high risk involved in lending to that clientele.
    • nic_c
    • By nic_c 8th Sep 18, 11:05 AM
    • 1,899 Posts
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    Just playing devil's advocate here.

    If you pay the same amount then aren't you paying less in relative terms. Your son was paid from 16 to 18 so is now older that 18, so 19, 20, 21 ...

    Do you get paid the same as you did 4 or 5 years ago, so are you expecting your daughter to? Starting salaries where I work have gone up in that time so so should your allowance

    Your daughter gets paid more as the minimum wage has gone up
    2014 under 18's £3.79 so £60.64 for 16 hrs
    2018 under 18's £4.20 so £67.20 for 16 hrs

    That's a 10.8% increase.

    So you are saying can you pay your daughter 11% less (in relative terms) or can you cut it even more by paying a lower allowance because she gets money elsewhere. The equivalent might be if your boss cut your wage because your son is now older, so you need less money, and said once your daughter is older you'll get another cut.

    I know this one of those hypothetical questions, but people forget the effect of inflation.
    • buildersdaughter
    • By buildersdaughter 8th Sep 18, 3:36 PM
    • 335 Posts
    • 1,043 Thanks
    There's another dimension - not mentioned - which is about the amount of studying being done and the amount of spare time.
    We had one child who had to travel quite a distance to do a specialist course, he also volunteered with a group of special needs children, enabling access to sports. He had done this since age 14, and we wanted to continue to support this. So we recognised that he could only get a job in the college holidays, and gave him a slightly increased allowance.
    We did the same for one of our children who was competing in their chosen sport at National level - the training and travelling ate into earning time.
    So the one who continued education very near home and had no demands on his time didn't get an allowance - he did get a part-time job that was very helpful in getting into his chosen profession.
    But we did talk, explain, and ask for opinions.
    • Patricia01
    • By Patricia01 9th Sep 18, 12:31 PM
    • 19 Posts
    • 12 Thanks
    Don't punish her for earning more than your son did - you'll only be telling her either there's no reward for ambition, or you love your son more than her.
    • primrose penguin
    • By primrose penguin 9th Sep 18, 6:52 PM
    • 8 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    primrose penguin
    primrose penguin
    Give your daughter the same allowance as your son. You don't say what their age difference is but things will be more expensive than they were when your son was 16, don't penalize her for getting herself a better paid part time job, she is earning more than your son because wages have risen along with the cost of living, The allowance will be worth less to your daughter than it was to your son for these reasons. No doubt you are proud of her for not sitting around doing nothing, so treat her the same as your son.
    • Melancholie
    • By Melancholie 10th Sep 18, 11:19 PM
    • 62 Posts
    • 30 Thanks
    I think your children should count themselves very fortunate to have any allowance between the moment they leave school and begin full-time employment.
    Originally posted by crmism
    At age 16 the daughter is still in education and not working full-time. Legislation requires 16-18 year olds to be in full-time education, on an apprenticeship scheme or working/volunteering part-time (20 hours) and studying part-time. The law changed in 2013.
    • chris5100
    • By chris5100 11th Sep 18, 7:43 AM
    • 7 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    What made you ask
    - Do you have a change in your own financial situation?
    - You don't mention how old your son is now, what is the age gap? I ask as if he is say 6 years older, things change a lot in parents financial situations over that time.

    If things have changed and you are putting your financial future at stake, then you need to explain to your daughter that you are having financial issues. I'm making an assumption here, that something is driving you to ask the question but you have omitted some information, perhaps feeling embarrassed about it.
    Last edited by chris5100; 11-09-2018 at 8:40 AM.
    • Ebenezer_Screwj
    • By Ebenezer_Screwj 14th Sep 18, 2:57 PM
    • 427 Posts
    • 230 Thanks
    Why are you subsidising these people? When I turned 21 my father suggested that I got a job and somewhere to live. I did. I've never looked back.
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