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  • FIRST POST
    • JamesFuller
    • By JamesFuller 9th Aug 18, 12:36 PM
    • 85Posts
    • 56Thanks
    JamesFuller
    My friend realised he loves his ex after she broke-up with him. What should he do?
    • #1
    • 9th Aug 18, 12:36 PM
    My friend realised he loves his ex after she broke-up with him. What should he do? 9th Aug 18 at 12:36 PM
    Hello all,

    I have a friend who has realised he loves his ex-girlfriend after she broke up with him.

    One of the stated reasons she gave is she thought he didn't like her as much as she did. During the break-up talk she gave he did say he liked her and wish he expressed it, but she said it is too late.

    It is 3 months since the break up and he is still finding it hard and thinks about her every day. What should he do?

    He feels like he doesn't have closure, but also maybe he wants a second chance.

    She hasn't contacted him since the break-up.
Page 2
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 11th Aug 18, 7:58 AM
    • 21,178 Posts
    • 57,148 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Do you think pride can get in the way in these situations?

    She might like him but isn't contacting and he likes her but is not contacting because he thinks she may have moved on or it really is a break-up or is waiting for her to make the move.

    He really wants to contact her still after 3 months to tell her he likes her but is holding back because he thinks she might use the message to show off the message to her friends and still say no.

    One thing he mentioned was how much she used to tell him about her friends private lives. He isn't the judging type, had some opinions but always thought there are two sides to a story so didn't judge her friends for some spicy things going on in their lives.

    I guess he thinks about it from a pride point of view where his contact will get used as a way of judging him by her and her friends.
    Originally posted by JamesFuller
    This is still sounding like a relationship that happened between teenagers.


    I think your 'friend' should start to think how he can build up his confidence and self esteem.


    FWIW, I think this shows he's a thoughtful man.

    He showed her lots of affection in ways such as telling her how pretty she is, holding hands, bringing food for her, medications when they travel (she had allergies), but maybe not enough as the relationship was reaching 1.5 years together
    Originally posted by JamesFuller
    and this shows he's not a bad catch:
    He realises he has to show affection more to make her or a woman feel good. He has a great job, seems financially OK as a normal guy, lives a healthy lifestyle.
    Originally posted by JamesFuller
    Last edited by Pollycat; 11-08-2018 at 8:02 AM.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 12th Aug 18, 1:02 PM
    • 2,910 Posts
    • 7,127 Thanks
    ska lover
    Op send her a letter.
    If she shows it to her friends, her peer group it is what some friends would naturally do...discuss relationships with their peers...it is not that weird and don't mean she needs their validation etc. It is 'girl talk' not neccesarily bad - friends are a support network etc
    Send the letter. if she doesnt respond you will know. if you leave it much longer you will regret not having AT LEAST tried.
    Good luck
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
    • JamesFuller
    • By JamesFuller 12th Aug 18, 3:03 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 56 Thanks
    JamesFuller
    So I asked him how he could contact her.

    He's removed her from all social media because he thought at the time they had broken up and any photos of her would immediately bring back feelings and want to get in touch with her. Same reason he deleted her number from his phone.

    The only thing he has is her email.

    He knows where she lives but doesn't want to post anything to her because it might seem alarming to her.

    He has nothing but good intentions, seems like he was clumsy in the relationship and wants a second chance.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 12th Aug 18, 4:29 PM
    • 2,910 Posts
    • 7,127 Thanks
    ska lover
    So I asked him how he could contact her.

    He's removed her from all social media because he thought at the time they had broken up and any photos of her would immediately bring back feelings and want to get in touch with her. Same reason he deleted her number from his phone.

    The only thing he has is her email.

    He knows where she lives but doesn't want to post anything to her because it might seem alarming to her.

    He has nothing but good intentions, seems like he was clumsy in the relationship and wants a second chance.
    Originally posted by JamesFuller
    Tell him to send the bloody email and stop faffing around

    Nothing worse than a missed opportunity

    What's the worst that can happen, she doesn't respond, well he won't be worse off than he is now

    DO IT - everything to gain, nothing to lose
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 12th Aug 18, 4:32 PM
    • 2,910 Posts
    • 7,127 Thanks
    ska lover
    So I asked him how he could contact her.

    He's removed her from all social media because he thought at the time they had broken up and any photos of her would immediately bring back feelings and want to get in touch with her. Same reason he deleted her number from his phone.

    The only thing he has is her email.

    He knows where she lives but doesn't want to post anything to her because it might seem alarming to her.

    He has nothing but good intentions, seems like he was clumsy in the relationship and wants a second chance.
    Originally posted by JamesFuller
    Tell him to send the bloody email and stop faffing around - I would add a 'read receipt' then at least he will know she has read it . Cannot see how a letter through the post would be alarming, any more so than an email out the blue. He really needs to chose his words carefully and be heart felt

    Nothing worse than a missed opportunity


    What's the worst that can happen, she doesn't respond, well he won't be worse off than he is now

    DO IT - everything to gain, nothing to lose

    DO IT NOW. - next post I want to see what he has written and if she has responded op, seriously life is for living, not faffing around.
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
    • fibonarchie
    • By fibonarchie 12th Aug 18, 4:34 PM
    • 904 Posts
    • 1,559 Thanks
    fibonarchie
    Tell him to send the bloody email and stop faffing around
    Originally posted by ska lover
    I agree - sh*t or get off the pot..
    Signature Removed by Forum Team ..thanks to somebody reporting a witty and decades-old Kenny Everett quote as 'offensive'!!
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 12th Aug 18, 4:35 PM
    • 2,910 Posts
    • 7,127 Thanks
    ska lover
    I agree - sh*t or get off the pot..
    Originally posted by fibonarchie
    Hahahahahha Great way of putting it
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
    • Kynthia
    • By Kynthia 12th Aug 18, 10:33 PM
    • 5,388 Posts
    • 7,541 Thanks
    Kynthia
    I struggle to believe she didn't mention there was a problem before breaking up with him. Women usually try to fix a relationship before ending it, especially if they're not ending it because their feelings have faded but because of a fixable problem. So once she reached the point of ending it she was possibly at the point of no return, and has now had three months so she's likely to have moved on. I'd say he should leave it as it's not like they were married or had children together. It's only going to be awkward for her to get his email and he's either going to have an uncomfortable response or the agony of no response at all.
    Don't listen to me, I'm no expert!
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 13th Aug 18, 1:37 PM
    • 25,301 Posts
    • 102,167 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    Eighteen months and he could only manage to say he liked her at the point of breaking up?

    Leave the woman alone. She's done with him - and her interpretation of being contacted after three months is likely to be 'Somebody hasn't managed to get laid, then'.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
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