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    • Kayalana99
    • By Kayalana99 9th Aug 18, 10:05 AM
    • 3,430Posts
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    Kayalana99
    Has anyone re invented their life?
    • #1
    • 9th Aug 18, 10:05 AM
    Has anyone re invented their life? 9th Aug 18 at 10:05 AM
    Just looking for motivating stories and hear life experiences whether it be through lifestyle, relationships or drastic career changes.

    I know there is this saying you shouldn't change who you are, but I see it as growing into someone you can be.
    People don't know what they want until you show them.
Page 1
    • Ilona
    • By Ilona 9th Aug 18, 10:59 AM
    • 2,125 Posts
    • 7,290 Thanks
    Ilona
    • #2
    • 9th Aug 18, 10:59 AM
    • #2
    • 9th Aug 18, 10:59 AM
    I have moved on through my life, making changes as I thought necessary. Nothing stays the same, life is a series of chapters you move through them.

    If I didn't like the job I was in, I changed it. If I didn't like the person I was with I found new people. If I wanted to move house, I moved. If I was stuck in a dead end street I stopped and found a different way. Being able to change is the key. Being blinkered will hold you back.

    When I left school my only ambition was that I earn my own living, so I worked for 45 years. If I was in a job I didn't like I found another job. Lorry driving suited me right down to the ground. I changed jobs, drove different trucks, delivered different loads, learnt how to operate new equipment, and went all over the country and abroad. It was the variety which kept me driving, like having a hobby and getting paid for it.

    I am now retired from that and have moved on. I took up creating art and now I call myself a textile artist. I have my own exhibition in a week or so, looking forward to a new experience.

    ilona
    My home is full of second hand furniture that other people have thrown out. I wear other people's clothes bought from car boot sales and charity shops. I eat out of date (yellow sticker) food. And I will jump in a skip if there is anything in there that I can rescue. I love my brilliant life on a pension.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 9th Aug 18, 11:20 AM
    • 8,222 Posts
    • 28,648 Thanks
    Primrose
    • #3
    • 9th Aug 18, 11:20 AM
    • #3
    • 9th Aug 18, 11:20 AM
    A lovely example of somebody who is happy in their own skin rather than constantly wanting to do or be what other people do or are. Stay with it !
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 9th Aug 18, 11:28 AM
    • 29,628 Posts
    • 75,744 Thanks
    Mojisola
    • #4
    • 9th Aug 18, 11:28 AM
    • #4
    • 9th Aug 18, 11:28 AM
    I know there is this saying you shouldn't change who you are, but I see it as growing into someone you can be.
    Originally posted by Kayalana99
    Must admit I've never heard that saying without an addition phrase such as "just to please others".

    Most people develop and grow as they grow through life - none of us are fixed by our childhoods and families unless that's the choice we make.
    • Ilona
    • By Ilona 9th Aug 18, 11:31 AM
    • 2,125 Posts
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    Ilona
    • #5
    • 9th Aug 18, 11:31 AM
    • #5
    • 9th Aug 18, 11:31 AM
    A lovely example of somebody who is happy in their own skin rather than constantly wanting to do or be what other people do or are. Stay with it !
    Originally posted by Primrose
    Thank you Primrose, you've hit the nail on the head there. It's about searching deep down inside yourself to find what you want to do. It's not about watching what everyone else does, and doing the same. It's about knowing you have choices, not doing what everyone expects you to, but thinking through your options.

    Yes, I've made mistakes, got in with the wrong guys, realized my mistake, and thankfully done something about it. I've been down and fed up, but always at the back of my mind I knew it was up to me to change things. Lucky in a way, but designing my own life has been a big part of it.

    ilona
    My home is full of second hand furniture that other people have thrown out. I wear other people's clothes bought from car boot sales and charity shops. I eat out of date (yellow sticker) food. And I will jump in a skip if there is anything in there that I can rescue. I love my brilliant life on a pension.
    • kazwookie
    • By kazwookie 9th Aug 18, 11:36 AM
    • 9,870 Posts
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    kazwookie
    • #6
    • 9th Aug 18, 11:36 AM
    • #6
    • 9th Aug 18, 11:36 AM
    I find I travel through different new chapters of my life, and I love it.

    From being a very bad student, parties all night, wrong sort of parties etc to home owner, jobs, good jobs, career changes, marriage, and so on.

    I'm in a new chapter now since March 2018 and am loving it.

    And no doubt in (x) number of years time will move on to the next one and so on.
    Sun, Sea
    Slinky start date 29.01.18 28 to go / -14 so far and counting!!
    • Silvertabby
    • By Silvertabby 9th Aug 18, 12:08 PM
    • 3,126 Posts
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    Silvertabby
    • #7
    • 9th Aug 18, 12:08 PM
    • #7
    • 9th Aug 18, 12:08 PM
    Mine wasn't a mid life change - more a realisation from a very early age that I didn't want the life that had already been planned for me.

    I was brought up in the 1960s in a small industrial town in the north west. Girls then were expected to:

    Leave school at 15
    Get a job in a shop (or an office if you were clever) for a couple of years or so
    Get married and move into a house in the same street as your mum
    Have 2 or 3 children as soon as possible (mums wanted to be grannies before their friends)
    Go back to work part time once the children started school

    Holidays would be a week in Blackpool, and entertainment would be one night a week at bingo and another night in the local working mens' club.

    I know some of my school friends were happy to follow 'the plan' and I wished them every happiness. But I wanted more. I begged to be allowed to stay on at school until 16 so I could take my 'O' levels, but my parents just laughed and said that if I thought they would pay for me to swan round in school instead of going out 'earning' I was in cloud cuckoo land. My mum worked for the Co-op and, back then, if a staff member said that a son/daughter wanted a job as well, it was a done deal. I didn't even get the chance to blow the interview. When I finished my first day of shelf stacking my mum gave me a big hug and told me how proud she was of me. I burst into tears and asked her if she really thought that was all I was capable of doing. My first day as a career girl ended with a good hiding and being sent to bed without any tea for being an 'uppity little madam'.

    To cut a long story short, I went back to school the following year to do the first of my 'O' levels at night school - something my parents deemed to be a complete waste of time and money. They only let me go because I told them there was a nice boy in my class (lie) and they 'saw' son-in-law and grandchildren. They still thought I would stick to the 'plan' because, in their world, there was no 'plan B'.

    They weren't happy when I said that I wanted to join the WRAF - but relented because they assumed I would meet a 'nice chap.... etc etc'.

    They said they were proud of me when I made Sergeant in less than 10 years, then married Mr S shortly after that - but I know they never could understand why I had rejected 'the plan'.
    Last edited by Silvertabby; 09-08-2018 at 12:20 PM.
    • kingfisherblue
    • By kingfisherblue 9th Aug 18, 2:05 PM
    • 7,852 Posts
    • 17,197 Thanks
    kingfisherblue
    • #8
    • 9th Aug 18, 2:05 PM
    • #8
    • 9th Aug 18, 2:05 PM
    My life changed for me when I had a disabled child. I expected to go through life as it was - married, with children, a mortgage, dog, and save for a holiday once a year. Instead, my son was born with multiple disabilities and needed his first four operations at nine hours old. Just prior to that, he was given four hours to live.


    Giving up work was one of the hardest things I ever did. I had no option though, as there was no suitable childcare and my dad had started to show signs of dementia. Instead, I took up voluntary work with Girlguiding, when my daugher was a Brownie, as it fitted in with my family life. My then husband was able to look after our children whilst I had an evening out of the house.


    Life changed again when my husband left to start a new family elsewhere. By this time, my dad had passed away, and my mum looked after the kids when I went to Brownies. On the odd occasion that she couldn't, they came with me.


    Now, my baby is twenty years old, still severely disabled, and cannot be left alone. I'm still a Brown Owl, and my daughter is also an Owl. Life has thrown a number of curveballs, but on the whole, I can honestly say that most clouds have silver linings. Plans are in place for the future, as I'm aware that I won't live forever and my son will still need care when I'm too old to care for him myself (and when I die). My mortgage is almost paid off. Mum needs some care herself these days, and my other son has some problems that we cope with as a family. I also pop into a neighbour five mornings a week.


    I may not have paid work, but instead I have been heavily involved in my local community and in the disabled community, raising funds and awareness. I've attended Nativity plays, assemblies, coffee mornings, school fayres, etc, which may not always have been possible had I been at work. I've spent hours in various hospitals and clinics, but it's been time with my children, and I'm lucky to be able to do this. Time spent overnight in hospital with my son has been a respite for my other two children - my son has had significant overnight needs, sometimes meaning that the household has been wakened by his contant coughing and choking (both a result of his medical conditions). I've fitted in some part time education over the years, supported (by phone) others whose children were also born with rare conditions and/or Down's Syndrome. I've learned sign language, researched disability and associated topics, and have organised varios social events for families of disabled children.


    I didn't think that I would cope, especially after my husband left. However, I have coped, and for the most part, my life is happy. It's stressful and tiring, but it could be a lot worse. I would have preferred my marriage to last, but it's no use regretting that it didn't. I miss having a partner, emotionally and physically, but I don't feel the need to find someone the way some people do. It it happens, great. If not, well, that's life!


    My family and friends, and my Guiding family, have been so much support over the years. I probably wouldn't have got involved in Guiding if I had been working, but I would have missed out on so much.



    Moneywise, I'm poor. Lifewise, I'm wealthy and happy. I don't waste time and energy on regretting how things have turned out. I just look for the positive aspects and enjoy life (most of the time!).
    • MovingForwards
    • By MovingForwards 9th Aug 18, 4:41 PM
    • 205 Posts
    • 275 Thanks
    MovingForwards
    • #9
    • 9th Aug 18, 4:41 PM
    • #9
    • 9th Aug 18, 4:41 PM
    I had a good career which I had been working in for over a decade, I knew I didnt want to retire where I was living. My marriage went belly up and I was just hittng 40. I had a choice to make, sell everything I owned, buy a van and tour round Europe or start over.

    I ended up chatting with a mate a lot, I mean for hours each day and we agreed a date to meet. 7.5h of driving and we met for our first date, I returned back to my home but left everything in his place (as happened with each subsequent date). Date four we were engaged, date five he reproposed on one knee (again) and presented me with a gorgeous and very personal ring. Within three months of our first date I did my final pack, crammed as much as I could into my car and drove for 8.5h overnight to move in.

    I accepted the first job I was offerred within my career area, had my contract terminated after four months and I was paid in lieu of notice. Got offerred a job outside my career/qualification area due to my career back ground and recently accepted a promotion which means I am now earning more than I did within my career area (where I had climbed the ladder!).

    My OH and I are saving for our own place, he is left to sort out the wedding, having last week moved into a new rental as our first joint home together.
    • Ilona
    • By Ilona 9th Aug 18, 9:19 PM
    • 2,125 Posts
    • 7,290 Thanks
    Ilona
    Some great stories.

    ilona
    My home is full of second hand furniture that other people have thrown out. I wear other people's clothes bought from car boot sales and charity shops. I eat out of date (yellow sticker) food. And I will jump in a skip if there is anything in there that I can rescue. I love my brilliant life on a pension.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 9th Aug 18, 10:56 PM
    • 2,090 Posts
    • 2,763 Thanks
    NeilCr
    I separated from my wife when I was 47 after 25 years of marriage.

    I bought a flat (had never lived by myself before) and spent 5 years being 18-21 again. I made a whole new bunch of interesting, mad friends.

    I then took stock. I had lived in London all my life and had always wanted to be by the sea. I had (and have) an amazing friend who I visited often who lives in the area I am now in. I reduced my work to three days in London and moved down here. It meant a long commute but that gave me a chance to settle here and still meet up with friends in London. After a year or so I quit work completely.

    I joined a gym, started volunteering and enjoyed the slower pace of life away from London. I have made a whole new set of friends while trying to keep in touch with those I left behind. I was perfectly happy being by myself but at the Xmas meal I sat next to someone who worked in another office. We hit it off straight away and we've been together (living separately) for ten years now. In less than two weeks I'll be 65 and, at the start of September, will be having a celebratory meal with 20 or so friends, most of whom I have met since moving

    I am a happier, much more confident person (quite a bit of this is down to my partner) now and friends comment on how different I am. I couldn't have envisaged being able to do any of this 20 years ago!
    • CarmenEllis
    • By CarmenEllis 10th Aug 18, 10:40 AM
    • 4 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    CarmenEllis
    I always try to motivate myself by seeing only the positive things and make myself believe that nothing is impossible in this world.
    Whenever I feel depressed I just do the stuff in which I feel comfortable.
    • beverley1471
    • By beverley1471 10th Aug 18, 12:08 PM
    • 124 Posts
    • 126 Thanks
    beverley1471
    Currently in the process, I have quit my nursing career after twenty plus years, and I am doing a degree in a whole new area and loving it. Best decision I ever made, will never return to nursing.

    A few years ago I lost my first husband suddenly, at a young age to cancer, so now I definitely see life as short and like to make the best of it. I am in a relationship with someone new, and moved house to a whole new area as well.

    Currently giving up alcohol as I have got into the habit of sipping a glass or two four times a week, far to much! So getting healthy, losing weight etc is my next goal. Nursing and shift work really got me into some bad eating and drinking habits I now need to break, hope to lose a stone in weight and tone up. Harder now i!!!8217;m In my early forties.
    • SSDD23
    • By SSDD23 10th Aug 18, 12:51 PM
    • 83 Posts
    • 203 Thanks
    SSDD23
    I'd love to re-invent mine, I get geared up to make lots of big changes and then lose steam..

    One day
    • Ilona
    • By Ilona 10th Aug 18, 5:56 PM
    • 2,125 Posts
    • 7,290 Thanks
    Ilona
    I'd love to re-invent mine, I get geared up to make lots of big changes and then lose steam..

    One day
    Originally posted by SSDD23
    Try making little changes to start with. Think of it as moving away from where you are now, and slowly towards where you want to be.

    It can be scary to make one big massive leap of faith, there are a lot of 'what if it doesn't work out' feelings. One day something will go ping in your head, and you will know it's time to take the first step.

    ilona
    My home is full of second hand furniture that other people have thrown out. I wear other people's clothes bought from car boot sales and charity shops. I eat out of date (yellow sticker) food. And I will jump in a skip if there is anything in there that I can rescue. I love my brilliant life on a pension.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 10th Aug 18, 6:34 PM
    • 2,090 Posts
    • 2,763 Thanks
    NeilCr
    Try making little changes to start with. Think of it as moving away from where you are now, and slowly towards where you want to be.

    It can be scary to make one big massive leap of faith, there are a lot of 'what if it doesn't work out' feelings. One day something will go ping in your head, and you will know it's time to take the first step.

    ilona
    Originally posted by Ilona
    Wise words.

    It becomes easier as you grow in confidence. You realise that one decision was right and that makes the next one a little less hard etc. After reliving my youth I made two major decisions that were pretty irreversible. Giving up work at 55 and moving away from what I knew and where many of my friends were. And both turned out to be spot on. Now I am much more confident because of going through that.

    I think, sometimes, it's hard to change something that is just okay. My marriage wasn't awful - we got along pretty well, no money worries but we led very separate lives. I didn't really want to be there but there was no major reason to leave. In the end my ex initiated the split (actually because she thought someone else was interested in her - which turned out not to be so) - if she hadn't we may well still be in the same rut! We sat down had an honest chat and agreed to go our separate ways.

    It turned out well for both of us and we remain good friends even though we are in different parts of the country. Probably something that should have happened 5-10 years earlier
    • 20aday
    • By 20aday 10th Aug 18, 10:57 PM
    • 2,255 Posts
    • 937 Thanks
    20aday
    Some very interesting stories here, thank you for sharing them and showing it is possible to come across a hurdle in life but learn and change your life.

    Funnily enough I'm just starting to re-invent my life, in a fashion.

    Nearly 15 years ago I went through a very traumatic, life-changing event which I won't disclose on here for a couple of reasons but needless to say it's defined me ever since.

    After my last job I went onto work at night to avoid people, other than my colleagues, because being around a lot of people made me very stressed out and at times I could be out shopping somewhere busy...I just had visions of either smashing the shop up or sitting down on the floor and bursting into tears.

    A few weeks ago someone from the day team left and I've been interested in developing a career in management for a while; it's harder at night as we have to cope with big deliveries, being short staffed etc so I've not really had the chance to progress.

    So I've made the plunge and have started working during the daytime. There have been some triggers linked to 15 years ago but when that's been the case I've walked out into the back for five minutes and chilled out before starting again.

    It's early days yet but I'm hoping, whatever the outcome of my experience, I can move on and stop dwelling on the past. The managers in my shop have a meeting on Monday for a few hours; whilst I won't be in 'charge' so to speak they've asked me if I'll "step up" and look at the bigger picture which is both nerve-wracking and exciting at the same time.
    It's not your credit score that counts, it's your credit history. Any replies are my own personal opinion and not a representation of my employer.
    • neneromanova
    • By neneromanova 11th Aug 18, 12:24 AM
    • 2,900 Posts
    • 6,875 Thanks
    neneromanova
    We're in the process of moving to Canada to try something new. Scary stuff but hopefully it'll be worth it in the end.
    DD1 Born 31st March 2008
    DD2 Born 29th August 2010
    DS1 Born 28th October 2013
    Got Married 15th September 2012 Now Mrs Clark


    • Ilona
    • By Ilona 11th Aug 18, 10:00 AM
    • 2,125 Posts
    • 7,290 Thanks
    Ilona

    Funnily enough I'm just starting to re-invent my life, in a fashion.

    Nearly 15 years ago I went through a very traumatic, life-changing event

    After my last job I went onto work at night to avoid people, other than my colleagues, because being around a lot of people made me very stressed out

    So I've made the plunge and have started working during the daytime.

    It's early days yet but I'm hoping, whatever the outcome of my experience, I can move on and stop dwelling on the past.
    Originally posted by 20aday
    You are a different person now to what you were 15 years ago. I was in a destructive relationship about 18 years ago, my confidence was shattered, I managed to get out of it. I forced myself to meet new people and my confidence returned. I have promised myself I will never get in that situation again, and now life is rosy.

    I wish you well, take one step at a time, think about where you want to be rather than where you were.

    ilona
    My home is full of second hand furniture that other people have thrown out. I wear other people's clothes bought from car boot sales and charity shops. I eat out of date (yellow sticker) food. And I will jump in a skip if there is anything in there that I can rescue. I love my brilliant life on a pension.
    • WibblyGirly
    • By WibblyGirly 11th Aug 18, 11:31 AM
    • 398 Posts
    • 706 Thanks
    WibblyGirly
    Yes I have, it's taken hard work to get to this point. Nothing in my life is the same as it was 5 years ago. I had a rubbish job, a relationship that just kinda drifted and debts. Now I have a degree, a much better, more interesting job, a better relationship with a different person and I'm not like I used to be.

    I put myself first now. Yes, I think of my parter and what will make him happy but that isn't my only thought anymore. I will not do something that is a major detriment to myself to make someone else happy.
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