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    • theguru
    • By theguru 8th Aug 18, 9:07 PM
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    theguru
    Phone given to a six year old?
    • #1
    • 8th Aug 18, 9:07 PM
    Phone given to a six year old? 8th Aug 18 at 9:07 PM
    Hi looking for some advice, my six year old (seven next week) has been given a IPhone (no sim) by her mother. I clearly disagree with this and always said she should not get one until she moves into senior school.

    Her mother and me are divorced and do not get on but I totally disagree with this, should I send her mother a message saying my thoughts against this, guarantee it will cause more arguments and probably upset my daughter as well if she gets it taken away.

    What would you do?
Page 2
    • theguru
    • By theguru 9th Aug 18, 12:29 PM
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    theguru
    Thanks for all replies, my ex always knew my concerns with kids and tech too early, we have iPads at each home she can use to play games and make FaceTime calls as well.

    There!!!8217;s no reason for her needing one yet (sim or not) and I don!!!8217;t want her staring at a tiny screen all the time either affecting her eyes.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 9th Aug 18, 12:36 PM
    • 5,012 Posts
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    onomatopoeia99
    Now she actually has it OP, if it is sim free and monitored, I cant see how you can remove it (without causing arguments and upsetting daughter). She wont be the only six year old with one

    Really you and your ex need to have conversations about how you both wish to raise your daughter , and should have done before now, as this is like bolting the stable door after the horse has bolted.

    For me, I wouldn't want a six year old to be introduced to the technology crazed world we live in these days, not at that age...whatever happened to kids playing with toys, dolls, prams, skates etc lol

    if it really is just for games, surely an ipad or similar would be more suitable - maybe I am missing the point of a sim free phone

    I am glad I had my childhood before all this come along
    Originally posted by ska lover
    Technology is a fact of life these days and delaying children's introduction to it holds back their development, acceptance and understanding of it.

    My nephew (age 8) does "coding club" at school. I'd have paid way, way more attention in primary school if we'd had something like that.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 9th Aug 18, 12:44 PM
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    Mojisola
    Yes, if you give your kid a phone at 6 and grow them up to be dependent on a screen.

    Otherwise, it isnt 'the reality'... How about teaching kids to enjoy other things? And if all you can say is 'nothing we can do', you are just lazy and cant admit it
    Originally posted by NineDeuce
    How about teaching them to enjoy the games on the phone and other things - the two aren't mutually exclusive.
    • NineDeuce
    • By NineDeuce 9th Aug 18, 12:58 PM
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    NineDeuce
    How about teaching them to enjoy the games on the phone and other things - the two aren't mutually exclusive.
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    Why do you need a phone to play games?

    It is ridiculous and sad that there is even a debate on whether to kids phones at 6 years old... especially when the excuse is that they can also play games....
    • NineDeuce
    • By NineDeuce 9th Aug 18, 1:00 PM
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    NineDeuce
    Technology is a fact of life these days and delaying children's introduction to it holds back their development, acceptance and understanding of it.

    My nephew (age 8) does "coding club" at school. I'd have paid way, way more attention in primary school if we'd had something like that.
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    Just not true. Kids can still have access to technology without owning and having unmitigated access to it.

    What on Earth does an Instagram account for a 6-year-old give them in terms of child development?
    • Oakdene
    • By Oakdene 9th Aug 18, 1:04 PM
    • 2,443 Posts
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    Oakdene
    The ex has got her that phone to wind you up.


    Ridiculous giving an iPhone to a kid that young, but there are plenty of brainless parents out there who'd do the same, and there's not a lot you can do about it, sadly.


    I'd just encourage her to do other activities so that the phone's not such an attractive option.
    Originally posted by fibonarchie

    That would be me then when I gave my 6 year old my old iPhone so I could keep in touch & call him in the evenings to see how he was after I moved out.



    Admittedly this was because if I called my ex wife's number she wouldn't answer but still....
    Dwy galon, un dyhead,
    Dwy dafod ond un iaith,
    Dwy raff yn cydion ddolen,
    Dau enaid ond un taith.


    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 9th Aug 18, 1:05 PM
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    Mojisola
    Why do you need a phone to play games?

    It is ridiculous and sad that there is even a debate on whether to kids phones at 6 years old... especially when the excuse is that they can also play games....
    Originally posted by NineDeuce
    Because her Mum has given it to her - if Mum wants to cause trouble between Dad and child, undercut her machinations and go with the flow.

    If the child has the same games available on an ipad, chances are she'll prefer to use that and the whole issue will go away.

    Our kids had access to a computer at home long before their peers because we had it for business use - learning to use it and play games on it didn't stop us also getting them outside for adventure play, using tools to make things, inventing stuff, doing art work, etc.

    It's just another thing that will always be part of their lives.
    • lewisa
    • By lewisa 9th Aug 18, 1:07 PM
    • 257 Posts
    • 369 Thanks
    lewisa
    I imagine that half the people in this thread, were they to have lived 2000 years ago, would have refused to let their child have a wax tablet because they might draw a !!!! and balls on it.

    Jeez. The kid will likely be already using tablets at school and will soon start to be doing simple If this > Do that logic on them.
    • pjcox2005
    • By pjcox2005 9th Aug 18, 1:46 PM
    • 583 Posts
    • 627 Thanks
    pjcox2005
    Why do you need a phone to play games?

    It is ridiculous and sad that there is even a debate on whether to kids phones at 6 years old... especially when the excuse is that they can also play games....
    Originally posted by NineDeuce


    Depends on the games, some will improve problem solving, could improve spelling and vocabulary, maths ability etc. Others may improve reaction time for example.


    And if they don't it may well help the child socially if they chat and play the game with other kids when together.


    My daughters are younger, I do worry about the technology and in particular social media when they come to that stage. I encourage them to already do a lot of outdoors stuff, be mobile, have fun and get creative in other ways whether baking or painting, but there has to be an acceptance that tech and modern world will play a big part in their lives so I don't panic when we occasionally use an ipad together.
    • onlyroz
    • By onlyroz 9th Aug 18, 2:12 PM
    • 14,980 Posts
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    onlyroz
    Why do you need a phone to play games?

    It is ridiculous and sad that there is even a debate on whether to kids phones at 6 years old... especially when the excuse is that they can also play games....
    Originally posted by NineDeuce
    Or listen to music, the radio or podcasts.

    Or to take photographs.

    Or to learn another language (Duolingo is excellent, and my daughter has been using Google Translate to speak to me in Spanish).

    My also daughter uses hers as the controller for her Just Dance game on the PS4.
    • takman
    • By takman 9th Aug 18, 2:49 PM
    • 3,786 Posts
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    takman
    Why do you need a phone to play games?

    It is ridiculous and sad that there is even a debate on whether to kids phones at 6 years old... especially when the excuse is that they can also play games....
    Originally posted by NineDeuce
    But how is having a phone with sim card in it somehow worse than having a tablet?
    • NineDeuce
    • By NineDeuce 9th Aug 18, 3:35 PM
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    NineDeuce
    Because her Mum has given it to her - if Mum wants to cause trouble between Dad and child, undercut her machinations and go with the flow.

    If the child has the same games available on an ipad, chances are she'll prefer to use that and the whole issue will go away.

    Our kids had access to a computer at home long before their peers because we had it for business use - learning to use it and play games on it didn't stop us also getting them outside for adventure play, using tools to make things, inventing stuff, doing art work, etc.

    It's just another thing that will always be part of their lives.
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    Lazy excuses. If I felt that having a mobile phone at the age of 6 is of detriment to my child (which it would be) then I wouldnt just 'undercut her machinations and go with the flow'. That is just a ridiculous stance.

    Home computers are very different things to mobile phones, and so this is not a relevant comparison. You cant go out and stare at your home computer screens while out in social, educational or external environments.

    Checking your Facebook updates constantly just in case somebody put a photo of what they had for breakfast up in the last 2 minutes does affect that
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 9th Aug 18, 3:36 PM
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    Mojisola
    Lazy excuses. If I felt that having a mobile phone at the age of 6 is of detriment to my child (which it would be) then I wouldnt just 'undercut her machinations and go with the flow'. That is just a ridiculous stance.
    Originally posted by NineDeuce
    That's your view but not mine.
    • NineDeuce
    • By NineDeuce 9th Aug 18, 3:37 PM
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    NineDeuce
    But how is having a phone with sim card in it somehow worse than having a tablet?
    Originally posted by takman
    Where did I say it wasnt?
    • NineDeuce
    • By NineDeuce 9th Aug 18, 3:43 PM
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    • 857 Thanks
    NineDeuce
    Or listen to music, the radio or podcasts.

    Or to take photographs.

    Or to learn another language (Duolingo is excellent, and my daughter has been using Google Translate to speak to me in Spanish).

    My also daughter uses hers as the controller for her Just Dance game on the PS4.
    Originally posted by onlyroz
    Because the average child will not use their phone to use Duolingo, will they?

    The dangers of overexposure to social media, overreliance on an electronic device, phone addiction potential and detriment to actual social skills outweigh the benefits of being able to have an in-built controller for a Just Dance game..... or not?
    • onlyroz
    • By onlyroz 9th Aug 18, 4:30 PM
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    onlyroz
    Because the average child will not use their phone to use Duolingo, will they?

    The dangers of overexposure to social media, overreliance on an electronic device, phone addiction potential and detriment to actual social skills outweigh the benefits of being able to have an in-built controller for a Just Dance game..... or not?
    Originally posted by NineDeuce
    Not quite sure why you keep going on about social media - I thought we were talking about using smart phones here, not signing your kids up to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and snapchat. Where has it been suggested that this 6-year-old will be doing any of those things?
    • maman
    • By maman 9th Aug 18, 4:38 PM
    • 18,890 Posts
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    maman
    Lazy excuses. If I felt that having a mobile phone at the age of 6 is of detriment to my child (which it would be) then I wouldnt just 'undercut her machinations and go with the flow'. That is just a ridiculous stance.

    Home computers are very different things to mobile phones, and so this is not a relevant comparison. You cant go out and stare at your home computer screens while out in social, educational or external environments.

    Checking your Facebook updates constantly just in case somebody put a photo of what they had for breakfast up in the last 2 minutes does affect that
    Originally posted by NineDeuce

    I agree with you that many people become addicted/attached to phones to a ridiculous extent.


    But surely it's better to teach children how to use the phone. I don't see how keeping them away from them will help. It's just putting it off.


    Left to their own devices (excuse pun) many children would stuff their faces with sweets, never clean their teeth or get dressed. No responsible adult would just 'go with the flow' on that.


    There's a huge amount of leeway and opportunity to educate children between 'go with the flow' and being a modern day Canute.
    • glentoran99
    • By glentoran99 9th Aug 18, 4:50 PM
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    glentoran99
    I have an iPad and iPhone at mine and her mother had the same at her house, there is no need for a six year old girl to have a iPhone, Im not happy and Im going to send a message saying so.
    She can use an iPad for FaceTime and I agree about the eyesight and how can she be monitored on a website all the time.
    Originally posted by theguru



    how cant she? you restrict what she can access, you can also limit time, my sons is set up he cant get any apps without me approving them on mine.


    Both my kids have learnt so much from tablets and phones they can be fun and educational
    • Seanymph
    • By Seanymph 9th Aug 18, 4:51 PM
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    Seanymph
    She's six, you can manage this without a confrontation with her mum - keep her busy, offer the tablet, leave it on the side and don't charge it.....

    You and her mum will not see eye to eye on any number of things - going in swinging will not help your daughter in the long run, and you cannot control what she does when she isn't with you.

    On an access visit my ex got my daughters ears pierced, I had always been against the idea, thought they were too young, he knew I hated it - but his new, heavily pierced girlfriend and he decided that if they wanted it done that was fine.

    I didn't even pick the phone up - no doubt he watched it for a couple of days all excited waiting for the call, but by then I'd got sick of trying to reason with someone who used our children as tools to try to undermine and hurt me.

    You and your ex have a long long dance ahead of you - it's a simless phone. In reality, in the bigger picture, how is your tablet different? If it IS screensize then just say to your daughter - the tablet is here, it's bigger, that's easier to use, I have no issue with your phone (it stays downstairs, no phones in the bedroom) - but I'd rather you used the tablet.

    Leave the posturing with the ex out of it - you can't control her any more - shared parenting doesn't give you any rights over her decisions, nor does it give you the casting vote on how your daughter should be raised.

    In an ideal world you would raise her by consensus, but if that isn't going to happen (and clearly it isn''t) then you have to make the best of it and cause as little damage as you can.
    • DrivingMissDaisy
    • By DrivingMissDaisy 9th Aug 18, 5:25 PM
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    DrivingMissDaisy
    The rule of thumb is if it's her mother that's given her the phone it's all good and she can do no wrong since she's her mother. If you would have given her a phone, then you are the bad parent making life difficult for her mum.

    That's life
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