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    • henmuffin
    • By henmuffin 31st Jul 18, 10:00 PM
    • 308Posts
    • 1,734Thanks
    henmuffin
    Son has mental health problems doesn’t want benefits
    • #1
    • 31st Jul 18, 10:00 PM
    Son has mental health problems doesn’t want benefits 31st Jul 18 at 10:00 PM
    Hello, my adult son has mental health problems. He has no income so I support him. He lives with me. I have tried to get him to apply for benefits but he gets angry and won’t discuss it. I think he is worried about going for an interview and being made to work. Any advice please? He’s 20. Thanks
    Started comping February 2012
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    • paragon909
    • By paragon909 31st Jul 18, 10:25 PM
    • 1,389 Posts
    • 1,394 Thanks
    paragon909
    • #2
    • 31st Jul 18, 10:25 PM
    • #2
    • 31st Jul 18, 10:25 PM
    Hello, my adult son has mental health problems. He has no income so I support him. He lives with me. I have tried to get him to apply for benefits but he gets angry and won’t discuss it. I think he is worried about going for an interview and being made to work. Any advice please? He’s 20. Thanks
    Originally posted by henmuffin
    I think you may have to get to the bottom of why he doesn't want to apply for benefits, Maybe go to his GP with him and speak to the GP get a sick note and apply for ESA, Explaining you cannot support him for the rest of his life if he can't work.

    Explain it's time to grow up and do apply, We all have to become adults and do things we don't like in life at one point or another!

    How bad is his mental health? Maybe become his appointee and do it for him?
    • poppy12345
    • By poppy12345 31st Jul 18, 10:31 PM
    • 3,939 Posts
    • 3,764 Thanks
    poppy12345
    • #3
    • 31st Jul 18, 10:31 PM
    • #3
    • 31st Jul 18, 10:31 PM
    ESA may not be possible if your area is a full Universal Credit area. Check here. http://ucpostcode.entitledto.co.uk/ucdate
    I totally agree about going with him to see his GP, they will be able to point him in the right direction to get the help that's needed.

    If he doesn't have the capacity to manage his own finances then yes becoming his appointee is something to look into.
    https://www.gov.uk/become-appointee-for-someone-claiming-benefits
    • sangie595
    • By sangie595 1st Aug 18, 9:36 PM
    • 5,704 Posts
    • 9,943 Thanks
    sangie595
    • #4
    • 1st Aug 18, 9:36 PM
    • #4
    • 1st Aug 18, 9:36 PM
    I can't really assist with the benefits side of things, but whilst I totally understand why it's hard not to support your son, you are enabling him by doing so. Mentally ill or not, he's an adult. And regrettably none of us will be around for ever, and can't bail out our children forever. It is a kindness on your part now to stand up to him and not support him in bad decisions, even if that means he struggles. A lesson learned now won't see him homeless or starving. No matter how hard you come down on him, you aren't going to let it come to that. Regrettably, take a look around any city, and for many it does come to that. Don't enable him to become one of them.
    • w06
    • By w06 1st Aug 18, 9:57 PM
    • 763 Posts
    • 1,103 Thanks
    w06
    • #5
    • 1st Aug 18, 9:57 PM
    • #5
    • 1st Aug 18, 9:57 PM
    second what Sangie has said, he's an adult and has been for a few years. Perhaps he will be found to be fit to work, if he is the sooner he starts looking for work the better. For many people, me included, work is good for mental health. Fear of the unknown is difficult but he really does need to take the first step of applying and or job hunting.

    Unless he genuinely is unable to manage his own financial affairs I would strongly advise not applying for appointeeship because that further reinforces that he doesn't need to do it himself.
    • naturaljazz
    • By naturaljazz 3rd Aug 18, 9:21 AM
    • 123 Posts
    • 772 Thanks
    naturaljazz
    • #6
    • 3rd Aug 18, 9:21 AM
    • #6
    • 3rd Aug 18, 9:21 AM
    Firstly he needs to be seen by a mental health team, this is via your GP. You can type out a letter and your son signs it to allow you to do his appointments and speak in the appointment, he just sits there/or go on your won and ask GP to come to the house to see him. Write out how long he has been ill, what exactly are the symptoms, and what you and your son want to happen next (for example a referral). If your son has had no CBT or medication from the GP then that is what they usually do first, and he has to try (or show he tried and it didn't work) those first. Then they get referred to the MHT in your community.
    This assumes your son is not 1.Using drugs/alcohol... in which case a referral will be put in to a local youth agency for that or 2.Has no psychosis/self-harming behaviours/serious mental illness ... in which case rapid access to the MHT will be initiated by your GP at the first appointment.
    Straightforward anxiety/depression will be as I have said as it is the NHS protocol for mental health. At the moment the main thing is to do the GP visit and referrals, the money thing may have to come later.
    Your question was about benefits. It is absolutely understandable that a young person of 20 is scared to death of the Jobcentre/Universal Credit/JSA and so on. However an application for PIP may be a good idea at this time if he has longer-term health issues or maybe a diagnosis of Aspergers/Autism or similar from school as a child? Does your son leave the house, have any friends, girlfriend etc... If his anxiety and depression is such he does not engage with others then PIP would probably be an option.
    To get working-age benefits he would have to go through a work capability test, the GP would be giving him sick notes etc. This may be the best option, and as others have said there are appeals. Young people often get sanctioned on UC as they simply cannot or do not jump through the 35 hours job searches every week to get the money.
    This all hangs on what is wrong mentally, how bad things are and if you feel he is just being lazy or he is ill.
    Locally you will have a young persons counselling service, google and access that. Again email them from his email with him, help him to see he can do something for his situation. If he is spending hours in his room on games then try to challenge that, as it is unhelpful in the long run.
    As you may tell, been there and I have the t-shirt... at the moment my son has a Reablement worker... all areas have these via the MHT and the GP will tell you about this. Google your area. My son did 4x 20 minute 'chats' with a local free youth counselling service (google yours) and then he got offered ongoing 50 minute counselling sessions every week. He is doing that at the moment. He has PIP only as his income. I take one week of his PIP money for bills, and he buys and cooks all his own food (I take him shopping, or get it and he pays me) He might eat chips for a week, then do himself a curry, but it is up to him. We will get there eventually, and he cannot go to the Jobcentre and having been on benefits in the past myself, I totally get that. Hope this long post helps.
    Remember when you judge someone, it does not define them ... You define yourself
    • lindens
    • By lindens 3rd Aug 18, 9:39 AM
    • 2,233 Posts
    • 7,098 Thanks
    lindens
    • #7
    • 3rd Aug 18, 9:39 AM
    • #7
    • 3rd Aug 18, 9:39 AM
    Depends on what kind of mental health issues.
    Would he consider volunteering for a few hours a week? It will get him out of the house and meet new people. it also is very satisfying and makes you feel like you are doing something worthwhile. However it is not paid and there is less pressure on him to achieve.
    It will also look good if and when he is ready to look for paid work
    You're not your * could have not of * Debt not dept *
    • BAFE
    • By BAFE 3rd Aug 18, 5:49 PM
    • 129 Posts
    • 159 Thanks
    BAFE
    • #8
    • 3rd Aug 18, 5:49 PM
    • #8
    • 3rd Aug 18, 5:49 PM
    How will he manage when you're no longer around to pay for him?
    • PersianCatLady
    • By PersianCatLady 8th Aug 18, 12:31 AM
    • 606 Posts
    • 592 Thanks
    PersianCatLady
    • #9
    • 8th Aug 18, 12:31 AM
    • #9
    • 8th Aug 18, 12:31 AM
    Hello, my adult son has mental health problems. He has no income so I support him. He lives with me. I have tried to get him to apply for benefits but he gets angry and won’t discuss it. I think he is worried about going for an interview and being made to work. Any advice please? He’s 20. Thanks
    Originally posted by henmuffin
    This makes me very angry for you.

    Your son won't claim benefits for whatever reason but he is more than happy to sponge off of his Mum.

    I feel sorry for you as you want to support your son the best you can but he is making it extremely hard for you.

    With regards to his mental health issues, has he been diagnosed with anything by a medical professional?

    Is he under the care of the CMHT? If yes, could you ask them for their advice on what to do about his refusal to claim benefits?

    One thing that concerns me about your OP is that you say that your son is worried that the JCP might make him get a job. Do you know why he thinks this or why it worried him so much?

    Sorry if I have overstepped the mark by asking these questions and feel free to ignore them.
    • poppy10
    • By poppy10 8th Aug 18, 8:17 PM
    • 6,056 Posts
    • 7,309 Thanks
    poppy10
    Is he under the care of the CMHT? If yes, could you ask them for their advice on what to do about his refusal to claim benefits?
    Originally posted by PersianCatLady
    They won't be able to do anything about that.
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 8th Aug 18, 11:08 PM
    • 17,304 Posts
    • 45,577 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    Firstly he needs to be seen by a mental health team, this is via your GP. You can type out a letter and your son signs it to allow you to do his appointments and speak in the appointment, he just sits there/or go on your won and ask GP to come to the house to see him. Write out how long he has been ill, what exactly are the symptoms, and what you and your son want to happen next (for example a referral). If your son has had no CBT or medication from the GP then that is what they usually do first, and he has to try (or show he tried and it didn't work) those first. Then they get referred to the MHT in your community.
    This assumes your son is not 1.Using drugs/alcohol... in which case a referral will be put in to a local youth agency for that or 2.Has no psychosis/self-harming behaviours/serious mental illness ... in which case rapid access to the MHT will be initiated by your GP at the first appointment.
    Straightforward anxiety/depression will be as I have said as it is the NHS protocol for mental health. At the moment the main thing is to do the GP visit and referrals, the money thing may have to come later.
    Originally posted by naturaljazz
    Just a word of warning, mental health care varies very much, for example in my area despite having bipolar, signs of psychosis, thoughts of self harm and suicide i have been refused access to the mental health team as i "don't meet the criteria" (in other words unless you make an actual attempt on your life you have zero chance of help). Hopefully for the OP it will be better there but be prepared to fight for it.
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    "I just need to be alone right now, i just wanna take a little breather"
    • skcollobcat10
    • By skcollobcat10 8th Aug 18, 11:29 PM
    • 242 Posts
    • 2,398 Thanks
    skcollobcat10
    Just a word of warning, mental health care varies very much, for example in my area despite having bipolar, signs of psychosis, thoughts of self harm and suicide i have been refused access to the mental health team as i "don't meet the criteria" (in other words unless you make an actual attempt on your life you have zero chance of help). Hopefully for the OP it will be better there but be prepared to fight for it.
    Originally posted by xXMessedUpXx
    I feel really sorry that you cannot get the help you should get.

    Bipolar is a terrible illness and lifelong, therefore you should get lifelong help from the medical services.

    I don't know if it is because of the increase in depression & anxiety scenario over the last few years.
    • whambam
    • By whambam 9th Aug 18, 10:18 AM
    • 302 Posts
    • 34 Thanks
    whambam
    get a combined welfare and financial power of attorney for him costs Ł50-75 you can claim some of it back later on online.

    And apply for benefits on his behalf as he is incapable of dealing with his own affairs due to his mental condition.
    • PersianCatLady
    • By PersianCatLady 9th Aug 18, 1:13 PM
    • 606 Posts
    • 592 Thanks
    PersianCatLady
    They won't be able to do anything about that.
    Originally posted by poppy10
    They may be able to expalin to the OP why his condition affects his ability to work.
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 9th Aug 18, 9:46 PM
    • 17,304 Posts
    • 45,577 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    I feel really sorry that you cannot get the help you should get.

    Bipolar is a terrible illness and lifelong, therefore you should get lifelong help from the medical services.

    I don't know if it is because of the increase in depression & anxiety scenario over the last few years.
    Originally posted by skcollobcat10
    I think theres a lot more people seeking help (dont get me wrong i dont think its a bad thing if people need help and we are more open talking about it) but services are stretched pretty thin and theres very little funding going into it (despite what the government like to claim)
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    "I just need to be alone right now, i just wanna take a little breather"
    • poppy10
    • By poppy10 10th Aug 18, 7:29 AM
    • 6,056 Posts
    • 7,309 Thanks
    poppy10
    They may be able to expalin to the OP why his condition affects his ability to work.
    Originally posted by PersianCatLady
    That won't help if OP's son is refusing to apply for benefits
    • PersianCatLady
    • By PersianCatLady 10th Aug 18, 12:00 PM
    • 606 Posts
    • 592 Thanks
    PersianCatLady
    That won't help if OP's son is refusing to apply for benefits
    Originally posted by poppy10
    Are you always this negative Poppy??

    I haven't seen you come up with any ideas to help the OP?
    • marliepanda
    • By marliepanda 10th Aug 18, 12:11 PM
    • 6,896 Posts
    • 15,037 Thanks
    marliepanda
    Are you always this negative Poppy??

    I haven't seen you come up with any ideas to help the OP?
    Originally posted by PersianCatLady
    Considering the OP hasnt been back in 10 days since asking for help I doubt they are that bothered by anything poppy is saying. (though they did log in 2 days ago)

    No one can properly help until many things are clarified. Mental health is far and wide, and simply 'not wanting to work' or 'not wanting to look for work' will not give an automatic entitlement to benefits. But we have no idea how his MH affects him.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 10th Aug 18, 12:22 PM
    • 17,766 Posts
    • 45,058 Thanks
    elsien
    get a combined welfare and financial power of attorney for him costs Ł50-75 you can claim some of it back later on online.

    And apply for benefits on his behalf as he is incapable of dealing with his own affairs due to his mental condition.
    Originally posted by whambam
    You can't "get" a power of attorney for someone. A power of attorney can only be made by someone who has capacity if they choose to do so and they then decide who they wish their attorney to be.

    It is possible to apply to be an appointee for someone (and potentially a finances deputyship if they have enough assets to make it worthwhile) if they can demonstrated to lack capacity around the issue. However if the person has capacity they can choose to make unwise decisions and suffer the consequences.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • whambam
    • By whambam 11th Aug 18, 12:40 AM
    • 302 Posts
    • 34 Thanks
    whambam
    You can't "get" a power of attorney for someone. A power of attorney can only be made by someone who has capacity if they choose to do so and they then decide who they wish their attorney to be.

    It is possible to apply to be an appointee for someone (and potentially a finances deputyship if they have enough assets to make it worthwhile) if they can demonstrated to lack capacity around the issue. However if the person has capacity they can choose to make unwise decisions and suffer the consequences.
    Originally posted by elsien
    I done it and I can assure you that the person who gave consent had absolutely no understanding of what a power of attorney, the process, their rights and the good old lawyer just pushes it through to get the registration fee that's all they care about the system is a joke.
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