Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Borealis_sky
    • By Borealis_sky 30th Jul 18, 12:38 PM
    • 1Posts
    • 0Thanks
    Borealis_sky
    Ex-fiance wants half the profits from sale of my house.
    • #1
    • 30th Jul 18, 12:38 PM
    Ex-fiance wants half the profits from sale of my house. 30th Jul 18 at 12:38 PM
    My fiance of 12 years and I are in the process of breaking up (We're both early 30's, have no children and still live together). I earn an average salary.

    I purchased a house 4 years ago, 6 months after we got engaged. She has been continually unemployed for over 5 years and refuses to work, as she would rather focus on her own personal creative projects and try to earn money that way (however unfortunately this has not earned anything for her to date). She has also refused to claim Jobseekers Allowance, as she says she finds it depressing. I should note at this point that she is able-bodied and very well educated.

    I have tried every method of trying to help/ask her to find a job on and off for years !!!8211; even if it is just part-time. Though she has always refused, and she says that she doesn't want to waste her life working. This usually ends up on a horrible argument once every 6 months or so, so bad that I retreat and leave it alone as I don't want that sort of constant anguish in my life.

    I purchased the property as a house for us to live in together and to begin our future in. The property is solely in my name, as her credit rating is poor and she never had employment for her to contribute to the mortgage. She had a couple of thousand pounds savings at the time, and I asked if she would like to contribute it to the deposit for a share in the house, to which she declined.

    Therefore I have paid for everything related to the property (deposit, stamp duty, legal fees, all monthly mortgage payments over 4 years etc). I have also paid £40k (through a second mortgage plus what's left from my salary every month) towards renovation costs, and I have paid for every home furnishing item and appliance. I also have paid for every household bill and the household food too. I have paid for our holidays, trips, meals out, days out, treats, bus journeys etc etc.

    She has not paid anything, ever. In fact, she owes me several thousand pounds for various things over the years. None of which she has attempted to pay back. She always borrows my credit card when we go out, and I'm not allowed to tell/show anyone she uses my card as it makes her embarrassed when we are out.

    There was never an agreement between us that this was how our relationship worked (i.e me at work and her at home). I always asked her to contribute financially, and I have always communicated to her that I do not accept and am not happy with us living in this scenario. However I did not know what to do when someone else you love vehemently refuses to something you're sort of at a loss.

    Over the past 4 years we have renovated the house together. There has been A LOT of DIY/renovation work that we have completed (new kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, living room etc.). It has been an awful amount of work !!!8211;
    basically stripping the house back to brickwork and rebuilding it from within. For a few years we both lived in poor conditions whilst this work went on since I could not afford to pay for tradesmen to do it all on my salary alone. I have done the most of the DIY/renovation work myself, however to her credit she has helped out with manual work a lot, and also provided lots of ideas and moral support. I would reasonably say I have done 70% of the renovation work to her 30%.

    Conversely, she also has done a larger share of things like the cooking and cleaning, I would say she has done 70% of these tasks to my 30%.

    Now that our engagement has broken down (partly to all the above, partly to other things), she wants to move on with her life and she wants me to sell the property. I want to sell the property too as I want to move on with my life. However she expects/wants a lot of money from the house sale. She said she wants £50k(!!!) so she can move on with her life (because she refuses to work in the future and wants the money for her future). That will be approximately half of the profits, with me getting the other £50k.

    I was quite surprised by this, as I have fully funded her life from my average salary for 5 years !!!8211; most people would be grateful for that alone, surely? Her response is that I should not have proposed to her and waste her time/life. She says she should be paid for her DIY work, and she also says that because we are engaged she is entitled to half the money (she's read some articles online).

    I think she's being very unreasonable, and I am not prepared to pay her £50k and loose all my profits. I have worked so hard for the past 6 years in relation to raising money for this house !!!8211; I have put absolutely every penny into it, whilst also supporting two people. Whilst I appreciate that she has helped with the renovation work, she has not put anywhere near as much as me into the house).

    For the plans I have after selling the house, I need £100k. If she takes £50k my plans are over.

    We have discussed > argued > shouted about this for months. We are at stalemate, we simply to not agree with each other.

    I know that because all the legal housing documentation is in my name, she can't do much apart from take me to court. However neither of us really want to do that (she has seriously threatened it though!).

    As she has contributed to some of the renovation work with her time, and I would feel bad if after we depart ways that she has nothing. But on the other hand I also think she really should of worked and saved something up over the past 5 years, and I feel like I'm a bit of an idiot.

    I am thinking of offering her £10k from the sale and also writing off the £2-3k she owes me, but I would like to know what the people think first? (It's highly likely she'll laugh at this offer anyway).

    Am I being unreasonable and she should be financially reimbursed for her efforts, or am I being completely walked over?

    I'm very confused and also very annoyed.

    Thank you
    Last edited by Borealis_sky; 30-07-2018 at 12:44 PM. Reason: Grammar
Page 2
    • Teamocil
    • By Teamocil 30th Jul 18, 9:18 PM
    • 117 Posts
    • 72 Thanks
    Teamocil
    Offer her a token amount to rent a flat for 6 mths and get rid.
    .
    Originally posted by BBH123
    I think that's an extremely generous but also pragmatic idea. Honestly, the story you tell is appalling. Do whatever it takes to get her out of your life. She's toxic.

    On the face of it, your £10k suggestion sounds ridiculous. I suspect from your post that she's still got you in her clutches to an extent. She owes you money, not the other way round!
    Last edited by Teamocil; 30-07-2018 at 10:08 PM.
    • sparkey1
    • By sparkey1 30th Jul 18, 9:30 PM
    • 439 Posts
    • 193 Thanks
    sparkey1
    She isn't married to you and is not on the deeds. She has no money. She cant take you to court, and she will lose anyway. I have just as much entitlement to your house as she does. I wont settle for 10K, I will take 5K!

    So find yourself another partner and get them to move in!

    As for no win no fee, you still need the money to start a claim.
    Last edited by sparkey1; 30-07-2018 at 9:32 PM.
    • whambar
    • By whambar 30th Jul 18, 10:08 PM
    • 25 Posts
    • 20 Thanks
    whambar
    Mate

    I got divorced and split equity 50/50 (2 years mortage new build so little growth no kids both worked) when we bought we had a significant deposit but I put in 90% to her 10%

    Now back then I thought itís only money Iím glad to be rid of her, however a few years later Iím paying maybe £300 per month more each month for 20 years and I resent that itís like a ball and chain or ghost of Christmas past

    Offer her a return of everything she has contributed - so sweet FA

    Spend something on you - some nice clobber, trendy haircut slap on some brut 33 and get out a meet someone who will offer mutual respect - donít need to sell the house to move on just maybe replace the boiler
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 30th Jul 18, 10:24 PM
    • 5,772 Posts
    • 11,632 Thanks
    iammumtoone
    I would offer her enough to start out a fresh to put a deposit down on a flat and a couple of months rent in you area.


    I would class that as more than fair, anything more and she can take you to court.


    Her not working is now going to work in your favour, how can she prove that she put anything into the house if she doesn't have an income. Yes she helped by doing work on the house and housework but I would class that as payment for her free keep.
    • sal_III
    • By sal_III 30th Jul 18, 11:47 PM
    • 670 Posts
    • 681 Thanks
    sal_III
    Unfortunately, any legal action might get some traction - I was involved in a long painful case myself where the other party was on a "no win no fee" legal advice and eventually we had to settle before the costs reached ridiculous levels despite wining every step along the way in the lower courts.

    As you might see in some high profile cases in the press, she could argue that it was her being a "homemaker" that allowed the OP to have his career etc. Obviously a lot of this would be his word against hers and for good or for bad in these days of equality, this "homemaker being an important role in a partnership of equals" argument is getting more traction in the courts!

    If the OP can settle for £10k, do it and move on would be my advice!
    Originally posted by Brock_and_Roll
    Were you married by any chance?

    One way of doing it is to first dump her and kick her out, then look to sell the property in the future at your leisure, when she won't have any leg to stand on.

    If you follow the advise given by some people to give her money for 6 months rent, make sure not to sign as guarantor for the rent, or you will end up paying it until kingdom comes. She will struggle to find rented accommodations with no income. Hope her parents have a spare room.

    Make sure you change any PINs, passwords and locks at the end. Be prepared to be portrayed as the "bad guy" to all your mutual friends. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and all that.

    Last but not least - congratulations on finally realising the un-workability of such a relationship. Stay at home mom looking after idealistic hobbies in whatever little spare time she has, while the kids are in nursery/school is one thing. Good for nothing idealistic sponge with no real world perspective is completely different.

    If she thinks that claiming JSA or other benefits and letting your mates know she is using your CC (like they don't already know LOL) is depressing/shameful, wait until she has to explain she is homeless and/or have to move back with her parents.
    • DairyQueen
    • By DairyQueen 31st Jul 18, 12:04 AM
    • 585 Posts
    • 975 Thanks
    DairyQueen
    You are not married and have no children.
    She has contributed zero financially to the house or, indeed, anything else.
    The house and mortgage are in your sole name.

    Legally she has no claim at all. There is no such legal entity as 'common law spouse' and engagement has no status in law. Either you are married/in a civil partnership and have the protection of the law, or you aren't, and you don't.

    Legally you can give her notice to quit your house and have her evicted if she refuses. She has no legal claim on your house, or on any other asset in your sole name.

    I think she has been more than compensated for her assistance with the renovations and domestic effort. You have supported her financially for many years. I think she has received a pretty good deal.

    You are off the hook ethically as well as financially.

    See a solicitor as s/he will be able to... a) confirm the above and....b) advise on how best to handle her eviction. You may wish to calmly suggest that she also follows suit (at her own expense, of course). It will be a wake-up call for her and should prompt her into job-seeking very promptly as I doubt she is entitled to even a 30-day notice period.

    I'm sure that she has friends/family with whom she can stay. After she leaves you can immediately change the locks and put the house on the market.
    • tight4rse
    • By tight4rse 11th Aug 18, 6:09 PM
    • 30 Posts
    • 6 Thanks
    tight4rse
    You need to get this parasite out of your life and home immediately. Once she is gone change the locks on the doors, cancel any credit cards where she is the additional cardholder, change your PIN Numbers and passwords etc..


    Do not discuss the matter or pay her anything further until you have taken professional legal advice.


    You owe her nothing.
    • DigForVictory
    • By DigForVictory 11th Aug 18, 7:06 PM
    • 8,449 Posts
    • 26,644 Thanks
    DigForVictory
    By all means move on, but stay in the house until you have got her out of it.

    In order you need a solicitor, a locksmith & a new strong-minded girlfriend who isn't on for anything long-term but will enjoy making the other woman back away & help you through the inevitable character assassination that will be part of it.

    Only then an estate agent.

    Try to avoid self medicating with anything other than exercise. The endorphins are loads of fun & much less hard on your body (& wallet) than cigs, booze & other drugs. Best of luck getting rid of the parasite.
    • Kynthia
    • By Kynthia 11th Aug 18, 8:02 PM
    • 5,392 Posts
    • 7,551 Thanks
    Kynthia
    While I value all contributions in a relationship and not just financial ones, it doesn't sound like she's been contributing that much. Doing more housework and cooking would be the minimum expected to pay your way for food and bills when not working or looking after children and you're fit and healthy. I doubt she paid towards any renovations and unless she was highly skilled at DIY I doubt she did much more than decorative work which doesn't increase the value of the property.

    So she's not contributed financially, or greatly in any other way, or raised your children. You never had any intention or her gaining an interest in your property as otherwise you'd have put her name on the deeds. So she's not entitled to anything. A few grand would shiw you were more than fair and would aid getting her out, but I'd document the fact you've given this out of the kindness of your heart.

    I'd consider gathering evidence of her lack of financial contributions, any records of you not wanting her to have an interest in your property the fact you paid for all renovations, you werent happy with her not working, etc. Just in case she took you to court. However I think it's unlikely she would and unlikely she'd win.
    Don't listen to me, I'm no expert!
    • financegeek
    • By financegeek 12th Aug 18, 5:22 PM
    • 89 Posts
    • 111 Thanks
    financegeek
    You've had a very lucky escape and although i'm not a lawyer, i think you'd be crazy to give her any money at all!

    as someone else has said. change the locks, pack up her stuff and if you're feeling generous offer to drive it to her parents / relatives house. if you're not feeling generous tell her when she can collect it from your driveway.

    i can't see how she would afford a lawyer or even if she could, how she would win a case where she's contributed nothing financially / to your joint lifestyle. you've been more than generous in your years together.

    is it worth speaking to a solicitor and even paying them to write a letter to say that they are acting for you and that she has no chance of winning etc? it might put her off pursuing 'legal action' before she even gets started!
    • earlywormgetsthebird
    • By earlywormgetsthebird 12th Aug 18, 8:57 PM
    • 43 Posts
    • 17 Thanks
    earlywormgetsthebird
    Is it really as straightforward as seeing her off with 10K? What if she does get to see a NWNF solicitor (open even to the penniless if they like her chances), and attempts to argue that there was 'an implied trust' between you, which just as it sounds - doesn't need to be in writing? Wouldn't 30K to save you the trouble of countering that, plus avoiding the risks of a higher award be more reasonable?
    • GoingOn30
    • By GoingOn30 13th Aug 18, 12:05 AM
    • 110 Posts
    • 74 Thanks
    GoingOn30
    There is no way this woman would be awarded even 10K with all of the rent free accommodation she has had.
    10K would be generous considering. I'd offer her 2 or 3k, although worth seeking your own legal advice before you take any action at all, as giving her a small amount might be seen as admiring some liability to her perhaps. Worth being sure.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

3,647Posts Today

8,416Users online

Martin's Twitter