Struggling with indecision

I'm in a similar situation, with OH not willing to part with anything, he even brought stuff from my parents' and from DS' houses.

When we both worked I was able to sneak stuff to dump and charity shops st half-term, impossible now!

Actually, I realise I've just missed a chance to negotiate: he wanted to change the car. I should have said I agree if you'll sort the garage or the loft.

Newly_retired wrote: »

I am at a time in my life when I want to make the future easier to cope with, but am struggling with the present!
I am in good health, been retired 11 years, despite my username.
DH is about the same age, but in less good health, arthritis, type 2 diabetes, well controlled, angina. He went back to work twice and has only just fully retired. We both do voluntary work and I have family close by but very busy, his are further away but in touch.
The house desperately needs decorating, some new carpets and a number of minor jobs. In the old days DH did all the decorating but cannot do it now. He admits to needing help in the garden too but has not found anybody yet. Money is not the issue.
The house is full to overflowing, making decorating and new carpets almost impossible.
I don’t know where to begin as he makes so much fuss about getting anybody in to do anything, even the window cleaner is a nuisance to him. I just dare not raise theses issues as he will have an angina attack.
We are both to some extent hoarders of useful or sentimental stuff
( not like the stuff you see in those tv hoarders programmes) but there is so much of it including the garage and loft full. One of these days he will drop dead or become incapacitated and I won’t know where to start with it all but at least I won’t need his agreement any more. I know from decluttering threads that others are in this position but I need to get his agreement to get decorators in then we will have to clear some space. Any advice, without upsetting the Apple cart?

Surely the answer is for you to do the decorating etc, at least while you're in good health?

Some hard decisions there Humpty.....but I think a move would probably be for the best if you can swing it.


Newly retired I think you are going to have to use a combination of stick and carrot......:rotfl: time for some feminine wiles.

But......First I think just concentrate on your own clutter, dont touch anything of his ........then with a bit of luck he might just might be intrigued enough to join in.

The Kondo approach is that you shoulld never dispose of other people's possessions without their permission. I think that's fair. I think I would be annoyed if someone started diitching my treasures without asking me first.

Re the hall and especially the carpet. If it's getting dangerous, then it needs to be done. Old bones dont mend as easily as new ones and frankly it's just not worth the risk. Similarly think carefully about decorating stair wells etc. You might be able to decorate most rooms yourself but stairways and stairwells aren't easy and again it's not worth the risk of a fall.

At the risk of sounding harsh....then controlled type II diabetes and arthritis does not make him an invalid.....surely he is quite capable of sloshing a bit of emulsion paint around ......he just needs to take his time and pace himself, even if he just did a couple of hours a day.

As for angina......well my father in law has it and he's 96, my dad had it (after previously having had two heart attacks). Dad died at 90, of leukaemia, totally unrelated. If it's managed well then it's not dangerous.....so don't let that worry you too much.

I think you have mentioned before that your husband has found it difficult to adapt to retirement, maybe he needs a project to kick start the old adrenaline again. Could he be suffering from depression. Does he feel that he's lost his identity, his purpose in life. A lot of men go through this when they first retire.....

First the carrot.......You say money isnt issue.....but you could still use the opportunity to sell some of the clutter and then use the money to buy something he would really like. When I cleared my loft I made £1100..easy money. At the time I was skint so used it to pay off debt but if you are ok for money then it could be a nice little bonus.

Then the stick......I am afraid you are going to have to be quite firm.....it's your home too after all. Why should you have to live in a cluttered dingy house that's falling down round your ears when you have the time and the wherewithal to do something about it. Perhaps you need to remind him of that. He really shouldn't be so dogmatic, he has to compromise. A bit of give and take.

He has to learn to play nicely and share the space. He can't hog it all to himself. :rotfl:

Really glad you've made this first breakthrough! Sounds like your approach to the problem was spot on. Will be cheering you on, SaR x