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  • FIRST POST
    • Mylife
    • By Mylife 3rd Jul 18, 9:19 PM
    • 37Posts
    • 29Thanks
    Mylife
    Messed up
    • #1
    • 3rd Jul 18, 9:19 PM
    Messed up 3rd Jul 18 at 9:19 PM
    I slept with a married man, yes I know it was wrong but what's done is done. I'm now 8wks pregnant and have decided to keep the baby. I did not want to involve the father, but he guessed it was his and eventually I admitted it. I can look /provide tor the baby alone. Financially I'm in a good place. he seems excited, wants accompany me to all my appointments, is suggesting names etc. I have tried to tell him that I do not wish to still be involved with him but he keeps calling, texting asking how I am.He is also offering money but I have said no. I'm thinking of moving and changing my no, but that would mean leaving my well paid job . Any suggestions on how I can deal with this.

    yes I know I was wrong
Page 10
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 12th Jul 18, 12:25 AM
    • 1,435 Posts
    • 2,113 Thanks
    pearl123
    unfortunately I had to tell a few people including friends and family ,
    Originally posted by Mylife
    “I'm pregnant and I should be telling family/friends but I'm embarrassed because the 1st question will be who is the father”

    Above quotes are a little confusing?
    • Mylife
    • By Mylife 12th Jul 18, 12:06 PM
    • 37 Posts
    • 29 Thanks
    Mylife
    pearl if you read, my post I say there are a few I told, but not the wider family mum included. I am gearing to telling the whole family soon.
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 12th Jul 18, 1:50 PM
    • 1,435 Posts
    • 2,113 Thanks
    pearl123
    pearl if you read, my post I say there are a few I told, but not the wider family mum included. I am gearing to telling the whole family soon.
    Originally posted by Mylife
    I wish you luck. I'm sure it won't be easy telling close family.
    Last edited by pearl123; 12-07-2018 at 2:30 PM.
    • suejb2
    • By suejb2 12th Jul 18, 6:27 PM
    • 1,433 Posts
    • 2,174 Thanks
    suejb2
    Names
    George Foreman, the former boxer, has five sons - all called George
    Originally posted by LilElvis
    And a daughter called Georgetta!
    Oh and a grill called George.
    Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th Jul 18, 12:32 PM
    • 20,670 Posts
    • 55,575 Thanks
    Pollycat
    It's not about the affair or about you or the father; it's about your attitude to your unborn child. You don't seem to care about the implications of removing the father from the child's life, you only want to minimise the discomfort for yourself, short-term. I'm not talking about money here.

    It's my gut feeling that tells me that something's fishy in your story - maybe not all of it but most likely much of it.. I might be wrong but that's what I believe and I trust my instinct more than anything else.

    I wish all the children in this story best of luck, and strength to cope with all the !!!! you adults are putting them through.
    Originally posted by bare
    That might have been the OP's stance when she first started the thread but I think you'll find that she's taken on board lots of the comments about excluding the Father from their child's life and has changed her mind on that.
    • Mylife
    • By Mylife 13th Jul 18, 8:41 PM
    • 37 Posts
    • 29 Thanks
    Mylife
    Bare like Pollycat says when I posted this is what I initially wanted to do because I thought it was the easy thing to do. I was not only embarassed but also fear of breaking a family . Thankfully forum users were kind enough to point out to me that it was wrong and I should involve the father.

    You are free to ignore the post,I do not need to justify myself to you, frankly I have had a lot of good advice from other users.

    To everyone else , I appreciate your advice. I'm now just trying to find a suitable time/ occasion to tell wider family. I have to do that soon.
    • HappyLassie13
    • By HappyLassie13 14th Jul 18, 12:32 PM
    • 280 Posts
    • 542 Thanks
    HappyLassie13
    I!!!8217;ve been lurking on your post Mylife and just wanted to say it!!!8217;s a shame people don!!!8217;t read the full comments before having a go and a dig at you. Since you first posted you!!!8217;ve changed your ideas and it!!!8217;s not fair that people are commenting now after you!!!8217;ve gone through it all with users on here.

    I wish you well in telling your family.
    • Mylife
    • By Mylife 17th Jul 18, 8:47 PM
    • 37 Posts
    • 29 Thanks
    Mylife
    Thank you Happylassie, I have indeed learned from the advice given which makes much sense. As soon as I have told my wider family I will update. This is going to be sooner than I intended

    To everyone else cheers
    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 18th Jul 18, 1:41 AM
    • 16,365 Posts
    • 12,430 Thanks
    hollydays
    The idea of calling your child by the same name of one of his other children will devastate his child when they find out.

    The fact you are even considering this makes me doubt the authenticity of this thread.
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 18th Jul 18, 1:59 AM
    • 1,975 Posts
    • 2,721 Thanks
    badmemory
    The idea of calling your child by the same name of one of his other children will devastate his child when they find out.
    Originally posted by hollydays
    But it is what people do when they are running more than one family. After all no-one gets too upset if you have sons called Sam & Bob & you call Sam Bob or Bob Sam but if you call one of them Joe, that could be the start of the proverbial hitting the fan. One should never underestimate the manipulating abilities of someone who wants his bread buttered on both sides.
    • fibonarchie
    • By fibonarchie 18th Jul 18, 3:42 PM
    • 905 Posts
    • 1,538 Thanks
    fibonarchie
    The idea of calling your child by the same name of one of his other children will devastate his child when they find out.

    The fact you are even considering this makes me doubt the authenticity of this thread.
    Originally posted by hollydays
    It's certainly a bit weird!!
    And yes it would cause upset if or more likely when they find out he's been leading two lives.

    If it isn't authentic that's good in a way, but i'm sure stranger things have happened..
    Signature Removed by Forum Team ..thanks to somebody reporting a witty and decades-old Kenny Everett quote as 'offensive'!!
    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 18th Jul 18, 6:10 PM
    • 16,365 Posts
    • 12,430 Thanks
    hollydays
    But it is what people do when they are running more than one family. After all no-one gets too upset if you have sons called Sam & Bob & you call Sam Bob or Bob Sam but if you call one of them Joe, that could be the start of the proverbial hitting the fan. One should never underestimate the manipulating abilities of someone who wants his bread buttered on both sides.
    Originally posted by badmemory

    I understand entirely.
    Imagine if you are a child and you find out your dad has also named a child the same name.You thought you were special and treasured..
    I'm not surprised it's a suggestion, but I'm amazed the op is considering it as an option
    Last edited by hollydays; 18-07-2018 at 6:59 PM.
    • klew356
    • By klew356 19th Jul 18, 11:18 AM
    • 303 Posts
    • 1,794 Thanks
    klew356
    I have read through this thread quickly and firstly I would like to congratulate you on your pregnancy.
    We all make mistakes!?
    My alarm bells are going off at that he wants to have a relationship with the child… without his wife finding out? it would have to be cloak and dagger.

    Financial support? Take the money he created the baby too and if you don’t need it, put it away for the child!! How does he hid this from the wife?

    What does your gut say about him wanting to meet up? Do you think he wants you more than the wife? If you want nothing more then maybe make that really clear.

    I wouldn’t deny him access to the child im just wondering how easy access is going to be?
    • klew356
    • By klew356 19th Jul 18, 11:19 AM
    • 303 Posts
    • 1,794 Thanks
    klew356
    the name thing is weird, plain weird of all the names in all the world the same name?!
  • archived user
    I wouldn’t deny him access to the child im just wondering how easy access is going to be?
    Thats his problem... downright impossible i'd have thought.
    • anna_1977
    • By anna_1977 19th Jul 18, 11:33 AM
    • 740 Posts
    • 1,017 Thanks
    anna_1977
    Hi Mylife - how's it going this week?
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 21st Jul 18, 11:05 AM
    • 20,670 Posts
    • 55,575 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Mylife
    Just to let you know that the other thread that was merged with yours has now been split off (but with the same title as your thread).


    How's it going?
    • Mylife
    • By Mylife 31st Jul 18, 12:33 PM
    • 37 Posts
    • 29 Thanks
    Mylife
    messed up
    Messed up, Hi guys just to update you. I finally told my family(most) at a recent family gathering, I just said I am expecting. I thought I had it planned was going to tell the truth but , I just couldn't say it.(shame) I told them the father was someone I had met briefly and unfortunately it did not work out. I sort of implied (without words) that it was a one night stand.It was easier to imply a one night stand than an affair.My mum was disappointed as expected, I could see it from her face. She is a christian and would have wanted something along the lines of marriage etc.She kept asking if we couldn't work things through. My sisters, cousins and aunties were okayish, to be honest I was defensive and didn't give them much choice than to accept it. My uncle true to form thought I was duped by an unscrupulous man, he is old school.. ..

    as for me , I have been fine,I live in fear of his wife finding out and it all blows up, we are still in contact via phone, text etc but have so far resisted meeting up. When he calls he talks as if we are still together ie lets do things together. I avoid talking about his wife or family . If i am honest to myself I will say I still do not want him involved but will have to do the right thing as you guys advised....It will soon be time for a scan, not sure if I should invite him. I do not trust him or I , I think he could sweet talk me and I end up with him. (its complicated).

    Pollycat thank you for sorting the thread, I really appreciate it.
    Anna1977, thanks for the kind words, I am hanging in there, just have to be strong and ignore my feelings.
    klew, I know I should be sensible and take financial help but I'm afraid it might be a way for him to come back in our (baby and me ) life.
    Hollydays, naming the child the same name as his other child , sounds convenient for him but I will veto it. I don't even know if I want him on the birth certificate that's something for me to think about.
    • chelseablue
    • By chelseablue 31st Jul 18, 12:46 PM
    • 2,561 Posts
    • 2,994 Thanks
    chelseablue
    I would advise to put the fathers name on the birth certificate, 100%. Otherwise what would you put?

    On my birth certificate in the fathers section it says 'Unknown' and its affected me my whole life
    Mortgage starting balance £231,000
    Mortgage after Year 1 £225,000
    Mortgage after Year 2 £218,000
    • fibonarchie
    • By fibonarchie 31st Jul 18, 1:15 PM
    • 905 Posts
    • 1,538 Thanks
    fibonarchie
    Would be interesting to know just how many women have lied about the baby's father's name on the birth certificate. More than we'd like to think, I expect. Doesn't look too good putting 'unknown', either, though it might stop the CSA from chasing him for payments..
    Signature Removed by Forum Team ..thanks to somebody reporting a witty and decades-old Kenny Everett quote as 'offensive'!!
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