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  • FIRST POST
    • SpideressUK
    • By SpideressUK 3rd Jul 18, 8:22 PM
    • 146Posts
    • 70Thanks
    SpideressUK
    Inheritance Tax/Care Home Fees/Depravation Assets
    • #1
    • 3rd Jul 18, 8:22 PM
    Inheritance Tax/Care Home Fees/Depravation Assets 3rd Jul 18 at 8:22 PM
    Possibly not the exact correct forum but was the nearest that seemed relevant. My mum is still alive (age 74) but wants to sell her house and live with a family member (initially my brother and his family) as she needs help with cooking, dressing etc. Can anyone tell me if she is allowed to gift a large chunk of the house sale (100K between two children) to her children (keeping 20K or so for herself) and have the children "safe" from a potential future care home point of view?


    I have read that inheritance tax starts at 325K and mum has no where near that so presumably there is no inheritance tax. Her intent is to live with a family member (and that is our intent for her) until her death. Our concern is what if her health needs become too great a year or two from now whereby she needs hoists etc and night-time assistance etc so has to go into a care home. Would the care home be saying that she has "depravation" of her assets from gifting the 100k bulk of the sale from the house to her children?


    In order for it to be feasible for one of the children and their family to have her with them they need that 50K to be able to clear debts (costing 500 pm in min interest payment) so that they can then rent/buy a much larger living facility which will allow them their "space" and mum her own "space" within the building.
Page 4
    • SpideressUK
    • By SpideressUK 5th Jul 18, 11:48 AM
    • 146 Posts
    • 70 Thanks
    SpideressUK
    I don't think the OP personally is coming across like that at all now they've explained a bit more. I do have reservations though about mum's income being used to cover brother's debt. Is she going to continue to hand all her money I over in the future - that doesn't feel right at all. However if she has capacity and is fully aware of the implications that is her decision to make. The difficulty comes if she ever feels it is unfair but then due to the decisions made is unable to speak up/change her mind.
    Has she considered renting out her house instead of selling up? If she has POA she could potentially delegate being a landlord to one of the family to save herself the stress. (You'd need to check that out properly.) It does keep some options open rather than selling which is irrevocable.
    Originally posted by elsien

    Yes, as far as I know, my brother is planning on continuing the arrangement of her contributing her entire monthly income into the overall household to cover her living etc costs. It is indeed possible that he could already be considered DOA should she need a care home right now but that is his own accountability and responsibility and risk that he has evidently chosen to take.

    We considered the idea of renting her house but initially ruled it out thinking that since it is in such a dilapidated state it would probably cost her 10-20K to modernise it enough to make it legally safe to even start to rent it and she does not have that kind of cash flow to be able to put into such. Since you mentioned it I have just re-investigated it but this time asking rather than guessing and have spoken to an Estate Agent who act as letting agents for advice. They are sending me a pack but said she would certainly need things like gas safety certificates etc.

    Mum/Dad have been in that house 40 years and for the past 20 or so years it has become "hoarder" style with tiny walk ways in-between "stuff". I have spent the last 7 months going down as often as I can and doing 12/14 hour days each time (well over 200 hours at least so far) and have been clearing the clutter which then uncovered walls full of mold, curtains which shredded the moment I touched them, sink unit that had evidently been leaking for a long time and was all warped away from the wall etc. I have had as much basic DIY from an odd job type man done as cheaply as possible for the things I cannot do like replacing the kitchen work surfaces, getting the main light in the front room back working (they lived by lamp for a decade or more) etc. Having done my best with lots of bleach to de-mold I have been gloss painting and emulsioning and was just about to start wallpapering when mum decided that actually she did not want to go back there after all :-) So, since it is potentially now to be for sale I did another 14 hour day yesterday (school looked after my boys and dropped them off when hubby was home) and emulsioned the kitchen (that I HAD planned to wallpaper) just to make it more presentable for sale. I am going tonight once hubby is home and emulsioning the hall/stairs/landing and will do another full day soon for emulsioning the bathroom and mum/dad's bedroom all to make it look better for sale.

    Even with all of that though the two remaining bedrooms are still full of mold and one is currently full with all mum's "stuff" that I thought she would want/need to keep when moving back in. At a minimum in order to rent I'd have thought she'd need to replace some floor coverings but the house needs a re-wire. There is no heating except one gas fire in the front room so in order to rent I'd have thought she would need to at least have central heating installed.

    The guesstimate at rental income, should it be even in a condition to rent is about 600 pm. If my brother is saying he needs the extra 500 pm from clearing his debt if he is going to able to facilitate renting a bigger property so that mum can stay long term with them and if that cannot be done by clearing the debt then all I can think is that this potential 600 pm mum might get in rental goes to cover his 500 but that would leave her in an impossible situation should her rental house ever need repair as all her monthly income from pensions etc is going to my brother and her personal savings are not going to last long if she has to maintain a house as well with all gas certificates and the like.

    I am asking the Estate Agents who are coming to tell us about the rental options too but I have a feeling that it is going to cost her too much to put the house "right" enough to rent to make it viable and even if it could be "right" she is not going to have enough money to maintain the house for repairs etc.

    Since it appears to be DOA for her to sell and use say 20K/30K to extend our mortgaged house at the back to make a "granny flat" then her living long term with us in our house also seems unlikely/impossible which leaves the tiny option of her getting a shared ownership flat nearer to me so that I can go in to her once or twice a day and meet all the needs that SS do not meet in their 15 min 4 x a day visits.

    This is all based on my brother and his wife/family deciding that unless his 500pm repayment of debt is cleared there is not enough money to rent a bigger place for her to live properly and with the intention of permanently with them.
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 5th Jul 18, 12:21 PM
    • 1,991 Posts
    • 2,760 Thanks
    badmemory
    I have to admit that I am a lot less concerned about 20/30k deprivation of assets than I am about someones total income being used to support someone elses lifestyle. What she is going through now is elder abuse.
    • YoungBlueEyes
    • By YoungBlueEyes 5th Jul 18, 12:36 PM
    • 390 Posts
    • 439 Thanks
    YoungBlueEyes
    I'm no medical expert, but I'll share my experience in case it helps.

    My father was a rather poorly man for quite a few of his later years. He had cancer twice, severe COPD so plenty of chest infections, DVT's, terribly arthritic hands, life long complications from the malaria he contracted whilst working in Africa many moons ago....

    After his 2nd cancer operation a few years ago, I was collecting him from hospital when a nurse pulled me to one side and said that if I wanted, a place in a home could be found for him so that I "could get on with my life rather than spending all my time looking after a broken old man" (Unfortunately for her dad heard the whole thing. I doubt she ever used that phrase again!)
    A doctor spoke to us on our way out. Another long conversation but the gist was this - if dad hadn't started to show signs of dementia/old timers disease by now he was probably safe. He was mid 70's at that point. People that suffer usually start at least a decade earlier with the first little signs. He said the easy way to tell forgetfulness from dementia is like this :-
    Situation 1. You've been shopping in a big mall and when you come out it takes you a few minutes to remember where you parked your car.
    Situation 2. You've been shopping in a big mall and when you come out it takes you a few minutes to remember where you parked your car. But when you find it you realise you have absolutely no idea how to even open it let alone drive it home. A long story but perhaps this analogy will someone else

    Dad and I had long since spoken of what would happen to him. I told him that as long as I have breath in my lungs and me 2 legs under me you'll never be put in a home. He died in his own bed on Rememberance Day last year.

    This might come across as a little harsh and will possibly be an unpopular opinion, but I speak as someone who has done this. I am firmly of the opinion that if you're going to accept large amounts of money to look after your mum, then that's what you do - no matter how rough the going gets. Do it, or don't do it. You shouldn't cherry-pick and expect the LA to step in when the going gets harder. Ever heard the saying "whoever pays the piper calls the tune"? Well your mum is paying the piper/s, and she's called the tune.

    As your mum isn't showing signs of dementia etc then maybe she won't get it - that'll make it much easier. But even if she does perhaps suffer further down the line, the children that are little now may be teenagers by that point and much better able to cope with it all.

    Edit: I've just read post #61. You come across as very capable and certainly not afraid of hard work. If it's only the 'violent dementia' scenario that's putting you off, I wouldn't be overly worried about now at her age
    Last edited by YoungBlueEyes; 05-07-2018 at 12:43 PM.
    • lisyloo
    • By lisyloo 5th Jul 18, 12:44 PM
    • 22,501 Posts
    • 11,112 Thanks
    lisyloo
    They are sending me a pack but said she would certainly need things like gas safety certificates etc.
    Being a landlord is a serious job and not a hobby.
    You mention gas safety certificates. This is quite serious i.e. to prevent carbon monnoxide poisoning.
    Landlords also have some responsibilities regarding illegal immigration, money laudering which our government have delegated.

    You can certainly delegate some tasks to an agent which would of course be for a fee.
    Maintenance needs to be kept on top of and landlords need to be responsive in urgent situations e.g. leaks, lack of hot water.
    Maintenance can be expected to be greater than one's own home and some tenants could be a nightmare.
    On top of this is sorting out income tax, CGT and strategies to mitigate.


    Basically it's some degree of work and also responsibility/liability.
    Some can be professionally delgated but of course that will cost.


    I am not saying it's impossible, just that someone needs to do all the work involved and someone needs to take the responsibility. including beign able to respond quickly in urgent situations.
    I certainly think it's far from ideal for anyone with other stresses in their life or who isn't totally capable on all fronts.


    My husband has a limited company and we spend quite a bit of time keeping on top of the latest legal/financial ruling to work out the best (most tax efficient) way to extract money from his company e.g. pension, dividends, income.
    I would imagine the same is true here as you want to set things up in the most tax efficient way and make the most of any allowances and reliefs available.
    This take time, effort and a certain amount of savvy.
    You can pay someone to do practically anything but accountant/solicitors are more expnesive than decorators or letting agents and ANY of them eat into profits.


    I probably would be better off if I'd gotten into property but I have never fancied it on top of a full time job and other things I've chosen to do.


    Of course it can work out very well, but perhaps not for people with a lots else on their plate?
    Last edited by lisyloo; 05-07-2018 at 12:50 PM.
    • SpideressUK
    • By SpideressUK 5th Jul 18, 1:00 PM
    • 146 Posts
    • 70 Thanks
    SpideressUK
    I'm no medical expert, but I'll share my experience in case it helps.

    My father was a rather poorly man for quite a few of his later years. He had cancer twice, severe COPD so plenty of chest infections, DVT's, terribly arthritic hands, life long complications from the malaria he contracted whilst working in Africa many moons ago....

    After his 2nd cancer operation a few years ago, I was collecting him from hospital when a nurse pulled me to one side and said that if I wanted, a place in a home could be found for him so that I "could get on with my life rather than spending all my time looking after a broken old man" (Unfortunately for her dad heard the whole thing. I doubt she ever used that phrase again!)
    A doctor spoke to us on our way out. Another long conversation but the gist was this - if dad hadn't started to show signs of dementia/old timers disease by now he was probably safe. He was mid 70's at that point. People that suffer usually start at least a decade earlier with the first little signs. He said the easy way to tell forgetfulness from dementia is like this :-
    Situation 1. You've been shopping in a big mall and when you come out it takes you a few minutes to remember where you parked your car.
    Situation 2. You've been shopping in a big mall and when you come out it takes you a few minutes to remember where you parked your car. But when you find it you realise you have absolutely no idea how to even open it let alone drive it home. A long story but perhaps this analogy will someone else

    Dad and I had long since spoken of what would happen to him. I told him that as long as I have breath in my lungs and me 2 legs under me you'll never be put in a home. He died in his own bed on Rememberance Day last year.

    This might come across as a little harsh and will possibly be an unpopular opinion, but I speak as someone who has done this. I am firmly of the opinion that if you're going to accept large amounts of money to look after your mum, then that's what you do - no matter how rough the going gets. Do it, or don't do it. You shouldn't cherry-pick and expect the LA to step in when the going gets harder. Ever heard the saying "whoever pays the piper calls the tune"? Well your mum is paying the piper/s, and she's called the tune.

    As your mum isn't showing signs of dementia etc then maybe she won't get it - that'll make it much easier. But even if she does perhaps suffer further down the line, the children that are little now may be teenagers by that point and much better able to cope with it all.

    Edit: I've just read post #61. You come across as very capable and certainly not afraid of hard work. If it's only the 'violent dementia' scenario that's putting you off, I wouldn't be overly worried about now at her age
    Originally posted by YoungBlueEyes

    Thank you. Your dad getting to die in his own bed (no matter how incredibly hard you must have worked to facilitate that) made my heart grow with the pride of a "well done"



    I am thinking that it might work out that she is not able to stay with my brother down south anyway as his wife looks like she is not going to allow it. I have started looking into the shared ownership properties near me with a view to me being able to go in and look after her though I think she would need to still have some kind of SS visit too as unless she is literally around the corner I have to balance it all with my own family. I am feeling really worried that she wont be able to afford to carry on with a shared ownership thing - they seem to be talking about 250 a month in rent and 130 on top for a "service charge" whatever that is but it does not seem to cover her gas/electric) and with over 25K in the bank (which she should still have left after the sale of the house and the purchase of the shared ownership thing) she'd pay full cost of the SS visits and my friend's mum was recently paying 500-700 a month for a 4 x daily visit arrangement!


    If she is only getting 800/900 pm then her only way of sustaining such a situation would be by living off that plus the money in her bank.......at least when she gets to less than 14K in the bank the SS visits are funded by the LA.


    I really do not know what to do for the best now. One place with a higher ownership (shared) where she owns 75% is getting back to me with rental etc prices so that might help give more options as I guess the more she owns the less rent she will pay. I might just end up moving her in with me, having the granny flat built on the back of the house and risking the DOA should she ever get to a point I cannot look after her. I can cope with her getting up and needing help in the night, I am not working and the children are in school so I can nap by day if needed and if she is hopefully not likely to get violent with dementia then I think I could do pretty much everything else even if we have to get hoists etc in
    • SpideressUK
    • By SpideressUK 5th Jul 18, 1:07 PM
    • 146 Posts
    • 70 Thanks
    SpideressUK
    Being a landlord is a serious job and not a hobby.
    You mention gas safety certificates. This is quite serious i.e. to prevent carbon monnoxide poisoning.
    Landlords also have some responsibilities regarding illegal immigration, money laudering which our government have delegated.

    You can certainly delegate some tasks to an agent which would of course be for a fee.
    Maintenance needs to be kept on top of and landlords need to be responsive in urgent situations e.g. leaks, lack of hot water.
    Maintenance can be expected to be greater than one's own home and some tenants could be a nightmare.
    On top of this is sorting out income tax, CGT and strategies to mitigate.


    Basically it's some degree of work and also responsibility/liability.
    Some can be professionally delgated but of course that will cost.


    I am not saying it's impossible, just that someone needs to do all the work involved and someone needs to take the responsibility. including beign able to respond quickly in urgent situations.
    I certainly think it's far from ideal for anyone with other stresses in their life or who isn't totally capable on all fronts.


    My husband has a limited company and we spend quite a bit of time keeping on top of the latest legal/financial ruling to work out the best (most tax efficient) way to extract money from his company e.g. pension, dividends, income.
    I would imagine the same is true here as you want to set things up in the most tax efficient way and make the most of any allowances and reliefs available.
    This take time, effort and a certain amount of savvy.
    You can pay someone to do practically anything but accountant/solicitors are more expnesive than decorators or letting agents and ANY of them eat into profits.


    I probably would be better off if I'd gotten into property but I have never fancied it on top of a full time job and other things I've chosen to do.


    Of course it can work out very well, but perhaps not for people with a lots else on their plate?
    Originally posted by lisyloo

    I am thinking that. I have seen a lot of "Can't pay, we'll take it away!" type programmes and seen a lot of the horror stories of landlords and renters. It is likely mum is going to need the full money from the sale of the house anyway in order to move and be nearer to me so I can go in and care for her or risk the idea of a granny flat on my own house leaving me potentially open to DOA in the future as it is probably not going to work out with my brother down south.
    • lisyloo
    • By lisyloo 5th Jul 18, 1:17 PM
    • 22,501 Posts
    • 11,112 Thanks
    lisyloo
    Have you contacted the local authority?
    One suggestion for my MIL and FIL was to go into sheltered accomodation where there were nurses on site.
    They did not want to move but can be great in transistioning people as their needs increase.



    Could she consider a privately owned small flat?
    MIL and FIL owned a small flat where there was a pullcord/helpline system in every room.
    These days you can get crash mats with alarms, technology that tells you if someone hasn't moved for a while and even CCTV. There's privacy issues with CCTV but just saying there's a lot of technology that can help people stay on their own.
    A lot of nusing homes we visted had crash mats so they'd know if someone had fell out of bed.
    • SpideressUK
    • By SpideressUK 5th Jul 18, 1:45 PM
    • 146 Posts
    • 70 Thanks
    SpideressUK
    Have you contacted the local authority?
    One suggestion for my MIL and FIL was to go into sheltered accomodation where there were nurses on site.
    They did not want to move but can be great in transistioning people as their needs increase.



    Could she consider a privately owned small flat?
    MIL and FIL owned a small flat where there was a pullcord/helpline system in every room.
    These days you can get crash mats with alarms, technology that tells you if someone hasn't moved for a while and even CCTV. There's privacy issues with CCTV but just saying there's a lot of technology that can help people stay on their own.
    A lot of nusing homes we visted had crash mats so they'd know if someone had fell out of bed.
    Originally posted by lisyloo

    Yes, have spoken to LA in the council where her house is and she was allocated a SW who was initially saying about the 4 x a day SS visits means tested etc but they have discharged her now that she is not coming "home". Spoken to the council she is under whilst with my brother, they are not particularly interested since she is not officially their resident yet. Spoke to my own council yesterday as she might move up here for me to look after her and they cannot tell me much until she is actually here.......


    We did look at sheltered accommodation at first but I don't think they were able to offer the level of care she needs - don't think there was anyone to make meals for her and she is a fussy eater so meals on wheels/farmfoods - more or less any pre-done stuff she wont eat as it normally as a bit of onion in or a bit of sweetcorn or a bit of broccli and she wont touch stuff like that. I know the district nurse comes in for her bandages and that is not paid for by her but by the NHS and when she was in a care home after Christmas temp the district nurse came and prepared the insulin before meals but at home family can do that for her.


    I am looking into small flats/shared housing etc to see if she can move near me so I can look after her.
    • lisyloo
    • By lisyloo 5th Jul 18, 2:59 PM
    • 22,501 Posts
    • 11,112 Thanks
    lisyloo
    I haven't read the enitre thread and not sure whether this is useful by my in-laws were each allowed just over 300 income per week before having to pay for home visits.
    If you need more info on that let me know and I'll see if I can dig out the calculations, but I was suprised as I felt it was generous.
    • SpideressUK
    • By SpideressUK 5th Jul 18, 3:37 PM
    • 146 Posts
    • 70 Thanks
    SpideressUK
    I haven't read the enitre thread and not sure whether this is useful by my in-laws were each allowed just over 300 income per week before having to pay for home visits.
    If you need more info on that let me know and I'll see if I can dig out the calculations, but I was suprised as I felt it was generous.
    Originally posted by lisyloo
    I think it's not so much just income but on savings. Under about 14k all SS is paid over about 23k you pay full rate, between the two you get various % of discounts.
    • SevenOfNine
    • By SevenOfNine 5th Jul 18, 3:51 PM
    • 1,390 Posts
    • 1,392 Thanks
    SevenOfNine
    Interesting how your brother links HIS debt with a need for your mother's income! Time he took responsibility for his own decisions & actions & stopped looking to his mummy to bail him out.

    I think you may have already hit on an acceptable plan, which may avoid DoA accusations further down the line (so far your brother is responsible for what he's been doing). Granny accommodation build on to your house. Self contained for mum, you can provide care (if not on a pension yourself then you can claim carer's allowance), & still have the privacy of your own home.

    Might encounter a resistant LA should mum deteriorate to such a point further down the line & really needs a care home, but TBH you can cross that bridge when you come to it, & just do what's best for her now.

    Of course, you need to set up LPA's & register them now if she looks like her mental health isn't what it once was.

    Edit: I know she hasn't got altzheimers, but here is a discussion on a 'granny flat'. https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/using-donors-money-for-granny-flat.107533/
    Last edited by SevenOfNine; 05-07-2018 at 3:59 PM.
    Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
    • margaretclare
    • By margaretclare 5th Jul 18, 4:13 PM
    • 10,169 Posts
    • 17,233 Thanks
    margaretclare
    the district nurse came and prepared the insulin before meals but at home family can do that for her.
    Do you check her blood glucose levels before injecting insulin/before meals?



    I'm reminded of a phone conversation I had with a hospital doctor when DH developed septicaemia in 2008 and nearly died. This doctor had it firmly stuck in his head that I must be DH's carer and must know all about his insulin regime. As DH has been Type II for about 30 years, long before we met, and has been an insulin user since 1996, the year before we met, I've always been happy to leave the ins-and-outs of it to him. We had a right argy-bargy on the phone. The doctor simply could not accept that DH did it all himself and I really did not know what insulin he gave himself, and when. Also, 'he must have been prescribed a set dose'. No, he had not. It depends entirely on his blood glucose level results.



    If I was really incapacitated I'd go for Oakhouse Foods. They're very convenient, tasty, you can get them in smaller portions. Sorry your mum doesn't like onion, sweetcorn or broccoli!
    Last edited by margaretclare; 05-07-2018 at 4:21 PM.
    r ic wisdom funde, r wear ic eald.
    Before I found wisdom, I became old.
    • margaretclare
    • By margaretclare 5th Jul 18, 4:19 PM
    • 10,169 Posts
    • 17,233 Thanks
    margaretclare
    I haven't read the enitre thread and not sure whether this is useful by my in-laws were each allowed just over 300 income per week before having to pay for home visits.
    If you need more info on that let me know and I'll see if I can dig out the calculations, but I was suprised as I felt it was generous.
    Originally posted by lisyloo

    Each??


    When DH was being sent home from hospital complete with no knee joint, 4 x daily antibiotics and a huge splint on his leg, I was told by a hospital SW that 'we'll only take half your joint account'. I assume she meant by that our joint income, since it doesn't go into a joint account.


    Although I managed to cancel the care package which we were told we must have, the council Finance Dept were very soon on our case and wanted to visit to 'assess DH's income' within days. I did work out how much 4 visits daily x 7 days a week would cost, and it wasn't cheap.
    r ic wisdom funde, r wear ic eald.
    Before I found wisdom, I became old.
    • lisyloo
    • By lisyloo 5th Jul 18, 4:56 PM
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    • 11,112 Thanks
    lisyloo
    Yes that was each in Bath & NE Somerset (although they didn't both get visits at the same time).


    I was told by a hospital SW that 'we'll only take half your joint account'.

    I don't have the context but I'd assume she meant half savings.
    If savings are in a joint account then they are assumed to be 50/50.


    Income is single, so pensions or AA would be individual.
    If there is a joint pension credit claim it would be split 50/50.


    I did work out how much 4 visits daily x 7 days a week would cost, and it wasn't cheap.
    We got it privately at one point (MIL went into hospital but FIL had a good relationship with the carers so we wanted to keep the same people in place). It was 15 per visit.


    I believe their visits were one hour but that included help with showering which would take some time (I don't think either of them ever took this up).


    15x4x7=420 for the maximum
    • SpideressUK
    • By SpideressUK 5th Jul 18, 5:24 PM
    • 146 Posts
    • 70 Thanks
    SpideressUK
    Interesting how your brother links HIS debt with a need for your mother's income! Time he took responsibility for his own decisions & actions & stopped looking to his mummy to bail him out.

    I think you may have already hit on an acceptable plan, which may avoid DoA accusations further down the line (so far your brother is responsible for what he's been doing). Granny accommodation build on to your house. Self contained for mum, you can provide care (if not on a pension yourself then you can claim carer's allowance), & still have the privacy of your own home.

    Might encounter a resistant LA should mum deteriorate to such a point further down the line & really needs a care home, but TBH you can cross that bridge when you come to it, & just do what's best for her now.

    Of course, you need to set up LPA's & register them now if she looks like her mental health isn't what it once was.

    Edit: I know she hasn't got altzheimers, but here is a discussion on a 'granny flat'. https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/using-donors-money-for-granny-flat.107533/
    Originally posted by SevenOfNine
    Thanks. We already have heath and finance LPA set up. I had a quick look on that link and there are a lot of abbreviations I do not know so will have a good look later. Right now I am at my mum's and about to attempt painting the hall stairs and landing walls!

    We got the LPA simply because dad has always done everything for her. She has never done bill paying, budgeting etc and has no idea about "online" at least this way we can keep her bills paid for eg the gardener
    • SpideressUK
    • By SpideressUK 5th Jul 18, 5:30 PM
    • 146 Posts
    • 70 Thanks
    SpideressUK
    Do you check her blood glucose levels before injecting insulin/before meals?



    I'm reminded of a phone conversation I had with a hospital doctor when DH developed septicaemia in 2008 and nearly died. This doctor had it firmly stuck in his head that I must be DH's carer and must know all about his insulin regime. As DH has been Type II for about 30 years, long before we met, and has been an insulin user since 1996, the year before we met, I've always been happy to leave the ins-and-outs of it to him. We had a right argy-bargy on the phone. The doctor simply could not accept that DH did it all himself and I really did not know what insulin he gave himself, and when. Also, 'he must have been prescribed a set dose'. No, he had not. It depends entirely on his blood glucose level results.



    If I was really incapacitated I'd go for Oakhouse Foods. They're very convenient, tasty, you can get them in smaller portions. Sorry your mum doesn't like onion, sweetcorn or broccoli!
    Originally posted by margaretclare
    Yes do the finger blood test every time :-) I had *very* brief training from district nurse actually in the funeral parlour with my dad lying dead in his coffin behind her as I'd taken mum to see dad and nurse had come to do mum's insulin! When I tried to do what i thought I now knew how to do the next day it turned out ridiculously hard just to get the finger blood drawing thing working and to work out even how to open the sharps bin! 30 mins in Wetherspoons toilets, a frantic phone call to a nurse friend and it was ok :-)
    Last edited by SpideressUK; 05-07-2018 at 5:34 PM.
    • Cheeky_Monkey
    • By Cheeky_Monkey 5th Jul 18, 5:44 PM
    • 1,809 Posts
    • 3,865 Thanks
    Cheeky_Monkey
    Just wanted to say that I'm glad that your mum has you in her corner trying to do what's best for her (as opposed to your leach of a brother who appears to be bleeding her dry financially).
    I used to be indecisive - now I'm not so sure
    • margaretclare
    • By margaretclare 5th Jul 18, 6:38 PM
    • 10,169 Posts
    • 17,233 Thanks
    margaretclare
    I don't have the context but I'd assume she meant half savings.
    If savings are in a joint account then they are assumed to be 50/50.
    Originally posted by lisyloo

    No, we have no joint savings - we both save separately, ISAs etc can't be joint.


    It was amazing how some of these people were able to pontificate without any factual or background knowledge. We have a joint account which is kept purely for paying bills. Most of the time there's very little in it.


    Income is single, so pensions or AA would be individual.
    If there is a joint pension credit claim it would be split 50/50.

    Thank goodness, no pension credit! We're both still taxpayers.


    We got it privately at one point (MIL went into hospital but FIL had a good relationship with the carers so we wanted to keep the same people in place). It was 15 per visit.


    I believe their visits were one hour but that included help with showering which would take some time (I don't think either of them ever took this up).

    They insisted on delivering a commode which they said DH would have to use. He didn't. It went back pristine, unused.



    15x4x7=420 for the maximum

    Thanks for this. Yes, I know it would have worked out expensive, but fortunately, with mother-wit and determination, we managed without it.
    r ic wisdom funde, r wear ic eald.
    Before I found wisdom, I became old.
    • SpideressUK
    • By SpideressUK 5th Jul 18, 6:39 PM
    • 146 Posts
    • 70 Thanks
    SpideressUK
    Just wanted to say that I'm glad that your mum has you in her corner trying to do what's best for her (as opposed to your leach of a brother who appears to be bleeding her dry financially).
    Originally posted by Cheeky_Monkey
    I think my brother is just like a drowning man who flails aimlessly hoping for something to hang on to. I know for sure he loves mum to bits but his financial circumstances force him to do things he may otherwise not do. Aside from all his "stuff" he has indeed kept mum out of a care home these last 7 months (I could not have her move in with me at that time as the adoption of our younger child had not gone through then so SWs would have not allowed my mum with us. My brother has also given mum a new lease of life by enabling her to be around her very young grandchildren, one of which was only born in Feb just gone. Inspite of the financial cost to mum what this respite chance has in fact given her is priceless.
    • margaretclare
    • By margaretclare 5th Jul 18, 6:39 PM
    • 10,169 Posts
    • 17,233 Thanks
    margaretclare
    I have to admit that I am a lot less concerned about 20/30k deprivation of assets than I am about someones total income being used to support someone elses lifestyle. What she is going through now is elder abuse.
    Originally posted by badmemory

    Couldn't agree more.
    r ic wisdom funde, r wear ic eald.
    Before I found wisdom, I became old.
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