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    • KnightRider
    • By KnightRider 28th Jun 18, 1:08 PM
    • 47Posts
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    KnightRider
    Which dating site would be best for finding someone who wants to settle down and have a family?
    • #1
    • 28th Jun 18, 1:08 PM
    Which dating site would be best for finding someone who wants to settle down and have a family? 28th Jun 18 at 1:08 PM
    Hello all,


    Which dating site would be best for someone looking to meet someone with the aim of settling down and starting a family?


    I seem to be doing well on OKCupid, if you measure dating site success as numbers of people contacting you! Unfortunately, I seem to continually get messages from women who say on their profile that they don't want children. It seems like a bit of a non-starter for me, as I do!


    I even got a message a little while ago that said "why do all the good ones want children?". It's a bit frustrating as either they don't read my profile or they just choose to ignore the bit where I've selected 'wants children'.


    Doing my own searches doesn't give much encouragement either - women around my age (I'm 38) and in my area generally do not want to get married or have children. This seems to be counter to the various articles around that claim that loads of women in their 30s are desperate to meet the right one and settle down! Not where I live, it seems!


    So OKCupid doesn't look to be the way to go.


    I'm starting to consider possibly a matchmaker of some sort but not sure how good these really are. I guess, logically, someone who has paid a fair chunk of money to do something like that would be at least taking it seriously but logic seems to go out of the window when it comes to dating sites and the like!
Page 1
    • okborednow
    • By okborednow 28th Jun 18, 1:50 PM
    • 161 Posts
    • 236 Thanks
    okborednow
    • #2
    • 28th Jun 18, 1:50 PM
    • #2
    • 28th Jun 18, 1:50 PM
    I've got no personal experience but i believe the selling point of eHarmony is that the site analyses your values and interests etc to match you with someone compatible. It is a paid for site but it might be worth the investment if it helps you meet the sort of person you want.
    • garth549
    • By garth549 28th Jun 18, 2:17 PM
    • 213 Posts
    • 86 Thanks
    garth549
    • #3
    • 28th Jun 18, 2:17 PM
    • #3
    • 28th Jun 18, 2:17 PM
    To be honest I'd stay away from all the paid ones (Match, OKCupid, eHarmony).

    With Match and OKCupid I had suspicions of fake profiles/contact and overall found them to be a waste of money.

    eHarmony was even worse. None of my 'matches' were suitable and I only had 2 within an hours drive. Most were at the other side of the country! Paid something like 89. Rip off!

    I met my wife on Plenty of Fish. It's free and I would say it's the best (mind you it's 7 years since I used it!)

    However with it being free there's a lot of timewasters/pervs/people just after one thing. This is much less of a problem if you're male though.
    • KnightRider
    • By KnightRider 28th Jun 18, 3:28 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 58 Thanks
    KnightRider
    • #4
    • 28th Jun 18, 3:28 PM
    • #4
    • 28th Jun 18, 3:28 PM
    I've got no personal experience but i believe the selling point of eHarmony is that the site analyses your values and interests etc to match you with someone compatible. It is a paid for site but it might be worth the investment if it helps you meet the sort of person you want.
    Originally posted by okborednow

    Thanks - I'll take a look at that. :-) Hopefully I can take a look at profiles first and get an idea of how many there are in my area and whether they're paying (no point in messaging people that can't reply!).

    To be honest I'd stay away from all the paid ones (Match, OKCupid, eHarmony).

    With Match and OKCupid I had suspicions of fake profiles/contact and overall found them to be a waste of money.

    eHarmony was even worse. None of my 'matches' were suitable and I only had 2 within an hours drive. Most were at the other side of the country! Paid something like 89. Rip off!

    I met my wife on Plenty of Fish. It's free and I would say it's the best (mind you it's 7 years since I used it!)

    However with it being free there's a lot of timewasters/pervs/people just after one thing. This is much less of a problem if you're male though.
    Originally posted by garth549

    Thanks - I'm on Plenty Of Fish too but don't visit there that often as I've found most women that are on OKCupid are on that one too! It seems to have the same issues as OKC for me. Hopefully there'll be more from my area on eHarmony.
    • sammyjammy
    • By sammyjammy 28th Jun 18, 6:25 PM
    • 4,441 Posts
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    sammyjammy
    • #5
    • 28th Jun 18, 6:25 PM
    • #5
    • 28th Jun 18, 6:25 PM
    You don't have to pay to be able to message people on POF
    "You've been reading SOS when it's just your clock reading 5:05 "
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 28th Jun 18, 6:38 PM
    • 2,021 Posts
    • 2,296 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    • #6
    • 28th Jun 18, 6:38 PM
    • #6
    • 28th Jun 18, 6:38 PM
    I met my husband on dating direct.
    I do think the paid for sites are better for relationships. Pof and tinder etc seem more for hook ups.
    I probably wouldn't mention kids on the profile of you might put off people who assume you are broody and looking to commit really fast.
    • cashewnut
    • By cashewnut 29th Jun 18, 5:45 AM
    • 338 Posts
    • 577 Thanks
    cashewnut
    • #7
    • 29th Jun 18, 5:45 AM
    • #7
    • 29th Jun 18, 5:45 AM
    I met my husband on Guardian Soulmates almost six years ago. We both had "maybe" down on the question of whether we wanted kids. We are now expecting one in October

    I agree with the poster above 100%. If someone had laid out their intentions to start a family on their dating profile I'd have run a mile. You need to let these things happen organically.

    *Edit* it's obviously been a while since I was on there but I seem to remember on GS you can match against people based on the importance of having children. I remember liking the look of one guy but I was a 0% match for him as he only wanted to date women who had selected "wants children".
    Last edited by cashewnut; 29-06-2018 at 5:51 AM.
    • KnightRider
    • By KnightRider 12th Jul 18, 2:16 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 58 Thanks
    KnightRider
    • #8
    • 12th Jul 18, 2:16 PM
    • #8
    • 12th Jul 18, 2:16 PM
    Well, registered for eHarmony today and I'm pretty disappointed by the recommendations. There's one person from the town I live in and the others are not terribly local - there's one other that is about 30 mins away which is ok but the others wouldn't exactly be able to pop round to watch a DVD together.


    A bit surprised really as I don't live in a small town plus I'm 45 minutes from London!


    If that's the best they can give me to try to convince me to pay out that monthly fee then I think I'll give it a miss. I had no idea I was so unique!
    • fibonarchie
    • By fibonarchie 12th Jul 18, 3:04 PM
    • 904 Posts
    • 1,559 Thanks
    fibonarchie
    • #9
    • 12th Jul 18, 3:04 PM
    • #9
    • 12th Jul 18, 3:04 PM
    I've seen a lot of ads for screwfix on telly. Presume that's a dating site?
    • PasturesNew
    • By PasturesNew 12th Jul 18, 3:08 PM
    • 64,953 Posts
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    PasturesNew
    If you're actually serious etc .... then you might be better off putting in the effort at that "real life" place.

    In the main, those online are just passing time, or there to look only ... and are pretty wishy washy. They're probably also more self-obsessed.

    You want "a real person".... and you find them in the real world.
    • marliepanda
    • By marliepanda 12th Jul 18, 3:13 PM
    • 6,894 Posts
    • 14,990 Thanks
    marliepanda
    If you're actually serious etc .... then you might be better off putting in the effort at that "real life" place.

    In the main, those online are just passing time, or there to look only ... and are pretty wishy washy. They're probably also more self-obsessed.

    You want "a real person".... and you find them in the real world.
    Originally posted by PasturesNew
    I think a few years back that was the case.

    Nowdays everyone is on Tinder. Its no different to facebook it seems!
    • batg
    • By batg 12th Jul 18, 3:26 PM
    • 209 Posts
    • 321 Thanks
    batg
    I think Tinder and POF are 95% looking for a leg over.........not many wanting lasting relationships on them two.
    • LadyDee
    • By LadyDee 13th Jul 18, 7:36 AM
    • 3,276 Posts
    • 3,407 Thanks
    LadyDee
    I think a few years back that was the case.

    Nowdays everyone is on Tinder. Its no different to facebook it seems!
    Originally posted by marliepanda

    Not "everybody" is on Tinder, Facebook, Twitter (I'm sure there are more that I haven't heard of).

    There's still a real world out there. Don't any of your friends have sisters? Enlist the help of married friends - wives usually have a friend who they think would be perfect for you.

    Don't you have any interests - you could join a club and maybe meet a like-minded person. Take an evening class or two in something you have an interest in. Take dance classes - there are always too many ladies at a dance class.

    Try not to sound so desperate. Look for a lover before you look for somebody to have your babies!
    • KnightRider
    • By KnightRider 13th Jul 18, 8:38 AM
    • 47 Posts
    • 58 Thanks
    KnightRider
    If you're actually serious etc .... then you might be better off putting in the effort at that "real life" place.

    In the main, those online are just passing time, or there to look only ... and are pretty wishy washy. They're probably also more self-obsessed.

    You want "a real person".... and you find them in the real world.
    Originally posted by PasturesNew

    I would love to meet someone in "real life", unfortunately it's not so easy. I don't do bars (and I doubt I'd meet a good woman at one anyway) and most women my age are already married (already had a married woman try it on with me and my response will always be "no way").


    I know people say coffee shops and bookshops but, realistically, if I go to a coffee shop, I'm going to buy coffee. If I go to a bookshop then I'll definitely end up buying books (probably lots of them)!

    I think Tinder and POF are 95% looking for a leg over.........not many wanting lasting relationships on them two.
    Originally posted by batg

    I'm not looking for hook-ups so Tinder doesn't appeal at all. POF is pretty much just the same people from OKC.

    Not "everybody" is on Tinder, Facebook, Twitter (I'm sure there are more that I haven't heard of).

    There's still a real world out there. Don't any of your friends have sisters? Enlist the help of married friends - wives usually have a friend who they think would be perfect for you.

    Don't you have any interests - you could join a club and maybe meet a like-minded person. Take an evening class or two in something you have an interest in. Take dance classes - there are always too many ladies at a dance class.

    Try not to sound so desperate. Look for a lover before you look for somebody to have your babies!
    Originally posted by LadyDee

    Nearly all of my friends are married. Their sisters, friends, etc. are all married too. I usually get told that someone "may" know someone but then they either forget to ask or it turns out that that someone wasn't single after all. Most people don't care about their single friends and the standard response is to "try online dating". People already coupled rarely understand the realities of online dating, they think it's just a big catalogue, you just have to choose someone and away you go - especially when they "know someone who met their husband/wife through online dating"!


    Very few clubs here and evening classes that I've wanted to join have all been cancelled "due to lack of interest" (this is things like foreign languages). I have a pretty busy job anyway so it would need to be something very interesting to me to make me want to go after a tiring day. Dancing doesn't really appeal to me.


    I don't think checking the "wants kids" option on a dating profile and wanting to meet someone who wants a serious and honest relationship makes me "desperate". :-)
    • Out, Vile Jelly
    • By Out, Vile Jelly 13th Jul 18, 4:14 PM
    • 4,207 Posts
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    Out, Vile Jelly
    I met my bloke in a pub, watching football (no idea if that makes me a "good woman" or not. The default seems to be to meet on dating sites these days, but other exceptions amongst my friends have been at a walking group and conservation volunteering.

    Why not try selecting "maybe" for the kids option and see if that increases the matches?
    They are an EYESORES!!!!
    • fibonarchie
    • By fibonarchie 13th Jul 18, 4:44 PM
    • 904 Posts
    • 1,559 Thanks
    fibonarchie
    Why not try selecting "maybe" for the kids option and see if that increases the matches?
    Originally posted by Out, Vile Jelly
    erm.. cos he definitely doesn't want kids?

    No point in leading people on, or giving out mixed messages.
    • Working Mum
    • By Working Mum 13th Jul 18, 4:52 PM
    • 314 Posts
    • 1,069 Thanks
    Working Mum
    Have you checked out "MeetUp" and "Spice" - they are groups of singles who get together and do things and maybe love will follow. It's real life and based around activities and events s- some are simple like going to the cinema whilst others are a bit more adventurous.

    Maybe worth a look in your area.
    • PasturesNew
    • By PasturesNew 13th Jul 18, 5:01 PM
    • 64,953 Posts
    • 381,273 Thanks
    PasturesNew
    I would love to meet someone in "real life", unfortunately it's not so easy.
    Originally posted by KnightRider
    No it's never easy .... and if you don't like bars there'd be no point trying to pull in one because ... they'd like bars

    It's that old "hobbies" thing again, what do you like doing.

    You need a hobby where others will talk to you, you can join a club - but something you can do alone, or with others.

    No train spotting, girls don't really do that.
    Photography can be good, although not that great if you need pricey kit and accessories and, these days, "nobody really cares about photography as we're immersed in multi media 24.7"

    So, sports.... now, maybe you hate sports, but there are a few "dossy" ones. One I've fancied is kayaking ... of course, you do need a kayak and a vehicle to get it to water. But it's "manly" and you don't have to do a lot ... once in it, you can almost just bobble about on the spot in places where people are... perchance somebody speaks to you Oh, you could join a kayak club. But if you've no car, live in Milton Keynes and can't swim, that's not good.

    Try to pick something that suits your location and can be done alone, or with others .... so you can do it alone until you bump into others. Then hang out in forums for that activity, to "make mates". Then meet up with those "mates" .... and eventually and over time they'll know other people who are passing by, or have a BBQ, or something.
    • selement
    • By selement 13th Jul 18, 5:51 PM
    • 504 Posts
    • 1,937 Thanks
    selement
    What age range are you considering? You might have better luck with early 30s? I think by 38 most women who want kids are probably already having them. I have a friend who has the opposite problem almost and struggles to find single women who don't have kids and don't want them. Do you exclude those who already have kids?
    Trying to lose weight (13.5lb to go)
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 13th Jul 18, 6:26 PM
    • 15,140 Posts
    • 20,741 Thanks
    Gloomendoom
    What age range are you considering? You might have better luck with early 30s? I think by 38 most women who want kids are probably already having them.
    Originally posted by selement
    I was thinking the same thing. Why does she have to be the same age. If you expand your scope down middle 20's, you might have more luck.
    Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. - Mark Twain
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