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  • FIRST POST
    • MeandO
    • By MeandO 22nd Jun 18, 12:10 PM
    • 1,660Posts
    • 8,293Thanks
    MeandO
    MeandO's money-shuffle
    • #1
    • 22nd Jun 18, 12:10 PM
    MeandO's money-shuffle 22nd Jun 18 at 12:10 PM
    Hello all,

    I've snuck back over from the MFW board as I still don't really feel 'at home' over there, so I hope no-one minds me creeping back in over here.

    I don't really have any debt other than my mortgage, however, I am a single mum to one, now working part time, so have to budget really hard to pay the bills, save money monthly for yearly expenses and emergency savings 'pots' and attempt to overpay the mortgage at the same time as making sure my DS and I have fun.

    I'm forever shuffling little bits of money from one place to another (hence the title ) in order to meet my self-imposed savings or mortgage repayment targets. Sometimes this is from saving money on the grocery budget, selling on ebay/FB/gumtree or from doing surveys, but I try and remember that every penny makes a difference.

    I've paid off a lot of debt over the years and had several debt-free diaries, and, if I don't plan things properly and let things slip, it would be very easy for me to get back into debt. I also treat my mortgage as a debt (which it obviously is) that I need to repay ASAP and save interest on, so am forever chipping away at it.

    Here's a link to my last diary:
    https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5742079

    Feel free to shuffle along with me!
    M
    x
    Last edited by MeandO; 31-10-2018 at 11:36 AM.
    House moving fund: £1627.81
    2018 mortgage OP's: £1894.35/£1800

    Emergency Fund: £400
Page 11
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 10th Oct 18, 8:03 PM
    • 4,257 Posts
    • 36,539 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    I too had been wondering why this hadn't been picked up on when you bought the house, but I don't really know enough about it to comment. I'm so sorry that it keeps throwing up problems again and again... it's an awful situation for you to be in. May be worth enquiring about a remortgage, just to give you some breathing space.
    Lots of love
    December in the Tardis #16 nsd = 9 New life = new debt
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid £28,447
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 10th Oct 18, 9:09 PM
    • 1,247 Posts
    • 5,984 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    So sorry to read about the house problems MeandO. Presumably whoever did the historical repairs will have some kind of public liability insurance. Is that company still in business? Is it worth persuing ?
    paydbx #93 £929.08/£8,000.
    Loan £17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans £3342 March 2017. £2994 in Aug 18
    • MeandO
    • By MeandO 11th Oct 18, 9:49 AM
    • 1,660 Posts
    • 8,293 Thanks
    MeandO
    We have no idea who did the alterations, it's likely to be a few owners back and they have probably done it themselves - removing a load bearing wall and not putting in adequate support, so no way of claiming from anyone unfortunately.

    I had a full survey done prior to purchase which didn't highlight any of these issues. However, it included caveats - a common practice to cover themselves ie. houses of this age may experience this or that... and it should be checked by a specialist etc etc.
    However, the builders and current surveyor have all said that the particular problem with the house was so bad that it has obviously been going on for at least ten years, so signs would have been evident and should have been picked up. Also, the new issue with the lack of support has been discovered by other symptoms in the floors above which were there when I moved in, but were not so bad. I asked the surveyor at the time to look at these in detail during the house survey as I was concerned it could be a sign of something else, but no issues were highlighted.
    The surveyor I'm dealing with presently has told me to make a complaint, although it is highly unlikely to get anywhere, but I will be doing so anyway. I also have downloaded pictures from google street view from 2011 which do show a hint of issues with the house then, although the photos are not particularly clear.

    It all came to a head yesterday. I broke down on the phone to my parents, crying uncontrollably and unable to get my words out. DS heard me crying and came running to me, hugged me and was upset and worried himself. I think he thought something had happened to his beloved Nanny.
    I feels so awful about everything. I feel like I have let DS down by moving him from a lovely, safe house to this and let my parents down again by them picking up the financial pieces for me and giving them so much more stress and worry that they certainly do not need.

    OH came over later, I cooked him food, he was offish with me from the start and to cut a long story short, he ended up shouting at me, accusing me of being negative and walking out on me, slamming the door and telling me he 'can't cope with this doom and gloom at the moment.'

    I didn't even cry and I wasn't particularly upset. I was angry and absolutely flabbergasted. After I've supported him through his own hell for 2.5 years, which has brought me down no end whilst dealing with my own issues, I have one day of being upset and down for what I believe is good reason and he walks out on me telling me I'm bringing him down...
    Last edited by MeandO; 11-10-2018 at 10:04 AM.
    House moving fund: £1627.81
    2018 mortgage OP's: £1894.35/£1800

    Emergency Fund: £400
    • MeandO
    • By MeandO 11th Oct 18, 9:59 AM
    • 1,660 Posts
    • 8,293 Thanks
    MeandO
    Oh, and throughout all this, I sold something for £5, the lady came to collect it, so there's an extra fiver added to the pot.
    House moving fund: £1627.81
    2018 mortgage OP's: £1894.35/£1800

    Emergency Fund: £400
  • archived user
    Oh god hun... firstly your OH needs to learn what being a supportive partner means! You have every right to feel down at the moment, and he should be more caring instead of shouting & slamming the door! My inbox is always open if you need a good old rant... we can put the world to rights over a virtual glass of wine!!!

    You havenít let your DS down at all. Life likes to throw horrible things at us sometimes and at least this will help prepare him for adulthood! Owning a house can be an absolute nightmare. Youíll get through it though. Sending hugs
    • Chrystal
    • By Chrystal 11th Oct 18, 1:19 PM
    • 555 Posts
    • 3,688 Thanks
    Chrystal
    First and foremost you haven't let DS down. It's you who has been let down by poor surveys and someone who should have had your back. Definitely put in a complaint, I'm sure there must be a professional body of surveyers? Was it the mortgage lender surveyer, and if so is there any claim through the mortgage - maybe help with the repairs?
    Secondly maybe you need to have a long hard think about whether the person you have supported for the last few years is the person for you. Looking at it from the outside it seems as though he needs a one way street ie it's only him who gets support. Do you want your son to have this man as a role model? I think you deserve better.
    Don't feel bad about letting your parents know. As a parent of adult children I can safely say that the majority of parents with a 'child' in your position would much rather be in the loop and able to help where possible. Imagine if your son was in real bother and didn't/wouldn't tell you. How do you think that would make you feel? The saying 'a problem shared is a problem halved' was coined for a reason. What people forget is that parents generally have a lot more life experience than their kids and can even sometimes know solutions
    Take a deep breath and give yourself time to take everything in - it's all been an enormous shock to you, but it WILL get sorted. ((hugs))
    I Believe.....
    That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.
    Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
    • Hillwalker11
    • By Hillwalker11 11th Oct 18, 1:40 PM
    • 46 Posts
    • 170 Thanks
    Hillwalker11
    I really feel for you. The responsibility you have had to shoulder alone is immense. This isn't just a small decorating issue it is a huge structural issue. You did everything right by having a full survey and as you say surveyors always cover themselves.
    Children are very resilient and as your son grows up he will somehow understand that you have always put him first. Believe me he will just know
    that you have always been there for him whatever other rubbish is going on.
    Keep your parents in the loop, as someone else said they have had a lot of life experience and will want to be able to support you in this.
    There are no words for your OH, he hasn't supported you when you need him.End of.
    Can you claim on your house insurance for these structural repairs, it does sound like a huge job.
    I do hope you begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel soon.
    • Sayschezza
    • By Sayschezza 11th Oct 18, 4:00 PM
    • 346 Posts
    • 2,966 Thanks
    Sayschezza
    Massive hugs. You have always put your ds first. Time to put yourself a close second.xx
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 11th Oct 18, 6:05 PM
    • 4,257 Posts
    • 36,539 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    Of course you haven't let your son down.
    Simple fact is that you didn't know that these problems existed when you bought the house - and the people you trusted to check that the property was structurally sound let you down.
    If your parents are anything like mine then they'll only want to be there for you, and want to help you out as much as they can.
    As for your OH, I really hope he's realised what a pr*** he's been.
    December in the Tardis #16 nsd = 9 New life = new debt
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid £28,447
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 11th Oct 18, 6:33 PM
    • 1,247 Posts
    • 5,984 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Slamming the door when he knows there are structural issues

    The fact you asked the surveyor to look at this particular issue because you were concerned makes you wonder whether he/she actually did. I would have thought it's worth putting in a complaint. Does buildings insurance cover anything?

    So sorry that you are having stress upon stress....thinking of you.
    paydbx #93 £929.08/£8,000.
    Loan £17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans £3342 March 2017. £2994 in Aug 18
    • MeandO
    • By MeandO 12th Oct 18, 10:58 AM
    • 1,660 Posts
    • 8,293 Thanks
    MeandO
    Thank you all for you kindness and support, I am so ever grateful.

    Unfortunately the brown stuff well and truly hit the fan yesterday and I was called from work with further bad news that has forced me to now make the horrible, heartbreaking decision to sell the house with its defects. I have no other option.

    I have meetings with agents, surveyors and mortgage advisors today.

    I have had no sleep at all, haven't been able to eat since yesterday lunchtime and spent the night being sick, with chest pains and a racing heart. I thought my time was up in the middle of the night.

    The thought of having to tell DS we have to leave the house he adores and will be moving to a much smaller place is killing me too.

    I don't know when I'll be back here, hopefully when I have some good news. Thank you all for your kindness xx
    House moving fund: £1627.81
    2018 mortgage OP's: £1894.35/£1800

    Emergency Fund: £400
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 12th Oct 18, 11:28 AM
    • 1,247 Posts
    • 5,984 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Oh MeandO, so sorry when you had worked hard to make it your home. I know it must seem hard to see any positives but all those mortgage overpayments must be a gain. Hope all the necessary meetings go as favourably for you as possible. Thinking of you ...
    paydbx #93 £929.08/£8,000.
    Loan £17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans £3342 March 2017. £2994 in Aug 18
  • archived user
    Oh god hun. Iím so sorry absolutely nothing I say will make you feel better but just know that you and your son will get through this. My inbox is open. Sending you hugs xxxxxxxxx
    • MrsSave
    • By MrsSave 13th Oct 18, 8:23 AM
    • 1,632 Posts
    • 5,293 Thanks
    MrsSave
    I want to come over and give you a massive hug! I can't begin to understand how you are feeling but just remember your son will be happy in any house as long as he has his mum with him. Your oh is just being at ar*e and will hopefully realise how unhelpful and how unsupportive he is being and will apologise (preferable with wine and choccies!). Genuinely, if you do want to rant at someone, I am more than happy to listen. Xxx
    Finally debt free (other than the mortgage) - 05/02/18
    Check out my debt free diary 'Mrs S.....life after debt' below:
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 13th Oct 18, 9:01 AM
    • 4,257 Posts
    • 36,539 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    I'm so sorry to read this news MeandO Sending you all of the love and best wishes in the world.
    I sometimes look at my house and feel that my kids deserve bigger and better - it's an ex council 3 bed semi that is in need of some TLC - nothing on the scale of what you've had to deal with. But as others have said, it's not the size or scale of the place. It's about having a roof over your head, and it's the family that makes it a home. You adore your ds, that much is very obvious - and I reckon that even if you were in a bedsit, you would be absolutely fine.
    Hope all of the meetings have gone as well as they can.
    Lots of love to you.
    December in the Tardis #16 nsd = 9 New life = new debt
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid £28,447
    • MeandO
    • By MeandO 13th Oct 18, 11:06 PM
    • 1,660 Posts
    • 8,293 Thanks
    MeandO
    I really do so appreciate everyone’s best wishes and kindness. Thank you all for the offers of Virtual tea and sympathy, and for taking the time to reply.

    I can’t really go into detail as it’s really hard to talk about without getting distraught, but i’ve more or less come to terms with what has to happen now. I told DS today and he was ok. He was a little sad, asked if this was a dream and he’d wake up - funnily enough exactly what I said to OH the day this all happened - and then DS asked if he could keep the moving boxes to play in this time! He melts my heart that boy. He seems ok, but I’m glad I told him now and didn’t wait.

    I bought some paint, undercoat and filler today to do some pre-sale ‘tarting up’ of one room. Wallpaper needs to be stripped off a chimney breast and then redone. Not too big a job, which I’ll start tomorrow,

    The estate agent meeting went ok, as did the one with the mortgage advisor. Scarily, they will lend me over £30k more than my current mortgage is. Hopefully I won’t need to increase it by much but it’s reassuring to know the option is there.

    My parents are insisting on paying the balance for the current building work and have offered to help me with the price of a new place. I usually try and protect them from things but there was no hiding my horror and distress the other day. I broke down to them completely. I couldn’t get any words out and was wailing. My poor parents must have felt so helpless and I must have stressed them out so much. They have been towers of strength to me though, I am so blessed to have them, I really am.

    Now the waiting game is on for the builders to complete the works so that the house can be photographed and put on the market. It is such a frustrating waiting game, particularly when they’re not the fastest at doing anything much. I will have words on Monday though and plead with them to hurry it along. I really can’t afford to wait.

    DS and I went to the cinema this afternoon with the last of our free tickets from my bank account. The only cost was parking which is a bit steep at £5, but it was such bad weather that I wasn’t going to walk us far.

    I returned an items this morning for a £23 refund and cancelled a click and collect order I didn’t really need which cost £9, so there will be a bit more money back in the account soon. I need to get diesel tomorrow but have £40 in the budget to cover this.

    I have sold 4 items on fb which will bring in £54 if collected as promised and will also clear a few more items. It’s ‘operation declutter’ here now to try and get ready for moving. I have one more item I would like to list either on fb or eBay tomorrow which will hopefully bring in around £30 and probably more once I’ve sorted more stuff out.
    I have two big bags sorted for the charity shop and probably oenty more where that came from.

    I really am dreading packing and unpacking again.

    Oh, and OH apologised profusely and got upset himself. He has his own horrible issues to deal with presently and I think his mind is somewhat overloaded. The way he was with me was not excusable, but understandable considering other things he has going on.
    Last edited by MeandO; 13-10-2018 at 11:09 PM.
    House moving fund: £1627.81
    2018 mortgage OP's: £1894.35/£1800

    Emergency Fund: £400
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 13th Oct 18, 11:46 PM
    • 1,247 Posts
    • 5,984 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Your resilience and the way you are getting ready is truly inspirational MeandO as is your DS.

    Is it worth going down the auction route? Usually you can put reserves on the price. Thinking of you and hoping that the builders prioritise your job now so that you can move on.
    paydbx #93 £929.08/£8,000.
    Loan £17k - paid off in Aug 2017. Home improvement loans £3342 March 2017. £2994 in Aug 18
    • ImpulseSpender
    • By ImpulseSpender 14th Oct 18, 1:10 AM
    • 89 Posts
    • 246 Thanks
    ImpulseSpender
    Your diary is so inspiring MeandO. I wish I could say something that would help your situation. You sound like an amazing mum and you DS is lucky to have you. I hope things pick up for you soon.
    FD CC - 258.78/258.78, Santander CC - 57/3564.05, MBNA CC - 460/3144.96, Savings - £300/5000
    • stressed.mum
    • By stressed.mum 14th Oct 18, 9:28 AM
    • 725 Posts
    • 3,281 Thanks
    stressed.mum
    Just caught up with your diary MeandO, you really have been going through it havenít you. Take a deep breath, sit down with a pen and paper and formulate your plan. You canít change what has happened, but you can move forward.
    It sounds like you are raising a happy, secure boy - anyone who knows the value of a big box has his head screwed on!
    Be thankful for your parents, but know that they are doing it because they love you, support you and want to.
    Kick OHís butt and remind him sometimes even the strong need some backup and he should be there for you in the same way you are 5here for him.

    Take care of yourself, hope the sale goes quickly and smoothly and you can get settled somewhere to build a home for you both xxxx
    Hoping to stick to the challenge this year!!
    Make £5 a day for 365 days - started Jan 17

    YTD £ 435/£1785
    Cash - £ 415 Vouchers - £ 20
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 14th Oct 18, 9:31 AM
    • 4,257 Posts
    • 36,539 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady

    I'm so pleased that you have your parents there that can support and help you. Remember what people have said on here before - they are your parents and will want to help as much as they possibly can.
    Lots of love to you
    December in the Tardis #16 nsd = 9 New life = new debt
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid £28,447
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