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    • FreeBear
    • By FreeBear 28th May 18, 12:47 AM
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    FreeBear
    Lodger wanting to cook
    • #1
    • 28th May 18, 12:47 AM
    Lodger wanting to cook 28th May 18 at 12:47 AM
    In need of a bit of extra money, I decided to get myself a lodger - Ended up getting a very quiet pair.. She is wanting to cook meals for both her partner and me, and has wanted to know when I get home from work so that food is ready.

    Never factored this in to the rent, nor did I expect it which leaves me in a bit of a dilemma. Should I keep the cupboards well stocked with food and tell her to help herself, or should I adjust the rent.
    Her courage will change the world.

    Treasure the moments that you have. Savour them for as long as you can for they will never come back again.
Page 3
    • FreeBear
    • By FreeBear 3rd Jul 18, 1:47 AM
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    FreeBear
    Yes, and apparently domestic violence has become completely forgiveable and understandable!
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    Violence, domestic, or any other form is not acceptable. However, I have a front seat with this particular pair, and can see some of the background issues. Trust me, it is not the bloke who is always the guilty party. Sometimes, it is the woman stoking the fire and trying to get a reaction.

    Would I have another lodger ?
    Sure, but I would have to be selective. No more couples, and someone who is quiet, clean & tidy, sociable, and that I can trust. The extra money is a major help, and having someone around to talk to is good. An extra pair of hands on call when doing DIY is a godsend.

    And before you ask, yes I'm up late. Mediating another argument and attempting to prevent it turning in to a bloodbath. Sharp knives are locked away, and a police car is sitting outside.
    Last edited by FreeBear; 03-07-2018 at 1:49 AM.
    Her courage will change the world.

    Treasure the moments that you have. Savour them for as long as you can for they will never come back again.
    • nimbo
    • By nimbo 3rd Jul 18, 6:49 AM
    • 3,304 Posts
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    nimbo
    Get them out.

    There!!!8217;s already been more than one argument. Their relationship may be volatile - but there is never an excuse to get physical with someone - unless self defence. This sounds physical on more than one occasion. Neither will charge their behaviours. Both need professional support.

    You will not change them. Also he sounds as though he!!!8217;s started to smarm his way under your skin too. Perpetrators are very often smooth and good at portraying themselves as a victim of unreasonable behaviour. Sometimes they!!!8217;ve even are the victim of unreasonable behaviours - this still does not excuse a physical response.

    It is not normal to have police cars outside your home as you are concerned for your welfare and the welfare of your lodgers.

    If you need excitement there are much safer ways to find it. Wanna be celebrity sex island for example is on. I!!!8217;m sure the jungle will be back soon enough...

    Stashbuster - 2014 98/100 - 2015 175/200 - 2016 501 / 500 2017 - 200 / 500 2018 3 / 500
    • takman
    • By takman 3rd Jul 18, 9:30 AM
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    takman
    Violence, domestic, or any other form is not acceptable. However, I have a front seat with this particular pair, and can see some of the background issues. Trust me, it is not the bloke who is always the guilty party. Sometimes, it is the woman stoking the fire and trying to get a reaction.
    Originally posted by FreeBear
    No matter who started it or what the background issues are there is no need for a physical response from either side, especially when they are in someone elses house!

    Would I have another lodger ?
    Sure, but I would have to be selective. No more couples, and someone who is quiet, clean & tidy, sociable, and that I can trust. The extra money is a major help, and having someone around to talk to is good. An extra pair of hands on call when doing DIY is a godsend.

    And before you ask, yes I'm up late. Mediating another argument and attempting to prevent it turning in to a bloodbath. Sharp knives are locked away, and a police car is sitting outside.
    Originally posted by FreeBear
    It sounds like your loneliness is clouding your judgment when it comes to these lodgers.
    • Money maker
    • By Money maker 3rd Jul 18, 9:41 AM
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    Money maker
    You need a clean break from this couple. You should be outraged that they are conducting this sort of warring in your property. Money is not that important that you put yourself at risk, after all, what happens if they turn on you? A police car outside wont stop your demise.
    Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed.

    If you quote me, don't forget the capital 'M'

    Declutterers of the world - unite!
    • Smodlet
    • By Smodlet 3rd Jul 18, 10:31 AM
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    Smodlet
    Were it not for the fact the Chav from Hell is still the other side of the wall, I could believe she is back with her delightful BF and lodging with you, Freebear. They do not change, ever. Why should they when you are indulging them as you are? We were sucked in too, at first. Believe me, no good deed goes unpunished.

    I am with the others; I think you should get them out, now. It is easier to evict lodgers than tenants, apparently although the useless tool who owns the adjoining property seems incapable of evicting his tenant after well over a year! Then, he does not have to live next door to her, does he?

    There must be groups or evening classes you could join or, who knows? Maybe the ideal lodger is out there somewhere.
    What is this life if, sweet wordsmith, we have no time to take the pith?
    Every stew starts with the first onion.
    I took it upon myself to investigate a trifle; it had custard, jelly, soggy sponge things...
    • PasturesNew
    • By PasturesNew 3rd Jul 18, 10:35 AM
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    PasturesNew
    The general rule of thumb is: Singles should NEVER rent rooms to any type of couple.

    They often find the couple "outnumber them" in their own home and start to "take over". They can then also have you "dragged into" their personal spats and moods about each other. Both make for very uncomfortable living.

    Singles renting is a strange ballgame as everything's "your space" and having another "stranger" in that space, while you're alone to deal with issues/clash of expectations is much harder than when a couple rent out a room as they're not alone in their dealings and issues etc, so you've nobody to bounce ideas off, or moan to.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 3rd Jul 18, 10:51 AM
    • 30,037 Posts
    • 77,158 Thanks
    Mojisola
    From the other thread -
    It was (hopefully) a one off event, and now that I'm aware of the background story, a little more forgiving. A notice to vacate triggered the involvement of some outside agencies, and they are now getting the help & support that they need.

    I see no need to go in to details, suffice to say I'm satisfied there will be no repeat of the incident.


    And before you ask, yes I'm up late. Mediating another argument and attempting to prevent it turning in to a bloodbath. Sharp knives are locked away, and a police car is sitting outside.
    Originally posted by FreeBear
    Still think it was a one-off?
    • Grezz24
    • By Grezz24 3rd Jul 18, 10:59 AM
    • 187 Posts
    • 222 Thanks
    Grezz24
    Personally no matter the past of the couple there is zero excusable reason for there to be domestic violence, from either party.

    You seem switched on in the matter, so i'm surprised you not kicked them out.
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 3rd Jul 18, 11:06 AM
    • 33,476 Posts
    • 20,229 Thanks
    getmore4less
    Get a Mon-Fri next time.
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 3rd Jul 18, 4:24 PM
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    Red-Squirrel
    Violence, domestic, or any other form is not acceptable. However, I have a front seat with this particular pair, and can see some of the background issues. Trust me, it is not the bloke who is always the guilty party. Sometimes, it is the woman stoking the fire and trying to get a reaction.

    Would I have another lodger ?
    Sure, but I would have to be selective. No more couples, and someone who is quiet, clean & tidy, sociable, and that I can trust. The extra money is a major help, and having someone around to talk to is good. An extra pair of hands on call when doing DIY is a godsend.

    And before you ask, yes I'm up late. Mediating another argument and attempting to prevent it turning in to a bloodbath. Sharp knives are locked away, and a police car is sitting outside.
    Originally posted by FreeBear
    Another argument between the same couple? If so, are you insane?

    Your first paragraph is very concerning. If a man doesn't want to violently attack a woman, there is nothing at all that she can do to make him do it or provoke that reaction. Categorically, the only time any kind of violence is remotely acceptable is i you are being physically attacked or assaulted and it is the only way to defend and protect your own safety.

    Your post about the first argument said there was blood shed and that he ended up in custody and her in a safe house. Sounds to me like he is a violent abuser but that you've fallen for the same sort of charm and excuses that he probably uses to ensnare and then keep control of his victims.
    • FreeBear
    • By FreeBear 7th Jul 18, 12:22 AM
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    FreeBear
    Were it not for the fact the Chav from Hell is still the other side of the wall, I could believe she is back with her delightful BF and lodging with you,
    Originally posted by Smodlet
    Have no fear, no chavs around here. And trust me, these two are so quiet (most of the time), you wouldn't even know they were in or out.

    I've come across a few chavs (fortunately, not looking for lodgings), and I find them way too loud and brash. It is best for all concerned if they stay in Essex and have their travel permits revoked
    Her courage will change the world.

    Treasure the moments that you have. Savour them for as long as you can for they will never come back again.
    • FreeBear
    • By FreeBear 7th Jul 18, 12:51 AM
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    FreeBear
    How can you even form a basic opinion on a few basic sentences?
    So your criticism of the OP is unwarranted and unjustified
    Originally posted by ajak81
    Understanding is a three edged sword: your side, their side, and the truth - Kosh, Babylon 5.

    I've got a thick skin, and I can stomach most things in my diet, even squirrel (suitably cooked of course) with a bottle of good wine.
    Her courage will change the world.

    Treasure the moments that you have. Savour them for as long as you can for they will never come back again.
    • Money maker
    • By Money maker 7th Jul 18, 1:19 AM
    • 5,111 Posts
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    Money maker
    You are very quick to judge Red squirrel. Here you are with your pitchforks ready to be judge jury and executioner.

    How can you even form a basic opinion on a few basic sentences? It's ridiculous. You don't know the OP you don't know the OP's tentants and you don't even know a small percentage of a small percentage of the entire story! So your criticism of the OP is unwarranted and unjustified
    Originally posted by ajak81
    But if you had a friend with lodgers who had violent spats with blood, tears, safe houses, police presence etc, would you really not suggest to them that it would be in the interest of their health and safety to change lodgers?


    There is no justification for violence no matter how much she wound him up and no words you choose will ever, ever justify this course of action. Shame on you for suggesting so. By the way, you're not the lodger are you?
    Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed.

    If you quote me, don't forget the capital 'M'

    Declutterers of the world - unite!
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 7th Jul 18, 11:50 AM
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    Red-Squirrel
    Understanding is a three edged sword: your side, their side, and the truth - Kosh, Babylon 5.

    I've got a thick skin, and I can stomach most things in my diet, even squirrel (suitably cooked of course) with a bottle of good wine.
    Originally posted by FreeBear
    I'd say 'its your funeral' but I'm too concerned that a funeral is a real possibility in this situation.

    I hope you and your female lodger both see sense soon is all I'll add.
    • FreeBear
    • By FreeBear 7th Jul 18, 5:02 PM
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    FreeBear
    I'd say 'its your funeral' but I'm too concerned that a funeral is a real possibility in this situation.
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    Which brings up a very important question - In the event of my untimely demise, would a licence to occupy automatically become a tenancy, either AST or periodic ?
    Her courage will change the world.

    Treasure the moments that you have. Savour them for as long as you can for they will never come back again.
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 7th Jul 18, 6:55 PM
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    Red-Squirrel
    Have any of your friends ever said you've got a slight flair for the dramatic, an overactive imagination or that you worry too much at all by any chance?:
    Originally posted by ajak81
    Do you have any idea how many women are killed by their abusive partners or exes each year?

    Its not dramatic, it happens far far too often.
    • FreeBear
    • By FreeBear 8th Jul 18, 10:39 PM
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    FreeBear
    On the flip side - https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-east-wales-36330451

    Meanwhile, all quiet on the eastern front - There was a minor alcohol fueled tiff that fizzled out pretty quick late last night. Cutting back on the beer & wine wouldn't hurt either of them.
    Her courage will change the world.

    Treasure the moments that you have. Savour them for as long as you can for they will never come back again.
    • takman
    • By takman 8th Jul 18, 10:56 PM
    • 3,771 Posts
    • 3,434 Thanks
    takman
    On the flip side - https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-east-wales-36330451

    Meanwhile, all quiet on the eastern front - There was a minor alcohol fueled tiff that fizzled out pretty quick late last night. Cutting back on the beer & wine wouldn't hurt either of them.
    Originally posted by FreeBear
    Are you enjoying the drama?, maybe you think it's a bit like a live episode of a TV soap in your own home?

    I just can't believe your happy to put up with this behavior from strangers in your own home. To most people they would be nightmare lodgers but you seem to think they are acceptable

    But please do keep us updated i'm interested to see what level of behavior you actually draw the line at.
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 8th Jul 18, 11:12 PM
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    Red-Squirrel
    On the flip side - https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-east-wales-36330451

    Meanwhile, all quiet on the eastern front - There was a minor alcohol fueled tiff that fizzled out pretty quick late last night. Cutting back on the beer & wine wouldn't hurt either of them.
    Originally posted by FreeBear
    I'm sorry, but are you trying to suggest that the issue of women killing their male partners is somehow on the same scale as men killing their female partners?

    That news story was posted in 2016, did you know that 78 women were murdered that year alone by their partner or ex? How many of them do you think made the headlines?

    I'm starting to think you're quite enjoying the drama now. If this is even real. I certainly hope I never get so lonely that I start defending and making excuses for violent abusers just to have someone to talk to and something to post on MSE about.
    • FreeBear
    • By FreeBear 9th Jul 18, 12:06 AM
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    FreeBear
    I'm sorry, but are you trying to suggest that the issue of women killing their male partners is somehow on the same scale as men killing their female partners?
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    Murder is still murder regardless of which sex is committing the crime. I do not condone it either way.

    As for my two lodgers, they are very real. I do not "enjoy" having to intervene in their arguments, but do so in an attempt to prevent things turning nasty. If that means dialing 101 and asking for assistance, then that is what I'll do. Bloodshed is not acceptable regardless of who threw the punch. I will take steps to ensure that it doesn't happen again, and have already placed him on notice. If there is a repeat, the police will be called, I will ask for charges to be pressed, and it will be followed by summary eviction.

    If it were just companionship I was after, I'd take in another cat or two - Much less trouble.
    Her courage will change the world.

    Treasure the moments that you have. Savour them for as long as you can for they will never come back again.
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