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    • sstevo19
    • By sstevo19 16th May 18, 9:41 PM
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    sstevo19
    Tips on staying calm when very nervous
    • #1
    • 16th May 18, 9:41 PM
    Tips on staying calm when very nervous 16th May 18 at 9:41 PM
    Hi all, I'm hoping you guys could be of some help. I'm hoping this is in the right section.

    I've recently started having driving lessons after putting it off for a long time due to nerves. What doesn't help is I'm quite an anxious person normally. My instructor is lovely, very calm and patient, but I'm getting myself panicked before and during my lessons. But I am enjoying my lessons, strangely, and want to carry on with them.

    Is there any tips you guys could share some tips on what helps calm you down when your extremely nervous and panicked. I just want be calm for once.

    Thanks in advance.
Page 1
    • keepcalmandstayoutofdebt
    • By keepcalmandstayoutofdebt 16th May 18, 10:36 PM
    • 3,285 Posts
    • 1,711 Thanks
    keepcalmandstayoutofdebt
    • #2
    • 16th May 18, 10:36 PM
    • #2
    • 16th May 18, 10:36 PM
    Just getting on with it, don't think about it. It's pretty weird as much as I hate the recent lunch time interviews I seem to be getting I probably do better in them because when at work in the morning I just don't get time to think and build up anything else.

    As someone made more nervous by driving instructor and it took 4 years to get passed and I kept hearing you'll never do this, a couple even stopped lessons telling me I'd never do it.
    So I just wouldn't let them see me nervous and if I do have a nice instructor defo focus on that.
    Anyway I've been driving 7 years now as a rather confident driver after doing a lot of miles. (the first year I would simply drive to work which was not far then and back, wrong!) Doing intense driving courses helped me rather then weekly lessons toward the end when thinking about the test. I still remember going out with this most silly innate unexplainable grin on the morning of the day I finally past. I remember my heart beating the first time I left the A120 for the M11! A year earlier I couldn't bear the initial thought of driving to a small nearby local town when my job changed so you have to push yourself.
    "If you are caught in a rainstorm, once you accept that you'll receive a soaking, the only thing left to do is enjoy the walk"
    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 16th May 18, 10:41 PM
    • 16,158 Posts
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    hollydays
    • #3
    • 16th May 18, 10:41 PM
    • #3
    • 16th May 18, 10:41 PM
    Deep breathing is the best solution
    • Quizzical Squirrel
    • By Quizzical Squirrel 16th May 18, 10:54 PM
    • 223 Posts
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    Quizzical Squirrel
    • #4
    • 16th May 18, 10:54 PM
    • #4
    • 16th May 18, 10:54 PM
    As above, don't give it room in your head.

    When you feel the anxiety, acknowledge it (I give the various fears funny nicknames and then laugh at them) then push it right out of your head. Immediately focus on something else.

    Don't go over and over and over it because you'll just work yourself up.
    • sstevo19
    • By sstevo19 17th May 18, 9:19 AM
    • 712 Posts
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    sstevo19
    • #5
    • 17th May 18, 9:19 AM
    • #5
    • 17th May 18, 9:19 AM
    Thanks guys, I'll try your ideas. I'll try not to think about it. I've got another lesson on Monday. I'll not to think about it between now and Monday. I'll try to keep myself distracted and not to dwell on it too much. Hopefully I'll be calmer on Monday.
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 17th May 18, 1:23 PM
    • 2,887 Posts
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    Red-Squirrel
    • #6
    • 17th May 18, 1:23 PM
    • #6
    • 17th May 18, 1:23 PM
    Some great techniques in this book for getting rid of unhelpful/unwanted thoughts:

    https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Dummies-Branch/dp/0470665416
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 17th May 18, 2:03 PM
    • 3,816 Posts
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    gettingtheresometime
    • #7
    • 17th May 18, 2:03 PM
    • #7
    • 17th May 18, 2:03 PM
    I don't know if this actually works or not but before your lesson stand somewhere quiet in a superman pose, closed eyes breathing deeply.
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • Lrimas
    • By Lrimas 17th May 18, 2:16 PM
    • 156 Posts
    • 205 Thanks
    Lrimas
    • #8
    • 17th May 18, 2:16 PM
    • #8
    • 17th May 18, 2:16 PM
    I had the exact same thing with driving when I just started.

    The worst was my driving test (I don't like tests either). Luckily the guy who did the test was brilliant and told me: "get out of the car and walk around it until you calm down. The entire car is shaking with you". I still have no idea how I passed the test.

    How I deal with anxiety now: this is going to sound silly but a fantasy book helped me a lot (The Emperor's Soul by Brandon Sanderson). At some point in the book the main character thinks: "I have to become someone different. I have to become a person that can deal with this." These days I pretend that I can deal with whatever it is that is making me nervous and that usually works.

    Good luck! You have this
    • suejb2
    • By suejb2 17th May 18, 2:53 PM
    • 1,400 Posts
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    suejb2
    • #9
    • 17th May 18, 2:53 PM
    Driving
    • #9
    • 17th May 18, 2:53 PM
    Can you take a crash course of lessons ,hate that term when linked with driving!

    Can you take a block of lessons get them over and done giving you less time to over think, and get the confidence.
    Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.
    • sstevo19
    • By sstevo19 17th May 18, 9:25 PM
    • 712 Posts
    • 4,678 Thanks
    sstevo19
    Can you take a crash course of lessons ,hate that term when linked with driving!

    Can you take a block of lessons get them over and done giving you less time to over think, and get the confidence.
    Originally posted by suejb2
    Thanks suejb2 my instructor has suggested taking a few lessons a week, but I've been working a lot of extra hours recently, so when I can, I'm hopefully going to have more than one a week. But he understands that my schedule and finances may not allow for that. I have the money for lessons, just not the time. I think having less time between lessons might help as I won't as much time to dwell on it.

    Thanks for the suggestion though.
    • sstevo19
    • By sstevo19 17th May 18, 9:30 PM
    • 712 Posts
    • 4,678 Thanks
    sstevo19
    I had the exact same thing with driving when I just started.

    The worst was my driving test (I don't like tests either). Luckily the guy who did the test was brilliant and told me: "get out of the car and walk around it until you calm down. The entire car is shaking with you". I still have no idea how I passed the test.

    How I deal with anxiety now: this is going to sound silly but a fantasy book helped me a lot (The Emperor's Soul by Brandon Sanderson). At some point in the book the main character thinks: "I have to become someone different. I have to become a person that can deal with this." These days I pretend that I can deal with whatever it is that is making me nervous and that usually works.

    Good luck! You have this
    Originally posted by Lrimas
    Thanks!

    I try and get on with things when I'm anxious but it does tend to be noticeable that I'm nervous. My hands can shake quite a lot and I get all hot and flustered.

    • sstevo19
    • By sstevo19 17th May 18, 9:32 PM
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    sstevo19
    I don't know if this actually works or not but before your lesson stand somewhere quiet in a superman pose, closed eyes breathing deeply.
    Originally posted by gettingtheresometime
    I'm definitely going to try this, thanks!
    • Saffythecat
    • By Saffythecat 17th May 18, 9:37 PM
    • 73 Posts
    • 26 Thanks
    Saffythecat
    Nit linked to driving, but I rub lavender oil round my nose if I am really nervous (eg, dentist appointment) and find it really helps.
    • suejb2
    • By suejb2 18th May 18, 3:11 PM
    • 1,400 Posts
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    suejb2
    Driving
    I remember my S.I.L in the lead to up to stress induced situations, exam, interviews and others would use smell to change the situation. I mean she would use smell a to install nice positive thoughts.
    She mostly would use Sun tan lotion as she associated that smell with fun, relaxing stress free times. It may be mind over matter, but, she passed her exams, got the job and passed her driving test first time.
    She used sun tan lotion but yours could be a perfume, fabric conditioner, air freshener even . Something that provokes good thoughts.
    Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.
    • onedaysomeday
    • By onedaysomeday 18th May 18, 4:18 PM
    • 561 Posts
    • 792 Thanks
    onedaysomeday
    Thanks suejb2 my instructor has suggested taking a few lessons a week, but I've been working a lot of extra hours recently, so when I can, I'm hopefully going to have more than one a week. But he understands that my schedule and finances may not allow for that. I have the money for lessons, just not the time. I think having less time between lessons might help as I won't as much time to dwell on it.

    Thanks for the suggestion though.
    Originally posted by sstevo19
    I found when I started doing 2 lessons a week (had to pick up the pace before my instructor retired lol) that I felt more comfortable in the lessons as there was less time between them. I went a week and a half between lessons during that stage once and I felt a bit uneasy at first as I wasn't used to that big of a gap, but it does get easier
    Just trying to make up for past mistakes and work towards the future I want
    • sstevo19
    • By sstevo19 18th May 18, 8:06 PM
    • 712 Posts
    • 4,678 Thanks
    sstevo19
    I remember my S.I.L in the lead to up to stress induced situations, exam, interviews and others would use smell to change the situation. I mean she would use smell a to install nice positive thoughts.
    She mostly would use Sun tan lotion as she associated that smell with fun, relaxing stress free times. It may be mind over matter, but, she passed her exams, got the job and passed her driving test first time.
    She used sun tan lotion but yours could be a perfume, fabric conditioner, air freshener even . Something that provokes good thoughts.
    Originally posted by suejb2
    Thanks, I might try this. I do find a good smell relaxing. I will definitely try this.
    • FluffityBunny
    • By FluffityBunny 18th May 18, 9:44 PM
    • 135 Posts
    • 93 Thanks
    FluffityBunny
    It may sound stupid but maybe try the technique I'm using to calm my 3 year old with when she gets stressy.


    Say the words as you are doing it



    "Smell the flower" (inhale through nose)

    "Blow out the candles" (exhale through mouth)




    I'm trying it myself as well and it does slow down your breathing and help you relax.
    • esmy
    • By esmy 19th May 18, 4:41 PM
    • 1,051 Posts
    • 4,120 Thanks
    esmy
    Whenever I'm about to do something I'm nervous about, I say to myself 'This time tomorrow, it will all be over', and usually it works *



    * did not apply to labour and birth!
    • sstevo19
    • By sstevo19 21st May 18, 6:03 PM
    • 712 Posts
    • 4,678 Thanks
    sstevo19
    Just a quick update for everyone!

    I had a driving lesson this morning and I was a lot calmer before this one than before the previous one. I was still a bit nervous but I wasn't as panicked as I was before.

    FluffityBunny Your tip has really helped a lot, it helps me slow down and breath deeply and calmly. Thanks!

    Hopefully next week, I'll be a lot calmer as well
    • teddysmum
    • By teddysmum 26th May 18, 11:20 PM
    • 9,057 Posts
    • 5,396 Thanks
    teddysmum
    Through yoga because of stress lessons, I was taught a combination of the above breathing suggestions.


    Breathing is in through the nose and whispered out, with a tiny gap between. Meanwhile think about what the breath is doing(going in or out).


    To occupy your hands, place both palms on the abdomen and do three slow breaths (as above) into and out of your hands. Then repeat with palms just below the breasts and finally with finger tips at the base of the throat.


    This can also help to fall asleep when your mind keeps on churning over things.
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