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    • jamint
    • By jamint 16th May 18, 2:07 PM
    • 26Posts
    • 9Thanks
    Co-own a house with my ex-gf - 'moving new gf in' questions
    • #1
    • 16th May 18, 2:07 PM
    Co-own a house with my ex-gf - 'moving new gf in' questions 16th May 18 at 2:07 PM
    Hi all, slightly unusual situation so please bear with me!

    Me and my ex g/f (together 12 years) bought a house together 5 years ago. We split up 2 years ago and she moved out at this time and into a house with her new partner (whilst she didn't "cheat" on me, she definitely "set the ground work" until I overheard a questionable conversation with him one morning).

    Despite this we kept on good terms (I know, sounds crazy, but at the time I found out about the 'affair' I was ready to tell her I wanted out, so it sort of suited me, especially as it turned out I would stay in the house). She agreed at this point to pay half the mortgage and I'd pay the other half. We are both paying around £280 each, the mortgage being £560. This has continued for the past 2 years.

    I'm now at the stage where I want to move my new g/f into the house, living in the main bedroom with me of course, and out of courtesy I told this to my ex. She has now turned around and asked for my current g/f to pay her £350 a month, citing rental conditions and her feeling like she'd be "subsidising" my current g/fs living conditions if she were to move in.

    My current g/f is not happy with the suggested amount - not only because emotionally she is wrangling with the idea of moving in to my old house anyway, but it's a lot of money (as she currently lives in a family home nearby, rent free - some people eh!?) but it's also that it is more than the mortgage she is paying. We would rent elsewhere but it would literally add around £1200 to our joint expenditure.

    Effectively, we feel she's asking too much. Because me and my ex are on good terms I have tried arguing the case that this is more than the mortgage, and whether we could agree on something a little lower. She has so far said this is not enough - she has her own rental costs to pay, and that all her friends and family believe she should be asking for way more - up to the rental value (which, for the house, is £950 a month).

    Apologies again for the lengthy backstory but it is all relevant I feel. I am now at the point where legally I'm not sure where I stand, or whether to force the issue.

    You are probably all wondering why we didn't sell the house at the time of split - this was mainly because we live near the Crossrail development so knew house prices would increase, so selling up didn't make sense, and that at the time I was happy to remain in the house whereas my ex g/f didn't.

    Most of the advice I've had is "sell up" which is all well and good (and I do see benefits to) but due to Crossrail not having arrived yet we were happy waiting for another year, before this scenario reared its ugly head. I could really do with some advice apart from people suggesting this, if or where possible. Even advice to if you think I'm being reasonable/unreasonable. Many thanks
    Last edited by jamint; 16-05-2018 at 2:53 PM.
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    • es5595
    • By es5595 17th May 18, 11:49 AM
    • 114 Posts
    • 124 Thanks
    I think the issue here is the current gf, and in her shoes I might feel exactly the same way.

    Living with parents is great, but she’s prepared to move in with you. She’s probably prepared to split the bills, since she’ll now be using half. You’ve mentioned looking at a new home together and going halves so she sounds prepared to pay her way.

    However, it’s now proposed that to move in with you, she’s got to pay £350 a month to your previous gf, and that’s where she’s baulking, and I don’t really blame her. It’s a psychological issue as opposed to a financial one, and one most would have an issue with.

    I would refuse point blank to move in with a partner if it meant paying £ to their ex, regardless of how “correct and financially right” it was on paper.
    • 19lottie82
    • By 19lottie82 17th May 18, 12:00 PM
    • 5,798 Posts
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    Of course your new GF should pay. Why should your ex pay for a house she’s not living in while your new GF gets to live there for free?
    • pinkshoes
    • By pinkshoes 17th May 18, 12:23 PM
    • 16,316 Posts
    • 22,469 Thanks
    I had a similar situation.

    Ex stayed in our flat as he didn't want to leave, and I moved out.

    We agreed that he would rent the flat from us but at a low rate. That way he was free to live with whoever he liked.

    The market rental was £850 so we agreed £650 monthly rental.

    This £650 was paid towards the mortgage then we both paid half the shortfall of £100 each.

    He had a lodger that paid him £400 a month!

    You have done well not paying any rent on your exes half for two years, so her request is reasonable.

    Stop mentioning politely about selling. Put it in writing to her and say you would like to sell, and would she like to but out your half.
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 17th May 18, 12:30 PM
    • 4,073 Posts
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    You really are going to have to sell it. Use your half of the equity for a deposit on something in the same area if you're stuck on the crossrail thing.
    • thelem
    • By thelem 17th May 18, 1:30 PM
    • 765 Posts
    • 561 Thanks
    I assume you can't afford to buy your ex out?

    When does your branch of Crossrail open? The first new services start in December, which isn't very far away on house move timescales.
    Note: Unless otherwise stated, my property related posts refer to England & Wales. Please make sure you state if you are discussing Scotland or elsewhere as laws differ.
    • jamint
    • By jamint 17th May 18, 3:57 PM
    • 26 Posts
    • 9 Thanks
    Regarding selling, I'm open to it, and have always thought as much that when the time comes we'll just do it. I'm not driving wanting to, I've just wanted to always make sure that when my ex is ready to do so we will do - she is after all the one not benefiting from it. But she apparently hasn't wanted to yet. Which has suited us fine. Or at least it did until me and my current g/f had "the chat" where the next step probably should happen soon.

    I have no intention anymore of buying my ex out. I ummed and ahhed about the idea back at the start of this year, but I think staying in the house long term wouldn't be best idea. A year here with my current g/f would be perfect timescale though, hence how we got in this situation.

    If I'm being honest, I'm not that fussed about waiting for Crossrail (due May 2019 in my area), as I said though, my ex was originally, hence the current situation being how it has been. She was happy to chip away at the mortgage whilst I was happy to stay living alone in the house. Then things progressed with separate partners and we are at where we are now.

    I think the issue here is the current gf, and in her shoes I might feel exactly the same way.

    Living with parents is great, but shes prepared to move in with you. Shes probably prepared to split the bills, since she'll now be using half. Youve mentioned looking at a new home together and going halves so she sounds prepared to pay her way.

    However, its now proposed that to move in with you, shes got to pay £350 a month to your previous gf, and thats where shes baulking, and I dont really blame her. Its a psychological issue as opposed to a financial one, and one most would have an issue with.

    I would refuse point blank to move in with a partner if it meant paying £ to their ex, regardless of how correct and financially right it was on paper.
    Originally posted by es5595
    This is absolutely spot on. Literally nailed the situation down to a tee. My current gf is very happy to contribute, but it's the fact the £ would go to my ex (who she is suspicious she still has feelings for me anyway, due to her house generosity) that is the sticking point. Well, that and that she says the £350 is too much, but maybe it's primarily the former point TBH.

    As I said earlier on, I'll be seeing my g/f later tonight and we'll be discussing our options, so we'll see what comes of that. If I was a betting man, I'd expect her to say me and my ex should sell it and then we could move in privately together somewhere, which I'm open to. I'll see though. I would still prefer us to move into the current house if we can all come to some kind of agreement. It would allow us to save more £ to buy somewhere in a year, my ex would be happy because it'll take us up to Crossrail, and it'd save stressful/expensive moving. It would only be temporary anyway - around a year, basically "renting" to see that we don't drive each other insane () before we'd buy together.

    If, as es5595 alludes to above, the emotional side is as much of a barrier as it appears, then selling up now and renting privately might be our best option. Obviously in lieu of the past 2 years, I would negotiate timescales with my ex g/f that suits us both, if this were to happen.
    Last edited by jamint; 17-05-2018 at 4:03 PM.
    • 19lottie82
    • By 19lottie82 17th May 18, 4:14 PM
    • 5,798 Posts
    • 8,702 Thanks
    Why does your GF think £350 is too much, when it’s less than the market rental rate? She’s getting a bargain and is cutting her nose off to spite her face by refusing it.

    Whether she likes it or not, your ex owns half the house, so to her she is a lodger and needs to pay for the privilege of living in her house.

    If you and your ex are amicable enough I would say it makes financial sense to wait another year then sell, if it’s going to make both of you a decent profit.

    If our GF isn’t happy to pay the £350 rent then I would suggest to her that you continue to live apart then once the house is on the market in a year you can start planning to move in together, to a new property.

    I wouldn’t be prepared to throw the opportunity of a decent profit away just now by selling, just because your GF is stamping her feet at the though of paying (a reasonable) rent to your ex every month.
    • 19lottie82
    • By 19lottie82 17th May 18, 4:15 PM
    • 5,798 Posts
    • 8,702 Thanks
    Perhaps tell your GF that your ex has said that if gf isn!!!8217;t willing to pay the £350 a month then the ex will move back in to save some cash....... I imagine that will change her mind very quickly! :lol:
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 17th May 18, 4:20 PM
    • 5,963 Posts
    • 11,907 Thanks
    I see this differently to others I think the OP is right in his thinking.

    He is enjoying cheap housing for the area his new gf would also be benefiting from that. Rather than seeing it as OP paying 280 and gf pays 350. Look at as if they both pay 315. OP you will have to start paying a bit more but still cheaper than private rent.

    At the end of it the OP walks away with more for the house than if they sold now which will also benefit the gf as OP will have more money to invest in their new house.

    Also has the benefit (for both sides) of seeing if they get on without either of them being in this situation of having to sell another jointing owned home if it doesn't work out.

    Its a business transaction and a very good one. I am not sure why the need to get this all confused with emotions. The OP clearly has moved on from his ex. If or course in 5 years they are still in the same house that would be the time to start questioning why OP is still tied to his ex but not at this stage especially when as a couple they stand to save and make 1000s with this arrangement.
    • Kathy535
    • By Kathy535 17th May 18, 9:38 PM
    • 439 Posts
    • 579 Thanks
    Would a rephrasing help? Your girlfriend pays you toward the mortgage, you pay your ex an increased amount to account for the fact that there are two people living in the house with two wages.
    • jamint
    • By jamint 25th Jun 18, 1:47 PM
    • 26 Posts
    • 9 Thanks
    Hi all,

    Thought after the useful advice you might all want an update: eventually my current g/f got her head around the situation and has accepted the amount my ex had suggested, which as most of you say, was a good deal all around. My ex revealed she is pregnant which explains a bit her reluctance to look at a sale anytime soon! Even still it's a tricky situation with financials and emotions rolling around for everyone but a good ending all round. We've also agreed that the house will be sold within a year, as each of us aim to buy a house with our respective new partners, so will need the equity in the current place. Phew!!! Let's hope we don't all have any awkward meetings in any open house viewings this time next year then...

    Cheers again all for your advice/thoughts.
    Last edited by jamint; 25-06-2018 at 1:56 PM.
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 27th Jun 18, 7:59 AM
    • 35,015 Posts
    • 21,380 Thanks

    You say that the rental value of the property is around £950 a month, so if you are moving someone in, it would not be unreasonable for that person to be paying around £475 a month. That would be split between you and your ex, with you paying the full mortgage as you are occupying the house.

    That would mean that the net amount it would be fair for your partner to pay would be £377. So £350 is pretty generous.

    Originally posted by TBagpuss
    You should do this as owners & occupiers.

    With 2 occupiers would pay the £950 - £475 each

    With 2 owners they would get £475 each.

    one of then being both an occupier and and owner does not change that.
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