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  • FIRST POST
    • FrancisBegbie
    • By FrancisBegbie 15th May 18, 10:48 AM
    • 4Posts
    • 0Thanks
    FrancisBegbie
    Difficult Will
    • #1
    • 15th May 18, 10:48 AM
    Difficult Will 15th May 18 at 10:48 AM
    Hi, my mother died and I was appointed executor, as stated on the will.


    I have a large number of siblings who are entitled to an equal share of assets and four siblings who are entitled to a piece of jewellery each, as stated on the will.


    Communication has been clear with everybody via email, probate has been applied for by another sibling, and we I am In the process of gathering assets ready for distribution.


    During this period, there was a request by one sibling to obtain their share of property the deceased owned, which isn't in the will but in trust, that has been equally distributed and accepted by each sibling.


    OK, so here the problems start :


    1) I have an abusive sister in law who has threatened me and my partner physically many times, sent threatening emails and with my brother, claimed that there are several items they gave to the deceased which they want back immediately and it is my job to do so. They have said they gave her several items such as gold jewellery and a watch, nobody has ever seen these items. I have since replied saying I will only be dealing with my brother who is a beneficiary not his wife my sister in law. He has then sent an letter signed by the two of them and a witness, stating that all communication regarding the estate must be to her and not him even though she isn't a beneficiary, as she is now representing him.


    I want absolutely no communication with this person and I am threatened and scared of her. What do I do regarding this?


    2) If I want to step down as executor, can I nominate somebody else to do it who feels less threatened, such as one of my brothers?
Page 1
    • Brynsam
    • By Brynsam 15th May 18, 11:18 AM
    • 1,676 Posts
    • 1,232 Thanks
    Brynsam
    • #2
    • 15th May 18, 11:18 AM
    • #2
    • 15th May 18, 11:18 AM
    You're the executor but another sibling has applied for probate...?

    Get some proper legal advice - the sort you pay for, based on a full understanding of the circumstances and, crucially, sight of the will.
    • AnotherJoe
    • By AnotherJoe 15th May 18, 11:35 AM
    • 11,462 Posts
    • 13,233 Thanks
    AnotherJoe
    • #3
    • 15th May 18, 11:35 AM
    • #3
    • 15th May 18, 11:35 AM
    Yes , if one if your brothers has applied for probate then leave it all to him to deal,with (assuming he's agreeable) and write a short letter stating you reserve your right as executor) though you should already have done this if he is applying for probate anyway and you aren't.

    Playing devils advocate it is possible they did give her the watches etc and it's up,to you what to do- you may decide not to give them back, you don't have to they are after all your mums once they've been gifted) or if you decide to give them but can't find them then obviously you can't and in that case I certainly wouldn't be looking to give equivalent value back, who knows where that could end..

    I presume your brothers are not amicable between themselves either ?
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 15th May 18, 11:38 AM
    • 4,691 Posts
    • 3,924 Thanks
    Yorkshireman99
    • #4
    • 15th May 18, 11:38 AM
    • #4
    • 15th May 18, 11:38 AM
    Hi, my mother died and I was appointed executor, as stated on the will.


    I have a large number of siblings who are entitled to an equal share of assets and four siblings who are entitled to a piece of jewellery each, as stated on the will.


    Communication has been clear with everybody via email, probate has been applied for by another sibling, and we I am In the process of gathering assets ready for distribution.


    During this period, there was a request by one sibling to obtain their share of property the deceased owned, which isn't in the will but in trust, that has been equally distributed and accepted by each sibling.


    OK, so here the problems start :


    1) I have an abusive sister in law who has threatened me and my partner physically many times, sent threatening emails and with my brother, claimed that there are several items they gave to the deceased which they want back immediately and it is my job to do so. They have said they gave her several items such as gold jewellery and a watch, nobody has ever seen these items. I have since replied saying I will only be dealing with my brother who is a beneficiary not his wife my sister in law. He has then sent an letter signed by the two of them and a witness, stating that all communication regarding the estate must be to her and not him even though she isn't a beneficiary, as she is now representing him.


    I want absolutely no communication with this person and I am threatened and scared of her. What do I do regarding this?


    2) If I want to step down as executor, can I nominate somebody else to do it who feels less threatened, such as one of my brothers?
    Originally posted by FrancisBegbie
    Your brother can!!!8217;t apply for probate without your agreement and you should not let him do so in the circumstances. Lodge a caveat with the Probate Office t o prevent him doing so.
    • Keep pedalling
    • By Keep pedalling 15th May 18, 12:19 PM
    • 5,622 Posts
    • 6,384 Thanks
    Keep pedalling
    • #5
    • 15th May 18, 12:19 PM
    • #5
    • 15th May 18, 12:19 PM
    Frances, is the sibling who applied for probate a joint executor with you? If not do as YM says.

    Any gifts given to your mother are just that and now belong to the estate, so no one has the right to demand them back unless they can prove they were just loaned.

    Unfortunately your pathetic brother, has given his wife power of attorney to act for him in this matter, so you do have to deal her not him, however this not mean you have to respond to her every whim.
    • FrancisBegbie
    • By FrancisBegbie 15th May 18, 4:42 PM
    • 4 Posts
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    FrancisBegbie
    • #6
    • 15th May 18, 4:42 PM
    • #6
    • 15th May 18, 4:42 PM
    Sorry to make clear a brother that I get on with applied for probate which is fine.

    So just to summarise I do have to deal with this sister in law and I can stop being executor?
    • elsien
    • By elsien 15th May 18, 4:52 PM
    • 17,564 Posts
    • 44,405 Thanks
    elsien
    • #7
    • 15th May 18, 4:52 PM
    • #7
    • 15th May 18, 4:52 PM
    Is the brother you get on with who has applied for probate named as an executor in the will or not?
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • FrancisBegbie
    • By FrancisBegbie 15th May 18, 5:05 PM
    • 4 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    FrancisBegbie
    • #8
    • 15th May 18, 5:05 PM
    • #8
    • 15th May 18, 5:05 PM
    No he was power of attorney
    • elsien
    • By elsien 15th May 18, 5:09 PM
    • 17,564 Posts
    • 44,405 Thanks
    elsien
    • #9
    • 15th May 18, 5:09 PM
    • #9
    • 15th May 18, 5:09 PM
    Power of attorney ends with your mother's death.
    Go back and read post 4, as at the moment, however well you get on with your brother, he has no legal authority to apply for probate and you could be held liable if it all goes pear-shaped.

    Were you the only named executor?
    Whether you can renounce being executor will depend on what you have done so far with the estate.
    Last edited by elsien; 15-05-2018 at 5:12 PM.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • 74jax
    • By 74jax 15th May 18, 7:38 PM
    • 4,773 Posts
    • 6,554 Thanks
    74jax
    No he was power of attorney
    Originally posted by FrancisBegbie
    But that doesn't mean anything on death?

    I'm not sure how he did this?

    Do you realise you can be held liable?
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
    • Dox
    • By Dox 15th May 18, 9:06 PM
    • 1,002 Posts
    • 788 Thanks
    Dox
    None of this is making any sense. If you are the only person named as executor, it isn't open to anyone else - sibling or otherwise - to apply for probate. If the estate doesn't include land, property or shares, then probate may not be needed anyway.

    If you want to renounce your role as an executor (and sounds a good idea!), get on and do so - but you can't reserve your right as an executor once you've renounced the role.

    Suggest you see a lawyer sooner rather than later.
    • FrancisBegbie
    • By FrancisBegbie 16th May 18, 12:23 AM
    • 4 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    FrancisBegbie
    Hi and thankyou for taking time to reply to me.

    I was confused and tired at the time of replying to a few points so I got some wrong.

    I applied for probate I brother helped me but it was me who did it and I am named executor.

    Since then I had had a sibling and their partner demand items and belongings given to them from my mother's home that simply were not there I have explained this but they continue to email and write to me demanding them. I have asked my siblings partner not to contact me as they have threatened me in the past however my sibling has answered this by sending me a letter appointing the partner her representative.

    I have a few questions.

    When it comes to giving personal possesions to bebeificarys how can I avoid meeting them in person as to avoid confrontation such as this matter?

    And how can I stop harassment of myself from the said sibling and partner who are demanding items returned to them that they lend / gave to the deceased that aren't there?
    • Keep pedalling
    • By Keep pedalling 16th May 18, 12:51 AM
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    Keep pedalling
    Thanks for clarifying the situation. Write to you SIL confirming that there is no trace of these items, and that you will not respond to any further questions on the matter. Set you email to forward any further emails from her to your junk folder, and simply bin any more letters unopened. Block her phone numbers while you are at it.

    Distribute any individual gifts via your helpful brother or post them, along with a copy of the estate accounts to all residual beneficiaries.
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 16th May 18, 7:17 AM
    • 4,691 Posts
    • 3,924 Thanks
    Yorkshireman99
    Thanks for clarifying the situation. Write to you SIL confirming that there is no trace of these items, and that you will not respond to any further questions on the matter. Set you email to forward any further emails from her to your junk folder, and simply bin any more letters unopened. Block her phone numbers while you are at it.

    Distribute any individual gifts via your helpful brother or post them, along with a copy of the estate accounts to all residual beneficiaries.
    Originally posted by Keep pedalling
    I would also point out that what they have been doing is the criminal offence of harassment and that you will involve the police if it happens again.
    • buildersdaughter
    • By buildersdaughter 16th May 18, 8:09 AM
    • 260 Posts
    • 642 Thanks
    buildersdaughter
    If you feel that you do need to get a solicitor to help with probate, then the cost comes out of the estate. Tell the beneficiaries this if you need to.
    Ask the Probate Office for minor queries.
    Keep all documents - especially the letter saying you should deal with the s-i-l (myself I would send a copy of any communication to your brother 'for information')
    Is there a trusted family friend / member who could just confirm that after a good look in the most likely places, the items stated can't be found? I know it is difficult to prove a negative - I hunted for some things in my parents' belongings - and I suspect that they were 'hidden' somewhere daft and got bundled up & thrown away.
    Then I would deal with distribution by your brother, or registered post.
    • AnotherJoe
    • By AnotherJoe 16th May 18, 8:10 AM
    • 11,462 Posts
    • 13,233 Thanks
    AnotherJoe
    Hi and thankyou for taking time to reply to me.

    I was confused and tired at the time of replying to a few points so I got some wrong.

    I applied for probate I brother helped me but it was me who did it and I am named executor.

    Since then I had had a sibling and their partner demand items and belongings given to them from my mother's home that simply were not there I have explained this but they continue to email and write to me demanding them. I have asked my siblings partner not to contact me as they have threatened me in the past however my sibling has answered this by sending me a letter appointing the partner her representative.

    I have a few questions.

    When it comes to giving personal possesions to bebeificarys how can I avoid meeting them in person as to avoid confrontation such as this matter?

    And how can I stop harassment of myself from the said sibling and partner who are demanding items returned to them that they lend / gave to the deceased that aren't there?
    Originally posted by FrancisBegbie
    Appoint a representative such as the helpful brother to pass them out.

    Contact the police. Keep a record of all threats.
    • Flugelhorn
    • By Flugelhorn 16th May 18, 4:02 PM
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    Flugelhorn
    I don't think they can request gifts back, they are gifts after all and could have been left to someone else.

    bet they haven't got any receipts for these ..
    • buildersdaughter
    • By buildersdaughter 16th May 18, 5:38 PM
    • 260 Posts
    • 642 Thanks
    buildersdaughter
    I think in families who get on well, there can be a nice tradition of taking a previous gift as a memento . We have done this.
    As a teenager on a visit to Spode, I bought a beautiful (and to me, expensive) china plate that I knew my grandmother would love. Only 4 months later, it was given back to me, and 50 years on, is a treasured keepsake. I also have a bracelet that was a gift from me to my mother.
    I know that's not what is happening here! But just to say that it can be a nice reminder.
    • AnotherJoe
    • By AnotherJoe 16th May 18, 5:57 PM
    • 11,462 Posts
    • 13,233 Thanks
    AnotherJoe
    I don't think they can request gifts back, they are gifts after all and could have been left to someone else.

    bet they haven't got any receipts for these ..
    Originally posted by Flugelhorn
    To be fair, they can request gifts back. And I suspect that in most families such a request would be honoured in most cases. But if it cant be found, or there are special circumstances, then the request may not be granted. For example if granny got a gift of a Rolex from Edna and her will said "I leave my Rolex to Mary" well that's tough on Edna.

    What they cannot do is demand the return (well, they can demand but it will have the same effect as a request. )
    • Flugelhorn
    • By Flugelhorn 16th May 18, 6:48 PM
    • 1,034 Posts
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    Flugelhorn
    thinking about that is quite right - we had given some framed photos to a relative a few months before they died and knew that that another relly would like them, so gave them to them. Am sure it happens a lot
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