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    • Charleyalmostking
    • By Charleyalmostking 12th May 18, 2:50 PM
    • 147Posts
    • 156Thanks
    Charleyalmostking
    How small is too small to raise a baby? (For future reference)
    • #1
    • 12th May 18, 2:50 PM
    How small is too small to raise a baby? (For future reference) 12th May 18 at 2:50 PM
    I'm not pregnant or looking to have a baby yet but me and my fiance have been talking about having our own little family a lot recently and I "yearn" to have his kids more and more.

    He'd like to be married first which I understand and respect as his parent's aren't married themselves but 'practically married' as they have been together since they were teens (their now in their 40's) and have been engaged for many years. And I want them to have his name.

    But I was just having lots of thoughts about starting a family.

    I was thinking ; Do we save for a house deposit and buy a house together before we have a baby

    or do we just try for a baby in the current house we are in?

    My fiance isn't fussed about which comes first . He just wants to marry me before.
    He keeps saying multiple times a day he wants my babies (lol)

    But I'm just asking out of curiosity ; how small would be too small to raise a child? Our house is 42meter squared.

    We have an okay sized Living room but a very small kitchen and our bedroom can fit 2 desks & a king sized bed in it and has built in storage cupboards that we use as wardrobes.

    Our bathroom is a small square with little storage room however we do have a good sized space storage cupboard under the stairs.

    We have a shared back garden with our neighbors with no fence (we aren't allowed to put one up as far as I'm aware but it doesn't bother us anyway... we respect each others "sides")

    I'm sure many people have coped in tiny rooms but I always get scared about if i can provide for them in the size we have. Funny though, as I work with kids.

    Also; not asking to rush into anything because of my past family issues but it's just been on my mind a lot and just wanna clear my worries up.

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    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 17-05-2018 at 10:07 AM.
    Wedding Fund: 1107.23 / 2,500 Xmas'18: 100.00 / 300.00 Emergency Fund: 100.00 / 1,000H2B ISA: 30.50
Page 2
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th May 18, 10:53 AM
    • 20,979 Posts
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    Pollycat
    Why?

    People like to have long term plans or at least an idea of why they are going to do, as long as they appreciate it may not happen that way, whats the harm in planning.

    marriage/baby/house
    marriage/house/baby

    Those are major events, big decisions I don't see the harm in asking advise on what other people think at this stage even if it is years off.
    Originally posted by iammumtoone
    OK.
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 13th May 18, 11:01 AM
    • 5,413 Posts
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    theoretica
    Friends of mine had a baby in a bedsit. This involved scrupulous military neatness.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 13th May 18, 11:09 AM
    • 5,769 Posts
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    iammumtoone
    Friends of mine had a baby in a bedsit. This involved scrupulous military neatness.
    Originally posted by theoretica
    was the bed sit theirs?

    I think more the question of size of the house/flat is security. I would rather have a child in a smaller flat that was mine than a larger house with the threat of having to move at two months notice hanging over me.
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 13th May 18, 11:38 AM
    • 5,413 Posts
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    theoretica
    was the bed sit theirs?

    I think more the question of size of the house/flat is security. I would rather have a child in a smaller flat that was mine than a larger house with the threat of having to move at two months notice hanging over me.
    Originally posted by iammumtoone
    No it wasn't owned by them. I presume they would have preferred a larger place that was theirs, but that wasn't an option so they used what they could.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
    • selement
    • By selement 13th May 18, 12:52 PM
    • 504 Posts
    • 1,938 Thanks
    selement
    We chose to buy a.place before having children. We were renting a 2 bed house previously so would have had room, but we felt once we had kids it would be harder to save so best to buy the house first if it's important to us. We now own a 3 bed house and I'm pregnant so it's all working out as planned. Although you can have kids in a smaller space it might not be ideal as they get older and affording a larger home gets tougher too! So I think house first is more logical, especially if there's no particular reason to rush babies
    Trying to lose weight (13.5lb to go)
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 15th May 18, 12:52 PM
    • 2,022 Posts
    • 2,297 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    My husband and I had our daughter whilst living in a 1 bed flat. We didn't move until she was 9. We were all really happy there and still often speak about that little place fondly.
    If I was advising my daughter though, I'd say but a little 2 bed place first. Sometimes it's harder to buy when you have a child because of nursery bills or reduced income. There will be a point when your child needs their own space.
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 15th May 18, 2:18 PM
    • 7,288 Posts
    • 16,017 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    It is easier to buy a house when you have 2 full time wages coming in, same with weddings. I would do the marriage and buying the house first, establish a secure relationship and make sure your fianc! is the man you want to have children with. Kids are expensive and very stressful in the early years and hard work.
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

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    • maman
    • By maman 15th May 18, 5:05 PM
    • 18,740 Posts
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    maman
    To be brutally honest, you sound far too immature to be even considering having a child.


    But since you ask the question, I'd go for the traditional route: get married, buy a large enough house then when you've saved enough to manage on one income for a short while have a child.
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 15th May 18, 5:50 PM
    • 3,916 Posts
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    LilElvis
    My husband and I had our daughter whilst living in a 1 bed flat. We didn't move until she was 9. We were all really happy there and still often speak about that little place fondly.
    If I was advising my daughter though, I'd say but a little 2 bed place first. Sometimes it's harder to buy when you have a child because of nursery bills or reduced income. There will be a point when your child needs their own space.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    I don't think I could cope with that. We've got a very large house with 2 adults and a seven year old but because the living area is very open plan we're now look at building an extension so she can have her own living space. She's basically turned the entire downstairs into "her space" and I want an adult room again without copious toy storage and Lego adorning every surface.
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 15th May 18, 6:40 PM
    • 25,191 Posts
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    Jojo the Tightfisted
    Honestly, a two bedroomed house is the minimum I think is suitable - children need gardens, you need somewhere to dry clothes without spending out on tumbledriers or draping soggy socks over radiators.

    Others might disagree, but I had one in a one bedroom flat and two in a two bedroom. There really wasn't enough room, they were disturbed by every last sound from the neighbours, there was no room for a tumbledrier, and we were all cooped up in two rooms, which sounds cosy, but is actually a nightmare because when things are a bit stressy, you're never more than six foot away from one another.

    And you won't get a large enough mortgage once one of you is at home looking after the baby.


    Leave it for a few more years. Just because somebody says he wants you to have his baby, that doesn't mean he'll be able to handle a screaming infant or a postnatal mum in an enclosed space, surrounded by baby stuff and washing and adults' stuff and the washing up...if he loves you that much, he'll understand and wait until you've got space to breathe.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 15th May 18, 6:57 PM
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    • 34,039 Thanks
    Spendless
    I had a 2 bed MTH when we had DS and though it was manageable, we had to get creative with some of our items. A couple of larger furniture pieces went to stay with relatives, so we could have room for the baby items in the living room. I had to have a folding high chair because one out all the time in the kitchen wasn't great. The buggy lived in my car boot. We moved to a larger place so we could have a 2nd child. Unless it's a very large 1 bed flat with plenty of space that you're in, I'd wait until you've got a 2 bed place.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 15th May 18, 7:02 PM
    • 20,450 Posts
    • 34,039 Thanks
    Spendless
    She's basically turned the entire downstairs into "her space" and I want an adult room again without copious toy storage and Lego adorning every surface.
    Originally posted by LilElvis
    ^^^ This was my DD when younger and now she's 15, just replace the toys with make up,, shoes and bags.

    If I had the money, I'd have a place like we rented last year on hol, where she had her own bedroom with small en-suite and for the first time her stuff was 'contained' within her own space.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 15th May 18, 7:19 PM
    • 2,022 Posts
    • 2,297 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    I don't think I could cope with that. We've got a very large house with 2 adults and a seven year old but because the living area is very open plan we're now look at building an extension so she can have her own living space. She's basically turned the entire downstairs into "her space" and I want an adult room again without copious toy storage and Lego adorning every surface.
    Originally posted by LilElvis
    But you have allowed that to happen. You are seriously going to extend an already large home just so your seven year old has her own living space?
    You know, everyone is different and it's not just size that's important. A safe garden, a downstairs toilet, a parking space etc. Some people think these are necessities and some couldn't care less. Do what makes you happy. If you are content, that's what builds a happy home.
    • John-K
    • By John-K 15th May 18, 7:24 PM
    • 654 Posts
    • 1,024 Thanks
    John-K
    To be brutally honest, you sound far too immature to be even considering having a child.


    But since you ask the question, I'd go for the traditional route: get married, buy a large enough house then when you've saved enough to manage on one income for a short while have a child.
    Originally posted by maman
    Like many people, this is how we did it. We got well established in our careers, bought a house, established a very healthy emergency fund, and only then had children.

    It is unfashionable, I know, but leads to a very secure existence for us and the children.
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 15th May 18, 8:25 PM
    • 3,916 Posts
    • 10,583 Thanks
    LilElvis
    But you have allowed that to happen. You are seriously going to extend an already large home just so your seven year old has her own living space?
    You know, everyone is different and it's not just size that's important. A safe garden, a downstairs toilet, a parking space etc. Some people think these are necessities and some couldn't care less. Do what makes you happy. If you are content, that's what builds a happy home.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    Absolutely serious. Integral double garage becomes my new kitchen. Old kitchen becomes daughter's living room. Build new double garage as separate building. It makes financial sense as a bigger home would be around 200k more plus stamp duty of 35k plus a 5 figure fee for selling/ legals/ removals etc. Still got scope to stick another couple of rooms in the loft space if her Lego obsession continues at its current pace

    Perhaps it doesn't seem strange to us that she should have a living room of her own because we had them as children. Ditto for downstairs toilets, garage and a decent garden. Had five children after school this afternoon and the downstairs toilet is now in quarantine until I clean it
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 15th May 18, 9:33 PM
    • 1,452 Posts
    • 5,630 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    Awww this is a really lovely thread. This page is all affairs and inheritance grabbing. Nice to see something nice for a change.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • thebigbosh
    • By thebigbosh 16th May 18, 9:21 AM
    • 261 Posts
    • 909 Thanks
    thebigbosh
    colleague had 2 kids up to the age of 3 in a one bed studio of about that size and whilst it was cramped they made do.

    and I think that's the message to take, if you're organised and don't overflow with toys, paraphernalia or clutter you'll be absolutely fine. Plus, it's how you use your house to live - if you're mostly out all day, walking, playing, exploring, then small is no problem.

    saying that, we've just moved our infant into his own room and he's gone from sleeping ~3hrs to sleeping ~7hrs which is rather nice.
    School is important, but Rugby is importanter.
    • julie777
    • By julie777 16th May 18, 5:37 PM
    • 303 Posts
    • 246 Thanks
    julie777
    Our flat was 30 square metres when our first son was born. Our bedroom was tiny. so Tom's cot went into the box room (nicely done out). If we hadn't got that we would have squeezed the cot into the lounge by dumping the dropleaf table. We also had a fridge in the lounge because kitchen was so tiny; and the washing machine had to go in the bathroom.
    When he was 2 our second son was due and we decided more space would be needed as fitting a larger bed into the lounge was going to be rather impractical.

    So everyone would make the move at a different time. But you can be happy in a small place with the right mind-set. I don't believe children need a lot of indoor space to play as long as you are able to take them out to a park nearby.
    • onlyroz
    • By onlyroz 17th May 18, 9:49 AM
    • 14,711 Posts
    • 27,889 Thanks
    onlyroz
    I don't think I could cope with that. We've got a very large house with 2 adults and a seven year old but because the living area is very open plan we're now look at building an extension so she can have her own living space. She's basically turned the entire downstairs into "her space" and I want an adult room again without copious toy storage and Lego adorning every surface.
    Originally posted by LilElvis
    Not a chance. My kids have their own rooms but I still seem to spend all my time clearing up their stuff from downstairs and carting it upstairs again.
    • neneromanova
    • By neneromanova 17th May 18, 9:57 AM
    • 2,909 Posts
    • 6,893 Thanks
    neneromanova
    hindsight is a wonderful thing! If I could do everything again, I would get the big house first then have kids. We've only now been able to afford a 4 bed house after living in a small 3 bed for the past 7 years with 3 kids. Yes we could have had 1 then waited and got the bigger house then had more, but I wanted close age ranges.



    As your parents are only 40, I'd guess you're late teens early 20's. Save up for the house, go on holidays and have kids in like 10 years. You're obviously not going to listen as you've said you want kids. But kids are so hard! Nothing can prepare you for just how hard kids are
    DD1 Born 31st March 2008
    DD2 Born 29th August 2010
    DS1 Born 28th October 2013
    Got Married 15th September 2012 Now Mrs Clark


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