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    • Oakdene
    • By Oakdene 10th May 18, 8:44 AM
    • 1,926Posts
    • 7,079Thanks
    Single Dad needing advice....
    • #1
    • 10th May 18, 8:44 AM
    Single Dad needing advice.... 10th May 18 at 8:44 AM
    As some of you will know, I am a full time single Dad to my 13 year old daughter who was kicked out by her Mum (after our divorce) due to her not getting on with her Mums new partner. They still don't get on as a Mum & daughter should. We are incredibly close, as I am with my son who still lives with his Mum (same Mum as his sister). Anyways...

    My daughter started her periods quite early, I think it was just before she was 11 & she has developed more than her the majority of her main circle of friends, but being an August baby she is the youngest of her circle & certainly one of the youngest of her year.

    She has always had long hair down her back & she surprised me earlier this year when she asked if she could have it cut short to something like this so once I was sure she wanted this I said ok. She has kept it short & I think it does look nice as I have grown to like it.

    However yesterday I gave her a cwtch & as I placed my arm on her back I could feel like a lump, I asked her what it was & she panicked & said it was nothing. I knew from her reaction that it was something & I asked her again what it was. She told me it was a bandage. Horrified I asked what had happened, was she injured? She said she wasn't hurt or anything. I asked her to take it off, so she went to her room & took it off & brought it back to me. I asked her why she was wearing it & eventually she told me she did it to flatten her breasts down. I was flabbergasted & asked her why she would do such a thing (not somethingI have encountered before apart from Éponine in Les Mis!rables). She didn't answer, so we sat & spoke for a while & I tried to probe by asking different questions but the only thing she said was it was because she feels more developed than her friends.

    She is doing well in school & has worked hard to get to the top set of all her subjects, she is excelling in English (I have been told by her teacher how well she is doing), so there isn't an issue with her academic work.

    I feel upset that she felt she couldn't or wouldn't talk to me but am looking for advice on why she would do this or how I can help as I feel a little useless as a single Dad...
Page 3
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 11th May 18, 10:37 AM
    • 29,236 Posts
    • 74,693 Thanks
    As above I think the bra fitting is the way to go initially.
    Originally posted by Oakdene
    Just keep in mind that not all bra fitters are good at their job - your daughter needs to know that, if she doesn't feel comfortable in the size of bra the fitter selects, she can refuse it.
    • WickedWitch123
    • By WickedWitch123 11th May 18, 12:29 PM
    • 190 Posts
    • 124 Thanks
    Can you be my daughter's dad too please - you sound amazing!

    What a lucky girl she is to have you.

    Best Wishes to you both.
    • Oakdene
    • By Oakdene 11th May 18, 12:32 PM
    • 1,926 Posts
    • 7,079 Thanks
    Just keep in mind that not all bra fitters are good at their job - your daughter needs to know that, if she doesn't feel comfortable in the size of bra the fitter selects, she can refuse it.
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    Thanks for that, perhaps I will ask a couple of friends wives & girlfriends if they have a preferred shop/fitter.

    Can you be my daughter's dad too please - you sound amazing!

    What a lucky girl she is to have you.

    Best Wishes to you both.
    Originally posted by WickedWitch123
    Aw that's very kind of you.

    As me & my Mum were abandoned by my Dad when I was less than 6 months old, I grew up swearing I would always be there whatever happens for any children I had.
    • skint_chick
    • By skint_chick 11th May 18, 2:13 PM
    • 701 Posts
    • 5,285 Thanks
    Just let her know that you will love and support her no matter what and she can tell you anything and if she finds it too hard to say she can write you a letter. It can be difficult being different from others when you're a teenager, but encourage her to get properly fitted for a bra - you can get minimiser ones that help reduce the look of big boobs while still supporting them so she doesn't end up with back and neck problems. I developed really young and struggled with it for years being bullied and teased, the most important thing is that she was close enough to you to tell you and trust you. You'r doing a great job!
    "I cannot make my days longer so I strive to make them better." Paul Theroux
    • mangog
    • By mangog 11th May 18, 4:15 PM
    • 28 Posts
    • 13 Thanks
    If you have a Bravissimo store near you, I recommend their fitting service. They're trained to do it without all the poking and measuring you're subjected to in some stores, and their staff are very friendly and encouraging in my local branch. They will help her try out lots of different shapes and styles to get the right fit.
    • indiepanda
    • By indiepanda 12th May 18, 10:59 AM
    • 988 Posts
    • 6,621 Thanks
    Just keep in mind that not all bra fitters are good at their job - your daughter needs to know that, if she doesn't feel comfortable in the size of bra the fitter selects, she can refuse it.
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    I would echo this - even in Bravissimo I had a bad experience with a fitter who managed to put me in a bra with a band too small and cups too large - only bothered to try one size on me. The good thing was when I went back 2 days later having realised how wrong they were they gave me a refund on the bra I had worn as well as the two others I had bought. I also had a bad experience with a very rude fitter in M&S.

    I suspect the guesses other people have made about your daughter getting unwanted attention at school might be accurate. I never understand why people talk about your school days being the best of your life. Teenagers can be foul, be different in any way and you will find yourself being mocked for it by someone. I got on fine with my teachers and was good academically but couldn't wait to leave school because of how mean some of the other girls were. I don't keep in touch with anyone I know from back then.

    Oh, and you sound like a fab dad. I can't imagine my dad would have coped the way you do if he had been left to raise me and my sister. As it was when my mum went to evening class one night a week and dad was left to put us to bed we would get our hands scrubbed with Jif to remove felt tip and get told we didn't need hot water bottles in the depth of winter even though our house was freezing.
    • Loz01
    • By Loz01 12th May 18, 11:10 AM
    • 1,537 Posts
    • 3,398 Thanks
    Sorry if this has been said, I haven't read the whole thread - OP I know you meant well by asking your daughter if she is attracted to girls more than boys but anything gender related she might be feeling is a separate entity to sexuality. You like who you like regardless of if you feel male/female.

    On the flip side, if she is just upset about having a bigger chest because she stands out amongst her friends, has she tried a minimiser bra or sports bra? I wear a 32E regular bra yet when I play football I have the chest of a boy lol proper sports bras can do wonders!
    The fact is that more people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, my friends, is a true perversion - Harvey Milk
    • adea
    • By adea 12th May 18, 11:21 AM
    • 371 Posts
    • 418 Thanks
    I would recommend going to Debenhams for a fitting. They are highly trained and don't need to use a tape measure. I have taken both my teen daughters and have gone myself and for a self conscious teenager, this is much easier.The assistant we had recommended buying bras from anywhere but M&S and wasn't at all pushy about getting us to buy bras from there.
    I hope all goes well with your daughter, she is extremely fortunate to have a great dad like you.
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 13th May 18, 12:45 PM
    • 5,153 Posts
    • 6,401 Thanks
    I agree with bra fittings, and information about types of bra. As a teenager I had bras I thought fit, but really didn't, and regret it took me so long to discover sports bras that worked for daily wear and for being generally active without bouncing around. As a teenager, things that looked more like a crop top felt more discrete too.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
    • dancing_star
    • By dancing_star 13th May 18, 1:13 PM
    • 180 Posts
    • 310 Thanks
    I too had enormous breasts when I was a teenager. They seemingly sprouted pretty much overnight when I was about 14 or 15, just after puberty. I'd been tiny and flat chested before that.

    Teasing from boys at school was horrible. I didn't think about binding, but if I had known it was a thing, I'd doubtless have had a go!

    I had them reduced in my early 20s, best thing I did. But that's another story.

    Whether teasing/bullying is or isn't the reason behind your daughter's binding, none of us except her can say.

    One suggestion I do have is that if she finds it difficult to talk to you due to embarrassment, then perhaps initiate the conversation when you are driving, or walking, and eye contact isn't such an issue. I find difficult conversations a lot easier when you're doing something else at the time. Nothing too distracting of course - eg in a car, a country drive rather than Spaghetti Junction or central London!!!

    Good luck.
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