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  • FIRST POST
    • deane1967
    • By deane1967 8th May 18, 10:58 AM
    • 1Posts
    • 0Thanks
    deane1967
    A poor relationship with money
    • #1
    • 8th May 18, 10:58 AM
    A poor relationship with money 8th May 18 at 10:58 AM
    Hi
    Please forgive me if this is not in the right category!

    As a 50-year-old man, I am embarrassed to admit I have a very poor relationship with money.

    I either binge, spending money on lots of small purchases of between 10 and 40 in places like the pound shop, Wilkinsons or eBay, and then try and cut back on bills or earn money by selling stuff off ( I think I am scared of making big expensive purchases) All very chaotic as you can see.
    I received a bonus from work of 5,000 on the first of April this year and this is now down to 3300 with absolutely nothing to show for it except lots of crappy small items.

    I also have 600 a month spending and this disappears too.

    So as you can see I have money but no quality of life around it, i just seem to scared of it?

    My question is probably easily answered by myself but I think I need to hear some home truths from people far wiser than me.

    I have a couple of questions, please.

    1, With the 600 a month I have spare, I tend to put this in one pot and spend as I need to, would this be better to split and have some for spending and some for saving?
    2, With regard to the lump sum I have, this too is problematic in its own right.
    When I spend this my mindset is there is plenty so use this as I don't want my monthly money disappearing. then I check the lump sum and its dropped so I top up with my monthly money.

    There must be an easier way, this is making me so unhappy and would ask for a few ideas if possible(please)
Page 1
    • bhjm
    • By bhjm 8th May 18, 12:55 PM
    • 70 Posts
    • 24 Thanks
    bhjm
    • #2
    • 8th May 18, 12:55 PM
    • #2
    • 8th May 18, 12:55 PM
    i had similar expierenced with a partner.

    Simple rules were created / adapted

    1. if i don`t need it - do not buy it !
    2. as soon money came in - was transferred to a saving which is not accessible (you can not spend money you do not have)
    3. was a long way to teach how to deal with money - but it was only possible with a person this person could trust (find someone to speak about money)
    4. with the 600 left - if you don`t need them to buy anything for daily living (grocery shopping, fuel etc) put it into a saving
    5. regards to your second point - see my 2. advice - put money you don`t necessarily need as soon you received it away (at least 50%) of it.
    • zerog
    • By zerog 8th May 18, 7:11 PM
    • 2,373 Posts
    • 822 Thanks
    zerog
    • #3
    • 8th May 18, 7:11 PM
    • #3
    • 8th May 18, 7:11 PM
    Make a budget and stick to it. You know approximately what your bills are, then the rest are things like food, transport, household items, set a limit for your spending per week and if you spend too much on say, food, then you stop eating until the next week.

    You can also set a limit like 20 per week on ebay or whatever to make it easier on yourself.
    • John-K
    • By John-K 8th May 18, 7:43 PM
    • 654 Posts
    • 1,016 Thanks
    John-K
    • #4
    • 8th May 18, 7:43 PM
    • #4
    • 8th May 18, 7:43 PM
    If you see something that you want to buy, make a note of it, and wait until the following day. If you still think that you need it, then go and get it then.

    Try to separate out the pleasure of buying from whether you will actually have a use for it. I have a bit of a habit of buying 100 of something off eBay when I need one or two of them, as I convince myself it is better value, and will save time later. The truth is I am likely to use no more than five in a lifetime, and so I try to avoid it now.

    No more things just in case, if I need it at some point, I can buy it then.
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 8th May 18, 8:16 PM
    • 5,248 Posts
    • 6,518 Thanks
    theoretica
    • #5
    • 8th May 18, 8:16 PM
    • #5
    • 8th May 18, 8:16 PM
    I think the problem might be that you don't have strong enough savings goals. What are your plans for a comfortable retirement?

    Demonstrably, having a pot of money to spend as things come up isn't working for you. So split it up. So much for bigger spends (insurance bills, holiday, car service) so much for food, clothing, and a smaller sum for frittering away. Then a decent sum for long term savings. Are you maximising all tax and employer benefits towards your pension?

    I think you could also benefit from better bookkeeping. Write down absolutely everything you spend and why, and then take a look back at it and consider how much was worthwhile.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
    • RyanEzio
    • By RyanEzio 8th May 18, 8:42 PM
    • 41 Posts
    • 43 Thanks
    RyanEzio
    • #6
    • 8th May 18, 8:42 PM
    Willpower
    • #6
    • 8th May 18, 8:42 PM
    Hi, I thought I would weigh into this thread.

    Your best bet is to sit down with a laptop, notepad and excel (or another similar program ) and start a budget.

    I used to spend money on takeout lunches and coffees throughout the week. Once I started a budget, I was surprised how much I was spending

    When out and about shopping, keep all your receipts.

    Once you start entering numbers into your expenditure spreadsheet, you will notice what's going out and naturally spend less !

    Good luck
    Ryan
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