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    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 3rd May 18, 10:55 AM
    • 331Posts
    • 898Thanks
    efes shareholder
    taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be
    • #1
    • 3rd May 18, 10:55 AM
    taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be 3rd May 18 at 10:55 AM
    Good morning MSE'ers
    I have been reading diaries for the last few months and have found peoples stories so inspiring that I am hoping for some company on my own journey , this will be my own log which hopefully will motivate me at times of bleakness so I can look back on any progress I have made
    My sitituation is quite unique , My long term relationship broke down 7 years ago and i spent the next 6 renting on the private market and looking after my 3 kids on just the one income.
    This , ultimately led to lots of juggling , credit facilities being utilised and to be accountable for myself poor choices.
    I'm now hoping I can turn this round - my credit file is rated as poor however I a share of the property purchased as the family home ( my children now all over 18 reside there when they are not at uni) and one day this will be sold and i need to be in a position to reinvest this money and acquire a property of my own
    I recently received a part payment of the equity ( around 5%) and have used this to take responsibilty for my historic debts and settle the accounts on my file which show in default
    This was as follows
    899.52 - Argos store card
    1799 - M&S Credit card ( passed to Lowell)
    I also paid my overdraft off to the tune of 1500 and a 1000 from my credit card
    I have around 3554 remaining on my credit card ( which i have stopped using) and also 880 on Very ( approx 450 on 0%)

    I have placed around 5000 in to my esavers account and i would like to build this , I would like to tackle my remaining debts without dipping in to this as its my safety net should I ever need legal action to get my share of the house once the kids are more established

    Historically I have lived for the moment and as long as the cash machine continued to distribute then I would continue to withdraw , I've enjoyed trips away that I knew I couldn't afford but I looked upon life as when we leave , we are only taking our memories so it is best to make some whilst our health allows

    At the grand age of 45 , having spent my years from 18 parenting I want to start fulfilling my bucket list however I need to do this without over committing myself !!!

    This is my introduction , I will hopefully post an SOA at some point later today

    Thank you all for reading
    Last edited by efes shareholder; 03-05-2018 at 10:58 AM. Reason: ommited info
Page 7
    • Rebecca01
    • By Rebecca01 7th Aug 18, 10:32 AM
    • 672 Posts
    • 1,021 Thanks
    Rebecca01
    Hi
    I have just read your whole diary. You are really engaging.

    You are doing so well but you remind me of me as I live for holidays too and love the excitement of researching one. Maybe we should have been travel agents.

    Hope you manage to quit the smoking for good. x
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 7th Aug 18, 10:36 AM
    • 331 Posts
    • 898 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    I felt bad ticking my mum off over a bit of chocolate so I didn't , sometimes I am the only person she sees all days so feels a bit mean to come in and tell her off - I did take the last bar though and eat it since its the only one I have got to eat !! and I will learn my lesson and not put anything in the fridge that i would like to still be there in a few days

    I came in last night and just crashed out , work up briefly for an hour at about 9pm and then went back to sleep until 6am this morning - I must have needed it , I also feel a bit emotionally drained and a bit down , you know the kind of , feel tearful but don't understand why and I am sure this doesn't help. I put the mood down to tiredness yesterday but feel similar today so I will keep an eye on this - I don't want to revert to happy pills but i also don't want to disapear under a dark cloud. I am not sure if I am feeling a bit alone , you can be in a room full of people and still feel this way , don't think its man related although the right man would be nice but as they say I would rather be lonely then in the wrong company

    First day of not smoking a relative success , to be fair it wasn't a complete day as I still had a few left over from sunday so the commenced once the final one had been smoked. The vape is re coiled and loaded and i had forgotten how pleasant "strawberry mentol" can be. A little bit strange this morning to not have a ciggie with my coffee but I am sure I will get used to it

    Just one small spend yesterday of 2.80 , I was on the kent coast on sunday and I passed through one of the towns it reminded me of a kids tv show I watched in the early 80's ( I was a wee ankle biter at the time no more) - I have googled and you tubed the show but can't find any footage anywhere however I did find a paperback book on amazon so I have purchased this and shall read it on a friday or saturday night along with a bottle of wine and maybe a bit of chocolate as long as i have hidden them from mother !!

    I feel like I am forever moaning at the moment or holding a half empty glass , I need to snap out of it - I have a glass so I am blessed x
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 7th Aug 18, 12:02 PM
    • 331 Posts
    • 898 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Hi
    I have just read your whole diary. You are really engaging.

    You are doing so well but you remind me of me as I live for holidays too and love the excitement of researching one. Maybe we should have been travel agents.

    Hope you manage to quit the smoking for good. x
    Originally posted by Rebecca01
    Hi Rebecca

    Thanks for taking the time to read my story so far , thank you for the nice feedback too , its nice to know my droning isn't sending you to sleep

    I love my holidays , the world is a big place and there is so much to experience - Although its typically not MSE but I have had some great weekends on a budget , i don't like to pay more then I have too.
    Its funny you should mention travel agency - back in the day my first job ( 1991 now) was in a traditional old travel agency on a training scheme for a pittance ( kids today wouldn't get out of bed for it ) and after my children I was a booking agent for a holiday company
    I loved that job even though the money was appalling unless you sold well ( which I did) , I only left as the emergance of the internet meant more and more people were doing their own research and booking their own trips and I could see the way the industry was changing so jumped ship



    I just came across this also for all of those who are having a "not very ok " day

    "Piglet?" said Pooh. "Yes Pooh?" said Piglet. "Do you ever have days when everything feels... Not Very Okay At All? And sometimes you don't even know why you feel Not Very Okay At All, you just know that you do." Piglet nodded his head sagely. "Oh yes," said Piglet. "I definitely have those days." "Really?" said Pooh in surprise. "I would never have thought that. You always seem so happy and like you have got everything in life all sorted out." "Ah," said Piglet. "Well here's the thing. There are two things that you need to know, Pooh. The first thing is that even those pigs, and bears, and people, who seem to have got everything in life all sorted out... they probably haven't. Actually, everyone has days when they feel Not Very Okay At All. Some people are just better at hiding it than others. "And the second thing you need to know... is that it's okay to feel Not Very Okay At All. It can be quite normal, in fact. And all you need to do, on those days when you feel Not Very Okay At All, is come and find me, and tell me. Don't ever feel like you have to hide the fact you're feeling Not Very Okay At All. Always come and tell me. Because I will always be there.

    Wise old bear that winnie the poo
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 7th Aug 18, 12:15 PM
    • 331 Posts
    • 898 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Hi
    I have just read your whole diary. You are really engaging.

    You are doing so well but you remind me of me as I live for holidays too and love the excitement of researching one. Maybe we should have been travel agents.

    Hope you manage to quit the smoking for good. x
    Originally posted by Rebecca01
    PS - Did I see you have posted in the vegas forum?

    PPS - where is your next venture?
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 8th Aug 18, 11:47 AM
    • 331 Posts
    • 898 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Ever feel like life is just overwhelming

    Today is my anniversary of being a parent , over a quarter of a century racked up yet I don't even feel like I am a grown up or know myself yet.
    Happily my eldest seems to have her shizz together so she obviously doesn't take after me !!!

    We will have a dinner this evening along with her boyfriend and a few family members , this is going to hit my pocket but has been thought of in my non essentials budget which should stretch now the dreaded weed is not being purchased

    Got through yesterday ok with the vape , its a knack to perfect and makes my throat quite dry but i shall perservere

    Yesterday was a spend day - I finally got round to ordering a replacement for middle sprogs long lost provisional driving licence. Shes concerningly down at the moment and appears a bit lost and unconfident in the big wide world. I am hoping that learning to drive which is something she has always enjoyed will regain some focus and pick her up a little.
    I am have been badgering her with getting job applications submitted for anything at all as she needs to be working , she has also been preparing her final uni work for her masters degree but seems to be experiencing anxiety levels which are very unfamilar to me

    Not sure how long she has had them , or whether they will pass but if it starts to affect her daily life then we may need to seek some medical guidance
    • SSDD23
    • By SSDD23 8th Aug 18, 12:06 PM
    • 302 Posts
    • 639 Thanks
    SSDD23
    That's good that you've noticed the anxiety and are there to support if needs be - that means the world when anxiety takes over!
    • ftbwannabe
    • By ftbwannabe 8th Aug 18, 12:12 PM
    • 182 Posts
    • 621 Thanks
    ftbwannabe
    I echo what SSDD23 said, & also (I used to work in student support) it is very, very common for students to feel that way at this point in their studies. It will probably lift after her deadlines pass, & support from you will def be valuable until then. There'll also be people she can talk to at her uni, if she is aware enough of what she's going through & brave enough to ask for help. Encourage her to take breaks & deep breaths if you can.
    Well done for not smoking!
    saving for house-buying costs 1475
    emergency fund 150//1330
    debts 1229.6/17,483 | Outstanding Debt: 16,253.40
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 8th Aug 18, 12:55 PM
    • 331 Posts
    • 898 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    She is basically home now and won't be going back to uni except to collect her masters degree ( fantastic acheivement ) but im hoping there wlll other support services maybe

    She just seems slightly lost about where she goes now- she isn't a very confident young adult and has lost a lot of contact with her friends before uni life which is why I have been encouraging her to get earning in whatever capacity she can but maybe I am not helping and im inadvertantly applying more pressure , its a catch 22 situation really

    We are going to have some mother / daughter time over the weekend as both her siblings are away - I'll have a bit of a chat with her then and find out what the coo is , Anxiety is awful and it may be that we need some assistance with it
    What can you do thats cheap and cheerful with a 21 year old - except window shop ?
    • Rebecca01
    • By Rebecca01 8th Aug 18, 3:21 PM
    • 672 Posts
    • 1,021 Thanks
    Rebecca01
    Hi
    Hope you have a lovely time tonight with your family and I hope your daughter feels better soon.

    Cheap and cheerful hmm it is hard. What about a hike or a forest walk. Window shopping can be fun.

    In answer to your question I am going back to LV next week. We are alao going to cape cod and Dallas. We went to Budapest last week. I am a teacher so have 6 weeks off. I could have had a huge house deposit if I didnt have holidays. However I dont care which 4 by 4 box I live in. I love to see the world. I may have to miss out next year though and do some serious saving.
    The whole US trip we managed to get for 1.5k each so quite MSE. Need spending money though.

    I also live with my mum too so that!!!8217;s another thing in common.

    I guess the travel agent industry was bound to fall with rise of the internet.
    Last edited by Rebecca01; 08-08-2018 at 3:27 PM.
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 8th Aug 18, 3:54 PM
    • 331 Posts
    • 898 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Budapest is lovely isn't it , especially along the danube when the sun is shining

    I am off to Vegas next year , Can't wait - I did battle a bit with the devil and the angel on either shoulder with that one however as much as its important to clear the past , we still have to live - We go with only memories at the end of the day so I intend to live a life I remember

    Isn't it tough being at home sometimes - I often wonder how I ended up back in my childhood bedroom ( ok the wall paper has changed )
    It took some getting used too being asked where I was going and if I was coming home , or where I had been all night.
    I'm a big girl in my mid 40's but I still don't want to tell my mum where I have been when I am off for some kind of naughtiness !!!!
    • Rebecca01
    • By Rebecca01 8th Aug 18, 4:09 PM
    • 672 Posts
    • 1,021 Thanks
    Rebecca01
    Loved Budapest yes an amazing place.

    Totally with you on the home thing. Constant questions every day, but there are lots of pros to it too.
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 8th Aug 18, 4:17 PM
    • 331 Posts
    • 898 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Loved Budapest yes an amazing place.

    Totally with you on the home thing. Constant questions every day, but there are lots of pros to it too.
    Originally posted by Rebecca01
    Is it you and your daughter ? I would have thought that can be really handy for childcare etc.

    There are benefits and I can't expect people to change their learnt behaviour for me , its absolutely better for me on the pocket and it works for my mum too as I know she values the company and misses me when I am away , although sometimes I go away for a bit just to get some of my own space.

    I'd love to have my own place again but realistically I am looking at least 2 years for this
    • Rebecca01
    • By Rebecca01 8th Aug 18, 5:46 PM
    • 672 Posts
    • 1,021 Thanks
    Rebecca01
    Yes I think I go on more holidays to compensate.

    It is me, my daughter and now my boyfriend as we save for a house. It is really handy on childcare.
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 9th Aug 18, 10:15 AM
    • 331 Posts
    • 898 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Lovely evening last night with my 2 girls , her boyfriend and my mum
    Belly was busted for quite a few hours after - 55 for all of us wasn't bad and I have a doggy bag in the fridge for my lunch at work today

    Today I appear to have lost all tolerance ! I know I live at home but everything appears to drop in to my lap whilst my sibling only calls in when she needs childcare or she needs to borrow money but never to see if anything is needed. When we got in the car to come home last night I asked my mum whether anything needed to be picked up on the way home and was told nothing was needed
    I've been at work an hour and I get a message saying can I bring in Bread, butter and various sandwich fillings, Milk and various soft drinks and several packets of sweets !!!!!!
    This is needed because guess what , we have my sisters child staying - she needs childcare in the morning to go to work but if he comes tonight she can go and see the boyfriend too

    I purposely don't carry cards with me unless I know I have a purchase to make so now I will have to go home firstly , also I am having my middle sprog over for dinner ( the anxious one ) as both her siblings are away and I am cooking but before I can get started I have to go shopping !!

    My sister works just 3 hours a morning - can she not go ? Considering these things are required to fulfil her childs ridiculous appetite ?

    It riles me however it isn't my place to say although I have presented these issues in response to the request and she has said she will ask her ..........but seriously why is it always take take take

    I find it so frustrating but now I have climbed on my soapbox , I need to step off , breath deeply and chuck it in that over flowing bucket
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 9th Aug 18, 4:24 PM
    • 331 Posts
    • 898 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    and now i feel bad for being so intolerant .................

    Have no idea whether i am running this errand but now i feel guilty for having the reaction above
    • Rebecca01
    • By Rebecca01 9th Aug 18, 6:03 PM
    • 672 Posts
    • 1,021 Thanks
    Rebecca01
    Ahhh don!!!8217;t worry. I have similar with my sister. I think its only natural to
    react.
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 10th Aug 18, 9:41 AM
    • 331 Posts
    • 898 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Another day , another dollar

    Sis proudly went and did the shopping and let me know she had saved ME a job - so I tactfully mentioned it was a small repayment for free childcare! ( and she got the wrong stuff !)

    cooked a nice Chilli for middle sprog , my nephew and my mum - slimming world friendly too but had a bit of fire in it's belly , sadly no left overs but that is proof it was good.

    Vaping still going ok - Not too sure on the flavour I have and I have seen some that are tobacco flavour , I'm not sure how palatable that would be but I am thinking it would improve the authenticity of "smoking"

    I've had to put petrol in the car today 15.00 , I filled up last week and for once set my clock to 0 , I was a bit peeved to see I had only managed 360 miles ( I make that about 16p a mile) to the tank and this included a 160 mile round motorway trip.
    I am going to make it my personal mission to improve this consumption next week - although driving to be fuel efficient is not half as much fun so it will be interesting to see how that pans out too
    I have only topped up with enough for the next few days as I am going to shop for the week in tesco tomorrow - I have been doing mums shopping in Aldi however this week we need things that easily obtained in Aldi and tesco also have the 10p off a litre of fuel when you spend 60 offer
    I am going to make full use of the voucher as that is a great fuel saving (plus tesco is a 2 min drive as opposed to a 20 )

    I have the hairdressers tomorrow - my local is very reasonable at 20.00 , it hasn't been done for about 10 weeks and is not at the point where I cannot leave it without constantly removing my fringe from my eyes , I can't tie it back as I have the worse frown lines in my monobro and purposely keep my fringe relatively long so no one can see evidence of many years spent scowling !!!
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 10th Aug 18, 10:19 AM
    • 331 Posts
    • 898 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    OH and I nearly forgot a little 97p payment to very , tidied up the current account with a rounded down pound to the balance
    • ftbwannabe
    • By ftbwannabe 10th Aug 18, 12:03 PM
    • 182 Posts
    • 621 Thanks
    ftbwannabe
    I love a tidy up. made a .23p payment today for the satisfaction of that :-)
    saving for house-buying costs 1475
    emergency fund 150//1330
    debts 1229.6/17,483 | Outstanding Debt: 16,253.40
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 13th Aug 18, 8:36 AM
    • 331 Posts
    • 898 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Well this weekend ended up more "spendy" then i had ever anticipated - nothing to show for it except life

    Took advantage of tesco 10p off per litre offer and saved 5 filling my tank so instead of 57 this was 52 , I've reset my counter and since filling up I have driven 180 miles - It doesn't even feel like I have been anywhere but it certainly made me look at how many miles I do.
    I did a bit of shopping for mum on this tank , visited a few shopping centres , Visited a friend , picked my son up from a main station he comes in to but seriously was very surprised to see how many miles we had clocked up

    Also , both headlights had gone on the car , its not user friendly finding the way round the operations of my engine so i headed to my trusty garage and he replaced both bulbs for me 20 spent

    Then the hairdressers , my salon is good value at 20 for a cut and blow dry and it hadn't been done since June so I was happy with that until I came back to the local council car park to find a PCN slapped on my windscreen despite me having paid 1.60 for two hours parkings - not happy at all , from what I can read its because the ticket was resting on the dashboard and not stuck to the windscreen - I have appealled the 25.00 fare this morning and if its not overturned I will not be happy

    Took the anxious child shopping yesterday and treat her to a 5.00 top in primark , this could have been worse , she bought herself a jacket so it wasn't all on mum.

    Still vaping , struggling a little bit but just need to look at my bank statement for motivation , I've got a few meet ups with friends this month which will involve travelling expense more then anything else so i'm pulling the belt in as much as possible as I really want to be able to contribute to my savings this month.

    Counting days to pay day and also pay increase , company rumour is a 2% rise , its not a fortune but it is welcome and will certainly help with one of my payments
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