Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 3rd May 18, 10:55 AM
    • 286Posts
    • 759Thanks
    efes shareholder
    taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be
    • #1
    • 3rd May 18, 10:55 AM
    taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be 3rd May 18 at 10:55 AM
    Good morning MSE'ers
    I have been reading diaries for the last few months and have found peoples stories so inspiring that I am hoping for some company on my own journey , this will be my own log which hopefully will motivate me at times of bleakness so I can look back on any progress I have made
    My sitituation is quite unique , My long term relationship broke down 7 years ago and i spent the next 6 renting on the private market and looking after my 3 kids on just the one income.
    This , ultimately led to lots of juggling , credit facilities being utilised and to be accountable for myself poor choices.
    I'm now hoping I can turn this round - my credit file is rated as poor however I a share of the property purchased as the family home ( my children now all over 18 reside there when they are not at uni) and one day this will be sold and i need to be in a position to reinvest this money and acquire a property of my own
    I recently received a part payment of the equity ( around 5%) and have used this to take responsibilty for my historic debts and settle the accounts on my file which show in default
    This was as follows
    899.52 - Argos store card
    1799 - M&S Credit card ( passed to Lowell)
    I also paid my overdraft off to the tune of 1500 and a 1000 from my credit card
    I have around 3554 remaining on my credit card ( which i have stopped using) and also 880 on Very ( approx 450 on 0%)

    I have placed around 5000 in to my esavers account and i would like to build this , I would like to tackle my remaining debts without dipping in to this as its my safety net should I ever need legal action to get my share of the house once the kids are more established

    Historically I have lived for the moment and as long as the cash machine continued to distribute then I would continue to withdraw , I've enjoyed trips away that I knew I couldn't afford but I looked upon life as when we leave , we are only taking our memories so it is best to make some whilst our health allows

    At the grand age of 45 , having spent my years from 18 parenting I want to start fulfilling my bucket list however I need to do this without over committing myself !!!

    This is my introduction , I will hopefully post an SOA at some point later today

    Thank you all for reading
    Last edited by efes shareholder; 03-05-2018 at 10:58 AM. Reason: ommited info
Page 4
    • onedaysomeday
    • By onedaysomeday 22nd Jun 18, 11:34 AM
    • 560 Posts
    • 818 Thanks
    onedaysomeday
    Just reading through and seems like a nightmare with the ex... I too am a fan of my spends being on wine when life is tough

    Have you decided what you are doing about the weekend at the end of the month?

    Not bad using the CC as it is being repaid
    Just trying to make up for past mistakes and work towards the future I want
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 22nd Jun 18, 12:09 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 759 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Thanks for taking the time to read

    It always seems a good idea to look for the answers in the wine bottle - I have bypassed this now as I don't want the extra poundage !

    It is a bit of a nightmare - to be honest he has let me down so many times that it hasn't upset me this time , I just know I am done with it and it is time to move myself on
    However prepared you are , these things are still a bit of an emotional drain and always trickier when you have mutual and joint friendship groups and will inevitably cross paths so if it all possible it would be nice if we could just be friends with history !

    I havent decided re next weekend - I really would like to go and we have been talking as friends but i know that behind this he will be hoping he can talk me around again and i am not interested in being involved on that level any more
    I can deal with that , I am not sure if he can
    It just seems a shame to miss out on things that we both enjoy just because our relationship has changed
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 25th Jun 18, 12:32 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 759 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Hurry up payday !!!

    Sitting in my overdraft - this is the time when I usually throw caution to the wind with the justification that its only a few days until pay day

    There always seems to be more "month" then "money"
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 26th Jun 18, 8:46 AM
    • 286 Posts
    • 759 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    A friend of mine is moving overseas and has offered me the chance to take her property over just to keep it ticking over ( basically covering the bills etc)
    Its very tempting and will prob work out very similar to what I currently pay to stay at home except I will have to purchase my own food - AS previously explained being back at home is a challenge sometimes particulary as there seems to be little care for the home however I feel bad absconding

    I am going to be away for 9 days from Friday so I guess that will give me the oppurtunity to gauge how my mum copes in my absence
    She should be ok

    My worry is that I know I give her more money than what I cost to keep and being a pensioner I think she has come to rely on the assistance

    Will I drop her in it by vacating ? At the same time I am mid forties and being back in my own personal space is very very tempting
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 9th Jul 18, 3:45 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 759 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    So I am back from visiting relatives.....................

    To update ( if there is anyone out there!)

    I decided to attend the weekender having made it clear to the X that it wouldn't change the situation - In hindsight , I should have stayed at home
    We had a big fall out on the first night ( prob not helped by copious amounts of alcohol) which resulted in him loading the car up to leave - this all down to his frustrations that I would not reconsider my desicion
    He really does not handle his emotions well
    Fortunately I managed to talk him out of leaving in anger - I wouldn't have minded except 1 - I would then be stranded and 2 - he had been drinking and was a danger to himself and others
    I made myself scarce where I could after this as he was walking round with a face like a slapped bum and everyone was looking at me as if I was responsible !!!!!!!
    The rest of the weekend was ok , but in hindsight I should have known that this would happen and i should have stayed home !!

    Fotunately I was able to abscond after this and I've had a lovely cheap few days away with my kids in the sunshine and conquered the fear of driving abroad so from a personal point of view this is very pleasing and gives me the confidence to do so again when I return next

    In Money news , I have today switched my phone to SIM ONLY and avoided the temptation of ordering a new handset and starting a new contract
    I do need a new phone really as mine is battle worn however it works and is operational so hopefully I can live with it a little longer
    The switch to Sim only will be saving me 28 a month
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 10th Jul 18, 9:29 AM
    • 286 Posts
    • 759 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    I don't know whats wrong with me but for the past 24 hours I have wanted to just spontanously burst in to tears and I don't know why !

    Having been on anti depressants in the past I need to be aware of how I am feeling - I am hoping that its just a hormonal thing or some kind of blip
    I don't want to focus on it too much as there is a risk that i will then allow a dark cloud to hang over my head and stoop lower and lower so I am trying not to think about it and just ride the waves

    Even the football is not exciting me - I should be enjoying the respark for the national team but its just going past me and instead of being social I am planning on watching the game alone

    I have an invite to a friends party on saturday and I cant be bothered to go

    I really hope this passes and I can find some positivity - Its beautiful weather and I should be making the most of it or I will regret when we have a long cold winter

    The finances are fortunately all under control - Moving the direct debits has left a clear outline of what cash is available to me for the rest of the month and there is a big improvement on the balance when I look back at a similar time last month
    My aim is to only purchase the basics - I need fuel and I need a weekly sunbed other then that there is nothing that I need. ( other then maybe someone to take me in to a corner and give me a good talking too )
    • Working Mum
    • By Working Mum 10th Jul 18, 10:31 AM
    • 246 Posts
    • 794 Thanks
    Working Mum
    I am sorry you are feeling a bit low efes_shareholder - at least you are aware of how you are feeling and can divert your thoughts a little bit.

    Be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to reach out for help if you feel things going in that direction.

    ((BIG HUGS))

    WM x
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 10th Jul 18, 10:35 AM
    • 286 Posts
    • 759 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Thank you WM x

    I am trying to be kind and let it pass through me and hopefully it will

    It just frustrates me as I know that compared to many others I am extremely blessed and I should be appreicating that

    It's not always easy though if your brain is wired slightly differently and as I said before , there is a family history xx
    • NelliePie
    • By NelliePie 10th Jul 18, 12:00 PM
    • 234 Posts
    • 510 Thanks
    NelliePie
    Hi ES,
    I've just found your diary and read the lot and I have to say you're doing incredibly well. I'm surprised you don't have more comments. You've made some big changes to your spending and attitude towards money; and you seem to have a better handle on your budgets and know your triggers.

    As many have suggested in other threads, looking into and sorting out finances forces you to look at other areas of your life and give them a tidy up too, breaking bad habits both financially and personally. You've definitely seem to have done that! You know whats good for your and for your budget - I can sympathise that its not easy but you're going in the right direction. You're bound to have ups and downs but keep going, you'll be debt free in no time.
    NP
    Little One's due date 18/12/18
    5/5/18 I became Mrs Pie
    FTB June '17 - 144k motrgage
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 10th Jul 18, 2:40 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 759 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Thank you for taking the time to reply Nellie , I read a lot and don't always comment so I understand that there are many different kinds of forum users but it always nice to know people have taken the time to read and also input - The Journey of life often feels lonely so thank you for sharing my experiences

    I think you are spot on , making financial changes does make you evaluate all areas of your life and yes I am trying to mould my life for the future , in my personal / love life I have become very despondant of late however sometimes these things are a lesson , sometimes they are a blessing and sometimes they are both - I need to remind myself regularly of my worth
    If I can get the credit report / debts and budgeting under control then there is absolutely no reason whatsoever that I can't own my own property again in the future , I also need to remind myself of this too !!
    • Working Mum
    • By Working Mum 11th Jul 18, 10:50 AM
    • 246 Posts
    • 794 Thanks
    Working Mum
    There is always something to be truly grateful for I have found!! Some days you have to look a bit harder but there is always something!

    I had an enforced "life laundry" when my marriage broke up 10 years ago - I was sad for a long time but resolved to deal with things in an emotionally healthy way so my future self could live without regrets. It was at the time of Rhonda Byrne "The Secret" launch and so much of it (the law of attraction) resonated with me - I did a vision board about what I wanted my future to look like and it really helped me focus my attention on things I can influence and change i.e me

    I would recommend starting a vision board for your future goals and it may help you focus on what is important to you but more importantly it is a reminder of why you are doing what you are doing every day!

    Wishing you a truly awesome day!

    ((hugs))

    WM x
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 11th Jul 18, 11:22 AM
    • 286 Posts
    • 759 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Well this morning I got up early to drop my mum at hospital for some stitches to be removed - this means a late arrival to work and making the time up
    Rush hour in to the City is not great , however a cab would have cost around 40 and the hospital would not provide transport , although they do for some procedures which is slightly confusing.

    My mood has lifted every so slightly but I still feel like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders although I know I am not - I think that some of this is potentially my own doing
    The X still appears to be hopeful of a reconcilation and although I can be amicable and friends ( and I think Friends is the way forward) I cannot and will not be involved on any other level
    I am naturally a helpful person and I do not like seeing people upset (or being the cause of it although I don't make his choices for him) and I have said I will help him with some paint selection for his lounge - this I feel is sending a mixed signal and I need to get this sorted as he is clearly reading more in to this then I am prepared to give so I think once again I am going to have to sit down and be quite firm

    Money - Not much to report really , I changed some euro back to pounds last night but spent most on lunches for work as mum hadn't catered for them and some postage bags
    I bought 2 dresses for my holiday which I absolutely loved but unfortunately didn't quite have the right upper assets - My friend is going on holiday and loved the dresses so I am going to post them to her and she is going to reimburse me for the cost
    This will save them sitting in the wardrobe waiting for my chest to grow
    I also put 20 in to a family savings pot for xmas , currently my mum pays for all of the shopping at xmas so I came up with a 10 a month contribution from her , myself and my sister to cover all the catering on the day
    We then forgot about it so I bought a tin and have put in for this month and last
    Last edited by efes shareholder; 11-07-2018 at 1:29 PM.
    • Scott-Weiland
    • By Scott-Weiland 11th Jul 18, 11:51 AM
    • 255 Posts
    • 551 Thanks
    Scott-Weiland
    So where are you going on holiday day then lol?

    Thank you for popping in on my journal.
    Cashback Earnings Ish YTD 73.22 Survey Earnings YTD Ish 434.59
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit."
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 11th Jul 18, 11:52 AM
    • 286 Posts
    • 759 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    I have a week in Portugal ...................fate of which currently undecided but I think I may be going elsewhere
    • Scott-Weiland
    • By Scott-Weiland 11th Jul 18, 12:02 PM
    • 255 Posts
    • 551 Thanks
    Scott-Weiland
    Mine is undecided too its a nightmare isn't it.
    Cashback Earnings Ish YTD 73.22 Survey Earnings YTD Ish 434.59
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit."
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 11th Jul 18, 12:08 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 759 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    It is

    I have never made plans a year in advance before - Now i know why !

    Do you have any idea what you would like to do re your trip ?
    • Scott-Weiland
    • By Scott-Weiland 11th Jul 18, 2:55 PM
    • 255 Posts
    • 551 Thanks
    Scott-Weiland
    I have no idea what we are doing yet, I am still in one over what happened last night.
    Cashback Earnings Ish YTD 73.22 Survey Earnings YTD Ish 434.59
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit."
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 11th Jul 18, 3:48 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 759 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Let it settle and go from there

    These things are easier to sort when Tempers have calmed and emotions are controlled
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 12th Jul 18, 9:13 AM
    • 286 Posts
    • 759 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    So today the mood is once again a bit despondant but since I look around me and most people look depleated I am going to blame this on the Semi Final defeat last night and take comfort that I am not alone!

    A NSD yesterday which is great , I have however already spent today and not on something that is a must have - I purchased an autobiography that I have had my eye on since last October. It appeared on my Christmas and Birthday lists but I wasn't fortunate enough to be gifted it.
    Its still only available in hardback and has mantained its RRP on Amazon however this morning there were some nearly new editions listed at half the cost price so I have taken the plunge

    I do enjoy a good autobiography and chilling our reading saves me from places where the cash may be splashed
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 13th Jul 18, 10:11 AM
    • 286 Posts
    • 759 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Oh dear Oh dear Oh dear - dilemnas

    Remember how at the start of this diary I said I like to have things on the calender ................Well I am so close to booking a trip to SIN CITY
    The angel on my shoulder says that I should pay this off my debts , the devil says that we are here for a good time not a long time and we should make memories a long the way

    Myself and my best mate always planned to go but my finances never allowed me too - I suggested we go for our 50th's however she is of the mindset that you never know what is around the corner and that next year we need to strike and do the trip we have always planned together

    I have found an absolutely cracking deal and I have the cost in savings ( and excess left over ) .................I can do this without increasing my debt whilst still mantaining my payments to reduce and in time get rid of them all together

    We have spoken about this trip for many years and always planned to do it - Just recognising the pattern in me that I have been down in the dumps and need something to look forward too so therefore I spend makes me wonder whether I should be doing it

    You have to live right ? Is it normal to feel guilty for doing so ?
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

1,962Posts Today

7,439Users online

Martin's Twitter