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    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 3rd May 18, 9:55 AM
    • 614Posts
    • 1,663Thanks
    efes shareholder
    taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be
    • #1
    • 3rd May 18, 9:55 AM
    taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be 3rd May 18 at 9:55 AM
    Good morning MSE'ers
    I have been reading diaries for the last few months and have found peoples stories so inspiring that I am hoping for some company on my own journey , this will be my own log which hopefully will motivate me at times of bleakness so I can look back on any progress I have made
    My sitituation is quite unique , My long term relationship broke down 7 years ago and i spent the next 6 renting on the private market and looking after my 3 kids on just the one income.
    This , ultimately led to lots of juggling , credit facilities being utilised and to be accountable for myself poor choices.
    I'm now hoping I can turn this round - my credit file is rated as poor however I a share of the property purchased as the family home ( my children now all over 18 reside there when they are not at uni) and one day this will be sold and i need to be in a position to reinvest this money and acquire a property of my own
    I recently received a part payment of the equity ( around 5%) and have used this to take responsibilty for my historic debts and settle the accounts on my file which show in default
    This was as follows
    899.52 - Argos store card
    1799 - M&S Credit card ( passed to Lowell)
    I also paid my overdraft off to the tune of 1500 and a 1000 from my credit card
    I have around 3554 remaining on my credit card ( which i have stopped using) and also 880 on Very ( approx 450 on 0%)

    I have placed around 5000 in to my esavers account and i would like to build this , I would like to tackle my remaining debts without dipping in to this as its my safety net should I ever need legal action to get my share of the house once the kids are more established

    Historically I have lived for the moment and as long as the cash machine continued to distribute then I would continue to withdraw , I've enjoyed trips away that I knew I couldn't afford but I looked upon life as when we leave , we are only taking our memories so it is best to make some whilst our health allows

    At the grand age of 45 , having spent my years from 18 parenting I want to start fulfilling my bucket list however I need to do this without over committing myself !!!

    This is my introduction , I will hopefully post an SOA at some point later today

    Thank you all for reading
    Last edited by efes shareholder; 03-05-2018 at 9:58 AM. Reason: ommited info
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    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 11th Jun 19, 1:40 PM
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    efes shareholder
    I truly have forgotten how to sleep , Wine and Nytol did the trick last night for 6 hours which is an improvement but my body has quickly adjusted for "lasting the night out"
    It is going to take several nights to adjust I think.

    Finally caught up with my mum last night who has been acting very peculiar and coming out with some irrational things and also looking like she has something on her mind , she broached the subject of relocating to the coast with my sister and expected her to go with her and seemed quite put out when she was told it wasn't viable with my nephew and neices schooling.
    Am sure this was just because of her financial situation and freeing up equity rather then a desire to live on the cheap essex coast , off course she wouldnt have considered the 40 odd years of life which would need packing up and selling the house in its current condition.

    Gym kit is with me in the car for a visit tonight and that is going to HURT !! my legs feel like dead weights and I am a little broken and have had a stark reminder that I am no longer 25

    Today will not be a NSD despite telling mum what would be great to have in to eat , she hasn't remembered and as such I need Mushrooms , Eggs and Tomatoes to cater for my breakfast.
    I have also switched over to empty on my fuel gauge this morning so will need to top up ( If I do it today , potentially tomorrow can be a NSD) and I also need to cover the car park at the gym

    Was pleasantly surprised this morning as I tentatively got on the bathroom scales this morning to find that my weight remains the same ( good possibility of slightly lighter ) then before I went away despite consuming my body weight in alcohol , I was trying to make good choices with my food and mostly had Greek Salad for Lunch and either Chicken , steak or fish for dinner ( along with extra salad rather then spuds) so I am more then happy with that

    Thats todays brain dump , wish me luck reaching 5pm today
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 12th Jun 19, 1:56 PM
    • 614 Posts
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    efes shareholder
    Last nights gym session complete , boy it hurt and reminded me it must be almost 2 weeks since the last visit.
    Did 3 miles on the bike and then felt my calf tweak so decided that I would stop before I did myself a mischief but managed a good hour session.
    Quick pop in to Asda who share the car park to buy my eggs and other essentials , was gonna go closer to home but by popping in there I saved the 90p on the car park as you get a voucher - small wins.

    Had a quick ten minute sunbed - I prob don't need that but the weather was hit and miss last week and I would like to keep my colour as long as possible.
    I could feel myself dropping off to sleep on there so its just aswell the lights went out at the right moment or I could still be there now
    Went home and was fast asleep at 9pm until around 12 , I had another hour or so awake and then went back to sleep until 6 so a more reasonable sleep pattern is starting to form.

    20 of diesel in to the car this morning

    Whilst having breakfast this morning I saw a letter for me which must have arrived whilst away , knew it was the hospital by the hallmark
    Unfortunately I am not back to 3 yearly tests and although my test was clear I am still diagnosed as high risk with HPV still present so I have to go back to the hospital for another Camera - It has to be done however unpleasant but I just wish they had done that last time round as I was expecting another and now have to get myself geared up for it again.
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 13th Jun 19, 3:34 PM
    • 614 Posts
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    efes shareholder
    Appointment re arranged

    Not a great day , I feel a bit down in the dumps - Maybe I am suffering from the holiday blues.
    We do this trip every year and it the dynamics look to change next year which means as I am man less I am either a hinderance to another couple or I share with someone I am not sure I will get along with - not sure whether I will go or whether I will do a destination from my bucket list. I just feel like I am missing out if they all go and I don't !!

    Didn't start the day well , my mum is struggling with her depression and has had her medication changed , she is a little zoned out. I wasn't impressed when I got up this morning when the things I had put in the fridge for my breakfast had been used to for the previous nights dinner and didn't react well - it may only be menial things but its the principle. I've gone to the trouble to put them away for myself and seperate them in a bag at the bottom of the fridge and I expect them to be there when I want them
    My little outburst will have little or no affect as its been said before and I've been told its been taken onboard yet it happens again and again
    I don't really want to resort to a fridge in my room , I think the cheaper option is just to replace what she uses !!!

    I can really feel my new diet taking affect on my body shape , giving some consideration to maybe bulk ordering from muscle food for my work lunches as salads are getting a bit repetitive
    I have spent today 3.99 on a set of silicone egg boilers from ebay where you can pour the egg in to the mould and boil it that way so you dont have to shell them - this sounds like a game changer to me as I can have them later sliced in to my salad
    • Scott-Weiland
    • By Scott-Weiland 13th Jun 19, 3:57 PM
    • 476 Posts
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    muscle food i tend too find expensive i would try your local butcher over them.
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 14th Jun 19, 11:02 AM
    • 614 Posts
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    efes shareholder
    Hi Scott

    I was looking at their pre cooked lunch bundles for ease but then I think maybe I will get quickly bored so I will see how I get along with my easy egg thing

    Todays gym is hanging in the balance as I ran and errand for a friend last night and ended up tripping on a paving slap and going flying. I couldn't stop the fall and ended up slamming down on my right knee ( not my finest moment)
    The good news was it was unwitnessed however I felt up feeling a bit embarrassed !! Today it really hurts and I think I should refrain from any excercise on it
    I may attend and just do some upper body stuff but will see how the day goes.

    Bank account is looking ok so I have moved 100 back in to my battered savings , If I keep on track then I won't need to grab it back - there is more chance of keeping it safe this way then I hope it is still there come payday.

    I tend to spend the first two weeks of the month being very good and then the wheels come off
    I have a evening planned with an old friend on monday which I had forgotten about but feeling very positive that the month will be quite damage limited.

    Toying up my holiday plans for nxt yr , the week I spent last week is very popular and gets booked up very quickly and previous guests get first refusal - I can't decide if I want to rebook. I had a great time but it would be 3 years in a row to a country I've been too a few times. Its also prem cost due to the things laid on so I'm mindful that if I went it would mean sacraficing one of the places on my bucket list.
    Having said that seeing my friends having a great time whilst I'm at "stopathome" will absolutely kill me
    Got until the 20th to decide
    • Kitten868
    • By Kitten868 14th Jun 19, 4:55 PM
    • 1,282 Posts
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    Could you not suggest that next year you all go to a bucket list destination? No FOMO and getting closer to your goals.

    No gym for today I think. You'll be cursing yourself if you do xxx
    Loan 1 4300/8000
    Loan 2 2300/5800
    Total 6600/13800 52% PAID
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 17th Jun 19, 10:42 AM
    • 614 Posts
    • 1,663 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Good morning and welcome to a new week

    My poorly knee appears to be making the whole of my leg ache , its still very tender so have been resting rather then gyming - Today it doesnt feel like its getting better so I will see how it goes. I may need it looked at.

    I think I am 80% certain that I am going to do something else next year for a change , 50% of my friends are of the mindset and I think its time for a year off as alot of our favorite staff etc also won't be there next year.
    I've been to this greek island four times and there are so many places I would like to go to so I am going to do that , I can get a week in the carribean for the same price as I paid and to be honest thats what I would rather do

    Quite a spendy weekend , car needed washing , long overdue - the price of my local roll in roll out has gone up to 20 which really isnt cheap so I will research some if I travel in to outer london for next time.
    Spent Saturday evening with daughter 2 , we ate out and then joined my friends in the pub , I bought dinner she covered the pub , another 28
    Yesterday fathers day carvery 29.00
    Also 30.00 in the car for diesel

    I have 17.00 left a day until pay day , this should see me through however I am out of Vape fluid so I need to call in to my shop after work. I do have some cash back on this so I'll be using it to keep costs down.
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 19th Jun 19, 3:06 PM
    • 614 Posts
    • 1,663 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    so my knee is being assisted by Ibuprofen gel and a loaned support.
    Went to the gym last night and before I went I popped in to Sports direct - I hate that shop and always have. It optomises everything wrong with this country !!
    I bought a knee support for 13.99 , at 5.50pm and when I got it in to the gym I wasnt able to use it as they had left the blasted security tag on it !! Typically the shop shut at 6 ! so now I have to make time to return there for the tag to be removed or for a refund , quite likely the second as by the time I get there I will hopefully no longer need it.

    Also spent 4.00 on Ibuprofen gel - what a godsend.

    I'm at the part of the month when I tend to lose control of my expenditure and throw caution to the wind - I'm trying desperately hard not to do that

    I do have a couple of events which I had overlooked , a night at boxing on Friday ( I will need drink money , possibly food) and dinner and catch up with my friend next week which I am hoping we find somewhere on meerkat
    I should make it to payday solvent by the skin of my teeth but I'll take all of the small wins

    payday is next friday and I am already looking at payments and allocations , the car is booked in for its MOT on payday - I am pretty certain I am going need a tyre and perhaps some brake pads but I am hoping and praying that it will sail through
    • Scott-Weiland
    • By Scott-Weiland 20th Jun 19, 12:00 PM
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    I dont at the minute as my lower backs spannered but i normally just bulk cook my meals myself. I will do

    4-5 with white fish
    the same with spag bol
    and the i will do 20-30 meals with chicken or mince and sweet potato/spinach and green beans.
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 20th Jun 19, 3:35 PM
    • 614 Posts
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    efes shareholder
    Hi Scott
    I'd love to get myself to a point where I can do that but my spare time appears to be becoming less and less however it is something to aspire too in the future.

    I'm gonna refrain from the gym until Sunday as I think I am hindering my heeling , Its had such a positive impact on my mindset however that I am sure I will miss going until then, Although the scales are not showing me any great difference my work mates are commenting on my "weight loss" so I will take that that I must be looking lean.

    Car will need petrol today , Hopefully that will be it until payday which I am tentatively taking baby steps towards. Small spend this morning on energy drinks and raspberries as I was a dirty stop out last night on a school night as I saw a friend for drinks at their house and ended up stopping over

    Today I am knackered - I got a bit tetchy earlier as my phone wasn't getting any coverage and I took it in to the store , they were going to send it away ( after trying a few fault fixers) but didn't have a loan phone for me which irritates me immensely. Thankfully a new sim card seems to have solved the problem

    Its definately one of those weeks with the small niggley problems , hopefully no big ones though
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 21st Jun 19, 2:42 PM
    • 614 Posts
    • 1,663 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    Well MSE family , its finally the weekend

    The baby cub has had the news that he has the right grade to be accepted on to his masters degree next month , thats about all to update but feeling very very proud
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 24th Jun 19, 11:01 AM
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    efes shareholder
    Good morning MSE'ers ...............Wow where did the weekend go?

    I have 5 days until payday and 5.01 to my name......Owed 22.00 by my youngest for his phone but other then that where did that money go !!
    I have managed to preserve the 100.00 I put in to savings so thats something and provided I don't need to refuel the car I should get to payday by the skin of my teeth

    It absolutely seems that the start and tail end of the month I have my most spendy periods.
    Friday I went to watch a friends son in a boxing tournament , the ticket was gifted however 5.40 on the train there and back and 10.00 on drinks
    Saturday was an all day festival that I love as its family based but around my music genre , took my youngest daughter who loved it. Spent 10.00 to park the car ( criminal but all for charity) 23.00 on provisions /picnic for the day and 5.00 on breakfast enroute. It was a blissfully relaxing but tiring day in the sunshine , as I drove I also rewarded myself with a 7.99 bottle of wine when I got home.

    Sunday , I went back to the gym - my general fitness has lapsed due to my knee still being sore, I was going to return the support I bought to sports direct ( couldn't use it as they didn't remove the security tag) however when I went in to the shop they only do store credit or exchange and as I hate the shop I decided to keep and use the support after all - I am glad I did as it made all the difference to my circuit.
    Small spend on the car park 50p
    I then went to the cinema with my daughter to see toy story - I love the films and it makes me very nostaligic as they were much a part of my kids childhood
    Ordinarily I would have preferred to go on a meerkat deal however the shifts my daughter works don't allow this and as a sunday event its quite a nice way to end the weekend.

    payday this week and the first job is to get the car through its MOT. I've booked it in. It shouldn't need very much but I am getting a squeaky noise on the brakes ( seems to do this once its rained and then dried out) so I'm half expecting some new pads or discs to be required , Potentially there is also a tyre. The garage I use also look after our fleet at work so they won't take my pants down. I am very much of the thinking that your car needs to be safe so I shall be asking him to do these two jobs if they are an advisory as I may not know when they become "illegal"
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 25th Jun 19, 11:43 AM
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    efes shareholder
    Not too much to report on - waiting for returns to hit my account with Very

    Checked my Noddle account - now credit karma and my ticks are gradually increasing , I think this is because I no longer have any unsettled defaults and I am not utilising all of my available credit.
    Small steps but can see the amount I owe going down on this site and I have to remind myself that my car is not as I call a "historic" debt and something I needed rather then a reckless spend

    Holiday blues are in full swing , there is a weekend event I usually attend happening this weekend , It was one of the ones I chose not to do this year in an effort to not say yes to everything
    I am going to miss it and i think as I won't be doing a soul holiday next year I will possibly go to this one again in 2020

    I've been exploring the possibilty of visiting my family in spain , I have found flights for under 60 which seems pretty good value for a few days break and almost cheaper then staying at home as I won't need any money when I get there. Very tempted by this and may be enough to settle my travel bug
    My relatives out there are in their 70's so I should visit whilst I still have them as you never know when you won't have the oppurtunity again
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 26th Jun 19, 10:15 AM
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    efes shareholder
    So I took the plunge and booked flights to see my dad 52 return for a week in the sun , can't be bad
    we are so remote that its impossible to spend a lot , in fact i have never spent more then 60 euros in a visit in all the years I have been
    Aswell as visiting my dad who is getting no younger - as parents get older we start to realise that they will not be around forever

    My toe is in the overdraft by 11.00 ( Wont have any charges) however my daughter still owes me 26.00 from the weekend and my son 22.00 so technically I haven't overspent

    I got on the scales this morning and early indications are that I am approx 1 stone lighter then when I joined the gym , I still have about another 6lb to go for me to feel content - most of these in the places most middle age ladies look to trim - the muffin top , the flab made fanny pack and the bingo wings !!
    I do feel considerably better for it , I have scratched most of the rubbish from my diet including white carbs and have upped my protein intake.
    I've also restricted my intake of fizzy drinks and sugar.

    I'm looking at where I want to be personally now as there is a bit of movement on the man front , for now all of my options are open however I could need to make some choices on that in the forthcoming , I have a dinner date this weekend - I like the guy however some reservations as he is a little older then me ( but in great condition) and also we both move in the same circle and are friends with each others ex's ! I am a believer in not crossing swords when it comes to this however I don't know his ex more then to say hello too and exchange pleasantries where he is a bit closer to mine. He doesn't see an issue with it ( although I know he still has strong feelings for her ) as we are both single however I think it could just be a friends with bens things
    Time will tell , everything starts as friends with bens after all
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 27th Jun 19, 2:17 PM
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    efes shareholder
    So today I have an upset belly - I think its down to my toxic ex who has been back on my case telling me how much he has changed etc and wants another chance , seems quite ironic given the fact I've been in the company of one of his friends recently
    I don't know if he had been drinking but he said a few things I found emotionally blackmailing - like he would top himself if I found someone else
    It wasn't a pleasant communication and although it didn't get too me or make me want to reconsider ever parting company etc I think it has inadvertantly made me anxious and unsettled me a little bit
    Whatever he chooses to do will as ever be his own choice.

    Quidco came up trumps for me yesterday and rolled in with about 35 in payable cashback , I will be waiting for that to hit my account and then allocating it to my capital one balance that I want cleared ASAP

    The car is booked in for an MOT tomorrow so I have to get it to my garage after work to pick a courtesy car up , Hopefully it will go straight through but I am expecting a tyre or brake pads - I was planning on going to the gym tonight but it means I literally drop the car off and come back to where I just came from so instead I think I will do the local aqua aerobics class , this will cost me 7.40 but I haven't done one for a while and it may be good to mix it up
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 28th Jun 19, 2:50 PM
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    efes shareholder
    So fortunately the garage could look at the car when I arrived , pleased to say we sailed through with nothing needed and no advisories
    Very Very happy with that one so thank you to anyone who issued prayers.

    payday today , quite a lot to pay out for this month and I think it will be frugile but I don't want to send any payments yet , I have a few more days before I need too so just for now I'd like to look at it for a little bit longer.

    Did aqua aerobics last night , it felt easier then it had before and i could really feel my body stretching itself out. I don't think it will do any harm to mix the excercise up slightly
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 1st Jul 19, 10:12 AM
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    efes shareholder
    It looks like I spoke too soon with the car - no sooner had I got back on the road , I was travelling along a country road when a car came at speed in the opposite direction which caused me to pull over and typically I hit a pot hole which tore my tyre.
    95.00 for a replacement , very annoying considering it was the lack of care and attention from another driver which caused the incident

    Looking at what is left this month in the kitty , it is going to be a very restrictive month and I will have to be as frugile as possible to make it through within the available spends

    I have to resist the urge to use the credit card and just buy essentials - I plan to optomise the gym membership and restrict myself socially to try and achieve this however July feels such a long month
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 3rd Jul 19, 2:06 PM
    • 614 Posts
    • 1,663 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    The reality of a very budget restrictive July is hitting home - Had a good look through and although I had some obligations the old foe of clearing the nationwide C/Card when I use it is having some impact

    I have to stop this cycle ! I think I may be putting it in the freezer like others have suggested. Although I'm clearing it in full I need to stop pushing spends on to the next month salary
    I need to get a grip of the budget and get a sensible one which can be implicated

    I am contemplating taking some savings to clear some of the niggly stuff like the capital one which is now gaining interest and just leaving myself with the 0% Barclaycard and the car - these alone are a significant chunk ( just short of a quarter of my monthly salary )
    In my mind if I straighten up the loose ends there will be more oppurtunity to save , I have these in prem bonds so I could in affect set up a direct debit so that they are replaced.

    I have very little left this month to cover personal spends which isn't a massive issue however I do have a trip up north for my sons graduation which means rail fare and a celebration lunch plus the standard graduation pictures
    I won't go to Aqua again and will use the gym membership instead and I will reduce the sunbeds , I do these because they really help my excezma and because I prefer how I look with a tan , I did got over the top before I went away as its a great base for a week in the sun but with the glorious weather we are having at the moment perhaps I don't need to do one.
    I've resisted the urge to renew my football membership which enables the ticket purchase , its 50 a month and to be honest , the trips were becoming much more regular and this was also throwing my budget out.
    I have tickets for a pre season friendly and unless some bargain family day tickets come up that will be my nephews lot this season.

    I have another date with the same guy this friday and he is looking for ideas on what I would like to do , he didn't let me contribute to dinner last week and said that is how he rolls but its completely out of my comfort zone to allow a man to pay for everything and I am fiercely independant and like to contribute , he has suggested we go in to london for a mini bar crawl , this is a red flag for me as its easier for me to throw caution to the wind when I have cocktails and the feel good factor , I would rather go to a pub with stand up or a pool table so that drinking is not the only activity but I will play by ear as we haven't discussed since the weekend
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 3rd Jul 19, 3:37 PM
    • 614 Posts
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    efes shareholder
    Forgot to add , tonight I have my follow up appointment for my not clear smear - I can't put in to words how much I hate them !!
    I will be taking ibuprofen and paracetamol and clinging on to my water bottle for dear life

    have to allow 3 for the hospital parking ..................hopefully I can find a spot on nearby residential street but it may be worth the 3 rather then risk breaking a parking restriction
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 4th Jul 19, 10:41 AM
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    efes shareholder
    So I made a school girl error and got my dates muddled up - my appointment is actually tonight
    That messed my planned gym session for this evening up so I motivated myself to get up at 5 this morning to do it before work , this was helped by the fact I went to bed at 8pm
    Annoyed with myself for the confusion but at least I was a day early and not a day late , the hospital car park didn't charge me as my stay was short lived so aside from the wasted diesel and time no harm done.

    Have managed to get a free nail appointment at work , I had them done for the spurs champions league game and they are now in a sorry state
    I have no funds for them to be redone this month so when I saw our office technican doing freebies , I asked when I could book for and luckily there was a cancellation
    this also means my nails will be nice and fresh for my date tomorrow

    I am down to the bare wire with my funds this month , I think the reality is that I have been winging it a bit
    I'm not being wasteful , I'm just not taking everything in to consideration.
    In my head I need pots but in reality I only have a savers pot on my account ( although do have monzo I can use) and I need to either move all the pots in to the savers for when they are needed or forget the pot and put it aside as a rainy day fund.

    Currently I have 6050.00 in my prem bonds 640.00 in my EF which took a bash when the dog got ill and 276.00 in my current account of which 120 needs to cover barclaycard and gym which means 146.00 balance
    I've got a almost full tank in the car and will need another refill this time next week and potentially more before the 31st which is payday

    I have 250 free overdraft facility , I'm inclined to use this if I need too this month and sparingly if I at all can , cash in some bonds to replace this back on an even keel and use the remainder to clear the niggly little payments that I can't seem to get rid off
    I am thinking a max of 500 and at the same time setting up a standard order to get this back to where it was and then continue adding

    As you can see I really have to get a handle on this , I've paid out a few things on future deposits , used the c/card last month which I now need and it appears not learnt much

    Am I giving myself the easy way out if I do as I suggest above ? I just feel like the wheels have come off , its harder then I thought and I need to get myself back on to a starting point to really start getting on top.
    The summer months are always tougher.
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