Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 3rd May 18, 9:50 AM
    • 4,127Posts
    • 35,354Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning
    • #1
    • 3rd May 18, 9:50 AM
    Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning 3rd May 18 at 9:50 AM
    Good morning everyone,

    I've had a bit of a break from the forums over the past couple of months, but today seems like a good time to come back on here and to start a new diary. An awful lot has changed in my life over the past couple of weeks and it's going to take some time and effort to adjust, and more than ever I need the support and accountability of being on here to keep me on the straight and narrow as far as my finances are concerned.
    I hope that some of my usual bunch have followed me to this diary, and welcome to anyone new that might be reading. I need all of the help and support that I can get...
    November in NY #20 NSD = 9 1 debt vs 100 days 328.51/1685
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid 28,447
Page 4
    • Buffythedebtslayer
    • By Buffythedebtslayer 12th May 18, 10:37 PM
    • 15,337 Posts
    • 51,363 Thanks
    Buffythedebtslayer
    CCL you are doing marvellously, I know you might not think so but you are. I bet bestie says so too. My bestie is currently stressed out of her tree and in hiding. I hope she is ok.

    I did Saturday school today and am shattered, so not especially with it tonight


    Big hugs XXX
    Frugal Living Challenge, Pound a Day challenge, Sealed Pot Challenge Debt 4990 (March)
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 13th May 18, 8:34 AM
    • 4,127 Posts
    • 35,354 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    Oooh is that a 2018 temperature blanket?
    I'm up to June of 2017 on mine, but keep stopping to do other projects.
    Originally posted by wishingthemortgaheaway
    What is a temperature blanket???
    Originally posted by apple muncher
    Yes, it's a 2018 blanket - I'm doing the one by Esther here https://itsallinanutshell.com/tag/temperature-blanket/

    I love it because it has a different colour for every temperature - unfortunately I ran out of my colour for 12 degrees yesterday so rather than pretend it was 11 degrees on the day or something I decided to put it away again until I can afford some more wool in that colour. Any excuse I have plenty other projects to be getting on with at the moment though so it's no hardship...


    Hey CCL! So glad I found your diary.
    I just want you to know that you're not responsible for him, he's in charge of his own life and he's decided for a free ride off you. Yes, he's had depression but he took you for granted and showed you utter contempt when you were the only one holding his life together.
    I do feel sad for him, but it was obvious that you couldn't help him anymore.
    You're amazing.
    Originally posted by Steerpike88
    Thank you for this Steerpike - just what I needed this morning. I've woken up feeling a bit yuck for some reason. Not regretting what I've done, but just not good moodwise. And thanks Buffy - my bestie does say I'm doing well and reminds me to try and stay strong. We still have a long way to go, and I'm desperate now to get him out of my dad's place but I'm not sure how to do that any more. I feel like I've reached a completely dead end. I need my dad to ring 111 for him but can't convince him, and whilst my husband isn't my responsibility any more it is my fault that he ended up at my dad's house. I wish my dad would toughen up and do something...

    Anyway, onto other stuff. I was woken up hideously early this morning by ds screeching at his Xbox which I am most displeased about. I still feel tired - even though I didn't do much yesterday I wasn't ready to get up this morning at half past seven. Thankfully I don't have to go to work... although I do have my tutoring sessions today. Then I'm going to go to my mam's with the kids for our lunch and a bit of a catch up. Should be nice as long as I can hang onto my temper with ds.
    November in NY #20 NSD = 9 1 debt vs 100 days 328.51/1685
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid 28,447
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 13th May 18, 11:31 AM
    • 58,080 Posts
    • 239,238 Thanks
    beanielou
    Glad my DS is now grown up
    I remember not being able to get to sleep because of the Xbox roaring
    Enjoy your day.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • AspiringButAnxious
    • By AspiringButAnxious 13th May 18, 11:58 AM
    • 680 Posts
    • 2,787 Thanks
    AspiringButAnxious
    I was just trying to explain how it feels from dh's pov, after you said you didn't understand how his mood could drop so much, so suddenly. I certainly didn't intend anything I wrote as criticism -- as I said in previous posts, you can't (and shouldn't) take responsibility for dh or offer help to the extent that it affects your wellbeing. I'm just saying don't give up on him completely, because that gives him the best chance of sticking around for your kids' sake and (hopefully) recovering so he can be the best father he can to them.

    I thought my posts made it clear that I'm sympathetic of your situation, believe you have made the right decision and support you. I'm sorry if that didn't come across.
    Rainy day fund 210/1000 Emergency fund 1019/1500
    Loan 560/19,300 = 2.9% Fun fund: 1/100 Credit card balance 10
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 13th May 18, 10:05 PM
    • 4,127 Posts
    • 35,354 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady

    I thought my posts made it clear that I'm sympathetic of your situation, believe you have made the right decision and support you. I'm sorry if that didn't come across.
    Originally posted by AspiringButAnxious

    I feel incredibly guilty about doing what I've done, and I think I'm particularly sensitive to people thinking badly of me. I have spent my entire life trying to make people happy and get people's approval, so I give myself a very hard time. I need to back right off from the situation, for my own sake, but I am incredibly worried about what might happen next, and wonder if it's something I've done that's made him like that... My mind is whizzing all of the time with what I want versus what I think I should have versus what other people think of me dumping my poorly husband etc. I see a world of difference in your situation and his, in that you are trying your hardest to get out of your situation. He runs away and tries to hide from his, hoping that it will all go away.

    He sent me a text this evening, saying he's popping round tomorrow to collect his Satnav as he's going away. I'm really mixed about this. I think this is where he leaves my dad's place and moves on, but I can't help but wonder how he can afford to hire a car when he can't afford to rent a room, or contribute towards his children. Anyway, at least it's some progress and my dad will get his house back to himself again, and I can let the council know he's gone and get my council tax discount.

    Had a lovely day all in all - if I could just shift this headache. Did my tutoring, then spent the afternoon at my mam's. Fed for free, good company and time to relax. So I bagged a nsd, got fed for free and came home feeling much better than I did this morning that's for sure. 2 weeks until half term, and 3 until payday.
    November in NY #20 NSD = 9 1 debt vs 100 days 328.51/1685
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid 28,447
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 14th May 18, 8:22 AM
    • 58,080 Posts
    • 239,238 Thanks
    beanielou
    Have a good week.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 14th May 18, 1:30 PM
    • 4,127 Posts
    • 35,354 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    OK - I admit that I'm really stressed out about seeing my husband tonight. I've not slept well at all and I'm worried about how things might go and how upset I might get after he's been and gone. Still, whatever is going to happen is going to happen isn't it? Nothing I can do about it. I know what I'm doing is right, and I will be fine - it's just difficult at the moment.


    I've tried to be a bit proactive during my frees - caught up with my work to-do list and have also made a few phone calls. To the council to let them know I'm on my own now at the house, and I've made an appointment with a solicitor as well (for during half term) to get the ball rolling there. Once that's sorted out then we can really get to moving on. I just wish that I felt more positive today instead of a bit of a nervous wreck.





    November in NY #20 NSD = 9 1 debt vs 100 days 328.51/1685
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid 28,447
    • PurpleFairy26
    • By PurpleFairy26 14th May 18, 1:57 PM
    • 2,417 Posts
    • 16,415 Thanks
    PurpleFairy26
    OK - I admit that I'm really stressed out about seeing my husband tonight. I've not slept well at all and I'm worried about how things might go and how upset I might get after he's been and gone. Still, whatever is going to happen is going to happen isn't it? Nothing I can do about it. I know what I'm doing is right, and I will be fine - it's just difficult at the moment.


    I've tried to be a bit proactive during my frees - caught up with my work to-do list and have also made a few phone calls. To the council to let them know I'm on my own now at the house, and I've made an appointment with a solicitor as well (for during half term) to get the ball rolling there. Once that's sorted out then we can really get to moving on. I just wish that I felt more positive today instead of a bit of a nervous wreck.





    Originally posted by crazy_cat_lady
    Stay strong cat it will be difficult I'm sure but it's just the next stage in the process.
    • apple muncher
    • By apple muncher 14th May 18, 7:29 PM
    • 7,934 Posts
    • 60,144 Thanks
    apple muncher
    Thinking of you allx
    NST November New Yorker #8; NSD 12/15; Ex 6/21 ; craft 50 (196); remove 16 (653)
    2018 Pay off: 4509; 2
    018 sell 55.10; WLOSW 3/10

    Mortgage 18,634 (01/14: 78,201; 01/15: 59,629; 01/16: 39,915; 01/17: 27,295; 01/18 23,143) MFWDate Dec 2018
    • Eager_Elephant
    • By Eager_Elephant 14th May 18, 8:35 PM
    • 4,489 Posts
    • 26,132 Thanks
    Eager_Elephant
    Hope tonight has gone ok CCL ((( )))
    Ninja Saving Turtle No. 1 for August
    NSD - 9/15
    (up to 12/8/18)
    My Diary is here - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2175629 (Eager Elephants Effective Everyday Excursion)
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 14th May 18, 9:21 PM
    • 4,127 Posts
    • 35,354 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    I'm here - he's been and gone. This week was harder than last week - he's not doing well this week at all. Still not well enough for work. He's blown the last of his cash hiring a car and running off to Scotland again. At least legitimately this time, but I was worried to see him in the state he is in. He's very overwhelmed with his illness, work situation, living situation, cash situation and I think the reality of being a grown up has well and truly arrived. Today the doctor seemed concerned that he is suicidal, but not concerned enough to refer him off anywhere else. On the plus side, he's off for a week completely on his own to think things through, my dad has his house back, and I have a week without having to worry about the whole situation.

    As suspected though, I am upset now that he's gone again. Just about the whole situation and seeing him in such a mess. At least it's not 24/7 this time though. I've been in the shower and am sitting here on my own with a cuppa and some peace and quiet. Trying to be kind to myself.

    In other news - I crossed everything off my work to-do list today. There will be plenty more to deal with tomorrow but it was empty at 4pm. Made the aforementioned phone calls, and work have sorted me out with a bit of counselling to help me get through everything. That's kind of them. My appointment isn't until the beginning of next month, but I'm really busy so that's not really the end of the world. And I'm not desperate for it - just wanting to talk it out with someone completely impartial. I have had counselling through work before, and I'm really thrilled that it's the same guy - I really like him.

    I even stayed back for an hour after work to help a few year 11 with some last minute revision as the biology exam is tomorrow afternoon.

    I do feel quite tired now my adrenaline has gone, and I can tell because I don't even want to pick up my crochet tonight, which is unusual for me. I think I'll celebrate getting lots done today with another cuppa and an early night.

    P.S. Got a nsd as well
    November in NY #20 NSD = 9 1 debt vs 100 days 328.51/1685
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid 28,447
    • Eager_Elephant
    • By Eager_Elephant 15th May 18, 6:53 PM
    • 4,489 Posts
    • 26,132 Thanks
    Eager_Elephant
    Hope today has been a better day CCL.

    I may have missed a mention but does Mr CCL have any family who can take him in?

    My concern is that when he returns he will have no money and no where to live - is he expecting you to help with the initial deposit for renting a place?
    Ninja Saving Turtle No. 1 for August
    NSD - 9/15
    (up to 12/8/18)
    My Diary is here - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2175629 (Eager Elephants Effective Everyday Excursion)
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 15th May 18, 9:01 PM
    • 4,127 Posts
    • 35,354 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    Hope today has been a better day CCL.

    I may have missed a mention but does Mr CCL have any family who can take him in?

    My concern is that when he returns he will have no money and no where to live - is he expecting you to help with the initial deposit for renting a place?
    Originally posted by Eager_Elephant
    It has been a better day EE, but very long. I didn't sleep well again last night - took me ages to doze over and then I kept waking up. I'm probably going to bed in a short while just because I'm so tired.

    Mr CCL doesn't have any family. He hasn't seen his dad since he was 7, and his mother died 8 years ago. He has 2 uncles in Newark but they weren't willing to take him in as one of them is just out of hospital. He won't have any money or anywhere to live - so I don't know where he will go or what he will do. He hasn't thought that far ahead. I do have enough savings to put a deposit down in a room for him, but I won't offer to do it - he needs to try and work stuff out for himself. As I already said, I feel incredibly guilty about everything but I genuinely don't know what else I could have done. I have noticed a real improvement generally in my own mental health since he went, so I need to focus on that.

    Busy day today. Lots of panicking Year 11's, but by all accounts the exam wasn't too bad. 1 down, 5 more to go. Got everything ticked off my to do list and managed to leave work by 4pm. Popped into town and got a couple of brochures from the travel agent. My dd has been begging for a sunny holiday for ages, and our independent travel agent does some excellent deals including school holiday discounts and single parent discounts. So we're going to see what we can sort out for next year. Something to look forward to and something to save for. Then I had to take 2 of the cats to the vets for annual boosters - no charge as I pay monthly for their vet care. One of them is overweight but otherwise ok, and the other is fine - phew. Except he seems a bit unwell since we got home - poor baby.

    Loads done and too busy for spends. I just really need some sleep now.
    November in NY #20 NSD = 9 1 debt vs 100 days 328.51/1685
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid 28,447
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 15th May 18, 9:08 PM
    • 58,080 Posts
    • 239,238 Thanks
    beanielou
    Hope you get a good sleep.
    It helps so so much.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • Buffythedebtslayer
    • By Buffythedebtslayer 15th May 18, 10:51 PM
    • 15,337 Posts
    • 51,363 Thanks
    Buffythedebtslayer
    My kids seemed to think the biology exam was alright too.

    Just popping in to send you love and vibes for everything

    Love Buffy XX
    Frugal Living Challenge, Pound a Day challenge, Sealed Pot Challenge Debt 4990 (March)
    • nmlc
    • By nmlc 16th May 18, 6:28 AM
    • 3,226 Posts
    • 44,771 Thanks
    nmlc
    Morning

    Hope you don't mind me giving some input. I don't know where in the UK you live, but whatever you do don't offer to put DH up or give money for deposit to help out when he comes back from his little jaunt. He needs to present himself as homeless (with his packed bags) at the local council offices. They should have a team/dept there that deals with homelessness and have access to emergency temporary accommodation. He will be assessed taking into account all factors and a decision will be made as to whether he shows a "priority need", if so, they may be able to assist with temporary emergency accommodation. Just a word of warning though, it's very tight out there, and the country as a whole has a massive homelessness problem, so when you think someone should qualify for help they don't always. A private rented room is going to be your next best choice, the local councils do have access to deposit schemes etc so may be able to help with a deposit again depending on his circumstances. If he's not working, he needs to apply for relevant benefits too.

    Hope some of this helps, feel free to pm me if you need.

    Keep safe and well x

    nmlc x
    WEIGHTLOSS SINCE JUNE 2009 - 5 ST 2LB
    • apple muncher
    • By apple muncher 16th May 18, 7:15 AM
    • 7,934 Posts
    • 60,144 Thanks
    apple muncher
    Hang in there ccl. Sending you hugs. Hope you slept better.
    NST November New Yorker #8; NSD 12/15; Ex 6/21 ; craft 50 (196); remove 16 (653)
    2018 Pay off: 4509; 2
    018 sell 55.10; WLOSW 3/10

    Mortgage 18,634 (01/14: 78,201; 01/15: 59,629; 01/16: 39,915; 01/17: 27,295; 01/18 23,143) MFWDate Dec 2018
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 16th May 18, 10:12 AM
    • 58,080 Posts
    • 239,238 Thanks
    beanielou
    Hope that you managed to get some sleep.
    Take care of you
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 16th May 18, 6:20 PM
    • 4,127 Posts
    • 35,354 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    Evening all

    I wish I could report a better night of sleep, but unfortunately it was another restless one. I fell asleep before 10pm but kept waking up and gave up and got up for the day just after 5pm. I'm tired again tonight but I don't have lots of running about to do before I can settle. The neighbours have put the bins out already so I don't need to do that , so just dinner, washing up and a shower needed tonight.

    nmlc - thank you so much for your advice. I didn't know any of that so hopefully that will save me from having to dip into my own emergency fund to help him out. I will send you a quick pm as I have a couple of questions that you might be able to answer.

    Another busy day at work today. Can't believe how non-stop everything is all of the time. I am getting loads done but time is just flying by. It's the chemistry exam tomorrow and both me and my students are significantly more worried about this one than the last (Chemistry is my subject). Then Thursday and Friday are very full teaching days so more busy stuff happening.

    I'm just going to squeeze this massive spend in here and hope that you all overlook it. I have booked me and the kids a holiday abroad. Four nights in Fuertaventura during February half term next year for 1250, all inclusive and pre-booked seats on the aeroplane. I have only paid the deposit now, and may be foolish booking it but I have my exam marking to pay for it, and the kids are already so excited that I really think that I've done the right thing. I haven't been abroad since I had kids but I can't imagine needing a massive amount of spending money if we're all inclusive.

    Marmalade cat seems to be doing much better today and has recovered from his grump after yesterday's vaccinations. Good, as I was a bit worried when he turned his nose up at breakfast this morning - he's obviously had a bit of a party while we've all been out during the day and has made up for it.
    November in NY #20 NSD = 9 1 debt vs 100 days 328.51/1685
    DFD #1: 6 Nov 15 - paid 28,447
    • foxgloves
    • By foxgloves 16th May 18, 8:33 PM
    • 4,404 Posts
    • 23,505 Thanks
    foxgloves
    CCL - You deserve a holiday & there'll be all sorts of savings you can make if you need to, when the time comes.....a picnic for the trip to the airport, a sensible set amount of spending money for everyone, not being tempted by lots of new clothes for four days away, etc. Just enjoy it when it comes & in the meantime, enjoy how much your children are already looking forward to it.
    F x
    Money can't jump out of your purse on its own so ask 'Can I borrow one, make one, grow one, bake one, re-purpose or recycle, acquire it for free?' Yes? Then put that purse away & keep your money because little savings grow!
    Loan pay-down fund instalment 2 = 470-01
    Payment received from surveys: 2015 = 320 2016 = 210 2017 = 304 2018 = 403
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

1,546Posts Today

8,705Users online

Martin's Twitter