I can never cope with buying Christmas stuff through the year - I've tried it twice and both times just ended buying 20x as much stuff because I kept forgetting what I had. Although I quite enjoy the shopping as part of the build up to Christmas, so as long as I save properly this year (which would be a bit of a first), that works well.

We had a glorious BH weekend too, not looking forward to getting nose back to grindstone tomorrow!

TBH TOPM - I can't say I normally do this and when I do I often get to just before Xmas and wonder why on earth I thought it would be a good idea to buy a ping pong shot drinking game for Great Auntie Joan - if you get my drift I also have the conundrum that DCs may no longer be going out with current partners by Xmas so am left with 2 lots of stockings without owners! Its only really the small stocking stuff, and the advent calendar bits (like you I make my own) so my reason is shear volume.One thing that i have started to do is write down ideas as I see them for specific people, or if they mention something. DH mentioned a coffee flask the other day and DD got a sample of perfume that she said she really liked. That makes life easier.

Just eeking out the last of the sunshine before it turns

In theory a low spend day but rather frustratingly I miscalculated the end date of the interest free loan I had for some furniture I bought for Brighton. It was due to end last month according to the contract so I was surprised to see a debit for £86 this morning. When I looked into it the loan started a month later due to a delayed delivery, so now I am £86 down on what I can save this month

Batch cooked some quorn bolognaise for DD so 3 portions to add to the freezer. I try to at least double every meal I cook for her.I really need to get my menu plans in order now that I am meant to be doing a weekly shop and also list up what meals are left in the freezer so I can allocate them over the month. Having systems in place really help my life flow without having the daily stresses of what I'm cooking for lunch and dinner, so I'm feeling a little uncomfortable with the way things are at the moment.

I've changed the way I'm recording my monthly budgeted spend - it may change again as I try and find the easiest way to record and keep a track of these spends. I would add in celebrations but this is an annual pot and i haven't calculated an accurate figure for what I've spent from January yet. Also haven't added in my Brighton Pot spend as that's ring fenced at £80/month and any underspend gets rolled over possibly for a small holiday.

Scores on the Doors:

SpentToday/Spent this Month/Monthly Budget

• £5.94/£105.97/£250 - Food
• £0.00/£2.00/£60.00 -kids
• £0.00/£17.05/£40.00 - Miscellaneous
• £0.00/£10.00/£85.00 - Petrol
• £0.00/£0.00/£20.00 - Me
• 6p/£3.80 - OP
• £1.82/£14.80 - Electricity
• £14.04 - Daily Available Spend - Up 33p

Off to spend 10 minutes in the sun before its replaced by wet and cold weather again.

PFTP x

Boo to the extra payment.

Thanks Beanielou - glad I've got you on my team

Busy day at work today, working part-time (very part-time) focuses the mind. I literally walk into work and don't look up again for another 8 hours until I leave (coffee making is the exception).

I got offered a bit of work via my BIL (well he would be my BIL if he were married to my SIL, who would be my SIL if I was still married to my XH ) I'm a bit of a dab hand with the old paintbrush and decorated their house for them several years ago.He's now turned his hand from accountant to handyman and he picked up some work near me. He was asked if he knew anyone who could do some decorating for him so BIL suggested me It's very sweet of him, and a bit of extra cash wouldn't go amiss but I'm hardly a professional painter and decorator. Lacking in confidence mainly, as I will happily put my hand to most things, but doing it for someone I don't know and being paid for it is causing me a bit of anxiety, plus I don't have the tools for it. Will think on that one somewhat.

The bonus of having a full day at work, aside from the free coffee and the odd biscuit is not having the time to spend any money. So today I have had my second NSD of the month

Yesterday I sent my XH a detailed email about the expectations I have of the fund he set up to pay the rent. It was a bit long winded but given that he'd practically forgotten what it was set up for I had to go into the details of how much the expected annual return needed to be and why I felt that the burden of covering the shortfall should not lay totally on my shoulders. I also told him that in no uncertain terms was I prepared to eat into my capital in order to pay my rent. I told him that if there was not a plan to cover the shortfall then I would have no choice but to hand my notice in at the end of this contract and move down to Brighton to care for my husband. and He would then have to take charge of DD for her last school year - which would put a spanner in the works considering he was trotting off to the States. Obviously I would NEVER do this but I'm hoping it will shock him into doing something about it. I've not heard back yet but will keep you updated of his response.

Scores on the Doors Today:

Spend Today/Spend this Monthly/Monthly Budget

• £0.00/£105.93/£250.00 - Food
• £0.00/£2.00/£60.00 -kids costs
• £0.00/£0.00/£20 - Me
• £0.00/£10.00/£85.00 - Petrol
• £0.00/£17.05/£40.00 - Miscellaneous
• £1.77/£16.57- Electricity
• £0.00/£3.80 OP
• £14.68- Up 64p -Daily Available Spend

PFTP x

I think you should consider the painting.
YOur BIL would not have suggested you if he did not think that you were able to do it ::

Hope you get a good response from your XH.
Positive vibes your way.

A lack of self belief has always been my problem.

I will be straight on here once I get my response from XH

Shopping is no longer about just popping down to the shops and picking up what I need. It's a bloomin' military operation- every minute detail planned, analysed, then precisely executed and followed by a post operation line by line briefing So today I planned, actioned and analysed my shopping and have come to the conclusion that I need to add another 'pot' to my tally. This one I shall call the Stockpot which I will use to buy storecupboard items that are on offer which distort my shopping costs if I include them in the monthly shopping budget. I aim to allocate £25 of my monthly shopping budget into this new pot but as it is new I am going to put in £40 this month which is going to come out of my contingency fund. I think I'll have to play it by ear a little and may just top it up on a monthly basis if needed. Tesco are doing a lot 3 for 2 on the free from range at the moment and I would be a fool not to stock up as it is so expensive.

I used to do this on a regular basis when there were 5 of us and we lived in a large house (there was not a cupboard that was not full of some form of stockpiling) its not quite so easy with such little space. It takes a great deal of planning and spread-sheeting to ensure you buy the things that you will use and allocate the current spend to a future budgets. I would allocate the money saved to my savings pot so that it didn't get absorbed back into buying more food etc. It was very complex! Made a couple of errors and ended up with 34 large bottles of shampoo and conditioner that I ended up donating to a charity for various reasons and also had to eat my way through a mountain of Naked bars (only flavour I didn't like) after I bought 100s of the things on offer when we were blending them in DDs many smoothies during her recovery period only to decide she didn't like them any more!

High spend today on food and petrol, which has brought my daily available spend down by a whopping £3.44 - hoping it will see me through another 10 days.

Scores on the Doors:

Spend today/Spend this month/Monthly Budget

• £41.85/138.46/£250 - Food
• £11.62/£19.62/£40.00 - Stockpot
• £0.00/£2.00/£60.00 - Kids Costs
• £0.00/15.05/£40.00 - Miscellaneous
• £33.42/£43.42/£85.00 - Petrol
• £0.00/£0.00/£20.00 - Me
• 11p/£3.91 - OP
• £1.12/£17.69 - Electricity
• £11.24/down £3.44 - Daily Available Spend

Hoping to batch cook next weeks worth of dinners tomorrow so I'll be able to calculate the cost and find out my daily food costs (bought the frozen berries today)
PFTP x

I’ve been doing a little soul searching recently in an effort to understand why I feel the need to protect one of my spending pots , I call It my emotional spend. I have noticed it on other diaires too – that one area of spending you are not really willing to skim the fat off and will defend, to the hilt your reasons behind that spend . For me my emotional spend is on my DC, a common one I believe. For others it may be clothes, holidays abroad, the daily coffee or hobbies . No matter the level of debt I think most of us have our own emotional spend which we know logically would be much better spent reducing that debt or increasing our savings, yet we just cant seem to shift our mindset.
Ive been trawling through my celebrations budget line by line, person by person. I’m really comfortable that I have cut to the bone the amount I spend on friends and family and cut out those I no longer feel the need to buy for. Yet when I got to my kids I ‘ummed and arrhhed’ about slicing off the thinnest wafer. Personally I can go without a lot, most things in fact. As my DH says – I’m a cheap date and happy to walk round the flat with a hot water bottle tucked into my jeans to save on the heating bill. But I just cannot give up that level of spend on my kids. Don’t get me wrong I’m not overly extravagant but if I am capable of cutting my other budgets why not this one.
Before I can change this habit I need to understand why I feel the need to ring fence it. What is the emotion behind it?
• Family history: Coming from a home of divorced parents which meant going without, making do and being driven to school in such an old banger I made my mum park round the corner so no one could see me. – the sheer embarrassment for a teenage girl.
• Guilt: The DC have gone through so much pain and anguish over many years which has caused mental health issues for both of them. Spending on them as a replacement for their father.
• One Upmanship: With not much more than a card from their father for birthdays and Christmas I wanted to show them that we didn’t need him and I could provide for all those needs and wants.
• Keeping up with the Joneses: In many ways I laugh in the face of the wealth that people display in the area I live. I am the equivalent of the local hobo and proud to be that. Yet I can’t seem to extend these these beliefs to the way I spend on the children. I don’t want them to feel inadequate amongst their friends, its not a pleasant feeling, I know – Ive been there.
• Starting off on the wrong foot: Spending big when the kids are young makes it difficult to change habits and expectations when things get tough. My advice to anyone with young children – don’t spend big, don’t feel that pile of presents isn’t big enough -it never is.
• Accepting that presents get more expensive when they get older therefore the pile needs to get smaller.

I'm sure there are other reasons as to why I spend emotionally on my kids. The fear of disappointment, a way of showing love to them and seeing love from them. I'm hoping that understanding these issues will allow me to move forward and remove some of the emotion behind it all.

So this year my biggest challenge is going to be to manage my own expectations on what I have to spend on them as Im sure they wont mind.

<creeps quietly into the room>

£165.00 Spent emotionally on DDs hair today

<creeps quietly out again>

I used to do the emotional spending on my DS.
Dont do it very much these days as I feel stronger about it now.
He doesent expect it in any way but I still want too
But for now I have to concentrate on me.
Another 6 months & his Masters will be finished.

I do like to read your posts - I learn a lot from them. Thank you for putting it down for the rest of us to read.

Agreed

This was how I got in debt after my divorce! I spent on my DC , holidays abroad , new clothes , £165 haircuts ! Etc .

We all have something we spend on emotionally, I think mine is now the grandchildren, although not to the same amounts as I can't afford it.

Indeed!

That made me laugh

I thought I wouldn't spend a penny on DS when he started uni in September last year - yeah, right. That went to plan - not!

Thanks Apple Muncher. It's therapeutic to be able to write things down. Gotta be honest in my diary

I never thought about the fact that it might transfer to spend on grandchildren

I know, I know! I'm not going to defend my spend or justify the reasons behind it, instead I shall list the positives

• It was £30 cheaper than last time!
• It's an allocated spend - I have a pot for it
• She only has it done every 3 months
• I only have my hair cut twice a year £25 so it evens itself out - honestly

PFTP x