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  • FIRST POST
    • MXW
    • By MXW 14th Apr 18, 9:25 AM
    • 508Posts
    • 228Thanks
    MXW
    Break up and feeling worthless
    • #1
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:25 AM
    Break up and feeling worthless 14th Apr 18 at 9:25 AM
    I've been in a relationship with my ex for over 2 years on and off (we are both middle aged). When I met him he had been single for a long time (as had I), and he was very nervous about dating and all that goes with it, which I found quite endearing.

    We got on really well, despite being very different. He worked away a lot, and his life consisted of work, seeing his kids at the weekend, and his local pub for a few drinks. When he met me, he said I gave him a new lease of life and made him feel like a teenager.

    Things couldn't have been better, then on my birthday, he just upped on left my house with no explanation and went home. I rang him the next day, but couldn't get anything out of him...he went from Caring about me, to not being sure.... amongst a lot of other things. I asked him to make a decision about our relationship, he said he needed time, I said I wasn't going to be messed about, and did he want to end it...he said yes......and then blocked me!

    A few months later he contacted me again, said how much he missed me, he had been a fool, and that he was new to the relationship game and had been scared. We got back together, and again things were great. We booked a holiday (on his suggestion) for the weekend.....then he ended the relationship again, by text saying he wasn't feeling the love he thought he should be feeling.....then blocked me!

    Shortly after that he contacted me again, we got back together, he suggested a weekend away....then he ended the relationship again....and blocked me!

    Again, he contacted me, said he had though about me constantly, couldn't get me off of his mind, so he must have feelings for me. We got back together again, and for the last year have been really happy. He didn't put a foot wrong, and told me I had given him so much confidence and he wasn't that person anymore. He was very loving and caring, I couldn't have asked for me.

    We went away last weekend, had a fabulous time. Came home on the Sunday, he rang me Sunday night, everything was fine. It was my birthday Monday he text me to say he was missing me...then rang later, and I thought he was a bit strange.

    To cut a long story short (there's a lot to it), he's ended the relationship by text again! I rang him, and he switched his phone off. He then text me and ended the relationship, citing the same reasons. I replied....you can imagine what I said... he's now blocked me from his phone and all social media.

    There's no going back for me now, I was a fool to have taken him back before. This may sound stupid, but he's not a bad person.... just can't handle confrontation!

    He has plenty of friends...but his lifestyle now will be going to work, having a few pints with his mates at the local, and that will be it!

    The point of me writing this, is because he's made me feel so worthless. Despite me taking him back... I am a very strong person, but this has knocked my duck off.

    After all this time, how can a mature man not have the guts to tell me to my face that it's over. This has come completely out of the blue. Only at the weekend was he holding my hand over a table at a restaurant telling me how much he thinks about it.

    This is not about him meeting anyone else.... he'll just go back into his normal routine.... ironically he only told me recently that he couldn't imagine me not being in his life.
Page 1
    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 14th Apr 18, 9:29 AM
    • 15,956 Posts
    • 11,990 Thanks
    hollydays
    • #2
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:29 AM
    • #2
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:29 AM
    Have you actually talked about all the blockings?
    • MXW
    • By MXW 14th Apr 18, 9:33 AM
    • 508 Posts
    • 228 Thanks
    MXW
    • #3
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:33 AM
    • #3
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:33 AM
    Have you actually talked about all the blockings?
    Originally posted by hollydays
    He blocks me, and when he contacts me again, he just sweeps it under the carpet.
    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 14th Apr 18, 9:34 AM
    • 15,956 Posts
    • 11,990 Thanks
    hollydays
    • #4
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:34 AM
    • #4
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:34 AM
    He blocks me, and when he contacts me again, he just sweeps it under the carpet.
    Originally posted by MXW
    But when you’ve got back together in the past
    • MXW
    • By MXW 14th Apr 18, 9:39 AM
    • 508 Posts
    • 228 Thanks
    MXW
    • #5
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:39 AM
    • #5
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:39 AM
    But when you’ve got back together in the past
    Originally posted by hollydays
    When we've got back together, and I bring the blocking matter up he doesn't want to talk about it. The only thing he has said (the very first time it happened), was that he needed time, as he thought that his head would explode with all the thoughts going through it.
    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 14th Apr 18, 9:44 AM
    • 15,956 Posts
    • 11,990 Thanks
    hollydays
    • #6
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:44 AM
    • #6
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:44 AM
    When we've got back together, and I bring the blocking matter up he doesn't want to talk about it. The only thing he has said (the very first time it happened), was that he needed time, as he thought that his head would explode with all the thoughts going through it.
    Originally posted by MXW
    If you have no idea why this is happening, in any depth, he sounds too complicated.
    Or a liar.
    Last edited by hollydays; 14-04-2018 at 9:49 AM.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 14th Apr 18, 9:45 AM
    • 1,677 Posts
    • 1,797 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    • #7
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:45 AM
    • #7
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:45 AM
    Sounds very immature and controlling. To me it seems he has been using you. You took him back after he dumped and blocked you. That could be seen as forgiving, but to him it just gave the go ahead that you accepted it and he could use you without consequence hence he did it twice more. I
    I'd ignore him totally. He has been rude and insensitive. You don't need someone like that in your life.
    No need to feel worthless, he is the one with the issue here not you. Take some time to follow your own interests, do stuff you enjoy. Don't be manipulated by him should be try to get back with you. Who knows he might have someone else on the go.
    • HampshireH
    • By HampshireH 14th Apr 18, 9:49 AM
    • 570 Posts
    • 582 Thanks
    HampshireH
    • #8
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:49 AM
    • #8
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:49 AM
    He doesn't sound like a very mature man. He sounds very selfish.

    It's not what you want to hear but you are better off without him. Don't let him crawl back when he feels like it.

    Throw yourself into a hobby or your friends/family and look forward to the summer months with them. When he next decides he feels like being looked after (because he will because he thinks he can) read it, remember the pain tell him you've moved on and block him.

    I hope your feeling more yourself soon
    • PeacefulWaters
    • By PeacefulWaters 14th Apr 18, 9:51 AM
    • 8,244 Posts
    • 10,514 Thanks
    PeacefulWaters
    • #9
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:51 AM
    • #9
    • 14th Apr 18, 9:51 AM
    Block him.

    Give yourself some time.

    Then move on.

    You're worth far more than him.
    • MXW
    • By MXW 14th Apr 18, 9:55 AM
    • 508 Posts
    • 228 Thanks
    MXW
    If you have no idea why this is happening, in any depth, he sounds too complicated.
    Or a liar.
    Originally posted by hollydays
    I honestly don't think he's a liar (he's not intelligent enough) and I don't mean that in a nasty way. I think he's complicated and troubled.
    • MXW
    • By MXW 14th Apr 18, 9:58 AM
    • 508 Posts
    • 228 Thanks
    MXW
    Sounds very immature and controlling. To me it seems he has been using you. You took him back after he dumped and blocked you. That could be seen as forgiving, but to him it just gave the go ahead that you accepted it and he could use you without consequence hence he did it twice more. I
    I'd ignore him totally. He has been rude and insensitive. You don't need someone like that in your life.
    No need to feel worthless, he is the one with the issue here not you. Take some time to follow your own interests, do stuff you enjoy. Don't be manipulated by him should be try to get back with you. Who knows he might have someone else on the go.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    There's absolutely no going back at this stage. I'm confident there's no one else, if you knew him you would know what I mean.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 14th Apr 18, 9:59 AM
    • 19,692 Posts
    • 52,591 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Sadly, this is the 3rd thread on the same subject (your relationship with this man):

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5617449

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5605680

    You are not the worthless one.
    He is.

    You've given him so many chances.
    Stand firm this time, because he will - like Arnie - be back.
    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 14th Apr 18, 10:05 AM
    • 15,956 Posts
    • 11,990 Thanks
    hollydays
    I honestly don't think he's a liar (he's not intelligent enough) and I don't mean that in a nasty way. I think he's complicated and troubled.
    Originally posted by MXW
    What’s in it for you being with a troubled man?
    • MXW
    • By MXW 14th Apr 18, 10:05 AM
    • 508 Posts
    • 228 Thanks
    MXW
    Sadly, this is the 3rd thread on the same subject (your relationship with this man):

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5617449

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5605680

    You are not the worthless one.
    He is.

    You've given him so many chances.
    Stand firm this time, because he will - like Arnie - be back.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    Sadly you are right. That's why I feel so worthless, because I have been forgiving and he's done it again.

    This time though I've given him more than a few home truths, it doesn't make for pleasant reading.

    I can promise you, there's no coming back from that!
    • MXW
    • By MXW 14th Apr 18, 10:09 AM
    • 508 Posts
    • 228 Thanks
    MXW
    What’s in it for you being with a troubled man?
    Originally posted by hollydays
    Because I saw past that, quite a lot of his traits I found endeavour.... most people would find them odd. When things were good between us, I thought we were the luckiest couple going.....and then this happens!

    He will definitely not be looking for another relationship because he's too wrapped up in himself. No one else would put up with him to be honest.
    • Detroit
    • By Detroit 14th Apr 18, 11:36 AM
    • 748 Posts
    • 2,330 Thanks
    Detroit
    His disengagement seems to have a pattern of following steps in the relationship that bring you closer.

    It's a bit like cats who purr when you stroke them, then suddenly turn and bite you for no reason. They do this apparently because they have become so carried away with the fuss that they suddenly feel they have lost control, and are vulnerable, so lash out from fear.

    Like a cat, your man sounds a solitary creature, who for reasons you'll probably never know, fears making himself vulnerable.

    Unfortunately, I highly doubt this will change. I think it's too late in the relationship for him to get over his issues. The pattern is set and will keep repeating as long as you allow it to.

    This is nothing whatsoever to do with anything lacking on your part. In fact, more likely the reverse, and you made him more happy than he was comfortable with.

    Do not let this effect your self worth. Try to accept this has happened due to issues you could not control and move on.


    Put your hands up.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 14th Apr 18, 11:44 AM
    • 16,190 Posts
    • 40,905 Thanks
    elsien
    This is the fourth time you've taken him back then he's dumped you by text.
    Aside from why on earth you let him back in without any proper conversation about the issues after the first time, this is not about you it's about him.
    Develop some self respect, delete him from everything, move on, don't respond to any further contact. Unless you want the same pattern on a loop forever.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • panagia
    • By panagia 14th Apr 18, 12:00 PM
    • 81 Posts
    • 225 Thanks
    panagia
    He will definitely not be looking for another relationship because he's too wrapped up in himself. No one else would put up with him to be honest.
    Originally posted by MXW
    Which is why sooner or later he'll be back knocking on your door again. Block him now and move on.
    • MXW
    • By MXW 14th Apr 18, 12:02 PM
    • 508 Posts
    • 228 Thanks
    MXW
    His disengagement seems to have a pattern of following steps in the relationship that bring you closer.

    It's a bit like cats who purr when you stroke them, then suddenly turn and bite you for no reason. They do this apparently because they have become so carried away with the fuss that they suddenly feel they have lost control, and are vulnerable, so lash out from fear.

    Like a cat, your man sounds a solitary creature, who for reasons you'll probably never know, fears making himself vulnerable.

    Unfortunately, I highly doubt this will change. I think it's too late in the relationship for him to get over his issues. The pattern is set and will keep repeating as long as you allow it to.

    This is nothing whatsoever to do with anything lacking on your part. In fact, more likely the reverse, and you made him more happy than he was comfortable with.

    Do not let this effect your self worth. Try to accept this has happened due to issues you could not control and move on.
    Originally posted by Detroit
    Thank you for your reply. That makes a lot of sense!
    • calleyw
    • By calleyw 14th Apr 18, 1:09 PM
    • 8,729 Posts
    • 15,718 Thanks
    calleyw
    I have been there and got the T-shirt. Mine went on for nearly 4 years.

    I came out of it very broken. And even though its been nearly 2 years and I have a wonderful new partner who is amazing. I still have little to no confidence in myself.

    I can tell you when I meet my current partner. He could not wait to see me again. texted and phoned and made and still does make me feel very special.

    Block his number from your phone and move on. It will not be easy. but make new friends, find new hobbies. This man does not deserve your time or effort. Spend time on yourself. Make yourself happy.

    Its hard when you have feelings for that person. But please break free and start to live again.

    Take care and all the best

    Yours

    Calley x

    ps if you want to chat or need moral support. Please PM me more than happy to chat to you
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
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