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  • FIRST POST
    • MissG80
    • By MissG80 11th Apr 18, 10:46 PM
    • 24Posts
    • 5Thanks
    MissG80
    Do you think...
    • #1
    • 11th Apr 18, 10:46 PM
    Do you think... 11th Apr 18 at 10:46 PM
    ...you can 'make' someone have a light bulb moment about money / debt?


    ...when did your 'light bulb' moment come?


    I have a close relative who I like to think is somewhere on the journey but seems to be hurtling from crisis to the next...they have enough money to live on but just don't budget for their needs and do silly things...
Page 1
    • sourcrates
    • By sourcrates 11th Apr 18, 11:20 PM
    • 13,782 Posts
    • 13,100 Thanks
    sourcrates
    • #2
    • 11th Apr 18, 11:20 PM
    • #2
    • 11th Apr 18, 11:20 PM
    I dont think you can no.

    To me it seems most peoples natural instinct is to try to borrow there way out of debt, instead of seeking debt advice, on odd occasions this can work, if you are super on the ball, and dont reopen closed lines of credit, but usually it is just another step on the road to ruin.

    Time and again we have this conversation on these forums, debt solutions are put in place by government to deal with debt, the schemes are there, use them.

    Some people realise quicker than others how deep in the mire they are, others refuse to heed the warning signs, or simply are too scared to do anything.

    I see folk on here with 100k plus of unsecured debt talking about it like its perfectly normal, but the fact is its becoming the norm these days, most people have some debt, in the end if you dont help yourself, no one else will.
    Last edited by sourcrates; 11-04-2018 at 11:25 PM.
    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Credit File And Ratings, and
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    Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an abusive or illegal post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

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    • Sncjw
    • By Sncjw 12th Apr 18, 7:51 AM
    • 1,706 Posts
    • 1,032 Thanks
    Sncjw
    • #3
    • 12th Apr 18, 7:51 AM
    • #3
    • 12th Apr 18, 7:51 AM
    No you can!!!8217;t.

    When I did psychology at college they talked about changing. Only the person can change when they are ready for Change you can!!!8217;t force
    • fatrab
    • By fatrab 12th Apr 18, 7:58 AM
    • 763 Posts
    • 1,634 Thanks
    fatrab
    • #4
    • 12th Apr 18, 7:58 AM
    • #4
    • 12th Apr 18, 7:58 AM
    I don't think you can either. They need to realise for themselves.

    I spent years juggling my debts thinking I had it all under control. Passing it from one 0% card to the next, never actually getting anywhere. Justifying large spends, loads of holidays and generally being Mr Splash-Cash.

    Then one day I realised I was spending all this money every month and didn't have diddly squat to show for it. LBM Dec 2017.

    I used to think nothing of having 18k on credit cards, a 3k overdraft, a loan, car HP and a 70+ mobile phone bill. I'd sorted out some of the debts before I started posting on here over a long period of time. Now I'm horrified that that I got into that state and I'm getting through the debts much faster than I ever did in the past.

    Your relative needs to stop, just stop, and think about where they're heading. But they need to want to change.
    You can have results or excuses, but not both.
    Wannabe debt free by Dec 2022 - Wannalose 3st in the process - 1st 11lb lost so far
    April's Goals - 18/21 NSD - 19/20 Lunches - 26/28 AFD - 25/31 TAFD (take away free days)
    31 x 2 coins (#32)
    • stoozie1
    • By stoozie1 12th Apr 18, 9:53 AM
    • 540 Posts
    • 470 Thanks
    stoozie1
    • #5
    • 12th Apr 18, 9:53 AM
    • #5
    • 12th Apr 18, 9:53 AM
    I think someone else 'holding' the lightbulb for you even stops you holding it yourself. Like an unconscious 'oh my sister/partner/best mate will fret about my money, therefore I don't have to'.
    Save 12 k in 2018 challenge member #79
    Target 2018: 24k Jan 2018- 560
    • ReadingTim
    • By ReadingTim 12th Apr 18, 12:43 PM
    • 2,564 Posts
    • 3,678 Thanks
    ReadingTim
    • #6
    • 12th Apr 18, 12:43 PM
    • #6
    • 12th Apr 18, 12:43 PM
    No, no more than you can stop an alcoholic drinking, or a drug addict taking drugs.

    At best you might be able to temporarily stop whatever destructive behaviour they're engaging in, but you can't change them - only they can change themselves.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 12th Apr 18, 7:23 PM
    • 1,684 Posts
    • 1,802 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    • #7
    • 12th Apr 18, 7:23 PM
    • #7
    • 12th Apr 18, 7:23 PM
    No I don't think you can. People have to want it within themselves.
    however you could be the catalyst for someone else to change if they see you living better having paid debts or having more energy because you lost weight or having nicer holidays because you worked hard for a promotion. Success can be infectious. I
    People are more likely to talk about their bedroom antics than money. It's still a secretive topic. It's so socially acceptable and easy to get in debt too. People who appear to do well might have bought it all in credit or the person wearing the worn out jumper driving a rusty car could be a millionaire who just doesn't care for possessions.
    I started thinking about savings when we were given notice on our rented house out of the blue. It cost nearly 4k to get a new deposit / moving costs etc. I don't want to be vulnerable if something unexpected happens again. I want to be in control.
    Last edited by Fireflyaway; 12-04-2018 at 7:26 PM. Reason: T
    • MissG80
    • By MissG80 13th Apr 18, 4:49 PM
    • 24 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    MissG80
    • #8
    • 13th Apr 18, 4:49 PM
    • #8
    • 13th Apr 18, 4:49 PM
    I just wrote a long thing then pressed the back button.... Thank you for your replies, that's very helpful and a bit of a reality check / food for thought. Fireflyaway that is so true.
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