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  • FIRST POST
    • Toni.benne
    • By Toni.benne 11th Apr 18, 2:13 AM
    • 18Posts
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    Toni.benne
    Wanting to change my child's surname
    • #1
    • 11th Apr 18, 2:13 AM
    Wanting to change my child's surname 11th Apr 18 at 2:13 AM
    Hi guys really in need of some help in 2005 I got pregnant to a guy never lived together was a casual thing my daughter was born in 2006 and her dad was a total bas#@rd he was abusive violent ect but most of the time it was easier to be nice to him and this is why I'm in this situation so anyway we went to register my child's birth and I was petrified of him I know he gave false information on the birth certificate but there was nothing i could do he told me to keep my mouth shut and said why he lied was so I couldn't chase him for maintenance. So after years of bull from him in 2009 I got sick to death and would phone the police every time he did something to me cause I could take it no more I had about a 9 month rest from him as I moved and he didn't know where I'd gone but he found out anyway in Sep 2009 he decided to break into my property and steal what he could including my car the police was concerned that much for my welfare as he kept treating to kill me ect they moved me to a local authority house and he hasn't bothered since I did in the end take him to court and he got a 1000 fine!! So since then I haven't had no contact with him and in 2010 ended up with my new partner and had another child we are still together and my daughter sees him as her dad she doesn't even know anything about the other guy so in 2011 I changed her surname by deed poll to my surname as she was starting school ect and I didn't want her to be confused she is known by my surname in everything apart from her passport and birth certificate so 2013 we had our first family holiday I accepted the passport in her biological fathers name as it was too close to holiday to do anything about it and just took her deed poll and her birth certificate to show I was her mother and it work we have booked another holiday this year in Aug and her passport was due for renewal I sent all evidence that she is known by my surname bit they have emailed me to say i either need permission from her biological father to change name or a court order!! The problem I'm having is I just don't understand all the legal stuff I'm willing to get a court order and I hope it doesn't cost a fortune so the questions I'm stuck at Are-
    Do I need a solocitor or can I represent myself?
    I have never had any money for her and I've had no contact whatsoever since 2009 and the 3 years previous to that was very brief only when he wanted something ect never nothing to do with his daughter's welfare.
    I have limited information about him the only information I have is what's on birth certificate and I know most of that is lies so what will court do about contacting him??
    Also he knows where he could contact me as my mum and dad still live in same house and he's never made no effort at all!!
    So from what I've told you id appreciate anyone who's been in a similar situation and offer me any advise please
    Also today I have been to my local family court and got a c100 form to start the process asap I'm also seeing some legal adviser on Leeds on Thursday to help me fill the form out honestly I've been told so much stuff o don't know what to think ?? And I'm scared as I don't want them to contact him really cause I've a feeling he would try make the situation as hard as possible for me!
    It just makes me angry that me and my partner have to go through all this so we can enjoy a family holiday and I've been caring for since birth and my other half has been on her life since 2010
Page 3
    • *max*
    • By *max* 12th Apr 18, 1:59 AM
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    *max*
    OP, you have to realise none of this is going to be "easy and not complicated". It doesn't matter how much you want her parentage to be brushed under the carpet because of what he did to you, legally he is still her father. It's not going to be a simple box ticking exercise, and the sooner you realise, the better prepared you will be.

    Go to your appointment at the CAB, and follow their advice.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 12th Apr 18, 2:29 AM
    • 38,374 Posts
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    Savvy_Sue
    By all means get legal advice about changing her name, but please, you would make your life, her life and your partner's life So Much Easier if you just found a way to tell her.

    I was initially struggling with the Maths, but I've moved on from there. In the first post, you had your DD in 2006.

    Hi guys really in need of some help in 2005 I got pregnant to a guy never lived together was a casual thing my daughter was born in 2006
    Originally posted by Toni.benne
    But then you say:

    I have looked after this child for 11 years
    Originally posted by Toni.benne
    So, we've got a child of 11 going on 12, and you haven't yet found 'the right time' to tell her that the man she's thought of as dad since 2010-11 (it varies) is NOT her biological father.

    I don't know how much longer you think can leave it. There will NEVER be a 'right time' for this now. All I know is that the time will get more and more wrong the longer you leave it.

    She knows at least some of the facts of life by now (unless you've managed to shelter her completely from that!) so a calm, matter of fact discussion with her birth certificate in front of you is, IMO, your most urgent issue. Write a script, practice in front of a mirror, don't go into details about what an awful man he was, just that you and he didn't work out.

    Mind you I'd be surprised if she didn't remember some of the drama anyway, even if she never mentions it.

    Lots of families have multiple surnames. Lots of children don't have any contact with their birth father. Honesty is the easiest, simplest, least expensive solution.
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    • chelseablue
    • By chelseablue 12th Apr 18, 9:12 AM
    • 2,386 Posts
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    chelseablue
    What happens when she's older and needs her birth certificate for something? Then she'll see who her birth Dad is.

    I've been lied to my whole life about who my birth dad is, its better to just be honest with her trust me
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    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 12th Apr 18, 9:34 AM
    • 29,094 Posts
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    Mojisola
    So, we've got a child of 11 going on 12, and you haven't yet found 'the right time' to tell her that the man she's thought of as dad since 2010-11 (it varies) is NOT her biological father.
    Originally posted by Savvy_Sue
    It's going to be so much harder now, purely because she will have questions about the situation that you will have to answer.

    One of my friends was shaken to her core to discover late on in life that her 'mother' was her grandmother and her 'sister' was her mother. It was a common way to deal with an illegitimate birth to a teenage daughter but it upset my friend intensely as she felt she'd been lied to all her life.
    • Ms Chocaholic
    • By Ms Chocaholic 12th Apr 18, 12:45 PM
    • 9,249 Posts
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    Ms Chocaholic
    No adoption isn't an easier solution; for a start the LA won't even consider it if your daughter doesn't even know who her birth father is and they would need you to tell her before this is even considered and talk about it with her. Also it's not a quick process.
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    • LeesArt
    • By LeesArt 13th Apr 18, 8:25 PM
    • 35 Posts
    • 42 Thanks
    LeesArt
    People tie themselves in such knots

    So here is my take

    The absent father did not put his name on the birth certificate, so how can the ficticious person be served.

    In the event that he was found, it is highly unlikely that he would be supportive as it would require him to admit the deceit.

    He can't be found, maybe he is in prison.

    Maybe it would be easier to find someone with the ficticious name to sign this off or to pretend to be this the ficticious person.

    I can't see a Judge taking away rights based on evidence of one person, maybe with reports from social workers and police but if the Judge sees that you lied on a birth registration they would not be minded to help you.

    You can allege this that and the other but in Court you need evidence.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 13th Apr 18, 10:01 PM
    • 16,162 Posts
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    elsien
    People tie themselves in such knots

    So here is my take

    The absent father did not put his name on the birth certificate, so how can the ficticious person be served.

    In the event that he was found, it is highly unlikely that he would be supportive as it would require him to admit the deceit.

    He can't be found, maybe he is in prison.

    Maybe it would be easier to find someone with the ficticious name to sign this off or to pretend to be this the ficticious person.

    I can't see a Judge taking away rights based on evidence of one person, maybe with reports from social workers and police but if the Judge sees that you lied on a birth registration they would not be minded to help you.

    You can allege this that and the other but in Court you need evidence.
    Originally posted by LeesArt
    What on earth are you talking about. The absent father did put his name on, he just stuck in a possible additional extra name. He hasn't been found because the OP hasn't tried, for fairly obvious reasons. And I fail to see how trying to find someone to perjure themselves is going to help the OP.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

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    • LeesArt
    • By LeesArt 14th Apr 18, 12:21 AM
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    LeesArt
    What on earth are you talking about. The absent father did put his name on, he just stuck in a possible additional extra name. He hasn't been found because the OP hasn't tried, for fairly obvious reasons. And I fail to see how trying to find someone to perjure themselves is going to help the OP.
    Originally posted by elsien
    Oh well it is such a twisted story I read it as he faked the name so he did not have to pay child support, if it is too abstract I will not pick up what is between the lines. It is a forum post not homework.

    What is tragic is that this is about a child's life.

    I get the sob story but we are only hearing one side of this.

    All this mess to change a passport

    I was not seriously suggesting that somebody went to Court I was saying it is so messed up that she should abandon this stupid mission. In 7 years the child can decide what they want to do with their name.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 14th Apr 18, 7:24 AM
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    Spendless
    You could get a passport in her birth certificate surname.

    Tell her the truth, perhaps using the situation with the passport as a starting point to fetch it up.

    Start the process for her to be adopted by your partner, who she considers her Dad.

    You've got a few months to sort out the passport for this year's holiday. You've got several years for the adoption process to go through, considering you're going to need to trace her birth father or get a court order anyway.
    • Sncjw
    • By Sncjw 15th Apr 18, 9:53 AM
    • 1,683 Posts
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    Sncjw
    People are saying he has parental responsibility as he is on the birth cert. I would say that is not him if he has added extra names in. It could make him a different person. So I would have thought the actual father hasn!!!8217;t got parental responsibility but another person does.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 15th Apr 18, 9:57 AM
    • 29,094 Posts
    • 74,371 Thanks
    Mojisola
    People are saying he has parental responsibility as he is on the birth cert. I would say that is not him if he has added extra names in. It could make him a different person. So I would have thought the actual father hasn!!!8217;t got parental responsibility but another person does.
    Originally posted by Sncjw
    That doesn't help - the person named as the father needs to sign the paperwork.
    • Sncjw
    • By Sncjw 15th Apr 18, 10:43 AM
    • 1,683 Posts
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    Sncjw
    I!!!8217;m saying that because there could be a guy out there with that same name and date of birth out there or there could be no one.
    • MothballsWallet
    • By MothballsWallet 15th Apr 18, 7:28 PM
    • 12,223 Posts
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    MothballsWallet
    My only comment to that is that she should know if only because there may be a medical condition lurking in his family that she should be aware of
    Originally posted by gettingtheresometime
    I agree with this - please, please, Toni, get this sorted for your daughter's sake.

    Just some background: I've recently found out that my biological mother didn't put my biological father's name on my actual birth certificate.

    Now I don't know if there are any medical conditions in his side of the DNA mix or not.
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    • MothballsWallet
    • By MothballsWallet 15th Apr 18, 7:31 PM
    • 12,223 Posts
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    MothballsWallet
    No adoption isn't an easier solution; for a start the LA won't even consider it if your daughter doesn't even know who her birth father is and they would need you to tell her before this is even considered and talk about it with her. Also it's not a quick process.
    Originally posted by Ms Chocaholic
    I was put up for adoption in Scotland - it took almost 5 years before my Mum and Dad got full adoption for me.
    Always ask yourself one question: What would Gibbs do?

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    • humptydumptybits
    • By humptydumptybits 15th Apr 18, 7:50 PM
    • 105 Posts
    • 144 Thanks
    humptydumptybits
    The name is irrelevant when it comes to taking her abroad. You should have his permission to take her out of the country whatever her name is or you can be accused of child abduction. Don't suppose he would know or bother by the sound of it. I think you can get the courts permission if he won't give it or you don't know where he is.
    • marywooyeah
    • By marywooyeah 17th Apr 18, 12:11 AM
    • 2,526 Posts
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    marywooyeah
    The OP can't do anything to remove her daughter's dad's Parental responsibility, that will remain until she reaches the age of 18. The only process that removes PR is adoption which clearly isn't being considered here.
    Originally posted by Ms Chocaholic
    This is not correct. It is possible to apply to discharge someone's PR in a private law children matter and each case will turn on it's own facts, but generally it is rare that the Court will be persuaded to discharge the PR. I've only seen it happen in one case and the facts were extreme - it involved the child witnessing the murder of the mother.
    • marywooyeah
    • By marywooyeah 17th Apr 18, 12:29 AM
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    marywooyeah
    I haven't I have paper work from court about what he did to me and the out come of that. I suppose I can mention it and that's why I would prefer them not to contact him
    Originally posted by Toni.benne
    Although the history of domestic abuse and his criminal offences will be relevant in so far as explaining the background of the matter as to why there has been no contact between the father and the child for so long, it will not have any bearing on your ex-partner needing to be informed of the proceedings nor having the right to contest them.

    You can file a separate C8 application with the C100 which keeps your contact details confidential and known only to the Court, however make sure you also leave your contact details off the C100.

    I did try contact him regarding the name change and I couldn't find him!! How can I contact someone if I don't know where they are and it needed changing as she had another surname to the rest of the family I thought her having my surname would make things easier and it had until passport situation
    Originally posted by Toni.benne
    There is a requirement that mediation and negotiation takes place prior to filing a Court application. You can claim an exemption from mediation owing to the domestic abuse, but you need to have documentary evidence of this. If you are not able to trace your ex-partner then you can explain this on the C100 to explain to the Court why negotiation has not been possible.

    You mentioned that you had an appointment with someone but I didn't see whether you mentioned the name of the service. I presume it may have been the PSU at the Court who can offer some advice and support.

    If you wanted to inbox me I could talk you through the Legal Aid requirements and the law and procedure for what you are seeking.

    The paramount consideration of the Court is the welfare and best interests of your child and this will be the premise of reaching a decision as to whether to make a Court Order causing your child to be legally known by the surname you have already changed by deed.

    The Court will be critical that you changed your daughter's name without your ex's knowledge or consent, but ultimately as the child has been known by this name for 7 years plus she will have formed an identity around this and changing it back or to another surname is likely to cause her confusion and unsettle her.

    Your daughter is old enough for her wishes and feelings to be expressed and given weight to as well in the event that your ex-partner contests the application. All in all though based on what you have said I think you have good prospects of obtaining a Specific Issue Order for her surname to remain to that you have chosen simply as she has been known by that name for so long. The Court likes to uphold a child's status quo wherever possible.

    You also need to be aware that filing this application may open a can of worms by causing your ex-partner to now seek contact with your daughter too and the Court can deal with the issue of contact of its own volition (e.g. without the need for your ex to formally file a separate application, although that would technically be the correct procedure) so what you think may be a simple application could turn into a lengthy set of proceedings.
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