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  • FIRST POST
    • Toni.benne
    • By Toni.benne 11th Apr 18, 2:13 AM
    • 18Posts
    • 1Thanks
    Toni.benne
    Wanting to change my child's surname
    • #1
    • 11th Apr 18, 2:13 AM
    Wanting to change my child's surname 11th Apr 18 at 2:13 AM
    Hi guys really in need of some help in 2005 I got pregnant to a guy never lived together was a casual thing my daughter was born in 2006 and her dad was a total bas#@rd he was abusive violent ect but most of the time it was easier to be nice to him and this is why I'm in this situation so anyway we went to register my child's birth and I was petrified of him I know he gave false information on the birth certificate but there was nothing i could do he told me to keep my mouth shut and said why he lied was so I couldn't chase him for maintenance. So after years of bull from him in 2009 I got sick to death and would phone the police every time he did something to me cause I could take it no more I had about a 9 month rest from him as I moved and he didn't know where I'd gone but he found out anyway in Sep 2009 he decided to break into my property and steal what he could including my car the police was concerned that much for my welfare as he kept treating to kill me ect they moved me to a local authority house and he hasn't bothered since I did in the end take him to court and he got a 1000 fine!! So since then I haven't had no contact with him and in 2010 ended up with my new partner and had another child we are still together and my daughter sees him as her dad she doesn't even know anything about the other guy so in 2011 I changed her surname by deed poll to my surname as she was starting school ect and I didn't want her to be confused she is known by my surname in everything apart from her passport and birth certificate so 2013 we had our first family holiday I accepted the passport in her biological fathers name as it was too close to holiday to do anything about it and just took her deed poll and her birth certificate to show I was her mother and it work we have booked another holiday this year in Aug and her passport was due for renewal I sent all evidence that she is known by my surname bit they have emailed me to say i either need permission from her biological father to change name or a court order!! The problem I'm having is I just don't understand all the legal stuff I'm willing to get a court order and I hope it doesn't cost a fortune so the questions I'm stuck at Are-
    Do I need a solocitor or can I represent myself?
    I have never had any money for her and I've had no contact whatsoever since 2009 and the 3 years previous to that was very brief only when he wanted something ect never nothing to do with his daughter's welfare.
    I have limited information about him the only information I have is what's on birth certificate and I know most of that is lies so what will court do about contacting him??
    Also he knows where he could contact me as my mum and dad still live in same house and he's never made no effort at all!!
    So from what I've told you id appreciate anyone who's been in a similar situation and offer me any advise please
    Also today I have been to my local family court and got a c100 form to start the process asap I'm also seeing some legal adviser on Leeds on Thursday to help me fill the form out honestly I've been told so much stuff o don't know what to think ?? And I'm scared as I don't want them to contact him really cause I've a feeling he would try make the situation as hard as possible for me!
    It just makes me angry that me and my partner have to go through all this so we can enjoy a family holiday and I've been caring for since birth and my other half has been on her life since 2010
Page 2
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 11th Apr 18, 6:52 PM
    • 29,632 Posts
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    Mojisola
    PS you say your daughter doesn't know anything her biological father.

    If by that you mean that she thinks your current partner is her biological father you really need to find a way to tell her before she finds out for herself.
    Originally posted by elsien
    I have never told her cause I don't want to her father was horrible and made my life a misery lucky for her she was too young to know and I cut the chains before she had time to realise
    Originally posted by Toni.benne
    She doesn't need to know the details of how nasty he was to you but she will find out at some point that you have, in effect, been lying to her about your partner being her father. The older she is before she finds out, the worse it will be.

    It's much easier to have it 'just one of those facts that everyone in the family knows' from a very young age than try to explain later on or have someone else tell her.
    • Toni.benne
    • By Toni.benne 11th Apr 18, 10:44 PM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Toni.benne
    Change it to mine surname wouldn't change it again
    • Toni.benne
    • By Toni.benne 11th Apr 18, 10:56 PM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Toni.benne
    In regards to the guys address I can only provide what I know, I know he was born in Leeds on the birth certificate his address is an address in wf17 batley, as it was a very casual thing we had no mutual friends and I don't know his family, he was dodgy as hell I'm assuming he will have had some dealings with the police since so they might have his address. I genuinely do not know we're he is but I'm sick of every time it comes to a holiday abroad he has control over me!!! I have looked after this child for 11 years I'm not a bad person just bloody stupid I was young and scared of him. The police moved me as he had fire arm offences listed on his record so they was concerned tbh I don't really want to drag everything up but I will as her mum I know I've done right by her cause didn't care and if he did where is he ?? Why does he have rights it make my blood boil!! System is wrong!
    • Ms Chocaholic
    • By Ms Chocaholic 11th Apr 18, 10:58 PM
    • 9,477 Posts
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    Ms Chocaholic
    Do you have any paperwork in relation to the move due to his firearm offences? If so, that might go in your favour in terms of the Court deciding that he should not be contacted.
    Thrifty Till 50 Then Spend Till The End

    You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time
    • Toni.benne
    • By Toni.benne 11th Apr 18, 11:01 PM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Toni.benne
    I know what your saying about the father thing but I've choose not to tell her we have a strong family unit and we are happy I may tell her in time but it never feels right. The point is I was her name changing to my surname so I don't have problems when taking her abroad cause I see it why should I ask Him?? Why do i have to find him?? He's never made no attempt to find us so I can't understand why he doing lose his rights?
    • Toni.benne
    • By Toni.benne 11th Apr 18, 11:03 PM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Toni.benne
    I haven't I have paper work from court about what he did to me and the out come of that. I suppose I can mention it and that's why I would prefer them not to contact him
    • Toni.benne
    • By Toni.benne 11th Apr 18, 11:07 PM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Toni.benne
    So if I fill in the c100 will they look at his criminal record if I state reason for not wanting him to know ?????
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 11th Apr 18, 11:08 PM
    • 5,025 Posts
    • 3,744 Thanks
    sheramber
    Changing her name does not remove his parental rights. As her father named on the birth certificate he has these rights.

    The link I gave you explains you need to make a different application to have his parental rights removed.
    • Toni.benne
    • By Toni.benne 11th Apr 18, 11:11 PM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Toni.benne
    I have an appointment in the morning to help me fill in the form there will be a legal team available so I will tell them all my concerns. The main thing for me is he doesn't find out my address cause even tho this happened in 2009 does it still stand?? And I want it to happen as quick as possible and as cheap as possible then I can forget about it
    • Toni.benne
    • By Toni.benne 11th Apr 18, 11:14 PM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Toni.benne
    So would I be better having his parental rights removed? I just don't know what to do the main thing at the moment is to get the name changed for her passport we go in Aug and he is NOT ruining our holiday. Tbh as long as I get the name changed at the moment is all that matters so I have this passport I can go down the removing his rights any time. Atm to me she has two identities and I hate that.
    • Toni.benne
    • By Toni.benne 11th Apr 18, 11:26 PM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Toni.benne
    Hi I've just been reading link you sent and from what it says I shouldn't have a problem as he's never been there for her and has made no contact , also she's 11 so that take that into account too . It's so hard cause I think there is a lot of grey area to me it is straight forward and I can't see how the court would ever take his reasons for not doing it in to account cause she doesn't even know him! Yeah that's me that Hasn't told her bit tbh it never need explaining as he never made contact x
    • martinbuckley
    • By martinbuckley 11th Apr 18, 11:27 PM
    • 805 Posts
    • 792 Thanks
    martinbuckley
    In order to change a child's name on a passport, you either need the consent of all parents named on the full birth certificate, or a court order.

    This is to prevent child abduction. If these laws were not in place, you could have a scenario where an estranged parent could change a child's name, get a new passport and leave the country without the knowledge of the other parent who may have been the innocent party in an adulterous relationship who dotes on their child.
    • Ms Chocaholic
    • By Ms Chocaholic 11th Apr 18, 11:30 PM
    • 9,477 Posts
    • 57,866 Thanks
    Ms Chocaholic
    Changing her name does not remove his parental rights. As her father named on the birth certificate he has these rights.

    The link I gave you explains you need to make a different application to have his parental rights removed.
    Originally posted by sheramber

    The OP can't do anything to remove her daughter's dad's Parental responsibility, that will remain until she reaches the age of 18. The only process that removes PR is adoption which clearly isn't being considered here.
    Thrifty Till 50 Then Spend Till The End

    You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time
    • Ms Chocaholic
    • By Ms Chocaholic 11th Apr 18, 11:34 PM
    • 9,477 Posts
    • 57,866 Thanks
    Ms Chocaholic
    https://www.slatergordon.co.uk/family-and-personal-matters/children-law-solicitors/child-law-and-parental-responsibility/

    The Court can remove a parent's or step-parent's parental responsibility if it has been acquired through a parental responsibility agreement or parental responsibility order. However, it's rare for a court to do this, and the circumstances where this might be appropriate are exceptional.

    Otherwise, parental responsibility may not be removed, surrendered or transferred. It may, however, be delegated. This means a person with parental responsibility can arrange for another person to meet some or all aspects of it in relation to a child. This can prove useful, for example, if a child or children are being educated in the UK but the parents live overseas. The parents might decide to delegate parental responsibility to a family member or to a trusted adult in the UK whilst the child is at school here.
    Thrifty Till 50 Then Spend Till The End

    You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time
    • elsien
    • By elsien 11th Apr 18, 11:52 PM
    • 16,913 Posts
    • 42,693 Thanks
    elsien
    In regards to the guys address I can only provide what I know, I know he was born in Leeds on the birth certificate his address is an address in wf17 batley, as it was a very casual thing we had no mutual friends and I don't know his family, he was dodgy as hell I'm assuming he will have had some dealings with the police since so they might have his address. I genuinely do not know we're he is but I'm sick of every time it comes to a holiday abroad he has control over me!!! I have looked after this child for 11 years I'm not a bad person just bloody stupid I was young and scared of him. The police moved me as he had fire arm offences listed on his record so they was concerned tbh I don't really want to drag everything up but I will as her mum I know I've done right by her cause didn't care and if he did where is he ?? Why does he have rights it make my blood boil!! System is wrong!
    Originally posted by Toni.benne
    The only reason he has control over you, as you put it, is because you changed your daughter's name without attempting to consult him and without appreciating the repercussions. If that hadn't happened, the passport wouldn't be an issue.
    He has rights because he's her father. He might have been the world's worst father if he'd ever been given the chance, but you can't just ignore that he currently has parental responsibility. And you can't really say you want nothing more to do with him on the one hand and then ask where he's been for the last years on the other.
    You might not like it, but there are processes you need to go through and they are there for a reason.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Toni.benne
    • By Toni.benne 12th Apr 18, 12:22 AM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Toni.benne
    I did try contact him regarding the name change and I couldn't find him!! How can I contact someone if I don't know where they are and it needed changing as she had another surname to the rest of the family I thought her having my surname would make things easier and it had until passport situation
    • Toni.benne
    • By Toni.benne 12th Apr 18, 12:28 AM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Toni.benne
    And what do u mean given a chance!!! He was given alot of chances that's why I was physically abused and harrased for 3 years till I had enough! He was treating to burn my house down while his daughter was in it and then he broke into my house and stole all my daughter's and my money and then took my car which I used to get my child to child care while I worked!!! Then he sold the car and all mine and my daughter's belonging where thrown at the side of the road so yeah after 3 years of chance after chance I couldn't stand it no longer and I couldn't put up with him turning up at door when he wanted money when I was working hard for me and my daughter and he just thought he could take what he wanted. Even tho I wasn't with him I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but he took the !!!! and cared about no one but his self
    • Toni.benne
    • By Toni.benne 12th Apr 18, 12:32 AM
    • 18 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Toni.benne
    Tbh I've never really though about going down the adoption root but I wouldn't have a problem with my partner adopting her we have another child together and we have no plans on splitting up we are solid and he has been a brilliant father to my eldest would this be easier and less complicated ???
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 12th Apr 18, 1:19 AM
    • 24,688 Posts
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    Jojo the Tightfisted
    Tbh I've never really though about going down the adoption root but I wouldn't have a problem with my partner adopting her we have another child together and we have no plans on splitting up we are solid and he has been a brilliant father to my eldest would this be easier and less complicated ???
    Originally posted by Toni.benne

    No, it wouldn't.

    See a solicitor. They can take you through what is needed for each option.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • *max*
    • By *max* 12th Apr 18, 1:59 AM
    • 2,849 Posts
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    *max*
    OP, you have to realise none of this is going to be "easy and not complicated". It doesn't matter how much you want her parentage to be brushed under the carpet because of what he did to you, legally he is still her father. It's not going to be a simple box ticking exercise, and the sooner you realise, the better prepared you will be.

    Go to your appointment at the CAB, and follow their advice.
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