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  • FIRST POST
    • Single Dad Still
    • By Single Dad Still 9th Apr 18, 9:06 PM
    • 17Posts
    • 71Thanks
    Single Dad Still
    Getting over my ex
    • #1
    • 9th Apr 18, 9:06 PM
    Getting over my ex 9th Apr 18 at 9:06 PM
    Hi, my first post so please be gentle with me.

    So, in a nutshell Iím really struggling to get over the end of my last relationship. We met 9 years ago, were in a relationship for almost 8 which ended in October last year (though in reality it was over a long time before that).

    Iím mid 40s, single with 2 great kids. Iíve only had 2 serious relationships in my life - my wife (and kids mum) who passed away 10 years ago and my ex.

    I have a decent job I enjoy and my kids to keep me busy but I canít stop thinking about my ex and feeling sad.

    So how have other people coped after a break up? What did you do to get over things?

    Thanks for any advice.
Page 2
    • Jox
    • By Jox 11th Apr 18, 3:21 PM
    • 1,317 Posts
    • 2,797 Thanks
    Jox
    https://www.meetup.com/

    Here's the meetup website, you need to register

    Hope you find some good groups to join
    • gonzo127
    • By gonzo127 11th Apr 18, 3:33 PM
    • 4,380 Posts
    • 5,705 Thanks
    gonzo127
    https://www.meetup.com/

    Here's the meetup website, you need to register

    Hope you find some good groups to join
    Originally posted by Jox
    arg you bear me to it!!!!

    all I can say is join some of the 'social' groups as well as any more focused that you fancy.

    the social ones around me tend to have more chilled activities (in my mind) such as pub quizes and comedy nights as well as theatre trips. I have been finding these easier to join in with, as the more focused meet up groups (we have a table top/ board games one here for example) already has its game playing teams, so have found them more diffcult to interact with myself. not saying they are not nice people but I have personally found it more difficult to open up with them but something like a pub quiz is easier to me
    Drop a brand challenge
    on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
    10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
    20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
    30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)
    • Single Dad Still
    • By Single Dad Still 11th Apr 18, 3:56 PM
    • 17 Posts
    • 71 Thanks
    Single Dad Still
    Thank you both - I didnít know such a thing existed!!! Iíve joined up and ďcommittedĒ to going to a quiz next Tuesday evening!!!

    Scared but hopefully itís a step in the right direction
    • gonzo127
    • By gonzo127 11th Apr 18, 4:05 PM
    • 4,380 Posts
    • 5,705 Thanks
    gonzo127
    Thank you both - I didn!!!8217;t know such a thing existed!!! I!!!8217;ve joined up and !!!8220;committed!!!8221; to going to a quiz next Tuesday evening!!!

    Scared but hopefully it!!!8217;s a step in the right direction
    Originally posted by Single Dad Still
    scared I can understand. the first one I went to I was nervous driving to. then couldn't find them in the place initially and was about to walk out when one of the people mentioned that I looked a little lost lol. at least it broke the ice

    just remember it's small steps like this that will lead to the changes which will help you move forward (at least that's what I keep telling myself) just try to remember that everyone who is in that group probably had to go through the same scary first meet up as you are doing. so don't stress if you are not entirely yourself.

    and yes it is a step in the right direction.
    Drop a brand challenge
    on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
    10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
    20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
    30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)
    • Single Dad Still
    • By Single Dad Still 11th Apr 18, 4:13 PM
    • 17 Posts
    • 71 Thanks
    Single Dad Still
    Ok, it!!!8217;s been 15 minutes and I!!!8217;m already panicking!!!

    How do I know who the people in the group I!!!8217;m meeting are?
    • Single Dad Still
    • By Single Dad Still 11th Apr 18, 4:14 PM
    • 17 Posts
    • 71 Thanks
    Single Dad Still
    Sorry for the punctuation.
    • gonzo127
    • By gonzo127 11th Apr 18, 4:18 PM
    • 4,380 Posts
    • 5,705 Thanks
    gonzo127
    Ok, it!!!8217;s been 15 minutes and I!!!8217;m already panicking!!!

    How do I know who the people in the group I!!!8217;m meeting are?
    Originally posted by Single Dad Still
    on the meet up page there is a list of people attending. most people will have a profile picture so you can try to remember who they are. there is also a meet up app so you can download it and take the 'pictures' with you and even message the people directly when you get there saying you can't see them and can someone please find you etc.

    honestly chill yourself. the event organiser will also usually be keeping their eyes open for the people who have signed up as well and are used to people being new. so in my case came up to me and said hello.
    Drop a brand challenge
    on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
    10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
    20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
    30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)
    • gonzo127
    • By gonzo127 11th Apr 18, 4:21 PM
    • 4,380 Posts
    • 5,705 Thanks
    gonzo127
    oh and on the page for the quiz you have signed up to. there is a bit at the bottom In. which you can say hello. something like comment or discussion. but something which can help start chatting to people before you even get there
    Drop a brand challenge
    on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
    10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
    20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
    30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)
    • Ozzuk
    • By Ozzuk 11th Apr 18, 4:46 PM
    • 1,397 Posts
    • 2,020 Thanks
    Ozzuk
    Usually there will be someone down as organiser - message them, they will often meet you. Or as above, post on the page you are new, someone will look out for you.

    I did it after a messy breakup, best decision ever, met some amazing people, had a lot of fun, a few girlfriends (even though everyone says its not for dating). I did it because I wanted more guy friends - dating sites make it easy to meet a partner, but I wanted more mates. Made more of both sexes and someone who is one of my best mates.

    Stick with it, takes the nerves as excitement - remember these are people that want to be sociable.

    Good luck!
    • gonzo127
    • By gonzo127 13th Apr 18, 12:16 AM
    • 4,380 Posts
    • 5,705 Thanks
    gonzo127
    think you probably need to ignore my advice as I have just found out my ex has set up a online dating profile only 5 weeks after she dumped me and I am so unbelievably hurt angry and upset so obviously I don't know wtf I am talking about. as all I want to do is message her and tell her what I think right this moment

    I am so broken hearted I just want to curl up and die to just stop the pain
    Last edited by gonzo127; 13-04-2018 at 12:23 AM.
    Drop a brand challenge
    on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
    10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
    20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
    30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 13th Apr 18, 9:39 AM
    • 10,777 Posts
    • 14,142 Thanks
    hazyjo
    There was nothing wrong with your advice, Gonzo. Sorry to hear you're having a hard time getting over your ex. If love is unrequited, it can be very painful - but it's never going to work and isn't right if one doesn't feel the same way. Try to remember that can only mean that you've not found THE ONE yet and they're still out there. You may not find them tomorrow or this year, but hopefully your paths will cross soon.


    Your ex is an ex - and can meet new people. Remember, she made the decision which probably took a while so she's had far longer to get over you. I don't see how you can be angry with her for looking for love still. I know it hurts though.


    Don't make any contact!!!!
    2018 wins: Single Malt Whisky; theatre tickets; festival tickets; year of gin(!); shoes
    • gonzo127
    • By gonzo127 13th Apr 18, 10:35 AM
    • 4,380 Posts
    • 5,705 Thanks
    gonzo127
    There was nothing wrong with your advice, Gonzo. Sorry to hear you're having a hard time getting over your ex. If love is unrequited, it can be very painful - but it's never going to work and isn't right if one doesn't feel the same way. Try to remember that can only mean that you've not found THE ONE yet and they're still out there. You may not find them tomorrow or this year, but hopefully your paths will cross soon.


    Your ex is an ex - and can meet new people. Remember, she made the decision which probably took a while so she's had far longer to get over you. I don't see how you can be angry with her for looking for love still. I know it hurts though.


    Don't make any contact!!!!
    Originally posted by hazyjo
    I am angry because I actually believed her when she said she didn't want a relationship with anyone. and she just wanted to be herself. and yet just a few weeks later she is already seeing other people.

    well I managed to hold back from messaging her at least. but I am still a total mess and didn't get more than a couple of hours sleep last night
    Drop a brand challenge
    on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
    10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
    20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
    30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)
    • Money maker
    • By Money maker 13th Apr 18, 10:57 AM
    • 5,057 Posts
    • 11,504 Thanks
    Money maker
    No messaging, keep your dignity. Don't give her the satisfaction. Be kind to yourself, she wasn't good enough for you x
    Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed.

    If you quote me, don't forget the capital 'M'

    Declutterers of the world - unite!
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 13th Apr 18, 11:03 AM
    • 10,777 Posts
    • 14,142 Thanks
    hazyjo
    Agree with Money maker. My husband ran off with his secretary and the one thing I don't regret is holding my dignity (and not cutting all his clothes up into tiny pieces and posting posters all round the neighbourhood).


    Gonzo, you will go through many emotions - anger being one of them. It's hard believing things - but sometimes we say things when we think it's what people want to hear and think we're actually being kinder by saying them. Chances are there was a lot more to it - maybe some of which you've refused to hear during your relationship. Nothing she should have tried to change about you, sometimes we just fall out of love or something upsets or annoys us enough to leave that person. What's the point of 'onion peeling' and her telling you all the things she doesn't like about you and where your relationship has gone wrong. It's over which makes it an utterly pointless conversation. It's not a job interview, you don't need feedback, it'll just create rows and tears.


    Hold your head high, cry when you want to, but move on - and do as I said to Single Dad Still in #10! Block on EVERY social media platform and never go looking for her on sites.
    2018 wins: Single Malt Whisky; theatre tickets; festival tickets; year of gin(!); shoes
    • gonzo127
    • By gonzo127 13th Apr 18, 11:27 AM
    • 4,380 Posts
    • 5,705 Thanks
    gonzo127
    No messaging, keep your dignity. Don't give her the satisfaction. Be kind to yourself, she wasn't good enough for you x
    Originally posted by Money maker
    oh I am trying. boy am I trying at the moment. but just want to rage and get out all of my frustrations. but can't do it as I have my daughter this weekend and need to keep it together as much as I can.

    thankfully I am going to see my best friend this afternoon so hopefully she will beat some sense into me whilst our girls play together
    Drop a brand challenge
    on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
    10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
    20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
    30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)
    • Barny1979
    • By Barny1979 13th Apr 18, 1:10 PM
    • 4,127 Posts
    • 45,017 Thanks
    Barny1979
    think you probably need to ignore my advice as I have just found out my ex has set up a online dating profile only 5 weeks after she dumped me and I am so unbelievably hurt angry and upset so obviously I don't know wtf I am talking about. as all I want to do is message her and tell her what I think right this moment

    I am so broken hearted I just want to curl up and die to just stop the pain
    Originally posted by gonzo127
    How did you find out she was on a dating site?
    • gonzo127
    • By gonzo127 13th Apr 18, 2:40 PM
    • 4,380 Posts
    • 5,705 Thanks
    gonzo127
    How did you find out she was on a dating site?
    Originally posted by Barny1979
    a friend who didn't know we had split up messaged me to asked what's happened. when I told him we had split I asked how he had found out and then told me he had seen her in pof
    Drop a brand challenge
    on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
    10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
    20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
    30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)
    • Barny1979
    • By Barny1979 13th Apr 18, 2:42 PM
    • 4,127 Posts
    • 45,017 Thanks
    Barny1979
    a friend who didn't know we had split up messaged me to asked what's happened. when I told him we had split I asked how he had found out and then told me he had seen her in pof
    Originally posted by gonzo127
    Ah right, fair enough
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 13th Apr 18, 7:41 PM
    • 38,901 Posts
    • 35,747 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    I am angry because I actually believed her when she said she didn't want a relationship with anyone. and she just wanted to be herself. and yet just a few weeks later she is already seeing other people.
    Originally posted by gonzo127
    Well, maybe she's changed her mind, but still doesn't want to come back to you. Sorry, but that's her right to choose (and sounds as if you're better off without her! Not that that helps ...)

    Or ...

    Gonzo, you will go through many emotions - anger being one of them. It's hard believing things - but sometimes we say things when we think it's what people want to hear and think we're actually being kinder by saying them. Chances are there was a lot more to it - maybe some of which you've refused to hear during your relationship. Nothing she should have tried to change about you, sometimes we just fall out of love or something upsets or annoys us enough to leave that person. What's the point of 'onion peeling' and her telling you all the things she doesn't like about you and where your relationship has gone wrong. It's over which makes it an utterly pointless conversation. It's not a job interview, you don't need feedback, it'll just create rows and tears.
    Originally posted by hazyjo
    What she said!
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 2 hats 2 balaclavas for seamen, 1 balaclava for myself ...
    Current projects: Poppies, mohair cardigan pattern arrived and going strong!
    • gonzo127
    • By gonzo127 13th Apr 18, 9:42 PM
    • 4,380 Posts
    • 5,705 Thanks
    gonzo127
    Well, maybe she's changed her mind, but still doesn't want to come back to you. Sorry, but that's her right to choose (and sounds as if you're better off without her! Not that that helps ...)

    Or ...

    What she said!
    Originally posted by Savvy_Sue
    intellectually I know this. unfortunately emotionally I'm not there in the slightest still flitting between wanting her to hurt to wanting her to want me back and all that other stuff.

    I want to hate her but can't. in fact I am going into a spiral of hating myself because I can't move forward. and am just hurting.

    totally peed off with myself as I couldn't get out of my funk this afternoon and evening with my best friend and our kids. we even took all three girls bowling and I couldn't find any joy in it.

    also hate myself as I seem to have taken over someone else's thread.
    Drop a brand challenge
    on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
    10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
    20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
    30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)
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