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  • FIRST POST
    • Scoops672
    • By Scoops672 5th Apr 18, 2:03 AM
    • 6Posts
    • 24Thanks
    Scoops672
    Confession Day
    • #1
    • 5th Apr 18, 2:03 AM
    Confession Day 5th Apr 18 at 2:03 AM
    Dear All, I'm a newbie and have been a lurker for some time now. I love the diary threads, so I'm starting my own as a form of therapy and motivation. I've done TONS of research about debt and getting out of it, but I still feel like I know nothing. I'm a bit of a technopleb, so please forgive me if/when I don't understand the jargon/instructions etc. I'm a 46yo mum to an 8yo DS, with a 3 day a week regular paid job and self employed for 2-3 other days. (I recently took the job on to help pay back my debts). If you manage to get to the end without falling asleep then I commend you! Lol, I wish it would help me sleep.

    Tomorrow, I think, may be a life changing day for me. One way or another. We have a mortgage appointment. DH is aware I have debts. He has none. He doesn't know exactly how much but it's around 10k more than it was 5 years ago when we last took out our current mortgage deal, and I was on 40k a year. 4 years ago I decided to go self employed as my dad died, and I had a bit of tough time with it all. We have separate finances on the whole, but both pay into a joint account for bills. This month I've not been able to pay my share, due to trying to keep on top of ccs/loans/buying stock for my business. I will catch it up but having done a SOA (on paper) it will be tricky doing it. Luckily, we have a buffer of about 1k in the joint account, so bills will still be paid from it, until I get up to date.

    Anyway, as I said, meeting tomorrow 3.30pm, where it is likely to become apparent that hell will freeze over before we are granted a remortgage at a decent rate due to me running up my debts.

    Here's where I'm at (it's even scarier typing it up than it was writing it)
    Loan 1 - 11 months of 245 to pay (an end in sight for this one)
    Loan 2 - 47 months of 253 to pay (a bit longer to go but an end in sight nevertheless)
    CC1 - 6307 balance. 145 minimum payment 20% int.
    CC2 - 8358 balance. 125 (91 minimum payment) 0% on 5k for another 6 months. 18%int
    CC3 - 4056 balance. 93 minimum payment 19% int
    CC4 - 5234 balance. 63 minimum payment. 0% on 4434 for next 12 months. 19% otherwise.
    Mum - 400 - says she wants to be last on my list as I've explained how deep I am in it bless her. (She has also had debt problems - is it genetic?)

    My payments out are almost 1000 a month. Just on loans and cc. My payment to joint account is 700 a month - DH pays 1000. Plus we get a rental income from his other property if 400pm. This covers all essential joint expenses. I have worked out car, presents, clothes, other personal expenses to be an extra 300pm. I earn 919pm net on my 3 day a week job, so have to make the rest up from my SE job. Which to buy stock, pay petrol etc is 1400 a week. Or 700 a day (if doing just 2 days). Before I got my part time job, I was actually hitting the 1400 a week on 5 full days, so squishing this amount into 2 days and a couple of evenings has been really difficult. Really, really difficult. I'm knackered after a day of supply teaching, so I have ducked out of going on the road at times lately. I haven't been as focussed as I could be. Well, now the proverbial is about to hit the fan, I've got my finger out and really looked at where I'm at instead of coasting along. In 1.5 days this week I've managed to get 950. I'll do another 300 tomorrow I expect, but then I'm waiting for stock.

    I am up to date with all my minimum payments. I've never defaulted on a payment yet (apart from owing 700 this month) but I've used my CC to buy stock on occasion. We have about 50% equity in our house. I need to reduce the debts, but I'm unsure what the best course of action is. I've done a debt remedy on Stepchange and researched each option (IVA, bankruptcy and DMP). I've looked at doing a DMP, but I'm fretting about defaulting on payments as I've never done that yet. I'm not sure if trying to remortgage to pay the highest interest cards off will be a solution or if I'll pay more that way - or even if we will be offered the chance to remortgage. (We have 10 years left on our remaining 75k mortgage - paying 800pm currently. House worth approx 150k. Rate 3.8% due to end in June).

    DH has no time for debt. I keep trying to broach the subject but he either switches off or judges me. I feel so much guilt and shame about it all. Last night he found out his eldest has debts of 2500, with 1500 being a 50% interest rate and the other 1000 being overdraft. DH found out from eldest's partner (who has been reading bank statements and opening mail claiming baby did it the sneaky girl). She is threatening to leave DHs son now over these debts. DH came in ranting last night, about his son (my step son) and how stupid he is for getting into debt. He called his son some awful names. I cried inside, as he will be calling me the exact same names I imagine. I've pointed out that: 1. It's ultimately none of our business unless son approaches us and 2. DH needs to stop being judgemental and think about how to support his son without further borrowing being involved. I've mentioned the debt charities as a way to suggest support for his son, and said that with a good budget and the salary he is on he could be debt free in a matter of months. However, his reaction to his son has really scared me and I'm now worried he will go off on one and potentially leave/divorce me over the scale of my debts. (Silver lining (I always try to see one) - house sale would pay majority of debts off I suppose, and give me a fresh start financially but I don't want to lose DH over it).

    I told him a couple of months ago about my worries to do with getting a mortgage, and that I've looked into an IVA and DMP. His reaction was 'well that's me screwed for getting a decent rate on the mortgage then'. I tried earlier to talk to him but he just looked the other way while I spoke. I'm terrified of what'll happen tomorrow.

    I have a few of questions now:

    1. If I do a DMP, do you have to default on payments to get interest frozen? And if so for how long?
    2. Would it be better to partially consolidate via a remortgage deal? Especially since I could afford a lower payment over a longer period of time.
    3. Is your home at risk if you do a DMP?
    4. Can DH remortgage by himself but my name still be on the deeds if I'm still contributing to repayments? (Though I think our joint account might scupper him from what I understand about him being tied to my credit rating in this way)

    Already starting doing 'spend free days'. I do pack ups for work. I walk where I can. I'm selling on eBay. Just investigating local car boots to attend. Forever googling about how to make money but all suggestions are a bit naff I find, as they don't bring enough in. I thought of setting up a YouTube channel and monetising it for a passive income. I thought about a blog, but I'm not the best of writers and there's already so many out there. I have a couple of ideas of videos I might do, but I'm lacking time and I feel consumed by my debt predicament. It's all I can think about. I'm planning to grow my business this year and have a plan in action for that. My head is well and truly out of the sand now about it, but I'm confused about best route to take. I've reduced haircuts to 2 a year from 6 @ 50 a go - I'm going to just have a cut too, rather than colour to reduce even further. I've somehow broken the dryer, so clothes get dried with the airer now. Heating down a degree and on timer (though it'll be off altogether soon). I'm already a good shopper - I always check price per 100g, (I drive DH mad with that if he comes shopping with me), go for cheap cuts of meat, buy bulk, longest dates, quick sale etc. Still more to do like swapping to cheaper brands etc. Already swapped to cheaper supermarket, which is also closer. I feel guilty that I'm imposing a frugal lifestyle onto DH as he works so hard not to be in debt, yet I haven't managed to get out of it the past 10years. I've had it since he's met me - and it's grown, like a giant flesh-eating plant.

    Still can't sleep. But feeling slightly better looking at all the stuff I'm doing to get back on track. If you stuck with me 'til the end of this first post then I truly appreciate and am grateful for your attention. It's more than I've had from DH sadly. Wishing myself some luck for tomorrow and hoping it's not going to be as disastrous as I anticipate. Next steps - find out what bank offers re mortgage. Ring someone for some debt counselling. Keep breathing.

    Sam.
Page 2
    • ladymay
    • By ladymay 5th Apr 18, 8:52 PM
    • 900 Posts
    • 3,807 Thanks
    ladymay
    Firstly, I want to say WELL DONE for recognising your situation and congratulations for taking the first steps into getting your finances in order. I'm sorry you don't have the support of your OH but you will definitely find support and advice (and sometimes a very gentle telling off!) here.

    I wish you all the luck and determination in the world, lovely x
    Moved back to the UK 05/01/18
    New Job and New Business
    2018 Aim - Save 10k
    • Kitten868
    • By Kitten868 6th Apr 18, 8:58 AM
    • 884 Posts
    • 1,844 Thanks
    Kitten868
    Hello!
    So pleased for you about the mortgage. I take it you didn't consolidate your debts into the mortgage?
    You really sound like you've got the right attitude to solve this. Despite your partner. I think while the mortgage goes through try and keep on top of payments and then once it's done go for your DMP. There's a great DMP thread on here that recommends some people to stop payments to creditors ahead of arranging the DMP so you can build up an emergency fund. You're going to be defaulting anyway at least this way you have some money in reserve.
    Do not return to a job that you need counselling to ensure. Debt busting is hard enough work without earning the money selling your soul. Do it at your pace at least that way it'll get done.

    Just a nasty heads up. You've both been benefiting from that 400pcm so don't be surprised when he tells you you owe half.

    Good luck xxx
    Loan 1 6100/8000
    Loan 2 4100/5800
    Total 10200/13800 26% PAID
    • Sunnysam72
    • By Sunnysam72 8th Apr 18, 10:00 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    Sunnysam72
    Well I spent an hour typing up a reply which hasn't posted, I've had to change my username as I couldn't log on and MSE didn't recognise my email. Thanks for the advice and support from everyone. I'm too tired to retype everything now, so in brief:
    1. I've decided definitely on a DMP once mge on the go.
    2. DH has asked me for help in sorting out his tax issue - lucky i don't have his attitude eh?! HMRC only want info for 2016/17 ATM, and he's only been renting since 2008. 310 of the 400 goes on the BTL mge. He's not mentioned my debt at all since the bank meeting last Thursday.
    3. I'm still up to date with all bill payments and have had a NSD today. In fact, I've even done some extra work on the way home from my caravan weekend and brought home 133. This Ali's means I've saved on petrol as I have 50m less to drive tomorrow.
    4. I'm a bit annoyed with his reaction as he heard me list my debts 5 years ago (about 20k then) when we remortgaged. So it's not like he didn't know I've got debts. I'm also upset that he's refusing to even listen or discuss any possible solutions I'm coming up with. He maybe needs reminding of our marriage vows.

    If my other post appears, I've no idea what's going on with this lol!!

    Thanks again for the support and advice, it's appreciated.

    Sam x
    • Sunnysam72
    • By Sunnysam72 8th Apr 18, 10:07 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    Sunnysam72
    Glad it is all in the open now and whatever you decide to do good luck with clearing the debt. You sound very positive so I am sure you will find a way to sort it. Bit at your DHs attitude though and a little bit pleased HMRC have caught up with him. Pride goes before a fall Serves him right for being so judgemental.
    Originally posted by enthusiasticsaver

    This made me feel a bit better as I thought the same lol! However I will be a supportive wife and help him sort it out - hopefully he'll calm down and return the favour by not being so judgy!
    • Sunnysam72
    • By Sunnysam72 8th Apr 18, 10:15 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    Sunnysam72
    Hello!
    So pleased for you about the mortgage. I take it you didn't consolidate your debts into the mortgage?
    You really sound like you've got the right attitude to solve this. Despite your partner. I think while the mortgage goes through try and keep on top of payments and then once it's done go for your DMP. There's a great DMP thread on here that recommends some people to stop payments to creditors ahead of arranging the DMP so you can build up an emergency fund. You're going to be defaulting anyway at least this way you have some money in reserve.
    Do not return to a job that you need counselling to ensure. Debt busting is hard enough work without earning the money selling your soul. Do it at your pace at least that way it'll get done.

    Just a nasty heads up. You've both been benefiting from that 400pcm so don't be surprised when he tells you you owe half.

    Good luck xxx
    Originally posted by Kitten868
    Thank you, having looked at my situation my earning capacity is actually better as it is currently when I've investigated the possibility of a full time job v SE+part time supply contract. I can actually do 'double' earnings during holiday time as well as continue to get my holiday teaching pay. Plus I can work evenings and weekends when needed. Today I've arranged with a neighbouring franchisee to support each other in growing our businesses by canvassing together to help us both acquire more customers. We are going to work together a day a month and we are developing a really great friendship. I'll check out the DMP thread as I'm going to do that when mge is sorted. I'm planning to get it sorted in the next 10years, which is when our mge will be paid off by.
    • Sunnysam72
    • By Sunnysam72 8th Apr 18, 10:17 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    Sunnysam72
    Firstly, I want to say WELL DONE for recognising your situation and congratulations for taking the first steps into getting your finances in order. I'm sorry you don't have the support of your OH but you will definitely find support and advice (and sometimes a very gentle telling off!) here.

    I wish you all the luck and determination in the world, lovely x
    Originally posted by ladymay

    Thanks, I tell myself off a lot lol. Though I've realised I need to keep as positive as possible or I'll run and hide again if I let the guilt and shame bog me down. I feel like I'm coming out of a fog, if that makes sense.
    • Sunnysam72
    • By Sunnysam72 8th Apr 18, 10:23 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    Sunnysam72
    Well done on getting through the day, that must be a huge huge relief!



    I just want to flag this bit as I have experience of something similar, with a similar amount of profit (mine was a stupid legal paperwork mistake and I told them about it upfront rather than them coming to me).
    Based on conversations I have had, unless he's been below the personal income allowance threshold all this time they will want the tax on any profit, can go back up to 19 years, and are entitled to charge penalties of 20% to 100% (depending on how they interpret the behaviour of not declaring) plus interest (at approx 3% per year, paid on the tax but not the penalty amount).
    Originally posted by One-step-at-a-time

    He's not below the personal threshold, but Rae just asking for 2016/17 ATM. A quick estimation is that he'd pay tax on approx 1000 after expenses have been deducted. We are hoping that if he responds he won't get a penalty and he's been renting it since 2008. He says he contacted them at the start of renting and they told him he didn't need to declare it if it was less than 5k profit. He may have misunderstood what they said. His letting agency seem to think it won't be a big problem either but we will see.
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 8th Apr 18, 10:29 PM
    • 6,255 Posts
    • 12,385 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    Good luck and I think a DMP is the right way to go due to the unpredictable nature of your income. What you can do after a while is if your SE earnings are higher than expected (don't commit to a high monthly DMP payment) then you can save and offer full and finals which will pay the debt off faster. Base your income and expenditure figures for the DMP on the worst possible income.
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • MoneysavingmadGem
    • By MoneysavingmadGem 8th Apr 18, 10:29 PM
    • 53 Posts
    • 242 Thanks
    MoneysavingmadGem
    Just read through thread glad mortgage is sorted.

    Im also really pleased about the job situation as I know the drain of what going back into teaching would be like as I recently left to persue SE.

    Goodluck
    Crazy clothes 2018 #7 - 24.23/ 120, handmade or cs
    Pay all debt off xmas 2018 #066.(909.95/ 10565.90)
    2018 frugal living #34 (2500)
    1% a day #36 (9000)
    • Sunnysam72
    • By Sunnysam72 8th Apr 18, 11:41 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    Sunnysam72
    Good luck and I think a DMP is the right way to go due to the unpredictable nature of your income. What you can do after a while is if your SE earnings are higher than expected (don't commit to a high monthly DMP payment) then you can save and offer full and finals which will pay the debt off faster. Base your income and expenditure figures for the DMP on the worst possible income.
    Originally posted by enthusiasticsaver
    Yes, that's my intention. I'm going to go through the figures in detail this week.
    • Sunnysam72
    • By Sunnysam72 8th Apr 18, 11:47 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    Sunnysam72
    Just read through thread glad mortgage is sorted.

    Im also really pleased about the job situation as I know the drain of what going back into teaching would be like as I recently left to persue SE.

    Goodluck
    Originally posted by MoneysavingmadGem
    Thanks and good luck with your venture! It is indeed a breath of fresh air being SE after 20 years of full time teaching - though doing supply gives me the best of both worlds now. I've always enjoyed the actual teaching bit, but my full time job in a SM school became too much in the end. Especially as the exec head was a bully. Childcare also proved a nightmare for me too, so I quit once I set my business up. I've stupidly just not been living according to my means since.
    • One-step-at-a-time
    • By One-step-at-a-time 9th Apr 18, 10:52 AM
    • 125 Posts
    • 449 Thanks
    One-step-at-a-time
    Thanks, I tell myself off a lot lol. Though I've realised I need to keep as positive as possible or I'll run and hide again if I let the guilt and shame bog me down. I feel like I'm coming out of a fog, if that makes sense.
    Originally posted by Sunnysam72
    That makes perfect sense, I've gone through the exact same thought process. I say that I was living with a bad case of brain fog for far too long!

    He's not below the personal threshold, but Rae just asking for 2016/17 ATM. A quick estimation is that he'd pay tax on approx 1000 after expenses have been deducted.
    Originally posted by Sunnysam72
    Oh, that's good - I had assumed 5k was profit after expenses! I have found them far better to deal with on the phone than I expected, very friendly and reassuring for the most part (even if the standard wording used in the letters is designed to put the wind up you). I hope that your OH's attitude softens a bit, especially as you're being so nice about helping him out!
    Jan 2017 CC debt 37,800.21: 29,399.52 / 8,400.69
    Mar 2018 Other debt 7,693: 5,680.84 / 2,012.16
    Debt 22.97% PAID
    Emergency fund 350/1000 DFD March 2022
    • Sunnysam72
    • By Sunnysam72 13th Apr 18, 8:58 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    Sunnysam72
    So a quick update - Friday 13th has bitten me today - I trapped my finger in the the car door on my rounds - my gosh it HURT!!! Consequently I had to return home as driving became tricky, and I couldn't carry anything. It's feeling a bit better now but I've lost income today as a result. Extra hours to be put in next week then.

    DH has been busy sorting through paperwork ready for ME to do his 10 YEAR TAX RETURN!!!!! I made him ring tax office on Monday as after I read his letter from them it didn't actually specify a date - that's come from the management agency. So I think they'll be looking at their accounts too. Tax office have clarified they want accounts from when he started renting 10 years ago. I used the link they sent him and it turned out he needs to register for SA before he can complete the form. I thought he was going to cry after the phone call. Did I shout? Did I judge? Did I say 'I told you to sort it out at the beginning' (which I did warn him about incidentally) NOOOOOO I DIDN'T (I wanted to though) !!!!! I gave him a hug, said, 'we will fix this, it'll be ok. Here's what we've got to........'. I've even offered to help PAY for the bill out of our joint account (we have a small EF in there). He has been told he WILL be fined. NOT ONCE has he even mentioned my situation. No hugs, no reassurances, I'm so pigged off. I feel a bit abandoned by him. It's become all about him now. My mum is disgusted by his attitude and actions (or lack of helpful ones). I know I'm doing the right thing helping him, but it's creating tons more stress for me now. Today I've spent the day mostly crying. Partly because my finger hurts so much, and partly because I'm feeling angry with myself for not saying the same to him as what he said to me when I 'fessed up last week. I don't feel any satisfaction in being understanding towards him, I just feel like a mug, a doormat. I feel really resentful I'm ashamed to say.

    I've definitely decided on DMP and I'm just sorting out a few queries to do with income and bank accounts. He doesn't know my plan yet, or what I've decided to do/how I'm going to tackle it, but tbh I don't think he even cares. I'm afraid to tell him anything else but I'll have to since I'll not be able to get a remortgage in 4 years time when our current deal runs out. Also, we will need to close our joint account so he'll have to know about that. I'm looking at being debt free in 10years now, including mortgage free. At the latest. It's a good feeling to see an end in sight. I'm rather scared of the token payments and defaulting bit, debt collection agencies and bailiffs. Do people on DMP have many problems with them?

    I've been seeing posts about debts that can't be enforced - I'm not sure if this applies to any of mine, so I'll have to do some more research on the matter.

    Enjoy your weekend everyone, I'm off to look after my mum who has broken her knee. It never rains, it just pours!

    Sam x
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 13th Apr 18, 9:16 PM
    • 6,255 Posts
    • 12,385 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    I don't think you will have a problem with bailiffs etc. That comes after CCJs and I don't think any of your creditors will take you to court if you do the following.

    Keep them informed of the situation re income and expenses
    Keep to DMP payment or advise if you cannot make it due to change in finances
    Write to creditors yourself asking them to correspond only in writing.
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • Sunnysam72
    • By Sunnysam72 13th Apr 18, 9:28 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    Sunnysam72
    I don't think you will have a problem with bailiffs etc. That comes after CCJs and I don't think any of your creditors will take you to court if you do the following.

    Keep them informed of the situation re income and expenses
    Keep to DMP payment or advise if you cannot make it due to change in finances
    Write to creditors yourself asking them to correspond only in writing.
    Originally posted by enthusiasticsaver
    Great advice, thank you. I will include that in my plan, but I still get a bit panicky about the 'what ifs' so I'm trying to make my approach water tight before I take the plunge. I want to feel totally informed so I'm doing thorough research.
    • Sunnysam72
    • By Sunnysam72 13th Apr 18, 9:32 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    Sunnysam72
    Oh and my best spend today was 4 14" pizzas for 1.20 each on the special offer price! Chicken fajita and pepperoni from the pizza bit of local supermarket (as@@ - we are not allowed to name shops are we?) I love takeaways, and this is an area I can save on, so this is a perfect swap as I've got 2 days worth of takeway for 2 people for 4.80! 60p for half a large pizza! I'm well chuffed with that.
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