Confession Day

Update - DH has now had to listen as I did try to talk to him again before the meeting. Our mortgage is sorted and fixed for the next 4 years - we only have 10 years left to pay on it. We got an amazing 2.59% fixed rate with payments reducing by £100pm. Though DH wants to continue to overpay to reduce even further (I can't afford to I've said). I asked the bank about potential to consolidate my cc on mortgage - we can pay an extra 10% of the balance each year, during the 4 fixed rate years which could potentially clear my debt in 4 years for the cards - I'm already paying £500ish per month on cc, so even dropping to £300 pm over 4 years (on top of paying the 'normal' mortgage) with 4 extra 10% payments would possibly put us completely straight at the end of the 4 year fixed period. I need to look more closely at the figures now. I was honest and upfront in the bank, much to the disgust of DH who has already refused to agree to help me, but the house and equity are half mine at the end of the day as I have contributed half of the mortgage throughout the past 10 years (I haven't said that but the thought gives me comfort). He said I should just spend the next 30 years paying it off myself since I ran it up. Meanwhile, toady we found out hmrc are now after him for him not declaring income on a property he rents out (but it's less than £5k profit a year so he thinks he's ok not to declare it as he says he asked HMRC years ago about it when he first rented it out.) So, whilst my debts are stupid and reckless, I'm up to date with HMRC and ALL payments to my creditors, and have NEVER yet defaulted on any payments. I've told him how tight my budget is as he's suggested I swap accounts to his bank to do some savings - at which I fell over laughing - as every penny I have it accounted for. I also pointed out to him that I've had these debts since we met (I had a £25k loan and other credit cards I've paid off in the past - just swapping one debt for another though) so I don't even know why he's so surprised - they've just got out of control due to a drop in my income and me trying to maintain my previous standard of living - so yes, it's been day to day stuff. But I'm still paying my bills. My credit score is 583 on nod, I've yet to check the other 2 agencies but I'll be doing that next week.

Thanks so much for your advice and kind words everyone, I feel better that our home is secure for the foreseeable. He's mad at me but we are currently still married. I'm going away for the weekend so he can have some space to mull things over. I'm not asking him to pay them for me - I'm wanting to pay them myself - like I always have done - but I just need some help and direction before I get into any serious difficulties. I am looking at a return to full time teaching, which is against my better judgement as my mental health really suffered in it around the time of my dad's death - DH even pooh poohed me getting private bereavement counselling. He did however, support me in going self employed, for which I am forever grateful, as it's given me chance to get on an emotional even keel. Highly likely I'll end up down the DMP route though - but for now, all bils are paid (I've even managed a payment for my outstanding £700 so that's now £350 to get paid next week) and I've been working my a@@ off to get the next lot of cash for the next set of bills!

I will have a go at the SOA after the weekend, and post on here when I've done it. It's on paper ATM. Enjoy your weekends and huge thanks again. Not no where near as disastrous as I expected and I feel a huge sense of relief that out mortgage is sorted to DHs satisfaction.

Enthusiastic - thanks so much for the direct answers to my question x