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    • mumblingtaff
    • By mumblingtaff 1st Apr 18, 3:23 PM
    • 584Posts
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    All change.....
    • #1
    • 1st Apr 18, 3:23 PM
    All change..... 1st Apr 18 at 3:23 PM
    I think this is my third diary - I posted regularly for a long time a year or two ago and then life just got in the way and my focus changed.
    So much has happened recently that I think a new start and a record of my successes and hiccups will help to keep me on track.

    So, what's changed...? Well, I'm on the senior leadership team at a large secondary school, live alone with an ancient fat little dog and am in the process of becoming single again after 5 years. My OH became my boss in September and its been downhill since then really, I won't bore you with the details but it's not been great and I finally broached it with him last week and he hasn't spoken to me since ...... Not the reaction I'd hoped for but perhaps expected.
    Earlier this year, I was passed over for a job that I've been doing informally for almost a year and that didn't help matters and have finally found the gumption to start applying for new jobs. That didn't go down well with OH either but he encouraged me to at the time of the original job issue, don't think he thought I would. I've found the work situation really difficult as nobody knows the real reason I didn't get the job and now it's at the point that I don't want to be there anymore.

    On top of that, I had some health news that stopped me in my tracks in February - I have the breast cancer gene and have a one in three chance of developing it in the next 8 years.... The hospital have been great and there's a prevention and monitoring plan in place including taking tamoxifen (not lovely side effects but better than cancer!) and lots of screening, but if I'm honest, it's made me reevaluate life a bit.
    Add to that lot that my dad has prostrate cancer that may have spread ( new biopsies soon to confirm ) and the worry that brings (my mum is useless and my sister has disabilities and with the best will in the world still needs care) and I've just had to say enough is enough - I'm 46 and things need to change, life is too short!!

    So to sum up.... Relationship going down the swanny, need a new job, health needs serious attention and family all need looking after.

    So a new start..... Here we go!! Xx
    Last edited by mumblingtaff; 12-01-2019 at 3:42 PM.
Page 27
    • mumblingtaff
    • By mumblingtaff 9th Nov 18, 8:20 PM
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    Thank you Little Miss, I looked at the reviews for them both and also Widows. All look good. Will definitely go to see something this weekend.

    Thankfully it's Friday!! Had a really busy day at work and was knackered by the time I got home but took the dog to the park, had a 15 minute unintentional snooze on the sofa and then cracked on with cleaning the house and sorting things out. Have hoovered and dusted everything, changed the bed, done two loads of washing, cleaned the kitchen and all of the wooden floors. Nice and clean and tidy now

    OH is at a work thing this evening so I have it all to myself - to be honest he's getting on my wick a bit this week so I'm not disappointed
    Planning on watching the soaps and gogglebox, having a bit of wine and just relaxing for a couple of hours knowing that I don't have to get up at 5.15!!

    I've cancelled my hair appointment for tomorrow - was looking at it this evening before I had a bath and it can survive another couple of weeks and I've just dyed it myself. It can wait until after pay day.

    Will have a think about what to do tomorrow- no big plans yet
    Last edited by mumblingtaff; 09-11-2018 at 8:22 PM.
    • mumblingtaff
    • By mumblingtaff 11th Nov 18, 11:03 AM
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    Morning all. An eventful weekend so far.....

    Yesterday, I took the dog to the park for an hour in the morning then went to a dog friendly cafe for brunch for us both. Decided to go to the furniture shops for a look and bought 2 new sofas in the sale - they're really nice leather ones and were half price with an extra 10% off so a bargain, I've been thinking about it for a while and have most of the money saved up in a house account. Only had to pay 10% then and the rest just before delivery in December so will have the lot ready by then. Was offered interest free credit but resisted. So a nice morning.

    Then walked over to OHs (about 3 miles) for the exercise and he was in a foul mood and we promptly had an almighty row culminating in me walking home again just an hour later. He's had a bad week but there is no need to take it out on me. My week hasn't been great either but I'm still pleasant. At least I got plenty of exercise I suppose.....
    He texted some pretty horrible things to me and I ended up just telling him to leave me alone and he suggested it was for good. How immature and disrespectful. By text! Half an hour later he texted that he loved me and was sorry which I've ignored. I refuse to be treated like that anymore. We'll see if he surfaces today but I'm not making any contact. I deserve better than that.

    So last night I walked the dog again, drank a bottle of wine, had a takeaway curry and licked my wounds. Not exactly diet friendly but needed. After a poor nights sleep I got up this morning and gave myself a talking to. Took the dog for a good long walk in the rain to blow away the cobwebs, tidied the house, did the weekly shop at the little tesco (didn't need much) and then decided to go for a run. 5km done - hard work in the wind and rain but I'm pleased I've done it now.
    I'm not going to wallow. End of.

    So after watching the armistice day ceremony on TV I'm going to have a sunbed (bad I know) then do some work to get ready for the week. The old soldiers always make me cry - both my grandfathers were in the Second World War (one as a prisoner of war, the other as a desert rat) and it always makes me think of them.

    No other big plans for today - going to recoup and recover.....
    • EscapingTheAlarm
    • By EscapingTheAlarm 11th Nov 18, 11:42 AM
    • 120 Posts
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    Hi mumblingtaff,
    I always read your diary but don't often post... I just wanted to say that I hope you're OK and that I completely agree that you don't need to be treated like that by OH! Im sure he will do his best to make it up to you but I'm glad you didn't reply to his first attempt!
    Keep up all your amazing hard work- I find it impressive to read!
    ETA x
    • mumblingtaff
    • By mumblingtaff 11th Nov 18, 6:01 PM
    • 584 Posts
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    School work done - all prepped for the week.
    Watched a bit of TV then went for a walk for an hour while the sun was out before it got dark - not doing well at sitting around the house. Too much thinking time.
    Have made a nice tea of veggie sausages and homemade mash with Yorkshire pudding and gravy to use up the potatoes in the fridge - the dog enjoyed his portion too and s currently sleeping it off.....

    Just watching The Mist on Netflix - about half way through the series - it's an adaptation of a Stephen King book - daft but entertaining enough.

    Need to keep myself occupied.....
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 11th Nov 18, 6:05 PM
    • 4,584 Posts
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    Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you, and good on you for not getting in touch with him. He always treats you badly when he's stressed out and it's not fair.
    NST March Wins #9 nsd = 10 1 debt vs 100 days #5 50/553 Pay all your debt by Xmas '19 #56: 997.60/5750
    • joeyjimbles
    • By joeyjimbles 11th Nov 18, 7:44 PM
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    Positive thoughts. And completely agree about not being treated in such a manner, you do deserve better and if he can't manage that then he should at least be able to be civil until he can.
    Hope you found something to occupy yourself this evening. I'd love to inspire you with tales of my creativity, intelligence or healthy endeavours. However I'm waiting for a roast dinner to finish - seem to have sulking potatoes that refuse to crisp or brown - ironing duvet covers (pet hate) and watching a particularly daft Christmas film on Channel 5. OH and DS2 are watching Dr Who.
    • Nicnak
    • By Nicnak 11th Nov 18, 8:45 PM
    • 1,932 Posts
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    I've been reading your diary for a few days, and just wanted to say hope you are ok. x
    September 6th 2017 - Updated February 2019
    Credit Card 0 now: 0 Dad 1500 = 1000 Consolidation 15,000 = 9,960 Total = 25,330 10,960 59% gone EMF #252 = 100/1000
    Sealed pot challenge #024
    Pay off all your debts by Christmas #071
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 11th Nov 18, 9:52 PM
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    The brunch at a dog friendly cafe sounded great...sorry that the rest of Saturday was so tough.

    Hope you have a good week at school.
    paydbx2019 #93 461.38/10,100 .
    School trips 916/1269..
    EF 160
    • mumblingtaff
    • By mumblingtaff 12th Nov 18, 6:07 AM
    • 584 Posts
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    Thank you all for your support - it's much appreciated.
    A couple of bad tempered and self pitying texts from him. I tried to rise above it and remain blameless. Bloody hard though when you want to say so many other things.
    I'm starting a new week - onwards and upwards xx
    • mumblingtaff
    • By mumblingtaff 12th Nov 18, 9:01 PM
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    Today was a good day at work - lessons went well, meetings weren't too long and drawn out, managed to have a quiet 90 mins and marked two lots of extended writing and almost a whole set of tests.
    Came home and phoned parents whilst driving (hands free) who are all upbeat because they've just booked a holiday for after Xmas - the only thing is that I have to look after their mental dog for the week that they're away - they do have my dog for me so I can't complain. Nice to hear mum cheerful - she's the eternal pessimist

    Took the dog to the park in the dark - there's still lots of other dog walkers there so it's safe - had tea and got stuck into another load of work. Meeting minutes written up and emailed, test marking finished and calculated and some general planning done for next week. My mother and sister are visiting this weekend so I won't have a lot of time to get things done.
    A quick whizz round the block with the dog, packed lunch and clothes ready for the morning, bins put out and kitchen cleaned and now I can finally have an hour to myself before bed!!!

    On the OH front, no big news, he's texted saying he'll ring to talk tonight if it's not too late by the time he's home but I'm not holding my breath.

    Tomorrow is another busy day so it's an hour of telly before an earlyish night. Xx
    • mumblingtaff
    • By mumblingtaff 13th Nov 18, 5:48 AM
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    Well wonders will never cease - he did phone and actually attempted to talk to me with a small apology thrown in for good measure. I'm still not convinced though and will continue to be wary for now. He never backs down so this is fairly new territory...... It may well be a temporary ceasefire.....

    Watched a episode of the Trial of OJ Simpson - it's really good so will now be my new winding down programme.
    Busy day in store today - lots of teaching and I need to get a lot of other jobs done too ......
    • Starmummy
    • By Starmummy 13th Nov 18, 11:29 AM
    • 383 Posts
    • 1,806 Thanks
    Well done you for being tough MT
    debt consolidated 16/8/18 10,995.30/12,618.12 (Total debt at LBM 1st Jan '18 c..19.5k)
    EF/FIT savings 1,100.27 Other Savings 26.78 House Deposit 993.89/20,000 5%
    • joeyjimbles
    • By joeyjimbles 13th Nov 18, 11:45 AM
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    Well, if he's making an effort then that is a good change. And the least that you deserve. Good that you have plans for the weekend however so that you can have some breathing space and it isn't just you having to be strong.
    Hope today is a good day.
    • mumblingtaff
    • By mumblingtaff 14th Nov 18, 5:53 AM
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    Morning all - was absolutely shattered last night. Went to bed at 9.30, which is unheard of for me. Feel a bit better today but could have done with another couple of hours....

    Nothing much to report on the OH front - didn't speak to him yesterday and only had one grumpy text. Leaving him to it. I'm not going to fuss around him.

    It's a really long day today - awards evening at school - so won't be home until 8.30 earliest
    Been up early to give the dog a good walk - usually I'd ask OH to walk him after work if I'm really late but I'm not going to ask. Will text my neighbour and ask him to let him out into the garden for a while this afternoon - better than nothing and I'll give him a good walk as soon as I get home. Not ideal but it's a one off.

    Right better get ready for the longest day ever......
    • mumblingtaff
    • By mumblingtaff 18th Nov 18, 11:36 AM
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    Hello again!
    It's been a manic end to the week - awards evening on Wednesday evening that went on forever, saw OH briefly for peace talks on Thursday evening (more on that in a minute), then after what felt like the longest week ever at work my family arrived on Friday just as I got home from work.
    Did a mega day of Christmas shopping yesterday with my mum and sister - they've now pretty much finished their shopping and I've done about half. All the family stuff except dad is now bought and stashed. I got bought some lovely presents too for my birthday and Xmas but won't get them until Xmas day (birthday on 22nd December) including two coats (a smart casual one and a proper winter coat in pale grey), a lovely pair of dark brown leather boots, a red handbag and a wrap thing. All things that I liked and need.
    I also bought a few bits and pieces for myself including a pair a pale brown suede ankle boots reduced from 69 to 30, a couple of tops in the sale and two casual sweatshirt hoodie type tops for walking the dog and pottering about. Two items to take back too - a dress that's horrible on and a top that I'm not sure is really me. Will pop in on the way home from work one day this week when I'm passing. There's no way I'm going back on the weekend again - it was heaving!!
    I've transferred the money for the presents from the Xmas account so no unplanned outlay there and will move some money from my contingency account for the clothes etc.

    I got paid on Thursday and have moved some money around into various savings accounts and paid the bills and I've done the budgets for the month.
    Did the shopping at sainsburys yesterday too ( to escape family for an hour!) and spent 50 but that did include some hair dye and plenty of toiletries). The grocery budget for the 4 weeks of the month is 200 so I'm within budget for the first week so far.

    My family have now gone home and I've spent an hour putting my house back to normal and cleaning (how do they make so much mess?) and it feels like home again. Also taken the dog to the park for a trot about.

    Felt a bit fed up this weekend - think the stresses of visitors, the OH situation and a very hectic week at work have caught up a little bit. Had a half hour sulk this morning then decided to get a grip and go for a run in the sunshine. 5km done and a little bit faster than last weekend so it was worth going and feel a bit more positive now.

    With regards to the OH situation.... He came round for an hour on Thursday evening on his way home from work at 8.30 pm and looked dreadful. The last two weeks at work have really taken a toll on him - he's had a torrid time and it shows. It doesn't excuse his behaviour towards me but I think he's struggled with things and our relationship issues (caused by his moodiness and isolation) haven't helped. He did apologise and wanted to put it behind us. It hasn't helped that my family were here this weekend and we haven't had any time together to try to sort things out - we need to have a frank conversation....
    I'm supposed to be seeing him this afternoon - we'll see how that goes....

    I have a few things to do including dyeing my roots (again!) and a bit of maintainence preening - looking and feeling old, tatty and fat but otherwise not much planned - I did the vast majority of school work for the coming week last week, there's a bit of marking to do if I feel the urge but it shouldn't take more than an hour.

    Right, it's time to make myself feel better..... Hair, bath, face mask, nails and defuzz coming up.....
    Last edited by mumblingtaff; 18-11-2018 at 11:38 AM.
    • mumblingtaff
    • By mumblingtaff 18th Nov 18, 9:39 PM
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    Went over to OHs at about 2pm, we had a big talk and sorted some things out. Had a nice afternoon and evening and he was really trying hard to make things up to me properly. We'll see if it lasts - fingers crossed.

    Just come home to get ready for work tomorrow - I'm in school in the morning and off site at a meeting in the afternoon - not sure how long it will last - if it goes on a bit I'll hopefully be able to come straight home afterwards and not go back to work for the usual Monday meeting after school.

    Going to order a few bits from Amazon for Xmas presents (from the Xmas budget), make a packed lunch and watch a bit of the jungle (wonder what it will be like without Ant?) then try for an early night. My mother brought me some calcium, magnesium and multi vitamin tablets - she thinks I'm run down (!) and that the magnesium will help me sleep, she's read that somewhere... I've just taken them all so am anticipating being a new woman by the morning
    • mumblingtaff
    • By mumblingtaff 19th Nov 18, 6:06 AM
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    Well I'm not a new woman but I did sleep a bit better - feel more settled and rested.
    Just back from dog walking and just about to jump in the shower before launching into another working week. 5 more weeks to go until the Xmas holidays.....not that I'm counting

    Have a little list of things to get done this week - will post them later to keep me on track.
    Right better get myself sorted.....
    • mumblingtaff
    • By mumblingtaff 19th Nov 18, 8:03 PM
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    A really busy day!
    Was in work until after lunch duty then went off site to a potentially tricky meeting that went fairly well. Left there at 4pm, came home and picked the dog up and took him to the park as it was getting dark. Then a quick whizz over to the vet to pick up the dog's tablets (70 worse off but budgeted for and he's worth it), then to the doctors to drop off my repeat prescription then to the little tesco for bits for the dog.

    I've also arranged pick up of the old sofas - the British Heart Foundation are going to take them, hopefully on the day that the new ones arrive. Then cleaned the bathrooms after a quick bath and got clothes ready for tomorrow and tidied the bedroom. Have also stripped a chicken carcass for the dog's breakfast rather than chuck it in the bin because I don't like touching it, and done two loads of washing.
    Bit tired now!

    Going to watch a bit of telly, speak to OH and have an early night. I have some marking to do but just can't be bothered tonight, I can do it tomorrow during some free lessons, hopefully. Might have a think and browse for Dad's Xmas present - sadly lacking in inspiration at the moment though
    • DD265
    • By DD265 19th Nov 18, 8:21 PM
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    I'm glad things are improving MT
    • joeyjimbles
    • By joeyjimbles 20th Nov 18, 5:56 PM
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    Glas that you're getting on with things, and that things are improving.
    One of my girlfriends shares your hatred of touching meat on the bone, she gets round it by using a pair of rubber gloves or those CSI ones, might that be helpful?
    And I think your Mum might have a point, and extra vitamins can't but help during the winter months anyway.
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