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  • FIRST POST
    • vodkafrog
    • By vodkafrog 1st Apr 18, 2:13 PM
    • 65Posts
    • 98Thanks
    vodkafrog
    Partner never uses my name, is this weird
    • #1
    • 1st Apr 18, 2:13 PM
    Partner never uses my name, is this weird 1st Apr 18 at 2:13 PM
    I've been with my partner for 13 years now, I cant really remember when he stopped addressing me by my name, or by any other term of endearment, but its been significantly obvious to me for the last couple of years. He addresses other family members by their names but not me. I raised this with him a couple of months ago, explaining that it upset me, but he offered no explanation nor has there been any change.

    Has this happened to anyone else out there?
Page 5
    • Tygermoth
    • By Tygermoth 8th Apr 18, 1:03 PM
    • 1,355 Posts
    • 2,770 Thanks
    Tygermoth
    Wow, thats an epic sulk!

    Two years..... the mind boggles. To have got so mad at someone that they make a conscious decision decide to treat them as a non person and then to forget the original instigating factor.

    That's shockingly persistent, next level passive aggressive behaviour!
    Last edited by Tygermoth; 08-04-2018 at 7:39 PM.
    Please note I have a cognitive disability - as such my wording can be a bit off, muddled, misspelt or in some cases i can miss out some words totally...
    • LandyAndy
    • By LandyAndy 10th Apr 18, 9:24 AM
    • 24,559 Posts
    • 51,802 Thanks
    LandyAndy


    My DH rarely calls me by my name unless he's talking about me to someone else. Such as 'Maman's not in at the moment, can I take a message?'. When he's talking to me it's usually Sweetie or some other term of endearment. When I speak to him I usually use one of the shortened forms of his name that his family use. It's my experience that people who are used to friends and family calling them Joe or Jenny think they're in trouble if you call them Joseph or Jennifer.


    .
    Originally posted by maman

    How do you know that? Do you bug the house while you are out?
    • maman
    • By maman 10th Apr 18, 11:05 AM
    • 18,874 Posts
    • 112,633 Thanks
    maman
    How do you know that? Do you bug the house while you are out?
    Originally posted by LandyAndy




    Old work habits die hard. Have you never been 'in a meeting'
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 10th Apr 18, 11:07 AM
    • 4,988 Posts
    • 11,249 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    A slight shift yesterday has us in the position of my OH saying that he thinks that he started this behaviour as a way of punishing, or getting his own back me when we have had a disagreement or upset, bearing in mind this has now gone on for nearly two years now. In my eyes those arguments or tiffs happened, been resolved and forgotten, but clearly my OH has had a different view and not been able to communicate it in any other way. I am quite shocked, given that albeit I refer to 'arguments', we are not an explosive type of couple so these arguments are not something that in our relationship have never happened on a regular basis, nor as I can ever remember been over anything other that trivial things.
    Originally posted by vodkafrog
    You know your partner better than any of us, are they a "quick to anger, quick to forgive and forget" type like you come across in the text I have highlighted, or are they more generally calm and it takes a lot to upset them?

    If the latter they may have been more deeply hurt by one of these 'tiffs' than you realise but felt unable to express this to you for whatever reason, and you have ended up with this manifestation of that hurt - I don't agree with what he's been doing but it's a possibility.

    Of course, if you're someone that always listens patiently, never judges, gives considered responses, is always calm and rational and never shouts or snaps then none of what I've said would be relevant and I can't explain it.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • LandyAndy
    • By LandyAndy 10th Apr 18, 11:09 AM
    • 24,559 Posts
    • 51,802 Thanks
    LandyAndy



    Old work habits die hard. Have you never been 'in a meeting'
    Originally posted by maman
    Pretty much continually since 1978.
    • sue.b
    • By sue.b 11th Apr 18, 7:14 AM
    • 102 Posts
    • 47 Thanks
    sue.b
    I rarely use anybody's name and find the people who constantly use mine very annoying. I would use a name only if it would not be clear to whom I was speaking.
    • cathyg
    • By cathyg 11th Apr 18, 6:31 PM
    • 7 Posts
    • 12 Thanks
    cathyg
    My partner rarely uses my name, usually only when he really wants to get my attention about something. I rarely use his name either! There is only the two of us so if I am talking then I must be talking to him and vice versa!
    • POPPYOSCAR
    • By POPPYOSCAR 11th Apr 18, 6:53 PM
    • 11,553 Posts
    • 24,883 Thanks
    POPPYOSCAR
    I do not think my husband has ever called me by my name.

    I would find it quite impersonal if he did.
    • Slinky
    • By Slinky 11th Apr 18, 7:27 PM
    • 5,613 Posts
    • 26,384 Thanks
    Slinky
    I do not think my husband has ever called me by my name.

    I would find it quite impersonal if he did.
    Originally posted by POPPYOSCAR

    So what did he call you when you got married?
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 11th Apr 18, 7:47 PM
    • 21,182 Posts
    • 57,173 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I do not think my husband has ever called me by my name.

    I would find it quite impersonal if he did.
    Originally posted by POPPYOSCAR
    I'm confused by this.
    How would it be impersonal if he used your name?

    Unless he calls you Poppy bubbles bonbon or something...
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 12th Apr 18, 2:00 AM
    • 25,319 Posts
    • 102,215 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    He's now decided it was your fault that he does it?

    Niiice.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • Little Miss Winner
    • By Little Miss Winner 13th Apr 18, 12:07 AM
    • 4,006 Posts
    • 136,050 Thanks
    Little Miss Winner
    I'm with the majority here - On reading your thread I was about to say that I felt he was making a conscious decision to not say you name, almost like a punishment of sorts?

    Then on further reading I see you had a little breakthrough and thats exactly what it is.

    I would be furious - to be completely honest, and the scenario in which he was asking everyone by name what drinks they wanted - then said "noobody else then" or words to that effect, knowing full well he hadnt made you one I think is just pure childish. I think you have every right to be upset. I would be gutted.

    not sure how you move on from this one - maybe talk some more??
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