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  • FIRST POST
    • Freckles
    • By Freckles 14th Mar 18, 11:03 AM
    • 26Posts
    • 113Thanks
    Freckles
    My Hubby hid his debt from me for 18 months!
    • #1
    • 14th Mar 18, 11:03 AM
    My Hubby hid his debt from me for 18 months! 14th Mar 18 at 11:03 AM
    Not really sure how to start this but here goes.....

    Over the Christmas and New Year break my husband decided to confess to me (whilst planning a holiday) that he was in quite a bit of trouble with money. When I asked how bad the response I got was astounding, he said he had 5 or 6 credit cards and about 30k across them all

    On asking why/how/wth I was told that he'd just got himself into a cycle and didn't know how to get out of it. He earns 70k, I earn 30k, with a mortgage, savings (!!), we aren't wealthy but we are comfortable.

    I don't look after his money but I do look after the credit cards, so he'd been doing this without my knowledge. In the past, when he'd plan things and I couldn't afford them we wouldn't do them but I'd noticed he'd been saying he'd cover it but I didn't question it.

    When it came down to it there were 7 credit cards and 36k
    He'd been paying off the minimum and they were mostly interest-free, so we had that saving grace, but he also admitted to taking money out of them to lend to friends in need - 4k
    On top of this, I'd just bought a car to the tune of 15k because he said he would go halves with me on the cost, I would never have bought the car if I'd known about all of this.
    We'd also booked and paid for flights to America which we couldn't cancel or move as we'd bought them during the BA sale - hence the start of the post when he mentioned all of this to me.

    So what did I do I hear you say...........

    I spent two days, TWO, going through everything, going through our finances, savings - of which he has hardly any - finding out all the amounts on all of his credit cards, checking the amount owed on our monthly card and just as a side thought checking the holiday card. Good job too, he'd put 5k on that too, admittedly he'd used it when travelling abroad with work but he hadn't paid it off when he got his expenses paid. I'd not checked the online statement as I thought it was cleared after our last holiday in April!!
    Now the total is up to 41k and 10 credit cards between us.......as you can imagine my weekend, at this point, isn't going well. Three weeks into dry January and the wine came out, he's had the balls to say to me I couldn't have any wine brave man

    By halfway through the bottle I'd had enough and called it a day, I wasn't going to make rational choices and decisions whilst drinking.

    Day two and I started early....

    Everything was on a spreadsheet, credit cards, mortgages, bank accounts (money in and out), car payments, bed payments (Oh yeah I forgot about that, bought a new bed, interest-free if we paid over 3 months - which we did). Now the fun really started, long story short we are now down to 5 credit cards.

    1 is our monthly Tesco card, gets paid off each month. He isn't allowed to use it other than as a Tesco card so that's all down to me.
    1 is our holiday card.
    3 now contain all of the debt from the 9 cards he'd racked up debt on. The spreadsheet has all of the details of what cards were transferred on to which, when the interest rate comes out of the 0% stage, a reminder of when to look at transferring again and the monthly amount that is paid.
    The other cards I have kept ready for when I need to start this again as it will be easier for me to use existing cards than get denied an application. Each one has a red E, written in nail varnish, so I know what's what.

    I have estimated that this will take 3 years to pay off, hopefully, less time if we can put extra on as and when. I have agreed to pay 10k of it as it includes a couple of holidays he said he'd pay for, yes I know he said he'd pay but I went on them and enjoyed them so it's only fair.

    The 'friends in need' have started to pay the money back and everyone should have paid their debt by June, this debt is going straight on to the credit cards.

    He has been told, by the pain of divorce as that will cost him more than if I killed him as then that will be my debt, he will never do this again, he will not have control of his spending until this is all paid off and any spend over 50, of any kind, gets discussed first.

    Now some of you may be thinking back to the top and the holiday planning, the non-refundable flights. As I mentioned before, hubby travels a lot with work, he can be away 4 or 5 nights a week. He has a good stash of IHG and BA points.
    We go on holiday 2 weeks on Friday, 2 weeks between LA, Las Vegas, New Orleans and Miami. All hotels have been booked using IHG points and with a limit of 40 per night extra. Transfer flights have been booked using BA points, the cheapest was 4.63 from New Orleans to Miami. The most expensive was 63 from Las Vegas to New Orleans. The most expensive hotel was Las Vegas at 120 a night for 2 nights as we forgot it was Easter weekend.
    We are going to have an amazing time and have made a game out of how much money we can save. I wasn't going to lose the money on the flights so it's a lesson in money saving and holidays on a budget.
    I know there will be those of you thinking 'but that's further expense' yes it is but that's my choice. Everything else is now in order and I plan to keep it that way.

    I am proud to say, with my amazing spreadsheet, transfer of debts from card to card and general penny pinching we have paid off 2864.15 since the beginning of January we are getting there.
    You are also the only people who I have told the whole story too!!
    Last edited by Freckles; 14-03-2018 at 11:06 AM.
    What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?

    Paid off 13,442.13 debt since Jan 18, and counting. Still got 2 years to go
Page 3
    • Starmummy
    • By Starmummy 8th Aug 18, 1:10 PM
    • 196 Posts
    • 903 Thanks
    Starmummy
    Wow. what an understanding person you are. It is really positive for me to see how debt effects the other partner. My debts are pre-Mr Star and I am guilty of not always understanding how he feels about it or from taking his help.
    Although we seem to have turned that corner in recent weeks.

    You are doing amazingly well. Your household income is similar to ours with Mr Star earning the huge share and me a similar amount to you. Knowing how to divvy up responsibilities has been a sticking point. It's interesting to see a married couple who mostly keep their finances separate (as we do).

    I shall subscribe and follow your progress.

    Take care
    SM
    Total debt at LBM c.19k
    debt consolidated 16/8/18 12,618.12/12,618.12 Total savings 400
    • Freckles
    • By Freckles 8th Aug 18, 3:46 PM
    • 26 Posts
    • 113 Thanks
    Freckles
    Wow. what an understanding person you are. It is really positive for me to see how debt effects the other partner. My debts are pre-Mr Star and I am guilty of not always understanding how he feels about it or from taking his help.
    Although we seem to have turned that corner in recent weeks.

    You are doing amazingly well. Your household income is similar to ours with Mr Star earning the huge share and me a similar amount to you. Knowing how to divvy up responsibilities has been a sticking point. It's interesting to see a married couple who mostly keep their finances separate (as we do).

    I shall subscribe and follow your progress.

    Take care
    SM
    Originally posted by Starmummy

    Glad to have helped, I agree with responsibilities being an issue as it took us a while to get our heads around it and into a good working pattern too. Unfortunately, I took my eye off the ball and this happened but we are getting there.

    We will always have our own money and a bills account, I am happy working like that as I have always been independent and like to know what I have to play with. Some people don't understand how after being together 14 years we are still like this but it works perfectly most of the time.
    Our holiday's only happen if we can both afford it, we both pay half of everything. Jobs on the house, again each pay half and only if we can both afford it.

    I feel so much more settled about the money and debt front now I am 7 months in and it has been going reasonably smoothly.
    What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?

    Paid off 13,442.13 debt since Jan 18, and counting. Still got 2 years to go
    • madvicker
    • By madvicker 8th Aug 18, 4:35 PM
    • 124 Posts
    • 87 Thanks
    madvicker
    Now the total is up to 41k and 10 credit cards between us.......as you can imagine my weekend, at this point, isn't going well. Three weeks into dry January and the wine came out, he's had the balls to say to me I couldn't have any wine brave man
    Originally posted by Freckles
    Loved that part. You seem to have made really good progress, and I'm enjoying reading your successes and how strong your relationship seems to be. Keep it up!

    PS. First DFD I have subscribed to
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