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  • FIRST POST
    • tigerboo
    • By tigerboo 14th Mar 18, 10:19 AM
    • 320Posts
    • 92Thanks
    tigerboo
    Can she turn up and take the children?
    • #1
    • 14th Mar 18, 10:19 AM
    Can she turn up and take the children? 14th Mar 18 at 10:19 AM
    My wife and I separated 2-3 month ago. She left the home and left me with our 2 children (ages 3 and 7).

    She has now managed to rent a house and has already told our children that they will be able to go to her house. We've had little to no discussions about this. She currently sees the children 1 day at the weekends and about an hour a day.

    For the entirety of the children's lives, I have been the main carer, especially throughout the working week. I am currently, and have always been responsible for the household jobs of shopping, cooking, cleaning, bathing and getting children ready for bed. In the morning I am also responsible for cleaning up following breakfast, cleaning children and brushing teeth, and helping them get ready for school. It has always been the case that owing to our jobs I have spent a great deal more time at home looking after the children. Often 4-5 hours more per day. She won't dispute this as it is commonly known throughout our friends and family.

    My fear is that when she gets her new house, sometime in the next week or two, that she comes and tries to take the children away with her.

    Can she do that?
    In a small town south of the border, where men are men and women need a sense of humour.
Page 1
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 14th Mar 18, 10:30 AM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,938 Thanks
    Comms69
    • #2
    • 14th Mar 18, 10:30 AM
    • #2
    • 14th Mar 18, 10:30 AM
    Well yes, she has exactly the same rights as you do. Unless a court has ordered differently.


    Is she paying child support?
    • Rubik
    • By Rubik 14th Mar 18, 10:31 AM
    • 67 Posts
    • 135 Thanks
    Rubik
    • #3
    • 14th Mar 18, 10:31 AM
    • #3
    • 14th Mar 18, 10:31 AM
    My wife and I separated 2-3 month ago. She left the home and left me with our 2 children (ages 3 and 7).

    She has now managed to rent a house and has already told our children that they will be able to go to her house. We've had little to no discussions about this. She currently sees the children 1 day at the weekends and about an hour a day.

    For the entirety of the children's lives, I have been the main carer, especially throughout the working week. I am currently, and have always been responsible for the household jobs of shopping, cooking, cleaning, bathing and getting children ready for bed. In the morning I am also responsible for cleaning up following breakfast, cleaning children and brushing teeth, and helping them get ready for school. It has always been the case that owing to our jobs I have spent a great deal more time at home looking after the children. Often 4-5 hours more per day. She won't dispute this as it is commonly known throughout our friends and family.

    My fear is that when she gets her new house, sometime in the next week or two, that she comes and tries to take the children away with her.

    Can she do that?
    Originally posted by tigerboo
    Yes she can - like you she has parental responsibility, and unless there is a court order in place preventing her from removing the children from your care - or there is a Child Arrangements Order setting out when the children are to be a particular parent, there is nothing legally preventing her to do this.

    What are communications like between you? You say you've had no discussions about the children staying with her, perhaps now is the time to have a conversation about these arrangements for the children. Has she given any indication to you that her comment about the children being able to go to her new home is anything more than her desire to share her new home with her children as per the existing arrangements?

    Now that Mum has a new home, it would be a good time to start discussing the arrangements long term for the children - you don't mention the children having overnight contact with Mum, is this something that you would be willing to discuss with her? If the situation was reversed, wouldn't you wish for your children to have overnights with you?

    IT would be helpful if you could work out what you feel would be appropriate arrangements for the children so they can enjoy time and ongoing relationships with both their parents, this parenting plan is a useful tool to help with this.

    If you strongly believe or suspects that Mum intends take the children without your knowledge, and not return them then there are legal options available to to you. But at this stage, that would be like using a mallet to crack a walnut.

    Talk to her first - even if that means sending a well-written, constructed, amicable email about the arrangements for the children - and keep things amicable. Try not to worry unduly at this stage.
    Last edited by Rubik; 14-03-2018 at 10:43 AM.
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 14th Mar 18, 6:19 PM
    • 24,241 Posts
    • 95,750 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    • #4
    • 14th Mar 18, 6:19 PM
    • #4
    • 14th Mar 18, 6:19 PM
    In a word - yes.

    You'd be wise to seek a Residence and Contact Order through the Family Court - investing in a solicitor to advise on this will be invaluable (it's far too important a matter to try and sort out with a few bits of advice from the internet).
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • Rubik
    • By Rubik 14th Mar 18, 7:32 PM
    • 67 Posts
    • 135 Thanks
    Rubik
    • #5
    • 14th Mar 18, 7:32 PM
    • #5
    • 14th Mar 18, 7:32 PM
    Residence and contact orders were replaced by Children Arrangements Orders back in 2014.
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 14th Mar 18, 7:44 PM
    • 24,241 Posts
    • 95,750 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    • #6
    • 14th Mar 18, 7:44 PM
    • #6
    • 14th Mar 18, 7:44 PM
    Residence and contact orders were replaced by Children Arrangements Orders back in 2014.
    Originally posted by Rubik

    Fair enough. Everything I had to deal with was done and dusted by 2013 - but the principle is still the same (and also illustrates why getting a professional to deal with it is so important, rather than potentially relying upon Idiots Like Me From The Internet)
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
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