Co-owned house - causing friction

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  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773
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    edited 13 March 2018 at 3:34PM
    But your first post implies that you and your sister each inherited your share after your father's death, which, by definition, makes it your inheritance :huh:
    goochie wrote: »
    My mum, sister and I own a property together (my sister 25% each since our father died 14 years ago, M&D were separated at the time of his death but not divorced).

    !!!8230;.


    goochie wrote: »
    Not sure that is a fair assessment gettingthere, it has been our family home all of our lives, not our "inheritance". I don't think it is unreasonable for the inhabitant of the property to pay the bills, decoration and maintenance, she is also the owner and has lived in it for 50 years. We wouldn't expect to be consulted on the colour of the carpet but this is a much bigger project which I think needed a little more consideration and discussion. We don't see it as my inheritance at all (certainly not for a long time as well, we hope), but there is nothing wrong with wanting to protect her and it, so please don't assume we are that mercenary.



    But it was inherited upon the death of your father wasn't it - the 25% share? Or did you own the 25% before your dad passed away?


    I find your attitude surprising

    The house is not the problem, it is the people causing the 'friction'


    There is a bit of an underlying feel that all was not rosy even before this, its obviously a while since you have visited as you don't live locally and have only seen pictures of the repairs, and you only found out because your sister 'drove by' - I wonder how many people drive by their elderly parents house without popping in? But can pause to take photos...
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • bmthmark
    bmthmark Posts: 297
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    If I was in your position I would be extremely grateful that my mum is paying for all the repairs. I would also help as much as I can to make sure the building work is up to an appropriate standard. I would do this by checking the working and speaking to the builders along the way.
  • But your first post implies that you and your sister each inherited your share after your father's death, which, by definition, makes it your inheritance :huh:

    I think the inference was that we only view it as a financial asset, which is not the case, it is our family home.
  • NeilCr wrote: »
    Have you and your sister. ever offered to pay towards building/repair costs?

    When you talked about work on the house with your mum did she agree with your suggestion that any future major works should be discussed in advance of ordering?

    The agreement was that we would discuss any works of any substantial nature and all be involved in the decision making process. Have we ever offered to pay for work to the house, no, apart from fairly minor stuff it hasn't needed much. And Mum has not asked us to pay for anything, she wishes to pay for it herself.
  • bmthmark wrote: »
    If I was in your position I would be extremely grateful that my mum is paying for all the repairs. I would also help as much as I can to make sure the building work is up to an appropriate standard. I would do this by checking the working and speaking to the builders along the way.

    Thanks, which is now what we are doing, it would have been much easier had we had the conversation a bit earlier. I was only given his details late last night.
  • swingaloo
    swingaloo Posts: 2,683
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    from reading I would assume that as your mum has been in the property for 50 years she is probably getting on in years now.

    Have you or your sister actually sat and talked about what needs doing? Maybe she is the type of lady who is not comfortable with getting workmen to give quotes and takes the easiest option.
    You say you don't live nearby and your sister only noticed as she was driving by.

    I would be very annoyed if I was expected to pay for something and arranged for the work to be done and then found that my daughter had been questioning the workman.

    Its your mums home and she has every right to arrange workmen to do a job on it. If the job when finished isn't up to standard and you and your sister are not happy then perhaps you could support your mum by getting the workmen back to rectify the job and being there with her at the time to discuss it.

    If my daughters were taking photos and contacting workmen I had arrange I would be furious. Would it not be more reasonable to sit down with her in a non-confrontational way and discuss the way forward.

    If your mum was paying a lot of money for work which would add value to the house for your benefit, would you be rushing to chip in or would you just think 'Well she's better off than us'.?
  • bmthmark
    bmthmark Posts: 297
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    goochie wrote: »
    Thanks, which is now what we are doing, it would have been much easier had we had the conversation a bit earlier. I was only given his details late last night.

    I'm sure your mum will appreciate the support and you sending an email to the builder will definitely help, as the builder now knows your mum is not on her own.
    Not saying the builder is dodgy or anything but it just sends out a message.
    Hopefully she hasn't paid for it all upfront?
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773
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    Maybe she feels it is in your (all of your) best interests, she's keeping the house in a good state of repair, out of her own pocket.


    I can honestly see why your mum is fed up
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • JimmyTheWig
    JimmyTheWig Posts: 12,199
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    I'm not sure that you co-owning the house has got anything to do with it, has it?
  • Does your mum have a life interest?
    (fairly typical arrangement)

    If she does then that share is in a trust and it is the trustees that need to deal with this

    Mum owns 50%, and my sister and I 25% each (we are all listed on the deeds), I don't remember any legal documents being drawn up, there is no trust. She is our mum, she will live there as long as she chooses, (and we have told her that if she needs to sell the house and move to a bungalow (as her husband is disabled and struggling with stairs), then she should sell up and use all of the proceeds to find them somewhere suitable to live, and we would just change ownership onto the new property at the % we have now. We will not "inherit" any capital from this property until such time as mum passes, which I hope is a very long way off.
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