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  • FIRST POST
    • Pdbaggett
    • By Pdbaggett 12th Mar 18, 3:12 PM
    • 89Posts
    • 66Thanks
    Pdbaggett
    Friend splitting costs with partner
    • #1
    • 12th Mar 18, 3:12 PM
    Friend splitting costs with partner 12th Mar 18 at 3:12 PM
    Hi, before I start I'll say this really has nothing to do with me and I'm not actually going to do anything with peoples opinions or talk about it with my friend as he's pretty hard headed at the best of times.

    However, I'm genuinely interested in how people see this situation.

    So... My friend purchased a house last year his partner was going to live with him from the start and she still does . He provided all of the deposit the entire amount and she added nothing as she had no savings. Because of this he made her sign a legal document to say if they break up he owns all the house ect( whether this would stand up in court is besides the point) anyway he was always adamant its his house and she doesn't pay anything towards it to not complicate things in a legal sense I.e the mortgage.

    He did however, agree at the time to take 200 a month from her to cover other bills and he still does. Not the problem being I spoke to him the other day and he's struggling with money as most new home owners do due to outlay and maintenance costs his house also needs a new roof ect. His partner isn't helping at all with the cost of the house I.e roof ect and in my opinion isn't even covering her own living with 200 a month. He buys all the food and everything she pays 200 to him and that's it.

    Do people think this is fair, neither are high earners he gets about 600 more a month in that region than her and she will be on about 1200 give or take. Essentially meaning he has no spare money pays for everything and she has over 1000 disposable income a month.

    At the start when he wouldn't add her to the mortgage I thought it was quite mean as they had been together for a few years but at this point I think she's just taking advantage a bit and could definetly offer to help more regardless of a stake in the mortgage or not.
Page 2
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 12th Mar 18, 5:55 PM
    • 16,679 Posts
    • 41,266 Thanks
    FBaby
    Agreed 100 a week certainly would not cover my bills including food shopping.
    So that would be over 800 a month for both? I agree that 400 isn't a lot, but 800 is quite high. Of course, that depends what is included. Things like expensive broadband packages, sky, alcohol, meat every day etc... are not essential things and possibly something that the other party wouldn't have otherwise.

    Really there is no right or wrong but they should be committed enough to be able to have a conversation and come to an agreement if their relationship is solid.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 12th Mar 18, 6:02 PM
    • 20,004 Posts
    • 53,677 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Yes, shocking isn't it someone taking an interest in someone else's life whilst not really envisaging doing anything about it. Its almost like we don't have newspapers doing the exact thing or reality TV or shock horror people having a gossip about other people who are not immediately them selves
    Originally posted by Pdbaggett
    I don't watch reality TV.
    I don't gossip about other people.
    I read/watch news, not gawp over minor celebs or z listers whose goings-on are footnotes to the news.
    And if I did take an interest in someone else's life, I wouldn't ask a bunch of random strangers on t'internet for their opinion.
    • Pdbaggett
    • By Pdbaggett 12th Mar 18, 6:49 PM
    • 89 Posts
    • 66 Thanks
    Pdbaggett
    I don't watch reality TV.
    I don't gossip about other people.
    I read/watch news, not gawp over minor celebs or z listers whose goings-on are footnotes to the news.
    And if I did take an interest in someone else's life, I wouldn't ask a bunch of random strangers on t'internet for their opinion.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    Yet you still don't mind pointlessly arguing with random strangers on the internet, weird that
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 12th Mar 18, 6:52 PM
    • 20,004 Posts
    • 53,677 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Yet you still don't mind pointlessly arguing with random strangers on the internet, weird that
    Originally posted by Pdbaggett
    I refer you to this comment:
    Surely it is none of your business?
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    • Pdbaggett
    • By Pdbaggett 12th Mar 18, 6:53 PM
    • 89 Posts
    • 66 Thanks
    Pdbaggett
    So that would be over 800 a month for both? I agree that 400 isn't a lot, but 800 is quite high. Of course, that depends what is included. Things like expensive broadband packages, sky, alcohol, meat every day etc... are not essential things and possibly something that the other party wouldn't have otherwise.

    Really there is no right or wrong but they should be committed enough to be able to have a conversation and come to an agreement if their relationship is solid.
    Originally posted by FBaby
    Sorry no I meant 50 each from both parties making 100 a week or 400 a month. 800 a month would more than cover most peoples bills + food I would assume, it would definetly cover mine.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 12th Mar 18, 7:08 PM
    • 3,291 Posts
    • 3,507 Thanks
    cjdavies
    I reckon he needs to add up the (non mortgage) bills and divide in half. I know some people might think that 400 a month would do it but , for us it's more like double that (rates+gas+electric+insurance+tv/phone internet+food).
    Originally posted by belfastgirl23
    Remember this should only be for contents insurance.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 12th Mar 18, 7:10 PM
    • 3,291 Posts
    • 3,507 Thanks
    cjdavies
    Agreed 100 a week certainly would not cover my bills including food shopping.
    Originally posted by Pdbaggett
    However is enough to cover mine.
    • steph2901
    • By steph2901 12th Mar 18, 7:22 PM
    • 302 Posts
    • 186 Thanks
    steph2901
    Sounds like he needs to have a chat with her, paying 200 all in isn't very fair to him! But if that's all he asked for, then she's not going to pay more is she? I'd love to be able to live for 200 a month and have the other 1000 to myself, but sadly that's not going to happen.
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 12th Mar 18, 7:31 PM
    • 24,241 Posts
    • 95,750 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    She pays two hundred quid, he gets a lodger with an element of payment in kind.

    Once a week on a Sunday morning and she cooks a couple of meals during the week - that about covers the difference in money he'd otherwise be spending in a restaurant and on a Lady of Dubious Taxation Status.


    Can't see what he's complaining about, really. He's getting his money's worth.


    Don't think it's quite such a deal for her, though - I'd rather be in a real relationship with a real partner, rather than this bloke, who sounds as if he's already decided she'll do for the time being, but not for life. Was her income taken into account on the mortgage application? If so, when she's had enough of this uneven power balance (or he trades her in for a newer model), that piece of paper won't mean Jack.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • Robisere
    • By Robisere 12th Mar 18, 7:59 PM
    • 2,240 Posts
    • 3,051 Thanks
    Robisere
    It seems that I was wrong, and I am not too proud to admit it. (Take note, others here) I apologise, please see this:

    https://www.savvywoman.co.uk/2011/01/living-together-does-your-partner-have-any-rights-to-your-property-once-you-live-together/

    It appears that your friend's signed agreement is useful and legal.
    I think this job really needs
    a much bigger hammer.
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 12th Mar 18, 8:18 PM
    • 10,505 Posts
    • 13,670 Thanks
    hazyjo
    My BF pays naff all and doesn't work any more, but does all the work (housework, cooking, etc in the house including decorating. I put my pillow cases on, that's about it. If one of my friends started a similar sort about me/us, I'd not be impressed. If we struggled for cash, it would be our problem, nobody else's.
    2018 wins: Single Malt Whisky; theatre tickets; festival tickets; year of gin(!); shoes
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 12th Mar 18, 8:24 PM
    • 20,004 Posts
    • 53,677 Thanks
    Pollycat
    S
    Can't see what he's complaining about, really. He's getting his money's worth.
    Originally posted by Jojo the Tightfisted
    Is he actually complaining though?
    The OP says:
    He did however, agree at the time to take 200 a month from her to cover other bills and he still does. Not the problem being I spoke to him the other day and he's struggling with money as most new home owners do due to outlay and maintenance costs his house also needs a new roof ect. His partner isn't helping at all with the cost of the house I.e roof ect and in my opinion isn't even covering her own living with 200 a month. He buys all the food and everything she pays 200 to him and that's it.
    Originally posted by Pdbaggett
    He may have simply mentioned it in passing.
    If he is complaining, it's obvious that he needs to talk to his partner.
    It's hardly rocket science.

    Sounds like he needs to have a chat with her, paying 200 all in isn't very fair to him! But if that's all he asked for, then she's not going to pay more is she? I'd love to be able to live for 200 a month and have the other 1000 to myself, but sadly that's not going to happen.
    Originally posted by steph2901
    The OP says he's hard-headed so it's unlikely he'll have a chat to his partner.
    The OP isn't even going to do anything with people's opinions.
    He/she seems to just want to know if anyone else is in agreement with him/her.
    Hi, before I start I'll say this really has nothing to do with me and I'm not actually going to do anything with peoples opinions or talk about it with my friend as he's pretty hard headed at the best of times.
    Originally posted by Pdbaggett
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 12th Mar 18, 8:46 PM
    • 6,369 Posts
    • 13,018 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    200 per month sounds fair to cover bills (council tax and utilities)but I don't think he should be paying for all the food. If she is not paying towards the mortgage she is getting free accommodation so asking her to cover her share of the food costs sounds reasonable. He should work it all out properly and split the costs of utilities and council tax, insurance and food 50/50.
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 12th Mar 18, 8:47 PM
    • 1,374 Posts
    • 2,064 Thanks
    pearl123
    There is a plus if the relationship ends she will not be financially linked to him.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 13th Mar 18, 8:01 AM
    • 4,176 Posts
    • 9,378 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    She pays two hundred quid, he gets a lodger with an element of payment in kind.
    Originally posted by Jojo the Tightfisted
    Women don't have sex because they enjoy it then? It's "payment"?


    Once a week on a Sunday morning and she cooks a couple of meals during the week - that about covers the difference in money he'd otherwise be spending in a restaurant and on a Lady of Dubious Taxation Status.
    Originally posted by Jojo the Tightfisted
    If you think that sex workers are allowed to get away with anything by HMRC you are very badly informed. Further, it is an odd notion that his choice is either girlfriend cooking occasionally and sex with her once a wek, or eating out and paying a prostitute. For someone single, like me, the way it works is I cook every day and manage without rather than pay - going to suggest that for the vast majority of single people, men and women, that is the case as well..
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • andydownes123
    • By andydownes123 13th Mar 18, 8:31 AM
    • 197 Posts
    • 280 Thanks
    andydownes123
    Yep - he can't have his cake and eat it I'm afraid.

    I think 200 per month for bills etc. and then split the shopping at the till between them. She's got 1000 every month...! She'll be loving life right now....he can't have a slice of that until he agrees to let her in on the mortgage.
    • clairec79
    • By clairec79 13th Mar 18, 8:41 AM
    • 2,352 Posts
    • 6,243 Thanks
    clairec79
    I'd say it was fair enough BUT food shouldn't be included in the bills, so I'd take it in turns to pay for the shopping
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 13th Mar 18, 9:35 AM
    • 4,176 Posts
    • 9,378 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Yep - he can't have his cake and eat it I'm afraid.
    Originally posted by andydownes123
    He can, as long as it is understood that there is no intent to create a beneficial interest / implied trust, he can charge what rent he likes. Whether she pays it is another question.

    A lodger may well be paying to the mortgage, because the rent greatly exceeds a share of the bills, but no-one ever suggests lodgers gain an interest in the property. Being in a relationship with the person to whom you are paying rent doesn't necessarily change this (England and Wales, those in the frozen northern lands have their own laws on this).
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • AnotherJoe
    • By AnotherJoe 13th Mar 18, 9:58 AM
    • 9,367 Posts
    • 10,325 Thanks
    AnotherJoe
    In what way is this person a "partner" ?
    It sounds more like a business relationship.
    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 13th Mar 18, 10:01 AM
    • 3,518 Posts
    • 12,682 Thanks
    paddy's mum
    Hazyjo kind of beat me to it in post 31.

    I was wondering if her 200 was her cash input but that things got more evened out along the way if she took charge of said shopping, cooking, cleaning etc, all of which have an implied 'value'.

    The lady in question may have had no savings at the time the house was first bought but I bet she's got some now!
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