Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • xironsongx
    • By xironsongx 11th Mar 18, 1:00 PM
    • 141Posts
    • 375Thanks
    xironsongx
    Getting married - Family issues , needing advice
    • #1
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:00 PM
    Getting married - Family issues , needing advice 11th Mar 18 at 1:00 PM
    Basically I don't want my cousin,her 2 kids or her partner at our wedding. Ever since we were little children she's got me in trouble a few times and have almost tore my family apart (something major happended and my mum said to my dad "are you going to choose your own daughter or your niece" he chose to stick with her) .

    We got on together for a year or so before my uncle (not her dad, my other uncle) pulled a damn right stupid prank on me. He thought it would be clever to hide a huge bladed sharp steak knife in my work bag and placed it in the front pocket . I opened the pocket in front of a cashier as I was paying for my work lunch and luckily she didn't see it but I almost cut myself plus I work with Children so I've had to carry this knife to work .

    A family member also worked in the same place as me and when I confided in her and showed her the knife she was in shock that someone had the mentality to do that and told me I could be in serious trouble if my managers knew about it. She agreed that I was right to get mad or upset.



    I was obviously angry as I could have been noticed and accused of carrying a weapon. I wasn't told it was in my bag. Apparently they forgot to tell me.... They had all evening and all morning .



    There was massive fight between me and my whole family as my family ignored my feelings and couldn't understand why i was mad. I was told by all my family I was being silly and selfish but when I spoke to friends about what happended they said I had every right to be mad.

    So my Cousin who's living in France and have been at the time had a go at me saying i was calling my own family out and got into a massive argument with her . Then her partner threatened my partner saying he'd break my partners legs. My cousin wrote some really nasty stuff about me and my partner and so me partner retaliated - he said some things that were so out of order to her and I was upset and mad at him for saying what he did .

    So I do not want her at the wedding. I don't want there to be any conflict between me and her or my fiance and her partner and I also don't want her to cause any trouble.

    My fiance has asked that I do not invite her because he doesn't want me to get stressed and anxious that anything will happen and spoil my day as well as his.

    Now the thing is , my nan said she will not come if I don't invite my cousin. Which is fine but then I'm faced to deal with if my nan isn't going , my uncle (the one who planted the knife in my bag) and his family won't come . My fiance won't go to any family occasion if he's there but has allowed him to go to the wedding as he knows his daughters (my younger cousins) mean a lot to me and shouldn't be left out because of what happened between their dad and us.

    I'm so scared that things will kick off once I say that my cousin will not be going.

    To make matters worse her mum is moving over to France to live with her and I get on with her a little but I know as well she wouldn't come if my cousin doesn't go.

    It doesn't matter to me , just I know there would be arguments left right and centre about our choices and that it'll be so much stress for us and I'd end up feeling guilty about this whole thing when i shouldn't.



    Am I in the right? Am I being silly or selfish?
    Engaged 01-09-17 Wedding 519.78 (BA) 80.22 (Sp) / 5,600 5,000 left to save
Page 1
    • xironsongx
    • By xironsongx 11th Mar 18, 1:12 PM
    • 141 Posts
    • 375 Thanks
    xironsongx
    • #2
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:12 PM
    • #2
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:12 PM
    I mean I'm over it. At the end of the day my cousin and uncle ruined a perfectly good relationship. Usually I could handle these arguments but as I'm doing 99% of the wedding planning, I'm stressed enough as it is to deal with this
    Engaged 01-09-17 Wedding 519.78 (BA) 80.22 (Sp) / 5,600 5,000 left to save
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 11th Mar 18, 1:25 PM
    • 3,559 Posts
    • 9,808 Thanks
    LilElvis
    • #3
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:25 PM
    • #3
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:25 PM
    From your other posts your wedding hasn't been booked yet and is more than 2 years away. Why worry about the guest list at this stage? Do you really want to spend the next two years being a bridezilla?
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 11th Mar 18, 1:38 PM
    • 3,306 Posts
    • 3,543 Thanks
    cjdavies
    • #4
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:38 PM
    • #4
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:38 PM
    Whoever does not want to go, think of it as money saving, less people to feed.
    • xironsongx
    • By xironsongx 11th Mar 18, 1:47 PM
    • 141 Posts
    • 375 Thanks
    xironsongx
    • #5
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:47 PM
    • #5
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:47 PM
    We've changed our date to next year , I'm trying to get as much sorted before then as we are on a small budget
    Engaged 01-09-17 Wedding 519.78 (BA) 80.22 (Sp) / 5,600 5,000 left to save
    • 74jax
    • By 74jax 11th Mar 18, 1:49 PM
    • 4,681 Posts
    • 6,376 Thanks
    74jax
    • #6
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:49 PM
    • #6
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:49 PM
    Don't invite them?

    I invited some cousins, not others, I also invited some friends kids who I didn't mind and didn't invite the ones who I didn't want there.

    Let everyone else argue. Just because they do doesn't mean you have to join in.
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
    • Grumpelstiltskin
    • By Grumpelstiltskin 11th Mar 18, 1:50 PM
    • 2,230 Posts
    • 2,311 Thanks
    Grumpelstiltskin
    • #7
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:50 PM
    • #7
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:50 PM
    If you are on a small budget then don't invite any of them, just go off and get married.

    All this c^^p about weddings is irrelevant, it's the marriage not the wedding that is important.
    • olgadapolga
    • By olgadapolga 11th Mar 18, 1:54 PM
    • 832 Posts
    • 987 Thanks
    olgadapolga
    • #8
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:54 PM
    • #8
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:54 PM
    We've had a similar scenario, whereby we didn't invite certain relatives.

    They were annoyed for a while but got over it eventually.

    At the end of it all, it's YOUR wedding, so invite who you want to be there.
    • Silvertabby
    • By Silvertabby 11th Mar 18, 1:54 PM
    • 2,752 Posts
    • 3,940 Thanks
    Silvertabby
    • #9
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:54 PM
    • #9
    • 11th Mar 18, 1:54 PM
    There's more to a wedding than a big frock.

    Just decide exactly who you want to invite to a small, intimate, wedding with perhaps a really nice meal for everyone. It's your day, no-one else's.

    Mr S and I got married when we were both serving overseas in the RAF. My mum immediately thought 'big dress - 6 bridesmaids - buffet for everyone and their dog - but it wasn't what we wanted.

    We were married by my Sqn Ldr in the Station HQ conference room - and have just celebrated our 30th.

    P.S. Before anyone asks, yes it was all legal! Certain officers serving in certain roles overseas can be given the status of a registrar.
    Last edited by Silvertabby; 12-03-2018 at 11:54 AM. Reason: typo
    • melanzana
    • By melanzana 11th Mar 18, 2:09 PM
    • 2,526 Posts
    • 6,955 Thanks
    melanzana
    I am sorry to sound unsympathetic, but you sound very young and unable to do decide to do your own thing at all.

    When is the wedding anyway?

    This sounds like the wedding from hell. You will be stressed out completely and that is no way to enjoy the best day of your life either.

    What do you want us to say to you? Have a tiny wedding and a bit of a party afterwards, or a big shindig with all the hassles involved given the circumstances you outlined?

    Have granny as a witness and someone on your future husbands' side as the other witness. Go to register office. Done.

    Anything other than that will have you crawling the walls with worry won't it?
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 11th Mar 18, 2:11 PM
    • 3,612 Posts
    • 8,993 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    I'd just go & get married on the quiet
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 11th Mar 18, 2:12 PM
    • 20,065 Posts
    • 53,813 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Your wedding, your choice of who to invite (may be a bit less clear cut than that if someone else e.g. parents are funding or helping fund the wedding.

    We had something similar at my first wedding (that me and OH-to-be were funding entirely on our own).
    Smallish do, we invited one cousin & his partner as we were friends with them and went out with them every Saturday. I'd not even met the other cousin, OH hadn't seen him for years.

    The cousin who had been invited got bolshy and said he wouldn't come unless his brother was invited so we rescinded the invitation.
    No discussion, no going back. We didn't miss their company.
    • Pdbaggett
    • By Pdbaggett 11th Mar 18, 2:38 PM
    • 89 Posts
    • 66 Thanks
    Pdbaggett
    Same as other advice.

    Send invitations to who you want and forget about it, if they come they come. Its your day not theirs
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 11th Mar 18, 2:45 PM
    • 5,123 Posts
    • 8,342 Thanks
    Gavin83
    This really isn't much of a dilemma. Invite who you want, don't invite who you don't want there. If other people complain remove their invitations. To be honest it sounds like if they were out of your life it would do you a favour so consider it a plus if they don't talk to you again.

    I assume you aren't inviting your dad either?
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 11th Mar 18, 2:53 PM
    • 29,262 Posts
    • 74,727 Thanks
    Mojisola
    Basically I don't want my cousin,her 2 kids or her partner at our wedding.

    There was massive fight between me and my whole family as my family ignored my feelings and couldn't understand why i was mad.

    My fiance has asked that I do not invite her because he doesn't want me to get stressed and anxious that anything will happen and spoil my day as well as his.

    Now the thing is , my nan said she will not come if I don't invite my cousin. Which is fine but then I'm faced to deal with if my nan isn't going , my uncle (the one who planted the knife in my bag) and his family won't come .
    Originally posted by xironsongx
    Good! That will make the day much easier.

    If your Nan wants to miss your wedding, that's her choice.

    With such a messed-up family though, I'd have a very small ceremony with people you actually like and can trust to behave.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 11th Mar 18, 2:54 PM
    • 5,662 Posts
    • 25,927 Thanks
    thorsoak
    The only people necessary at a wedding are the bride, the groom, the officiating registrar/priest and two witnesses.

    Everyone else is surplus to requirements. You don't need anyone else - unless you really, truly want them there.
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 11th Mar 18, 2:58 PM
    • 1,578 Posts
    • 6,616 Thanks
    BrassicWoman
    Elope. Your family sound like Shameless. Enjoy marrying into something more sane.
    Jan 18 grocery challenge 105.13/ 150
    • pinkshoes
    • By pinkshoes 11th Mar 18, 3:18 PM
    • 15,729 Posts
    • 21,601 Thanks
    pinkshoes
    We've changed our date to next year , I'm trying to get as much sorted before then as we are on a small budget
    Originally posted by xironsongx
    Lots of your family sound like unhinged loonies!!

    If you have a small budget then why not just elope??

    You can then have a small party for the family members you do like. If they want to be petty and not go because you haven't invited your cousin, then yay! Less costs!
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 11th Mar 18, 5:39 PM
    • 29,262 Posts
    • 74,727 Thanks
    Mojisola
    We've changed our date to next year , I'm trying to get as much sorted before then as we are on a small budget
    Originally posted by xironsongx
    If you do the basic legal ceremony, you've got more than enough money now and can divert any more savings you get into your emergency fund.
    • Haylescom
    • By Haylescom 11th Mar 18, 5:52 PM
    • 323 Posts
    • 409 Thanks
    Haylescom
    It's your day and potentially costing you a lot of money; invite who you choose and let them decide.
    My grandad fell out with my cousin just before Christmas. Apparently he's now refusing to come to mine and OH's wedding in October. He hasn't told me this, just told my dad. I think he's waiting for me to say my cousin isn't invited. It's their squabble, they're both invited and if one chooses not to come despite it having nothing to do with me, it's up to them!
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

874Posts Today

6,778Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • It's the start of mini MSE's half term. In order to be the best daddy possible, Im stopping work and going off line? https://t.co/kwjvtd75YU

  • RT @shellsince1982: @MartinSLewis thanx to your email I have just saved myself £222 by taking a SIM only deal for £7.50 a month and keeping?

  • Today's Friday twitter poll: An important question, building on yesterday's important discussions: Which is the best bit of the pizza...

  • Follow Martin