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    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 9th Mar 18, 7:16 PM
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    dekaspace
    An update on me
    • #1
    • 9th Mar 18, 7:16 PM
    An update on me 9th Mar 18 at 7:16 PM
    Ok so as on another thread in past few months had neighbour get new puppy for christmas and lie about it, 2 parties with dozens of people in property at one time for hours screaming, drinking, running about on laminate, and threaten me when I said I was being kept awake.

    Sleep apnea diagnosed and mask given but it makes me feel depressed and moody.

    And more recently at half term was started on by a group of 20-40 teenagers as I witnessed multiple ones drinking alcohol and stealing food and drink from fast food place and two of them swore at me and called me the r word, a p word for adults who like children in a a certain way, threaten to beat me up so I stood up to them and they kept running off whilst hurling more abuse.

    That escalated on Sunday when a group of them were hammering on window at the fast food place and shouting about and making sexual and obscene gestures so I walked out and told them if they were anything but all talk and no trousers I was willing to fight them, they of course kept backing off and trying to surround me, one spat on me, one tried kicking me but I was too quick for him, another elbowed me in back and so I called police on them,

    Also found out from the fast food place their hammering had smashed the window!

    Anyway good thing though is that the police contacted social work and now im getting social work support, not sure what it will entail but said its to help me with social situations as I told them I feel isolated at home.
Page 2
    • Bogof_Babe
    • By Bogof_Babe 10th Mar 18, 6:47 PM
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    Bogof_Babe
    Thanks for explaining. Not nice to have that thrown at you, deka is right to be upset.
    I haven't bogged off yet, and I ain't no babe


    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 10th Mar 18, 7:16 PM
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    dekaspace
    Actually, it doesn't but anyway, apologies for thinking you were at university.

    Don't you need to go out and use the library for your course?
    Originally posted by Tabbytabitha
    But before I started college again I didn't go out for 4-14 days at a time, my parents visit me maybe once every two months, the two friends I have are unreliable (one serious mental health problems) basically I don't leave the house and even if I force myself, I have been single for like 10 years, haven't worked in 10 years because I freak out easily and cannot make friends and due to my timidness and nerves cannot find a partner which makes mental heatlh worse.

    Even when I did go out it was a case of get bus to town walk around shops for like 30 minutes then go home, couldn't handle more than that.

    So im isolated as I cannot interact with the world very well to improve my situation even at college I don't communicate outside of class, don't go to student union its straight home (though thats understandable given by time I get home anyway its like 6pm and I need to leave the house around 7.30 to get to class)
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 15th Mar 18, 5:20 PM
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    dekaspace
    Another update saw the same kids today but at busy bus stop, ignored one at first and when they started insulted I calmly said "whatever, police are after you for breaking that window" cue them with the swearing insults.

    Then one decided tot ry and intimidate me by sitting both sides of me at the chairs then whispering "im going to (swear) do you in you fat (swear)" I calmly just laughed and said "whatever I had bigger (easy to guess) what than you" and got "aye rite" and he walked off but then as he knew he couldnt get anywhere they resorted to calling me the p word for people who like children in a certain way and telling passers by, there was one man at the bus stop who told them to stop being little (swear)

    Quite proud really I didn't lose it and they were the ones that got annoyed.

    Also how stupid one of them was, he went into the same place he assaulted me before, but in school uniform and with a cut on his head (shop has 5 CCTV cameras) so easily identifyable.
    • Bogof_Babe
    • By Bogof_Babe 15th Mar 18, 5:38 PM
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    Bogof_Babe
    If you know which school they are from then get in touch with the head and report them.

    I did that once when a load of teenagers in school uniform were kicking off on a train - got a nice emailed apology and a promise that action would be taken to prevent future occurrences.
    I haven't bogged off yet, and I ain't no babe


    • BorisThomson
    • By BorisThomson 15th Mar 18, 6:08 PM
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    BorisThomson
    Another update saw the same kids today but at busy bus stop, ignored one at first and when they started insulted I calmly said "whatever, police are after you for breaking that window" cue them with the swearing insults.

    Then one decided tot ry and intimidate me by sitting both sides of me at the chairs then whispering "im going to (swear) do you in you fat (swear)" I calmly just laughed and said "whatever I had bigger (easy to guess) what than you" and got "aye rite" and he walked off but then as he knew he couldnt get anywhere they resorted to calling me the p word for people who like children in a certain way and telling passers by, there was one man at the bus stop who told them to stop being little (swear)

    Quite proud really I didn't lose it and they were the ones that got annoyed.

    Also how stupid one of them was, he went into the same place he assaulted me before, but in school uniform and with a cut on his head (shop has 5 CCTV cameras) so easily identifyable.
    Originally posted by dekaspace
    You've been told not to engage with them so you deliberately do so. They weren't getting annoyed, they continued to call you names.

    When are you going to stop making things so much more difficult for yourself?
    • happyandcontented
    • By happyandcontented 15th Mar 18, 6:11 PM
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    happyandcontented
    Just ignore them and move away from them. They want a reaction and they are getting one. I agree about reporting to the school though but if they are damaging property that should be done by the shop concerned.
    • Jox
    • By Jox 15th Mar 18, 6:18 PM
    • 1,302 Posts
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    Jox
    School kids can be cruel and immature, be the bigger person and ignore them, try to avoid them where you can and concentrate on your own life. Take care
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 15th Mar 18, 6:31 PM
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    dekaspace
    You've been told not to engage with them so you deliberately do so. They weren't getting annoyed, they continued to call you names.

    When are you going to stop making things so much more difficult for yourself?
    Originally posted by BorisThomson
    Excuse me, I said all of like two sentences to them in a calm way, zero body language.

    How would you react when someones intentionally sitting around you and keeps changing seats.

    I responded but just to mention the police thing then to laugh at them and then blanked them, it was that that upset them as they started getting agitated then OTHER people were getting annoyed with them and telling them to clear off.

    So to say im making things more difficult for myself is somewhat rude. I had to watch my back to make sure they didnt steal something from my bag

    I think I handled it rather well, first stating a fact then laughing at them when they tried insulting me and acting like they were not there.
    • Bogof_Babe
    • By Bogof_Babe 15th Mar 18, 7:48 PM
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    Bogof_Babe
    If you must engage with them, I find the expression "oh grow up" can work, as it belittles them in front of their mates.
    I haven't bogged off yet, and I ain't no babe


    • BorisThomson
    • By BorisThomson 15th Mar 18, 7:54 PM
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    BorisThomson
    Excuse me, I said all of like two sentences to them in a calm way, zero body language.

    How would you react when someones intentionally sitting around you and keeps changing seats.

    I responded but just to mention the police thing then to laugh at them and then blanked them, it was that that upset them as they started getting agitated then OTHER people were getting annoyed with them and telling them to clear off.

    So to say im making things more difficult for myself is somewhat rude. I had to watch my back to make sure they didnt steal something from my bag

    I think I handled it rather well, first stating a fact then laughing at them when they tried insulting me and acting like they were not there.
    Originally posted by dekaspace
    I've been in that situation, I expect most of us have. I would ignore them. You might think you're not showing any emotion to them but you are, if you weren't they wouldn't keep goading you.

    If you were concerned for your personal safety, or them stealing from you, remove yourself from the situation. Even if that means missing the bus.

    Your behaviour is giving them the upper hand. Give them nothing to respond to and they will eventually get bored.
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 15th Mar 18, 8:30 PM
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    dekaspace
    I've been in that situation, I expect most of us have. I would ignore them. You might think you're not showing any emotion to them but you are, if you weren't they wouldn't keep goading you.

    If you were concerned for your personal safety, or them stealing from you, remove yourself from the situation. Even if that means missing the bus.

    Your behaviour is giving them the upper hand. Give them nothing to respond to and they will eventually get bored.
    Originally posted by BorisThomson
    Well the first thing I said was basically "whatever the police are involved and on the lookout for you" and smiled and blanked them

    I stayed for a bus but got a different one than I intended (got to mine but rather than 5 minutes took 15) I felt ignoring them and just smiling and saying those two comments made them think they didn't get to me

    I would assume walking off would just make them worse as that would be admitting they got to me.

    After that second comment I made they were clearly agitated and beginning to walk off because I didn't react (even took offense to me talking about one of their sizes)

    Different than last time when it was a constant attack and abuse from them.
    • Ames
    • By Ames 15th Mar 18, 9:04 PM
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    Ames
    Have you had any more input from social services? I think you're really risking putting yourself in danger and making yourself a target. The fact that you can't see that and think you're defusing situations rather than inflaming them is worrying.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 15th Mar 18, 9:10 PM
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    dekaspace
    I think it may come across as different here than how it acted out, these 2 kids were not menacing or scary.

    I don't necessarily think I am making it better but im making it no worse, as they would of pestered me either way, by near ignoring them they backed down (they really did at end, walking off in a huff)
    • sarahsays
    • By sarahsays 16th Mar 18, 3:32 AM
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    sarahsays
    I'm glad you have this forum to post in dekaspace - perhaps it will make you feel less isolated. I agree you shouldn't respond at all to these young people - it only encourages them to get worse - they'll leave you alone after a while if you don't react. If you don't react yourself, then it will show how bad their behaviour is and, if police are called, other people can let them know that you weren't to blame.

    Also, if you don't react, others may well stick up for you, like that man at the bus stop, and the youths seem to listen more when someone else gets involved, instead of you - most people will hate seeing you being bullied. I know you shouldn't have to put up with this when you walk out the door but ignoring it really is the best thing to do.

    Also, I agree with another poster that going to the library is a good way to get out of the house and socialize and many have hot chocolate machines etc now. Also, library staff are often encouraging and friendly, you can sit for a while just reading or there are often details of groups that you can join.

    I hope social services can do something to help you also. Do you think maybe that you should tell your parents what's happening and discuss with them if you'd like them to visit a little more often?
    I hope this situation resolves itself for you and wish you all the best in the future.
    • AndyPix
    • By AndyPix 16th Mar 18, 10:41 AM
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    AndyPix
    I gained weight due to stress
    Originally posted by dekaspace

    Just to add here - you didnt gain weight due to stress , you gained weight in the same way as every other human - by consuming more calories than you used up.


    Calorie defecit = weight loss
    Calorie surplus = weigh gain


    Maybe a good idea would be to join a gym ?
    It would get you out of the house, you could meet new people, and maybe feel a little better about yourself


    (not judging you by the way - just offering practical advice)
    Running with scissors since 1978
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 16th Mar 18, 1:00 PM
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    dekaspace
    Just to add here - you didnt gain weight due to stress , you gained weight in the same way as every other human - by consuming more calories than you used up.


    Calorie defecit = weight loss
    Calorie surplus = weigh gain


    Maybe a good idea would be to join a gym ?
    It would get you out of the house, you could meet new people, and maybe feel a little better about yourself


    (not judging you by the way - just offering practical advice)
    Originally posted by AndyPix
    I ate more due to the stress so thats how I see it, the most weight gain was at university and the peak of that was when I got 30-60 minutes a day sleep and my kitchen was a no go area if I wanted to cook so ate take away and because I was drained of energy ate more than I should to get energy.

    In recent years I often eat less and these days only overerat when im drained which is most common in winter when its dark in summer I lose weight.

    Did join a gym before but never went and its increased in price by 5 a month now so seems a waste of time its more that if I am having a busy day I don't want to detour to the gym get sweaty then walk home or wait on a bus to turn up when im sore and stiff I do miss the gym.
    • AndyPix
    • By AndyPix 16th Mar 18, 3:36 PM
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    AndyPix
    if I am having a busy day I don't want to detour to the gym get sweaty then walk home or wait on a bus to turn up when im sore and stiff I do miss the gym.
    Originally posted by dekaspace

    But you dont go out !!
    You say you have to make yourself go to town to look round the shops aimlessly just to get out of the house .. So why not change that into going to the gym.


    So many benefits - not least of which are psychological


    Like i say anyway - just a suggestion - i wish you all the best
    Running with scissors since 1978
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 16th Mar 18, 5:53 PM
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    seven-day-weekend
    If people start to bully you, stand up and walk tall (shoulders back, head up). Don't say anything. Your body language should indicate that you are not going to be a victim.
    • Sncjw
    • By Sncjw 16th Mar 18, 6:36 PM
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    Sncjw
    Could you go to the library near you to study so you don!!!8217;t feel isolated
    • Sncjw
    • By Sncjw 16th Mar 18, 6:37 PM
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    Sncjw
    You can shower at the gym also so your not sweaty on the bus
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