MMD: Should I pay more than my partner?

When my partner and I first moved in together we split all the bills in proportion to our basic earnings for the first couple of years.

If I earned 60% of our total income and her 40%, we added all the household expenditure together and split the monthly total 60/40.

As the higher earner I felt this was fair as we were both working the same amount of "hours" or "effort" for our heat, food, the roof over our heads etc. and we both had the same percentage of our salary left over for whatever we wanted to do with it.

Any extra overtime/bonus etc, was ours to keep in recognition of the extra effort that was put in. If one of us received a 10% wage rise, they would pay 10% more towards the bills, but also had 10% more disposable income left at the end.

If one person were to lose their job, the system would still work as it would effectively switch to 100/0 during that period.

Eight years later, married with a house and child and everything is mixed together as the commitment is well established.



To me, splitting 50/50 is unfair as the wage someone gets rarely reflects the effort they have put in to earn it.

Imagine a financial controller earning £100K was married to a labourer or cleaner assistant earning £15K. Why should one person have to scrub toilets or carry bricks for a whole day to pay for the electricity they use to watch TV together in the evenings when the other only has to spend one hour typing some figures and equations into a spreadsheet?

buzzard wrote: »

If my partner wasnt prepared to share everything they had with me I would feel there was something wrong in the relationship. Do you have different attitudes to spending and saving and if so can you reconcile these or will your relationship be at risk from this long term?

If you agree that major spending decisions are taken together then you should share what you have with anyone you love.

I know my DH would be prepared to do that for me (as I would with him), that doesn't mean he has to do it daily or that I want him to. For me that's a bottom line scenario if for whatever reason one of us unexpectedly needed support. Fortunately that's not every day living.


DH and I are just coming up to 41 years together and we've never had joint finances. We've always paid 50:50 into an account for joint bills and the rest is ours to do as we wish. Fortunately we do have similar attitudes to money so there is no friction. Over time we have earned slightly different salaries but that's not the issue.


I think if couples make a joint decision that will affect the other financially (such as having children or returning to full time study) then I could accept there needs to be some sharing of finances for a defined period. Similarly if something unexpected happens like illness or redundancy but generally speaking it's not for me. I know I would feel subsidised if my DH was bailing me out financially. I've never had any ambition to be a kept woman.:(

If you have to ask then no!

I willingly contribute a bit more to the mortgage, savings and other bills because I earn more than my partner of 10 years. I do it because we're a couple, we share and pool most savings. It's just part of being in a long term, sharing relationship!

Also, this will never be read or replied to will it!!

Teacher2 wrote: »

After so many years together you don!!!8217;t seem to be sharing your finances. Do you mean to stay together?

It's really not about the quality of the relationship. I think more than anything it's an age thing with older people much more likely to completely pool their resources than younger people.

In my relationship we have a couple of joint accounts (including savings) that we pay the same amount into each month and the rest of the money is ours. I like this method, I know what's mine and if I wish to buy something I can do so without having to justify it with another person. It probably helps that we've both always earned similar salaries. However if one of us earned considerably more I'd imagine we'd still do it this way, just with the person earning more contributing a bigger percentage to the joint accounts. Naturally if for some reason one of us wasn't working the person who was would support the other. Unless of course it was just pure laziness, but that's a different scenario.

I appreciate people have different methods of doing things and I've no problem with that as long as it works for them. What is really annoying me is how judgmental people are in here. Some posters are labeling those who don't pool their finances or those who don't get married after 5 mins as being in a substandard relationship and I'm really not sure what gives you the right to do so. Maybe you're right, I'm sure every couple who've divorced didn't pool their finances and that was a contributing factor.