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    • pushing40
    • By pushing40 5th Mar 18, 1:56 PM
    • 35Posts
    • 62Thanks
    pushing40
    Suspected affair - Tracking a mobile phone
    • #1
    • 5th Mar 18, 1:56 PM
    Suspected affair - Tracking a mobile phone 5th Mar 18 at 1:56 PM
    Hello. I need some advice/information.

    I suspect my husband might be having an affair. Occasionally, he will go somewhere for the evening and tells me he's going out with a friend, but I suspect he's not.

    Is it possible to track his whereabouts based on his phone? He has an iphone. I did a quick google search and there are several companies that claim they can tell you the location of any mobile phone - for a fee. If I pay the fee, will I be able to see the location of his phone?

    I know there are various apps that enable this, but I believe (tell me if I'm wrong) that it would require him to install the app on his phone and authorise me to view his location.

    If he has "location" turned off on his phone (which I suspect he does have turned off) would these websites work, or are they a money making scam?
Page 3
    • Ms Chocaholic
    • By Ms Chocaholic 5th Mar 18, 6:24 PM
    • 9,320 Posts
    • 57,461 Thanks
    Ms Chocaholic
    Could you afford a private investigator as that would be preferable as you would be able to find out who he is with at said location rather than just where he is.
    Thrifty Till 50 Then Spend Till The End

    You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time
    • Millerdog
    • By Millerdog 5th Mar 18, 6:31 PM
    • 98 Posts
    • 77 Thanks
    Millerdog
    Tracking
    Probably going to get flamed for this suggestion BUT how about buying a secondhand iphone on payg and activating the Find Friends app. Then you can 'lose' it down the side of the seat or in the pocket/boot of his car. You would then of course only be trying to find your own spare phone!!!!
    I may not have thanked you but I meant to, honest!
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 5th Mar 18, 6:39 PM
    • 1,734 Posts
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    Fireflyaway
    I don't think a tracker would prove an affair. If you ask him to install it he will probably just become more secretive. If you don't and he finds out then that could cause even more issues with him not trusting you and using that to justify his behaviour.
    Sounds drastic but I agree with the private detective option. Had a family friend who had a business doing that ( amongst other investigations) and its surprisingly common that he was hired for cases of suspected cheating. At least you will have proper proof.
    Have a think about the bigger picture. What will you do if he is cheating? What will you do if he isn't caught? Would you be satisfied or still suspicious?
    Have you ever been able to look at his phone? That seems the obvious thing to do. Sneaky but actually if he is behaving suspicious and not being open with you I don't see why its a problem. If he has nothing to hide what's the issue?
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 5th Mar 18, 6:51 PM
    • 5,662 Posts
    • 25,921 Thanks
    thorsoak
    Ok, lots of replies on this thread have given me a bit of a wake up call, so thank you to all of you.

    But... can anyone answer this for me (as I really don't know the answer)...

    If it's illegal to track someone without their permission/knowledge, even your spouse, why do such websites exist that claim they can tell you the location of any mobile phone?
    Originally posted by pushing40
    In words of one syllable - YES! There are cases reported in the national newspapers every day of someone or other being sentences for doing so.

    But forget about them - even if your OH is not having an affair, your marriage is basically f**ked because you do not trust him. Unless the two of you have mutual trust, there is no partnership.
    • Kim kim
    • By Kim kim 5th Mar 18, 8:20 PM
    • 2,231 Posts
    • 3,347 Thanks
    Kim kim
    If you really suspect hi, of having an affair then I guess hes the type of man who would lead you to suspect or he leads his like in such a way? Or are you the insecure type?
    If its not the latter - Id be considering was this the sort of marriage I wanted.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 5th Mar 18, 8:29 PM
    • 16,679 Posts
    • 41,267 Thanks
    FBaby
    But forget about them - even if your OH is not having an affair, your marriage is basically f**ked because you do not trust him
    Maybe she trusted him for many years until he started to act suspicious. It could be that he really isn't but OP is going through a 'time in her life' that makes her a bit emotional above normal, or maybe he is acting odd, but the reason is not because he is with another woman.

    That's why it's better to do things on the quiet, so that if indeed OP is finding that she let her suspicious mind get the better of her, she can tell herself to stop being silly and move on.
    • globetraveller
    • By globetraveller 5th Mar 18, 8:43 PM
    • 2,085 Posts
    • 11,904 Thanks
    globetraveller
    She can't move on in this relationship. Read her last thread. It is quite depressing. That's why she needs to move on. Her life has been miserable for quite some time. She just needs the strength to take the first step out on her own.
    weight loss target 23lbs/49lb
    • JReacher1
    • By JReacher1 5th Mar 18, 10:24 PM
    • 2,763 Posts
    • 3,797 Thanks
    JReacher1
    If he has the google maps app on his phone turn on location history and you can see where he goes
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 5th Mar 18, 11:40 PM
    • 10,512 Posts
    • 13,678 Thanks
    hazyjo
    Say a few times your phone is playing up. On your way out the door on a day you'll need it, ask to borrow his. Ask his password if you don't have it. If he makes excuses for you not to take it, that'd be enough evidence for me. If he lets you take the phone (he may delete stuff on it first) you suspect he will ring her to warn her from the home phone, make sure you can access itemised calls to see what numbers have been dialled.

    Ex husband did it to me. The signs were there. You're seeing them already too. I wish I'd lied and said someone had called me saying he was cheating on me. I suspected and he denied. And denied. And denied.

    Honestly, you could catch some of them halfway through the act and they'd say they'd slipped and fallen on top of the babysitter! Even without kids, they make you believe it lol!

    Follow him in a friend's car. It's the only way to be sure.
    Last edited by hazyjo; 06-03-2018 at 10:24 AM. Reason: Typed on mobile - had to edit later!
    2018 wins: Single Malt Whisky; theatre tickets; festival tickets; year of gin(!); shoes
    • pogofish
    • By pogofish 5th Mar 18, 11:46 PM
    • 8,482 Posts
    • 8,794 Thanks
    pogofish
    And do what with it? Put it in his car?
    Originally posted by pushing40
    If you have a strong stomach and are not at work, try googling polyembolokoilamania for a much more effective/practical application/
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 6th Mar 18, 9:51 AM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,938 Thanks
    Comms69
    Say a few times your phone is playing up. On our way out the door on a day you'll need it, ask to borrow his. Ask his password if you don't have it. If he makes excuses for you not to take it, that'd be enough evidence for me. If he keeps you take the phone (if may delete stuff on it first) you suspect he will ring her to warn her from the home phone, make sure you can access itemised calls to see what numbers have been dialled. - what something like - no, it's my phone and I may need it?

    Ex husband did it to me. The signs were there. You're seeing them already too. I wish I'd lied and said someone had called me saying he was cheating on me. I suspected and he denied. And denied. And denied.

    Honestly, you could catch some of them halfway through the act and they'd say they'd slipped and fallen on top of the babysitter! Even without kids, they make you believe it lol!

    Follow him in a friend's car. It's the only way to be sure.
    Originally posted by hazyjo
    I don't think stalking him is the answer, the OP will become obsessed.


    She wont stop until she finds something, even if it's years down the line and the marriage is long since dead.


    for example.


    Monday Nothing
    Tuesday Nothing
    Wednesday Nothing
    But what if it happens on Thursday, or 7 weeks on Saturday?
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 6th Mar 18, 10:50 AM
    • 10,512 Posts
    • 13,678 Thanks
    hazyjo
    I don't think stalking him is the answer, the OP will become obsessed.


    She wont stop until she finds something, even if it's years down the line and the marriage is long since dead.


    for example.


    Monday Nothing
    Tuesday Nothing
    Wednesday Nothing
    But what if it happens on Thursday, or 7 weeks on Saturday?
    Originally posted by Comms69


    Can't see why someone would 'need' their phone for an hour or so when they have a home phone. Okay, so we've got used to them, but if I was driving somewhere with a broken phone, my OH would let me take his in case I broke down or something (not that he has a phone, but I know he'd not mind).


    Have you ever been cheated on and left someone because of it? I remember the feeling well. I had been with him 6 or so years and only married for 3 months. I thought things were great. I eventually suspected an affair, but it's like being on a jury. You can't convict someone because of a suspicion, you need hard facts/evidence. I would have been seen as the bad guy as NOBODY could believe my husband had done that to me. Absolutely nobody. It was totally out of character and I had absolutely no other reason to leave him.


    I know you shouldn't care about what other people think, but I was not going to walk away from a relationship - especially 3 months after a big wedding which everyone had come to - whilst blaming my husband for having an affair which he wouldn't admit to. My family and friends would have thought I'd got it wrong - and to be honest without proof I was looking for every excuse under the sun to be wrong.


    Fact is, he left me before I even really got the chance... he admitted it a couple of days later.
    2018 wins: Single Malt Whisky; theatre tickets; festival tickets; year of gin(!); shoes
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 6th Mar 18, 11:38 AM
    • 2,970 Posts
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    Comms69
    Can't see why someone would 'need' their phone for an hour or so when they have a home phone. Okay, so we've got used to them, but if I was driving somewhere with a broken phone, my OH would let me take his in case I broke down or something (not that he has a phone, but I know he'd not mind).
    - No I understand, but it's still reasonable to say no too.

    Have you ever been cheated on and left someone because of it? I remember the feeling well. - been cheated on, same girl, twice. Not nice. forgave the first time, we split after the second. In fairness they're still together and I have no ill feelings (well he was a sort of friend, so that's abit off) I had been with him 6 or so years and only married for 3 months. I thought things were great. I eventually suspected an affair, but it's like being on a jury. You can't convict someone because of a suspicion, you need hard facts/evidence. - I disagree, you don't need facts to end a relationship. I would have been seen as the bad guy as NOBODY could believe my husband had done that to me. Absolutely nobody. It was totally out of character and I had absolutely no other reason to leave him. - fair enough, I guess I don't really care what people think of my personal choices.


    I know you shouldn't care about what other people think, but I was not going to walk away from a relationship - especially 3 months after a big wedding which everyone had come to - whilst blaming my husband for having an affair which he wouldn't admit to. My family and friends would have thought I'd got it wrong - and to be honest without proof I was looking for every excuse under the sun to be wrong. - yes I can certainly understand that.


    Fact is, he left me before I even really got the chance... he admitted it a couple of days later.
    Originally posted by hazyjo


    Sorry, for what it's worth.


    But the point I was making is - how long do you follow him around for? Weeks, months? Eventually the relationship will die regardless of any affair, real or otherwise
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 6th Mar 18, 12:00 PM
    • 10,512 Posts
    • 13,678 Thanks
    hazyjo
    Sorry, for what it's worth.


    But the point I was making is - how long do you follow him around for? Weeks, months? Eventually the relationship will die regardless of any affair, real or otherwise
    Originally posted by Comms69
    Get your point, but it really wouldn't take that long. Usually the once. Twice at the most. I wish I'd done more sleuthing, I just could not believe what was staring me in the face. Everything usually points to 'probably' but following them is the only way really to get facts.


    Not sure about relationships dying anyway - sometimes an affair can actually heal a gap. I know many relationships which survived affairs. A friend, my sister (she followed him to her flat - the girl's dad had rung my sister to tell her! Although I'd not exactly say they're a happy couple lol!), my mum (dad cheated on her for a year or two), my dad (mum had a relationship/affair with someone else for over 10 years). Sometimes people want to bury their heads in the sand (my dad), but if you suspect and want to know I think it's pretty easy to find out. They were happy for years after until my dad died.


    My ex husband is still with her. She got pregnant soon after he moved out (during which time he was begging for me to take him back in tears on the doorstep). Messy - but I suppose they're happy and it makes me think he was meant to be with her, not me.


    From the comments here though (haven't re-read the old thread), it seems like the OP may well be best off just walking. Even without an affair, it doesn't sound like there's much hope!
    2018 wins: Single Malt Whisky; theatre tickets; festival tickets; year of gin(!); shoes
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 6th Mar 18, 12:13 PM
    • 1,708 Posts
    • 2,291 Thanks
    NeilCr


    From the comments here though (haven't re-read the old thread), it seems like the OP may well be best off just walking. Even without an affair, it doesn't sound like there's much hope!
    Originally posted by hazyjo

    Have to agree with this. I've just read the first thread (sad). I think, even if the OP couldn't find any evidence of cheating, she's still not going to be content and will continue to believe something is going on. Sounds like there is nothing between them at all.

    I've got to say that if I was cheating

    a) I would have a separate phone which I would keep hidden

    b) if I did use my main mobile I would delete any texts/phone numbers immediately And would, happily, hand it over if asked.

    c) I wouldn't be texting the other person in front of my partner with a silly grin on my face (unless I didn't give a s**t that is).

    I make no excuse for the bloke here but it is, I guess, possible that he just wants a bit of free time where he can't be rung/contacted. OP does say that these "secret" trips are occasional.
    Last edited by NeilCr; 06-03-2018 at 12:17 PM.
    • caprikid1
    • By caprikid1 6th Mar 18, 12:47 PM
    • 586 Posts
    • 589 Thanks
    caprikid1
    "c) I wouldn't be texting the other person in front of my partner with a silly grin on my face (unless I didn't give a s**t that is)."


    How I found out my Ex was cheating
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 6th Mar 18, 1:01 PM
    • 13,928 Posts
    • 18,317 Thanks
    Gloomendoom
    "c) I wouldn't be texting the other person in front of my partner with a silly grin on my face (unless I didn't give a s**t that is)."
    Originally posted by caprikid1
    My wife would notice something unusual if I even had the phone in my my hand. I usually have no idea where it is and if I can find it, it's totally dead.
    Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. - Mark Twain
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 6th Mar 18, 1:08 PM
    • 16,605 Posts
    • 9,794 Thanks
    motorguy
    are you listening to yourself. You're risking a criminal record to avoid a conversation.


    You're intending to stalk him. You are in essence the abuser in an abusive relationship if you follow through with this.
    Originally posted by Comms69
    Ronald Reagan once said "Trust - buy verify". It is not unreasonable to confirm to yourself that your partner is doing what they say they are doing. Thats not stalking.

    I dont think fitting trackers to them or their car is a good idea but i would certainly be looking at robust legal ways of confirming their whereabouts, particularly as it does sound suspcious.
    "We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem."
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 6th Mar 18, 1:11 PM
    • 16,605 Posts
    • 9,794 Thanks
    motorguy
    But forget about them - even if your OH is not having an affair, your marriage is basically f**ked because you do not trust him. Unless the two of you have mutual trust, there is no partnership.
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    "Trust - but verify"
    "We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem."
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 6th Mar 18, 1:17 PM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,938 Thanks
    Comms69
    Ronald Reagan once said "Trust - buy verify". It is not unreasonable to confirm to yourself that your partner is doing what they say they are doing. Thats not stalking.

    I dont think fitting trackers to them or their car is a good idea but i would certainly be looking at robust legal ways of confirming their whereabouts, particularly as it does sound suspcious.
    Originally posted by motorguy
    Yes, yes it is. Most stalkers are 'verifying their belief'.
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