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    • pushing40
    • By pushing40 5th Mar 18, 1:56 PM
    • 35Posts
    • 62Thanks
    pushing40
    Suspected affair - Tracking a mobile phone
    • #1
    • 5th Mar 18, 1:56 PM
    Suspected affair - Tracking a mobile phone 5th Mar 18 at 1:56 PM
    Hello. I need some advice/information.

    I suspect my husband might be having an affair. Occasionally, he will go somewhere for the evening and tells me he's going out with a friend, but I suspect he's not.

    Is it possible to track his whereabouts based on his phone? He has an iphone. I did a quick google search and there are several companies that claim they can tell you the location of any mobile phone - for a fee. If I pay the fee, will I be able to see the location of his phone?

    I know there are various apps that enable this, but I believe (tell me if I'm wrong) that it would require him to install the app on his phone and authorise me to view his location.

    If he has "location" turned off on his phone (which I suspect he does have turned off) would these websites work, or are they a money making scam?
Page 2
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 5th Mar 18, 2:24 PM
    • 4,175 Posts
    • 9,372 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Doing this, even thinking about it, paints you as a crazed stalker and is a criminal offence. Also, if you have children it could seriously jeopardize your relationship with them if it came out. Just so you know.

    Think about what you are trying to achieve here and why. What is the end result you want? Not "I want evidence to confront him", but after that. Divorce? Because if you stalk him and he finds out, you might end up in prison, or with a restraining order keeping you out of your home etc. Is that really a road you want to go down?
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • keith969
    • By keith969 5th Mar 18, 2:25 PM
    • 1,297 Posts
    • 958 Thanks
    keith969
    And do what with it? Put it in his car?
    Originally posted by pushing40
    That's what I did to get evidence that my ex wasn't going to her sister's, as she claimed...
    Heaven wasn't built in a day
    • jayII
    • By jayII 5th Mar 18, 2:26 PM
    • 38,158 Posts
    • 107,075 Thanks
    jayII
    Or you could take a totally different approach: 'if you can't beat em join em' and start going out more yourself, with friends (dressed up to the nines obviously) and doing other intersting things like taking up new hobbies and so on, so that you focus less on what your husband is doing. It would also make you more interesting and might give him a wake up call/make him worry what YOU are up to!!

    I've been married 26 years, together with him for a while before that and I totally adore my husband. However I'd never be unfaithful and if he was cheating on me he could b00ger off with her as I don't want a cheat in my life! No one deserves that and I'd much prefer to be alone than be with someone who can be so sleazy, disrespectful and inconsiderate towards me. If he cheated and regretted it, he'd have to eat some major crow before I'd consider reconnecting with him.

    I honestly can't understand why anyone would be with a partner they don't trust--either he's cheating or he isn't, but if really is then you're way better off without him!

    Sorry for the rant, but you deserve so much more than sloppy seconds!
    Fighting the biggest battle of my life. Started 30th January 2018.
    • pushing40
    • By pushing40 5th Mar 18, 2:30 PM
    • 35 Posts
    • 62 Thanks
    pushing40
    Doing this, even thinking about it, paints you as a crazed stalker and is a criminal offence. Also, if you have children it could seriously jeopardize your relationship with them if it came out. Just so you know.

    Think about what you are trying to achieve here and why. What is the end result you want? Not "I want evidence to confront him", but after that. Divorce? Because if you stalk him and he finds out, you might end up in prison, or with a restraining order keeping you out of your home etc. Is that really a road you want to go down?
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99
    Gosh, really. Thank you for your advice. Very helpful.

    Time to talk, I think...
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 5th Mar 18, 2:30 PM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,938 Thanks
    Comms69
    In addition, I don't want him to know that I suspect something. Forewarned is forearmed. If he knows I'm onto him, he'll just get cleverer with his deceit.
    Originally posted by pushing40
    are you listening to yourself. You're risking a criminal record to avoid a conversation.


    You're intending to stalk him. You are in essence the abuser in an abusive relationship if you follow through with this.
    • Kate/Bob
    • By Kate/Bob 5th Mar 18, 2:31 PM
    • 1,627 Posts
    • 5,289 Thanks
    Kate/Bob
    In addition, I don't want him to know that I suspect something. Forewarned is forearmed. If he knows I'm onto him, he'll just get cleverer with his deceit.
    Originally posted by pushing40
    If this was how I was feeling about my partner I would consider the relationship may not be salvageable under any circumstances!
    Kate short for Bob.

    Alphabet thread High Priestess of all things unsavoury

    Tesla was a genius.
    • pushing40
    • By pushing40 5th Mar 18, 2:31 PM
    • 35 Posts
    • 62 Thanks
    pushing40
    Or you could take a totally different approach: 'if you can't beat em join em' and start going out more yourself, with friends (dressed up to the nines obviously) and doing other intersting things like taking up new hobbies and so on, so that you focus less on what your husband is doing. It would also make you more interesting and might give him a wake up call/make him worry what YOU are up to!!

    I've been married 26 years, together with him for a while before that and I totally adore my husband. However I'd never be unfaithful and if he was cheating on me he could b00ger off with her as I don't want a cheat in my life! No one deserves that and I'd much prefer to be alone than be with someone who can be so sleazy, disrespectful and inconsiderate towards me. If he cheated and regretted it, he'd have to eat some major crow before I'd consider reconnecting with him.

    I honestly can't understand why anyone would be with a partner they don't trust--either he's cheating or he isn't, but if really is then you're way better off without him!

    Sorry for the rant, but you deserve so much more than sloppy seconds!
    Originally posted by jayII
    I absolutely LOVE this reply. Thank you!!!
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 5th Mar 18, 2:31 PM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,938 Thanks
    Comms69
    google 'gps tracker'.
    Originally posted by keith969
    And do what with it? Put it in his car?
    Originally posted by pushing40
    Get arrested, charged, and at best receive a restraining order and a community order.
    • jayII
    • By jayII 5th Mar 18, 2:33 PM
    • 38,158 Posts
    • 107,075 Thanks
    jayII
    I absolutely LOVE this reply. Thank you!!!
    Originally posted by pushing40
    You're very welcome. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
    Fighting the biggest battle of my life. Started 30th January 2018.
    • pushing40
    • By pushing40 5th Mar 18, 2:34 PM
    • 35 Posts
    • 62 Thanks
    pushing40
    Ok, lots of replies on this thread have given me a bit of a wake up call, so thank you to all of you.

    But... can anyone answer this for me (as I really don't know the answer)...

    If it's illegal to track someone without their permission/knowledge, even your spouse, why do such websites exist that claim they can tell you the location of any mobile phone?
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 5th Mar 18, 2:39 PM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,938 Thanks
    Comms69
    Ok, lots of replies on this thread have given me a bit of a wake up call, so thank you to all of you.

    But... can anyone answer this for me (as I really don't know the answer)...

    If it's illegal to track someone without their permission/knowledge, even your spouse, why do such websites exist that claim they can tell you the location of any mobile phone?
    Originally posted by pushing40
    Because they pray on the desperate and gullible.


    None of those websites are based in the UK too. (except the ones that will let you track 'your own phone' - but there's very long T&Cs)


    You use the words 'even your spouse' that is typically the victim of stalking in 99.9% of cases. So the law is actually built with that in mind.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 5th Mar 18, 2:54 PM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,938 Thanks
    Comms69
    OP what happened inbetween sept 16 and now? did you resolve your issues?
    • Poppy1984
    • By Poppy1984 5th Mar 18, 3:22 PM
    • 178 Posts
    • 352 Thanks
    Poppy1984
    Hiya just my two pennies worth, if you feel your partner is distant from you, uninterested in spending time with you, hiding his phone but when he is on it constantly texting someone else with a smile on his face then regardless of whether he is having an affair or not this needs a conversation as you are clearly not happy in your relationship.
    I would broach it as this is making me unhappy, are you happy? And tackle it from there, he may not be having affair but he might also be unhappy in the relationship and having an open chat (where noone's accusing anyone of affairs or doing anything as drastic as stalking each other) may be the start of putting things in place to fix things.
    If he is having an affair and you both admit you're not happy in the relationship he might actually surprise you and admit it. Either way you can then begin to make decisions on whether you work through the issues in your relationship or you go your separate ways.
    You deserve to be happy in your relationship and you currently are not rather than putting your energy into "catching" your partner cheating why not put your energy into fixing the relationship.
    Good luck x
    19-02-18 Total Debt 4,015 Next 815 Very 1600 Tesco Credit Card 1600
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    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 5th Mar 18, 4:00 PM
    • 13,915 Posts
    • 18,291 Thanks
    Gloomendoom
    Ok, lots of replies on this thread have given me a bit of a wake up call, so thank you to all of you.

    But... can anyone answer this for me (as I really don't know the answer)...

    If it's illegal to track someone without their permission/knowledge, even your spouse, why do such websites exist that claim they can tell you the location of any mobile phone?
    Originally posted by pushing40
    Businessman Andrew Hunter, 41, was convicted of stalking his wife, after admitting placing a listening device in her purse and a GPS tracker on her car.
    Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. - Mark Twain
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 5th Mar 18, 4:17 PM
    • 8,573 Posts
    • 28,526 Thanks
    fairy lights
    If you're already pretty sure he's cheating and just need solid evidence to help with the divorce, you'd be better off hiring a private investigator to get proof.
    • efes shareholder
    • By efes shareholder 5th Mar 18, 4:35 PM
    • 52 Posts
    • 40 Thanks
    efes shareholder
    i caught my partner by loading an app on my tablet , locking the screen and leaving it running whilst i went out
    the app was designed to record people talking in their sleep and was activated on sound
    Hearing a telephone conversation after i went out for a few hours was enough
    Be prepared to hear things you may not like
    I never told him how i knew , I just quoted his conversation to leave him in no doubt that I did !
    It isn't very honest but then having an affair isn't either
    Trust your gut , A womens instinct is our most powerful gift yet we will not rely on it alone but this potentially will get you the proof you feel you need.
    • globetraveller
    • By globetraveller 5th Mar 18, 4:36 PM
    • 2,085 Posts
    • 11,904 Thanks
    globetraveller
    OP what happened inbetween sept 16 and now? did you resolve your issues?
    Originally posted by Comms69
    This made me look back. With that thread and seemingly no change since then, I would say that you have reached the end. He doesn't love you. You don't go out together more than twice a year. You don't go on holiday because he is saving for HIS retirement. Do you love him at all?
    Have you got round to photocopying his investment paperwork yet- you were going to be doing it then Don't say anythung until you have got financial advice. Work out what you will do afterwards. Will you work full time? Sort out this housework routine. What are you doing that takes that many hours? Get out one evening a week- the cinema or the gym etc. No asking - just tell him. Leave the clearing up and children's bedtime to him. When you have had time to work out what you would do when you divorce and what money you would have- then tell him . Life is too short to waste on a loveless marriage. ( autocorrect wanted to change loveless to lifeless , both fit though. Good luck. Start a new thread asking for advice about what you need to do going forward.
    weight loss target 23lbs/49lb
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 5th Mar 18, 5:29 PM
    • 16,678 Posts
    • 41,264 Thanks
    FBaby
    I don't get at all this 'if you suspect that your partner is cheating talk to them' advice. What is this going to achieve? If indeed they are cheating, they are very unlikely to admit it, all it will do is make them more careful, so that you become even more suspicious, but even less likely to get evidence. Or is there an expectation that they would systematically come clean about it?

    Surely it's much easier to catch them in the act without them knowing so you are in control of time to take a decision as to what to do with the information. If I was in your shoes, I would either find a way to follow and see if their car was parked where they say they were (if driving) or get a friend to spy for me.

    It either goes two ways, he is cheating or he isn't. If he isn't, then you can learn from this and work on the issues that led to distrusting him.
    • Doodles
    • By Doodles 5th Mar 18, 6:06 PM
    • 239 Posts
    • 256 Thanks
    Doodles
    OP, do you have a trusted friend or family member that you could ask to follow him one time when he is supposed to be going out with this 'friend'?

    I wouldn't bother with Apps or anything that you could get scammed, or arrested for. The word of a good friend/family would be good enough for me.
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 5th Mar 18, 6:19 PM
    • 16,602 Posts
    • 9,791 Thanks
    motorguy
    In addition, I don't want him to know that I suspect something. Forewarned is forearmed. If he knows I'm onto him, he'll just get cleverer with his deceit.
    Originally posted by pushing40
    I agree. If he is having an affair and you cant prove it, you'd simply be alerting him to be more careful.
    "We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem."
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