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  • FIRST POST
    • Puffinmonkey
    • By Puffinmonkey 4th Mar 18, 8:52 PM
    • 15Posts
    • 7Thanks
    Puffinmonkey
    Getting money back I lent ex boyfriend
    • #1
    • 4th Mar 18, 8:52 PM
    Getting money back I lent ex boyfriend 4th Mar 18 at 8:52 PM
    I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place. Not sure where it should go. I have foolishly lent my ex boyfriend a total of 7390 over the time we were together roughly a year and 4 months. He was struggling and needed a van for work then it broke and he needed money to fix it. I lent him rent money too plus lots of other things. I have it all written down and most of it will be logged as bank transfers/ transactions. I also have all text messages between us relating to the borrowings. Basically I was foolish and will never lend anyone money again. He agree's to pay me back but he can only manage about 60 a month and it's going to take years not to mention the fact that It makes it very difficult to move on. I am also aware that if for any reason he is unlucky enough to die, I will not get my money back. I am single with 2 young children. At the moment I clean/ waitress and am dinner lady at my childrens school. I get by and do not have any debts but I would like my money back. What on earth can I do to protect myself. I have suggested he find a way to pay me back sooner and he is looking in to it. I know he has every intention of paying me back and does not deny he owes me. I was thinking I could suggest to him to get a loan or a credit card with a money transfer option but as he hasn't had loans before I think he would struggle to get anything. I know there would be fees and interest but I would suggest to him that he needs to deal with that and its not my problem. He is in full time work and renting his own place. I believe his salary is about 18,500. Believe it or not we are on good terms and I feel he would be open to finding a solution to pay me back. Any thought very much appreciated.
Page 1
    • DCFC79
    • By DCFC79 4th Mar 18, 9:19 PM
    • 31,636 Posts
    • 19,961 Thanks
    DCFC79
    • #2
    • 4th Mar 18, 9:19 PM
    • #2
    • 4th Mar 18, 9:19 PM
    Earning that amount surely he can afford to pay you more than the 60 but depends on his other out goings, you will need to consider to write the amount off.
    Can people stop loaning money/being a guarator to family/friends, it rarely ends well and you lose out as your money is gone or you get shafted with being a guarantor.
    • dealer wins
    • By dealer wins 4th Mar 18, 9:19 PM
    • 5,773 Posts
    • 11,003 Thanks
    dealer wins
    • #3
    • 4th Mar 18, 9:19 PM
    • #3
    • 4th Mar 18, 9:19 PM
    Chance of seeing your money back less than 0.001%

    Write it off and vow to never lend money to anyone, even if they are family, friends or partners!
    Choose life
    • zippygeorgeandben
    • By zippygeorgeandben 4th Mar 18, 9:27 PM
    • 815 Posts
    • 1,048 Thanks
    zippygeorgeandben
    • #4
    • 4th Mar 18, 9:27 PM
    • #4
    • 4th Mar 18, 9:27 PM
    I'd write this off and put whatever money he does give you into a fund towards your childrens' future.
    End Sep 2016 End Apr 2018
    8236.57 0
    (Tesco 4.8%) 0pcm
    6185.75 0(Zopa 4.0%) 0pcm

    5344.50
    1630.04 (Sainsburys 0% until 06/19) 140pcm
    2000.00 [B]266.71/B] (Sister 0%) 133.33pcm

    Total debt
    19.766.82 1896.75 Original DFD May 2019.
    • Puffinmonkey
    • By Puffinmonkey 4th Mar 18, 10:01 PM
    • 15 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    Puffinmonkey
    • #5
    • 4th Mar 18, 10:01 PM
    • #5
    • 4th Mar 18, 10:01 PM
    Thanks for your replies. Yes I have thought about writing it off. It is very stressful thinking about it all the time. Keeps me awake at night. It would be far less stressful if I just accepted that I've been an idiot and just left it at that. Makes me feel sick though
    • dealer wins
    • By dealer wins 4th Mar 18, 10:36 PM
    • 5,773 Posts
    • 11,003 Thanks
    dealer wins
    • #6
    • 4th Mar 18, 10:36 PM
    • #6
    • 4th Mar 18, 10:36 PM
    Its only money, think about the lovely person he has lost!! x
    Choose life
    • zippygeorgeandben
    • By zippygeorgeandben 4th Mar 18, 10:36 PM
    • 815 Posts
    • 1,048 Thanks
    zippygeorgeandben
    • #7
    • 4th Mar 18, 10:36 PM
    • #7
    • 4th Mar 18, 10:36 PM
    Yes - don't waste energy thinking about it. By all means, ask him whether he is willing to a) acknowledge the debt and b) can he give his word he can pay it back but in your own heart, just let it go and move forward.
    End Sep 2016 End Apr 2018
    8236.57 0
    (Tesco 4.8%) 0pcm
    6185.75 0(Zopa 4.0%) 0pcm

    5344.50
    1630.04 (Sainsburys 0% until 06/19) 140pcm
    2000.00 [B]266.71/B] (Sister 0%) 133.33pcm

    Total debt
    19.766.82 1896.75 Original DFD May 2019.
    • Puffinmonkey
    • By Puffinmonkey 4th Mar 18, 10:46 PM
    • 15 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    Puffinmonkey
    • #8
    • 4th Mar 18, 10:46 PM
    • #8
    • 4th Mar 18, 10:46 PM
    Yep you are all right. Feeling like a fool but i'll get over it. Makes me want to teach my kids to be better with money than I am and not to be so trusting. Expensive lesson learnt. Thanks again xx
    • DCFC79
    • By DCFC79 4th Mar 18, 10:50 PM
    • 31,636 Posts
    • 19,961 Thanks
    DCFC79
    • #9
    • 4th Mar 18, 10:50 PM
    • #9
    • 4th Mar 18, 10:50 PM
    Yep you are all right. Feeling like a fool but i'll get over it. Makes me want to teach my kids to be better with money than I am and not to be so trusting. Expensive lesson learnt. Thanks again xx
    Originally posted by Puffinmonkey
    I bet your not a fool, you did what you thought was best at the time.
    Can people stop loaning money/being a guarator to family/friends, it rarely ends well and you lose out as your money is gone or you get shafted with being a guarantor.
    • Puffinmonkey
    • By Puffinmonkey 4th Mar 18, 10:55 PM
    • 15 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    Puffinmonkey
    Yeah I was definitely a fool for sure but not any more. Actually feel a bit better already x
    • micky2phones
    • By micky2phones 4th Mar 18, 11:40 PM
    • 311 Posts
    • 248 Thanks
    micky2phones
    Hi, the idea about a loan, if you do go down them lines could work out badly for you if he gets a loan.

    He may not give you the money, spend it and the small amount of money he gives you now may stop as it goes to paying the loan back
    • Puffinmonkey
    • By Puffinmonkey 5th Mar 18, 7:41 AM
    • 15 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    Puffinmonkey
    Hi, the idea about a loan, if you do go down them lines could work out badly for you if he gets a loan.

    He may not give you the money, spend it and the small amount of money he gives you now may stop as it goes to paying the loan back
    Originally posted by micky2phones
    Very true. I was just clutching at straws really. I've decided to just stop stressing about it, get on with my life and whatever he gives me is a bonus. Thanks for your reply.
    • Tarambor
    • By Tarambor 5th Mar 18, 11:51 AM
    • 2,846 Posts
    • 2,059 Thanks
    Tarambor
    It really truly is the best way otherwise it'll just eat you up inside, make your life miserable and cost you even more money trying to get it back. Think of it as one of those lessons life teaches you, never to be repeated.
    • pjcox2005
    • By pjcox2005 5th Mar 18, 1:02 PM
    • 522 Posts
    • 579 Thanks
    pjcox2005
    I think you'd have most success by trying to do the small things. If it's good between you then ask him to up it to 100. State you don't want it hanging over you both, could do with money for kids etc.


    With a standing order set up then hopefully they just see it as a standard outgoing and repaid in 6 years (or less depending on what's been paid already).
    • ReadingTim
    • By ReadingTim 5th Mar 18, 2:45 PM
    • 2,669 Posts
    • 3,813 Thanks
    ReadingTim
    Yep you are all right. Feeling like a fool but i'll get over it. Makes me want to teach my kids to be better with money than I am and not to be so trusting. Expensive lesson learnt. Thanks again xx
    Originally posted by Puffinmonkey
    You're only a fool if you don't learn from it. If you have learnt, and the kids learn too, it's money well spent.
    • jonesMUFCforever
    • By jonesMUFCforever 5th Mar 18, 5:54 PM
    • 24,764 Posts
    • 11,973 Thanks
    jonesMUFCforever
    If he had to borrow off you then by implication his credit rating must be dire so getting a loan to pay you off will be a non starter.
    Accept the 60 per month but try to accept that after a while he will probably stop paying - move on if you can.
    What goes around - comes around
    give lots and you will always receive lots
    • Puffinmonkey
    • By Puffinmonkey 5th Mar 18, 9:03 PM
    • 15 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    Puffinmonkey
    Thanks all. I actually got 75 today, Happy days . I feel sure the payments will fizzle out eventually but until then I'll just take what comes.
    • dealer wins
    • By dealer wins 5th Mar 18, 10:23 PM
    • 5,773 Posts
    • 11,003 Thanks
    dealer wins
    Thanks all. I actually got 75 today, Happy days . I feel sure the payments will fizzle out eventually but until then I'll just take what comes.
    Originally posted by Puffinmonkey
    Thats a right result!!! Hope and pray payments continue!!
    Choose life
    • agatham
    • By agatham 6th Mar 18, 11:53 AM
    • 29 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    agatham
    From what you describe, I feel that your Ex is someone who will definitely pay you. He won't cheat on paying you off. What you could do is suggest him to get loan from sites like Zopa.

    or suggest him to sell any products on Amazon to make some more money to give you. There are tons of suppliers of products on Alibaba website. You can suggest him to create an account on Amazon or eBay and sell few products through these suppliers. I am sure he will make some more passive money from which he can give you back.

    Zopa as I said before would be one of the best options for him to get money.
    • DCFC79
    • By DCFC79 6th Mar 18, 12:03 PM
    • 31,636 Posts
    • 19,961 Thanks
    DCFC79
    From what you describe, I feel that your Ex is someone who will definitely pay you. He won't cheat on paying you off. What you could do is suggest him to get loan from sites like Zopa.

    or suggest him to sell any products on Amazon to make some more money to give you. There are tons of suppliers of products on Alibaba website. You can suggest him to create an account on Amazon or eBay and sell few products through these suppliers. I am sure he will make some more passive money from which he can give you back.

    Zopa as I said before would be one of the best options for him to get money.
    Originally posted by agatham
    Passive money, whats that ? Ok have now googled it and have an explanation. You earn an income without being actively involved.

    If the ex was definitely going to repay the OP back then would he not be paying more than the 60 he currently is.
    Last edited by DCFC79; 06-03-2018 at 12:15 PM.
    Can people stop loaning money/being a guarator to family/friends, it rarely ends well and you lose out as your money is gone or you get shafted with being a guarantor.
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